A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Last month (February) I told my male best friend that I have developed feelings for him. For a while we flirted but he had a girlfriend. Yesterday however we went out to the park and he told me that he loves me when he still has a girlfriend. He also kissed me yesterday. He never seems to hang out with his girlfriend or talk about her. I'm just wondering what advice you can give me in this confusing matter.Does he like me more than friends? Was he sending me signals?What should I do if he still has a girlfriend?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 April 2015):
 You want to sort this mess out and you want to do all sort of things BUT the simplest one :
let him be. Let them be. Keep your distance. Back off. If he wants to kiss you and give you secret dates, he is not acting as a good friend, so you are not even losing a good friend. Oth, if he is clinging to his Gf ( and blaming YOU for the kiss, as if he had nothing to do with it ) ...he does not like you that much " that way " ( but we knew that already, I guess ).
You " found out " that the Gf found out, you " feel " that he blames you... Look, the more you give the happy couple a wide berth and leave them to their own devices, and the least you talk / comment/ inquire about this matter , adding involuntary fuel for gossips , the sooner it will all boil down to nothing and will be forgotten in favour of the next schoolyard " scandal ".
The jist of the story is that he HAS a Gf, and that apparently he cares about keeping her around (.. if you say that he is annoyed by your indiscretion coming to the light ). How do you fit in this picture ? You don't- so , just stay away from trouble and temptations :) and give him a wide berth.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2015): I was told on Friday that his girlfriend found out about what happened and I feel he blames me for it. Yeah I know what we did was wrong and I have been in her shoes before and felt used. It was a mistake and I want to sort it out and all I want to know is how. Yes, I know I have helped him do what my ex did to me but I want to sort out this mess.
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A
female
reader, Gladtohelp +, writes (30 March 2015):
 Just ask yourself. How would you feel if you had a bf and he was doing that with another girl? Frankly it's not right and clearly you know that what he's doing to you and her is wrong. Do you believe in karma? Honestly. You deserve to be with someone that want you all to themselves. Not someone who want to have he's cake and eat it too. It's a messy situation. Think of it like this. Do you really want a guy who cheats on his gf? What makes you think he wouldn't cheat on you. Think about it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (29 March 2015):
Oh sweerheart- what advice do you think you need ? ither than wake up and smell the coffee...
It's even easier so- the timeline is very telling. In Feb, you tell him you have feelings for him. And he, instead of saying, "wonderful, I reciprocate these feelings ",- proceeds right away ( March 13 th ) to start dating someone else !
THEN, after having secured himself someone he likes to date officially, ( not just to " flirt " with ) ... he finds out he " loves " you too, and he kisses you in one or more occasion. With the Gf safely ensconced somewhere in the background.
Does it sound to you like there are MANY ways to deal with this kind of picture ?....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2015): Hi, when I told the guy that I liked him he had no girlfriend. That day we were at a party and he was flirting so I told him that I liked him. In that case I don't think I did anything wrong. It was only on March 13th that ge stared going out with a girl. I did confront him about tge fiasco with us kissing but he tried again. Honestly he is my best friend and can rely on him for many things. I just feel bad and feel like I need to know what to do now. Your replies did help in a certain way. I just need more advice.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (28 March 2015):
If he still has a Gf, you should simply stay away from him. You should not go out on dates with him . You should not kiss him. I was going to say " you should treat him as you treat any other friend "- but you can't do that, because he is not really JUST a friend, he is a crush and an object of romantic interest for you- the opposite of a platonic, disinterested friendship.
As for that, if you knew he had a gf, you should have not even flirted with him or told him about your feeings . And this, not so much because of ethics, - but because of practical, common sense.
Like, now he knows you have a soft spot for him, and he tells you he loves you . So, now how can you know if he is telling you the truth and he really loves you- or if he is just taking advantage of your crush to smooth his way into your pants ?...
Talk is cheap. He loves you- but he still has a Gf , whether he sees her often or seldom . So, ...it seems he has no problem in loving more than one person at the time, are you OK with that ?
What I don't like, is that he kissed you before making clarity in himself and with his Gf.
I can believe that things may overlap, that he could be confused not knowing if he still loves his current gf, or if he loves you more than her. Probably this is a kind of thing one cannot decide in a heartbeat, one need to think it over...
Well, could not he do just that, and stay platonic with you until he had made his mind up ?
He didn't , and a good surmise would be : because he knows he can have his cake and eat it too; he knows you'd let him .
Wrong move. Back off. Tell him to come back when he is Gf-less and he can PROVE to you he is.
Unless, of course, you do not mind sharing and playing second fiddle.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (28 March 2015):
 I think you should NOT have told him about your crush - BECAUSE? he has a GF.
BUT you did, so now you are in a "weaker" position. He kissed you, I'm not sure if that is because he likes you or JUST to test your limits. Obviously YOU have NOT MORAL issue with flirting and kissing a guy with a GF. So maybe you will have no problem sleeping with him and being his "thing" on the side.
Honestly, I'd BACK off. I'd tell him that I shouldn't have told him about he crush as it's NOT fair because he has a GF.
As far as how often he sees his GF, it's really NONE of your business NOT is it a reflection of HOW MUCH he cares for her.
IF HE was interested IN you, HE would have broken UP with her. He hasn't.
I have to ask you this, HOW would you feel if you had a GF who had a female "friend" who was crushing on him, flirting and kissing him BEHIND your back? Would you think THIS guy is a STELLAR BF!! or would you think he is a cheating asshat?
My advice? STAY away from guys with GIRLFRIENDS, Fiances or wives. Because while they MAY be OK to dilly-dally with you, they DO NOT respect you, NOR their GF.
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A
male
reader, ConsultingCam +, writes (28 March 2015):
He may be a bit of a player so approach with caution, let him know how you feel but I wouldn't accept sharing him, Its either you or her he wants to go out with. That would be my advice or just remain friends as the feelings may pass. Just never be the 'other' girl, as everyone may get hurt in the end.
Good luck and take care.
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