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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is it wrong or weird that I'm kind of jealous of younger women?
Q. Women it seems, are generally valued for their youth more than men are, despite me being a guy, as in human male, there are times I am jealous, envious of how women are valued for their youth more than men are. The reason why is because i'm a gu...
A. 10 May 2015: In other words, you are just lazy- you'll only do what's easy and comfy.
Anything that you never tried, and that you don't have an inborn talent for, is hard and awkward at the beginning. That's part of the process of learning.
If you want to ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong or weird that I'm kind of jealous of younger women?
Q. Women it seems, are generally valued for their youth more than men are, despite me being a guy, as in human male, there are times I am jealous, envious of how women are valued for their youth more than men are. The reason why is because i'm a gu...
A. 5 May 2015: OP, do you know what's the REAL long and short of it ?
That , if you had spent one quarter of the time you are spending researching "first time " issues on this and other on line forums... by joining instead some salsa dance class, or Meetup grou... (read in full...)
Can someone explain it to me? Why would a girl subject herself to being used and discarded?
Q. I have a friend who has the most uncanny ability to be a jerk to specifically women he just hooks up with and still have them at his beck and call. I've seen it with my own two eyes. It's the weirdest dynamic I've ever seen. Most recently, he had a...
A. 24 April 2015: I guess we'll have to agree to disagree , OP. Personally, I don't find great logic in what you and anon male say and I'll give you what I hope is a clearer example of what I mean :
where I live there are many Muslim labourers immigrated from Nort... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wants to spend all of his time going out with his friends!
Q. Hey guys! I really need your advice about my relationship. I am 20 and my bf is 21. Me and my boyfriend have been together for around 1,5 years. Some of this time we were in a distance relationship. I felt that he was perfectly in love with me, we...
A. 22 April 2015: I see what you mean ; you say : how come !, he was so in love with me that he even moved abroad just for me.. and now he is giving me the cold shoulder ?!
Well, the truth of the matter is that seldom people are so adventurous or so single mind... (read in full...)
I just want to live with him but he keeps making excuses. Do you think it will happen any time soon?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over four years and yet we still haven’t moved forward in our relationship. We both live at home, me with my mum and him with his dad. I work full time and he is in university. We’ve been together since we were 16...
A. 22 April 2015: If you have a successful job , you should be able to afford moving out on your own , since you don't like living with your mother. Or, at least, you can share with a friend or a flatmate.
This may not be about YOUR education , if you feel you ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong or weird that I'm kind of jealous of younger women?
Q. Women it seems, are generally valued for their youth more than men are, despite me being a guy, as in human male, there are times I am jealous, envious of how women are valued for their youth more than men are. The reason why is because i'm a gu...
A. 22 April 2015: I don't know about "sleeping around " as in : becoming a certified player or Don Juan. That may take some doing , I guess, or a natural vocation.
For the rest , i. e. for young males wanting to have ther first sexual experience (s ) , that... (read in full...)
Can someone explain it to me? Why would a girl subject herself to being used and discarded?
Q. I have a friend who has the most uncanny ability to be a jerk to specifically women he just hooks up with and still have them at his beck and call. I've seen it with my own two eyes. It's the weirdest dynamic I've ever seen. Most recently, he had a...
A. 22 April 2015: Strange reasoning, male anon.
He'd be an asshole allright ! ; it's all in the intention.
If in any given situation ,guy X on purpose acts toward me differently from the prevalent codes of social conduct, ( or simply, differently from how... (read in full...)
What motivates people to cheat? Especially why do married people cheat?
Q. Hi all, ive been asking myself this question and i dont seem to get an answer. Why do married people cheat most. Why cant a person get out of a relationship than to stay when they are unhappy, than to sleep around with whoever thet meet?...
A. 21 April 2015: I'll start from your 2nd question : why don't cheaters just get out of their r/ships rather than sleeping around ?
Because staying is easier. In the case of married people, a divorce is very FINAL, and ut comes with a high price to pay, and ... (read in full...)
I want my mum to let my boyfriend come over, even though he owes her rent!
Q. I'm 21 years and I have been with my bf for 3 years now my boyfriend stayed at mine temporarily and during that time he got made redundant, he still owed her over 250 pound in rent so he had to pay it back, he got a new job in London but still had ...
A. 21 April 2015: I am afraid that "like I see it " is right.
You mention that you pay a lot of rent , which I took to mean that you pay rent to your mom ?, right ? So, if the question is : should not this enable you to do the heck you want with whomever you ... (read in full...)
Why should I have to accept gay people, just because others do?
Q. I no we're meant to accept gays but I cant help but think its wrong and I don't hate it but I find it wrong I'm 13 by the way. I don't get why gays should be taught about in schools because why should I have to accept just cos others do? I do...
A. 21 April 2015: Yours is an interesting question and I think it also stems from a slight confusion between acceptance and approval.
As for the first, well of course you have to accept gay people, they are about 10% of the world population !, what's your alte... (read in full...)
Can someone explain it to me? Why would a girl subject herself to being used and discarded?
Q. I have a friend who has the most uncanny ability to be a jerk to specifically women he just hooks up with and still have them at his beck and call. I've seen it with my own two eyes. It's the weirdest dynamic I've ever seen. Most recently, he had a...
