A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I'll try not to ramble too much. Well basically I play the online game World of Warcraft and I talk often to a guy on there who is two years younger than me. Although we are from very different social backgrounds I do enjoy talking to him and he often effectively gives me items within the game without me asking him to, with is of course nice. Pretty much every time I go online he automatically invites me to group with him and we play for long periods together, plus recently we've been voice chatting while gaming.There has always been mutual flirtation and we exchanged pictures shortly after we started talking to which he said he found me very attractive. Last night things escalated quite rapidly and to cut a long story short he ended up half-naked masturbating on camera while I had my shirt and bra off and watched him and the conversation was very explicitly sexual on both sides. After this we went back to playing WoW although their was still a lot of sexual conversation via voice chat.Sometime later I sort of started to think, "wait what just happened there" and started to regret how intense things had gotten. (He did show his face on video chat by the way).Not to mention, he was starting to wind me up with the things he was saying, which is often the case, so I went slightly cold on him and eventually hung up the call and logged off.After a while I had chilled out and decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.Now, there is a few things I should mention here:I'm diagnosed as autistic, though am considered a pretty girl, quite bubbly when I need to be and can "pass" as neurotypical in some situations. This guy doesn't know I am and I don't know how much this would mean to him in any case.I have very little sexual experience; never actually had sex or been in a relationship. I consider myself semi-asexual in that I don't desire penetrative sex remotely nor do I enjoy being touched, although I do have some conceptual things that arouse me. I don't feel the need to be in a relationship.This guy I talk to, he has a kid. Yes, really. I've known this for a while and it doesn't bother me, other than in the sense that I was surprised because he came off as extremely shy and awkward to me and also just because I just find most "normal" things hard to get my head around. He said he didn't live with child (female) who is about 7 months old and was not with the mother, he lives with grandparents which seems to be true. I don't like children although they generally seem to like me, however that doesn't really matter since I don't desire to marry this guy or anything, just enjoy messing around with him.Earlier today I was on Facebook and decided to search for his profile out of interest, not that I actually wanted to friend him because my profile is very private but just to see what came up.I know his full Facebook name because it was displayed prominently on something he sent me. Upon clicking on his profile which was the first result I see many pictures of him with some girl who was clearly his child's mother. I understand they could still be friends and that's cool but it certainly didn't look platonic! Clicking on her page told a similar story, although her status said she was single. Flicking briefly through her page it said she had "got married" a while back and there was a comment mentioning the guy I'd been talking to. Soo... what?Are they still together, or even married? What is the deal here? Surely he knew I could look at his page very easily if curious given it's all on open settings and I knew his name? Idk what to think really.I suppose my problems are first I feel somewhat used, given I went way out of my comfort zone for him and I seem to unknowingly have volunteered myself as his virtual bit-on-the-side in doing this.Secondly, what should I do? Should I completely cut contact no questions asked, or mention to him that I looked him up on FB out of interest and saw all this?The problem is that even ignoring the flirtation/sexual interaction which will definitely not happen again nor any voice/video chatting if he is still with this girl, I do enjoy playing WoW with him and he has been a lot of help. I feel most indebted to him in terms of the game. My other option would be to just try to shut off anything personal, revert to square one and just treat him as just an avatar that I game with sometimes either with or without explanation, but I don't know how easy that would be.Btw, I'm at the top end of the age bracket listed.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (6 April 2015):
 I don't think he took you for an idiot, because I doubt anyone does. You don't come off as an idiot. AT ALL.
But back to the question, yes I would ask him. And I get what Cindy is saying too:
(I'm quoting her here)
** The point being, that if you only want to give boners to SINGLE guys- then you will have to check their status and singletude before you undress, not after.***
That... makes sense.
However ON the Internet, people aren't always truthful. IF a guy (married/dating/single) wants to flirt/sext/video-this or that HE is not going to say "HI I'm John, I'm married but I want to wax my knob while looking at your boobs." My guess is IF he is with this girl (again married or not doesn't matter, really) HE isn't going to VOLUNTEER that to you.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2015):
 Probably I am being thick, but I still do not understand what difference does it make to you if the guy is married or just in a relationship.
