A
female
age
51-59,
*anelliliz
writes:Is it wrong for your bf to take his daughter to a party you were invited to?This is how it started. I asked my bf to go to a Billy Joel concert with me, but he didn't seem to interested as his ski trip was in the same month and as of yet did not have a specific date.So I feeling hurt said never mind I will find someone else to go with. When I mentioned I was going on the day just before the concert he got mad and hung up the phone saying he couldn't talk to me anymore right then as he was mad I had not mentioned it.I said I was going alone and he didn't believe me.So we didn't talk again that day or on Friday, the day of the concert.Two weeks prior we got an invitation to his good friend's party for the Saturday which was the day of his birthday and the day after the concert. He says I'll have to think about that that's our birthday weekend. His daughter's birthday was on that Monday, and she regularly comes on Sat. night every other weekend. Again, I felt hurt as we have never not spent his birthday together, kid weekend or not. Also two winters ago he stopped asking me to go skiing with him as his daughter could now drive and he could drink and so he didn't need me. When I had pointed this out he had told me that's right I've been waiting for this day. I texted him Sat. morning and wished him Happy Birthday as I was hoping to go see him after I got done taking a civil service test. He was snarly throughtout the whole texting back and forth and I asked if his company had come yet and he said his daughters were there. It was 9 in the morning. So I figured she was there for the weekend as normally she comes on Sat. but she came Friday too. I will say on that previous Monday my bf mentioned the party for his friend saying don;t forget his party is on Sat. I said I have already forgotten it you said you weren't going. That was stupid I realize. I was still hurt over his initial reaction to the invitation like he couldn't share his birthday with me on his daughter's weekend. Anyways he ended up going and took her to a party I was invited to. I felt really hurt and that he had embarassed me.He didn't see anything wrong with taking her and would not say sorry. I said people must have thought it was odd you took her. Mind you she knew no one at this party. The only thing my bf said was that he had a driver(daughter) and he went. Then he said he had a couple of beers and left. Later it comes out he or they stayed for dinner and dessert. I had to ask if he went as he wasn't going to tell me. I thought he might go alone and have her pick him up or something as I never dreamed she would go in my place. I told him he could have called me and asked me to go so I could spend his birthday with him as his daughters were there on sat. early and they traveled an hour and a half to go to lunch together. He wasn't apologetic on any of it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2015): It sounds to me as though he has a major drinking problem. Using his daughter or you as a means to be able to drink too much is a red flag. Also he is implying that the only reason you were ever inviited to go with him is for you to drive. Now that his daughter can drive he doesn't want or need you around.
PS. However, it won't be long until his daughter has better things to do than babysit her father
A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (7 April 2015):
There seems to be a lack of communication. Yes, you and him talk but never make clear sense of what's going on with each other.This is not your fault at all. However communication is important in a relationship. Sometimes misunderstanding something can cause problems. I strongly believe children should always come first in a relationship especially if your current partner is a parent. But you should also have time together. What i'm trying to say is his time with his kids should be just for them. Unless it's an unavoidable situation e.g a family gathering where you, his kids and other loved ones have to be at. If he wants to spend times with his kids on special occasions great but some of those special occasions should include you too. You don't have to tag along to every event him and his kids plan but maybe he could enjoy the special day by spending it or starting it with you. E.g you could have breakfast alone together or dinner. Seems you two need some alone time asap where you can discuss your wants and needs together. He does sound like hard work, sorry to say this. YOU are his girlfriend and he should give you the respect that comes with it. Also try not to react to these situations as you're adding fuel to fire. Don't put up with anymore of this cr*p! Sit him down and talk to him if this r/ship is going to work. He seems to be taking you for granted and treating you less than you deserve.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2015):
 I think the only one who should have been asked if the girl ( your bf's daughter ) could attend the party .... was the birthday guy ! , ( hopefully he was , it was his party after all ). If he was cool with a plus one... I fail to see what you could be moaning about .
You said you had "forgotten already " and that you weren't going to go ! How was he going to " take you " to this party, by force ?!! It was a very stupid tiff, you acted childish and peevish, he did too ... maybe it was not such a bad idea just to spend a Saturday apart and give time to everybody to calm themselves down and act grown up again.
Obviously you hoped your bf was going to beg you on his knees to reconsider , and surely it would have been nice of him doing that, but he chose not to. I don't see why he has to ask your permission to take his daughter anywhere he wants,- plus to an event which you refused to attend ! AS for how it will have looked like to people, if that does not bother him, I don't see why it should bother you - ditto for the daughter not knowing anybody; if it does not bother her...
If either of you like tempests in a teapot, by all means keep sulking and pointing fingers. Otherwise , recognize that it was just a miscommunication, or a moment of bad mood and ego combined when things came out wrong from your mouths- and for the future just agree to be both not only more organized but also mutually considerate, giving each other ample notice of future plans and engagements, so nobody has to feel snubbed .
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (6 April 2015):
A bit late to feel angry now about his outings when you are both acting like kids. Seems like you want to be completely neutral in this ordeal but I do see the pressure you initially put him under, and the things you did/said just to make him angry. You might try to pin this event specifically on him because you want him to feel sorry, but I dont see why this will happen, as I have mentioned, you are both acting immature.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 April 2015):
 OP: This submittal includes 'way to much detail for me to understand:
1. What really/actually happened,
2. How you feel about it, and what it might mean to the "relationship" between you and this guy (and his daughter)... which "relationship" you allude to, but don't detail....
3. WHY you want to spend even a few more MINUTES with this guy and his daughter...
I would have taken my bat and ball, called off the game and gone home, by now....
Good luck.....
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Your question was "is it wrong?" the answer is, there is no right or wrong in this case. HE was invited or was it YOU and HIM specifically?
If you were invited and you did not go, and you did not RSVP, and he had a plus one then I see no harm.
I do think that there are OTHER issues going on that you are not looking at.
YOu say he stopped taking you to things once his daughter could be the Designated Driver. does he have a drinking problem?
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