A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. Although he talks about the future, he has not proposed to me and says he is not happy to do so until he is happy in himself (his family life is difficult due to bereavement etc). I feel like a mug holding on for something he might never do. Do i stay or do I go? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2015): Rather then worrying if this man is going to ask you to marry him .
Ask yourself these questions :
Am I happy?
Does he make me happy?
Does he give me what I need?
Do I love him?
Because if you end with him simply because he has not asked you to marry him yet and then end up unhappy you will be kicking yourself to why you rocked the boat and ruined something good .
Just because he hasn't asked you to marry him doesn't mean he does not love you nor does it mean he doesn't want a future with you.
I was with a girl for 4 years and felt I could never give her what she deserved with marriage and that was why I didn't ask her
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (8 April 2015):
 You write: "...he is not happy to do so until he is happy in himself.."
chigirl said it better than I could... THO' I would be reluctant to do that (propose to HIM) ... since it lets him
"off the hook"... and he can blame you for "pressing" him.
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 April 2015):
 I agree. IF you want to marry HIM and you want to know where he stands you can propose. IF after 6 years you are ready and he is not, he may NEVER be ready or his time table may not match yours.
I would propose and I would not let it be open ended. I would want a date set. IT could be a year or two in the future but if you set a date, get the venue and make it start happening.
an open ended engagement will after 6 yeas probably end up being a broken engagement.
NO one's life is perfect and waiting for perfection to do anything is just a way of putting off what you don't want to do.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 April 2015):
 Chigirl's is a good idea.
Maybe you do not literally need to go down on one knee with a ring in your hand, but hopefully after SIX years together ! there's enough mutual confidence and ease between you that you can sit him down aand tell him, more or less : So far we have talked about a common future, now it's time we start to plan it, in fact to build it. I realize that you need to be happy in yourself- and so do I. We are a couple, so it's not just YOUR happiness we have to look forward to, it's mine also. We need to find a solution or a compromise in a time frame that can make us both reasonably happy.
See what he says . If he keeps being vague about " feeling happy in himself " - well, what will he need exactly to feel happy in himself ? What does he mean SPECIFICALLY ? A year's time, a new job, saving X money ?... Is there a concrete goal he can link his " happiness " to ? Otherwise , if what he means he is waiting of having all his ducks in a perfect row from any point of view - family, health, money, work, social life, and an overall sunny elated mood.... he can wait forever, it will never happen.
At least , I am way older than you... and I am still waiting for this perfect state of bliss where everything goes according to my wishes and I have nothing to change or improve, emotionally and materially. And note that I am not complaining !, all in all I'd say that I have been a very lucky person, with life throwing challenges in my way, of course , but never more than I could handle. Even so,if I had had to wait to call myself " happy " before starting a new endeavour, ...I'd still be waiting in my 50s for my first job, or my first love, or my first child.
Truth is, happiness just does not plop in your lap the longer you wait- you contribute and commit to BUILD your happiness. After 6 years it's time to verify if he WANTS to build it with you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 April 2015):
 Propose to him and you will have your answer.
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