If he is married, you'd feel used. Why, if she is just a Gf you would not feel used ?.. what's the poor Gf , chopped liver ? :) he'd still be in a relationship, and if you feel that a guy has to be single to engage in virtual sex- he is not single anyway, so he would have " used " you anyway.
Then again, you say it was your idea and your initiative to take your top off and show him your boobs to arouse him and get an ego boost from this. You got your ego boost, so, if any,... maybe it's the guy who should complain of having been used as a mean to your ends.
As for continuing your flirting and cybersexing, ditto.
If you feel it's not right doing it with a married guy- it would still not be that right doing it woth a taken guy, I suppose.
No wait, maybe I have got it- you are not 100% sure he is in a relationship with his kid's mother , maybe they are just co-parents, is that what you mean ?...
Well, if you say yourself that there are plenty of recent pics which do not look platonic ar all , uhm. Very suspicious.
Then again, he could not be with his baby mama - and be instead with some other girl, for all you know.
Rhe point being, that if you only want to give boners to SINGLE guys- then you will have to check their status and singletude before you undress, not after.
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A
female
reader, Sin'dorei +, writes (6 April 2015):
Female anon - I could, but I don't think he lives with the girl. If still involved they are almost certainly living apart, unless she has moved in with him and his grandparents.My gut feeling based on his FB page, is that is involved in a proper relationship it is with this girl and not someone else.I want to know his status partly to establish whether he took me for an idiot and partly because I do like him as I said. There are difference degrees/ types of liking someone obviously and in this case I find him fun to talk to and enjoy the banter we have but I'm not like planning to relocate a few hundred miles and pursue a real life relationship. If he is seriously involved with aomeone else I feel a bit used and probably don't want too much to do with him, if I misunderstood then I'd be up for continuing to flirt and have a casual online thing going, so his status would determine my decision as to what to do next and affect how I felt about what happened. That is why I want to know.Maybe sexually liberated is the wrong phrase, I just couldn't think of a better way to articulate what I meant at the time I was typing.I have told him that I'm not "up for anything" that I'm not interested in having sexual intercourse with him or anyone else.I'm not really bothered about social acceptability and have a very liberal relationship with relatives, for example me and my mother went to see 50 Shades of Grey when it came and for a laugh. I understand the point you're trying to make though.And if you saw in my update, there are already pictures of me on the internet that were put up there by me. I didn't actually do anything on cam to this guy that I feel misrepresents me strongly or that in itself makes me feel degraded. I don't see taking me top off as a big deal. I mean, I actually wouldn't mind going down the glamour modelling route tbh, I've just got some issues preventing me right now.Oh and YouWish, in case you were wondering, when I said I enjoyed posting sexy pictures and getting paid by strangers to "perform", I don't mean I enjoyed it in a sexual sense. I mean I got a kick and/or ego boost out of feeling desired by men and like I was hot stuff and found the whole idea of living that kind of lifestyle exciting. And of course, money is always enjoyable. :-DHoneypie - I think I answered the first question above. What else would there be to say if I did ask him beyond that I checked out his FB? Or do you mean I should just casually say that and see how he responds?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 April 2015):
Does it make a difference to YOU (OP) whether he is married or not?
IF it DOES make a difference I would just ask. You can tell him you checked his Facebook out ( I wouldn't tell him more honestly).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2015): I would just like to say that as you seem so keen to find out this man's status and you know his full name and roughly where he lives then you can look up the free electoral roll and it will show you all the adults that live at that address. I'm curious as to why you want to know his status when you say you don't want a relationship with him? I mean you believed he was single when you did what you did so does it matter now? I'd like to point out that even if he is not married to this woman he could have someone else anyway, you don't know enough about him to say otherwise.I'd also like to say that you should not consider yourself sexually liberated if you don't like touching or intercourse. You just have no inhibitions about your body. It gives you a sense of power but other people could think you are "up for anything" and you are not.Yes plenty of people take their clothes off and get paid for it (Page 3 etc) but a Page 3 model isn't considered available if they walk down the street as it is their job and we all assume that. The internet is a different place. You took your clothes off for one particular man that may be able to find out where you live, and assume from what you did that you would be prepared for a physical relationship. You had no pre-arranged boundaries so you have put yourself in a degree of danger.Also he could also plaster your picture all over the place. You may not mind that but think about your parents/family etc, after all it is not socially acceptable.My father was autistic and breathtakingly intelligent but he wasn't always good at making assumptions like the rest of us do. I feel purely from what you've written that you may think a bit the same. I hope you don't think I'm patronising you.;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2015): Honeypie, I don't know if he is married since the information on Facebook contradicts. Are you saying I should just assume even though he presented himself to me as single and told me he was? Or should I ask him outright?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 April 2015):
I think I would regard him as married and thus, off limits for sexual things.
And I also think you need to NOT feel like you owe him anything. He is gifting you pixels. People do that all the time in online games - I gifted a woman I play with from time to time, a mount she had been looking for for a while ( I had happened to get it in a pack, so it didn't "cost" me a thing). She has gifted me stuff in the past - we kind of swap things here and there. I have "gifted" total strangers as well, not a big deal - they certainly do not OWE me anything. A "thanks" is nice, but not even that is REQUIRED.
Maybe you should just tell him straight out, man I enjoy playing WoW with you, but the sex-cam thing was a one time thing. As for the flirting, well I think as long as it doesn't go over board I don't see the big deal(and you DO seem capable of say HERE is my limit).
Personally (maybe because I'm old and married lol) I keep sex out of my gaming, even when playing with hubby.
As for taking your shirt of for him? Well, you are a grown up, he is a grown up. IF you don't feel regret over it, I say don't start to beat yourself up over it now. BUT be aware that when video chatting.... HE can talk pictures or capture video of YOU and use for himself or post anywhere in the Internet. BE aware of that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2015): I accept most of what you say, however it was actually me who offered to take my top off in return for him going on camera to me and showing me his face, so the initial move in itself didn't involve coercion. I know that sounds a little nuts, but it made sense in my head. As I said, it's not that bigger deal to me. I have a blog on which I used to post sexy pictures (implicit/not naked) to followers and I've actually looked into webcam jobs in the past and have earned money via this kind of stuff. I realise this is generally considered inadvisable, but then and again, one could argue that you could say that about any glamour model or similar. For me I find/found it enjoyable and when on my terms and within my limits don't consider it degrading. Of course, the line can easily be blurred especially when you're someone like me, one of the reasons I don't anymore.I did enjoy it in the sense that I enjoyed having an effect on him, I guess I just mean I'm not literally aroused by having my tits out if you understand. And there are certainly things that appeal to me more.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 April 2015):
 I'm not angry at you. Think of my emotions about this situation like this:
You're the little mouse walking into a centipede trap in South America. I see the trap plain as day, but you aren't seeing it. Don't mistake my caring about you as anger.
But don't lie to yourself in saying that pulling off your clothes wasn't sexual. Of course it's ego to you - you like that you have an effect on that guy. But you're not seeing that it's not good, dangerous, and could come back to bite you.
You don't know who he is. You think it's just some harmless fun. It's not. You don't know whether or not he's a rapist, or voyeur, or stalker, or anything. You know nothing about his real life or you wouldn't have been writing us here asking about his marital status.
You also are blinded by ego in thinking that it's you with power over him when it's the other way around. He got you to take off your clothes so he could use you in this fashion. He got you to degrade yourself to a stranger. Sorry, but when you don't have an actual relationship with someone, that's what it is. He'll do that to your pictures long after you actually wise up. And you're one of many young, naive women he gets to strip on camera with his charm. I know guys like that, collecting topless shots of women they've gotten to use in this fashion.
And - if he has a significant other, think of what he is to that woman as he goes online. You are not a porn star.
Save your ego for actual life's accomplishments and not some semen-slinging creep online.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2015): Hi YouWish. Well, although I know I'm not completely asexual hence the use of semi, going topless wasn't a sexual thing for me, I'm just confident in my body and not really fazed by it and knew he would enjoy it. I guess it's more that there aren't many sexual folks who are as liberal with their sexual power over others as me, whatever you might make of that.
From what you wrote, I can't really tell if you're amhry at me. I'm not so much confident as inclined to trust people until given a reason not to. I realise this is bad, as I've had some extremely bad experiences in the past as a result.
And I do watch the TV show Catfish regularly.
What is this guy to you, well I guess I did like him. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him, ignoring anything else because we have no common interests and he doesn't understand half the words I use! And his views on certain things are questionable to me as a liberal-minded person, although I'm full of excuses - he's only 19, clearly his upbringing has had a major influence. I did find him oddly sweet though.
To clarify, I did somewhat enjoy watching him at the time, although I couldn't say on what level. Obviously it's a psychological thing rather than visual, with maybe a little intellectual-type fascination. I didn't enjoy anything beyond that since he is a typical awkward porn-obsessed young guy and was making me either laugh or feel uncomfortable depending, with the things he was saying or suggesting. I didn't do most of what he asked. In fact I told him to change his tone and stop with the demands and that he had better get on PayPal if he wanted anything more. XD
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 April 2015):
Rarely when I read posts here from OP's do I have more questions than answers. However, given your age and your self-awareness, I find you interesting and unique.
However, you are still susceptible to the weaknesses of humanity, and in this case, your intellect exposes a weakness, which is a lack of experience.
You need to answer for yourself - what *IS* this guy to you?? Number one, you aren't indebted to you within the game. In fact, his behavior with you is disturbing. Come on - it doesn't sound like you've been playing WoW with him for very long, but he's masturbating on camera to you??? He is USING you. You owe him NOTHING except to get rid of him.
You may be borderline asexual, but it's clear you have an ego. I need to tell you that this is not the way attraction and relationships go normally. You don't have to get used to get this guy's rocks off. A guy interested in you wouldn't be rushing to drop the trousers and gifting you with what amounts to pixels on a screen.
And as for you - I don't think you're as semi-asexual as you seem, because there are many SEXUAL people who don't take off their shirts for strangers on the internet. Why did you do that? Sexting is dangerous! You don't know anything about the guy, and now your images could have been captured, saved, and posted online in public at his whim. Please don't ever do that again, not for him or anyone. That's really terrifying that this happened, especially given your lack of experience.
Don't be overconfident. It's your undoing. Why did you do Google and Facebook searching on him AFTER the clothes came off??? I know you're not totally comfortable with what happened, or you wouldn't be on here. But none of this is normal, and Wow and other role-playing situations are full of predators. Remember that he can find you as easily as you can find him.
I know that you say your preferred outcome is to rewind and just play the game with him. But what if that was the cheese to clap you into his masturbatory rat trap?? I can't stress this enough - you CAN'T go backwards now. He will convince you because no matter what you think you are, he's got your number, and if he got your shirt off once, he'll do it again. Don't even succumb to hubris here - you won't "not do it again". There's a saying that you can't unscramble an egg. You're scrambled now.
It is most likely in my opinion that he's catfishing you. He's got a kid, he's not building an actual relationship with you, instead resorting to pants dropping. At least the women who work for webcam sex sites get paid for the service you just provided to him as a masturbatory tool. I'm not trying to be mean to you, but you are getting in over your head, and you need to cut him off altogether. there is no going back from this.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (5 April 2015):
 If his intention behind treating you with gifts in the game is to get sexual thrills from you, then I would not feel good receiving them and you owe him nothing. I don't think it's common for married couples to live with both grandparents. So it's possible the baby mama remarried. Or she was married to him then got divorced. Usually people don't announce divorced on facebook. Also divorced doesn't mean people can't fool around or play happy families with each other.
You don't have to mention facebook but next time he gifts you again just refuse. Just say you feel uncomfortable with it. Of course if he tries to show you his dick just say no thank you. That could mean he would find another unsuspecting soul to do this but what can you do. I would not pry into his life because it's none of my business.
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