A. 21 April 2015: Janniepeg raises an interesting point which I hadn't thought of at first.
We are all conventionally assuming that these two girls must have felt crushed and humiliated by your friend's behaviour. But, seen the particular circumstances of thei... (read in full...)
I don't know whether I need to be more supportive or whether I'm just enabling him to walk away from his responsibilities, what can I do?
Q. My boyfriend seems to be going through some personal crisis, and I don't know what to do. We currently live together and are tied into our tenancy for another 4 months minimum. I am 23yo and he is nearly 30. We have been very happy living tog...
A. 21 April 2015: I am for a middle course here.
Yes of course he must kick himself in his backside and go finish his notice, or , whatever period of time, even longer than that, strictly necessary to allow him to leave this job with decent references. Doing diff... (read in full...)
Is it wrong or weird that I'm kind of jealous of younger women?
Q. Women it seems, are generally valued for their youth more than men are, despite me being a guy, as in human male, there are times I am jealous, envious of how women are valued for their youth more than men are. The reason why is because i'm a gu...
A. 21 April 2015: Life is not fair , OP.
So,you believe that it is your biological imperative being the initiator . Which is not true, btw. There are women, including yours truly, who will not mind taking the initiative, and I assure you that I may belong to a mino... (read in full...)
Am I mad to keep thinking of a friend from childhood?
Q. There is something going on my head that is making me want to contact this bloke I knew from School years. We were really young when we first met, both went to the same pre-school, then kindergarten, etc, pretty much stayed together all the way thro...
A. 19 April 2015: Like Fatherly Advice, I had the feeling too that you had posted before - but often different posters have the same problems, so I'll tell you the same I told the other OP :
- there's not much to be in a muddle about, the line of action that... (read in full...)
Can someone explain it to me? Why would a girl subject herself to being used and discarded?
Q. I have a friend who has the most uncanny ability to be a jerk to specifically women he just hooks up with and still have them at his beck and call. I've seen it with my own two eyes. It's the weirdest dynamic I've ever seen. Most recently, he had a...
A. 19 April 2015: Wow, I don't have an aswer for you, just a question, out of curiosity : how come are you still FRIENDS with a douche like this ? How come you are even in speaking terms ?...
You say that you do not condone his behaviour, but , pardon me, maybe in ... (read in full...)
I can't imagine my life living in his crowded house!
Q. Dear aunts and uncles.. im having a dilemma about my relationship with my fiance And i need some wise advices and opinion from other perspective. Perhaps it will shed some light for what should i do. Well ive been with my fiance for over 5 years...
A. 19 April 2015: Did your sisters in law marry outside your culture then ? Otherwise, why is it NOT a shame for THEIR husbands to live in their wives' houses ?....
Cultural or personal choice, the fact is that your fiance' is not going to accomodate your pref... (read in full...)
I don't want to look cheap, I've known him for quite a while.
Q. I have been dating this guy since July last year. We didn't see each other for a few months because he was out of town and we started dating again recently. We first met in 2013 and we stayed in touch weekly since then. Here's my dilemma...it's ...
A. 19 April 2015: If he is the one with the megabucks ( ar at least affluent ) ... then HE is the one who should give fancy gifts, not the one who receives them :).
What counts is the thought, AND , if you keep the value of the gift proportional to your means ( i.... (read in full...)
I do want to go back to work after baby is born. My Bf wants me to stay home. How do I resolve this?
Q. I'm currently expecting my first child with my boyfriend of three years. Although our child wasn't planned, they weren't unwanted and the pregnancy was a lovely surprise and we are both excited. However in the past few months as my due dat...
A. 19 April 2015: I agree with the other posters, plus : are you sure you can REALLY do without your income ? In theory yes, but in practice ?...
You say your wages now are being used for holidays and unexpected expenses ; good, then who's going to pay for your... (read in full...)
I can't imagine my life living in his crowded house!
Q. Dear aunts and uncles.. im having a dilemma about my relationship with my fiance And i need some wise advices and opinion from other perspective. Perhaps it will shed some light for what should i do. Well ive been with my fiance for over 5 years...
A. 18 April 2015: You have been posting about this issue since a long while - the only improvement is that last time the workers were even more , and now they are only six. So far you haven't reconciled yourself to the idea of living this way- NOR you should, ... (read in full...)
Do I try to convince my boyfriend that he still loves me?
Q. Yesterday my boyfriend of a year broke up with me. It is all rather confusing. But this week I saw a girl had been texting him and he was trying to bring up her self esteem by calling her hot but I saw it as flirtatious. We met up and we made up. ...
A. 18 April 2015: It means that he is brazenly telling you that you are plan B. It means that now he wants the new girl, and if everything goes well he'll stay with her- but if something should go wrong, he is making sure that Old Reliable you is still waiting for ... (read in full...)
I don't want to look cheap, I've known him for quite a while.
Q. I have been dating this guy since July last year. We didn't see each other for a few months because he was out of town and we started dating again recently. We first met in 2013 and we stayed in touch weekly since then. Here's my dilemma...it's ...
A. 18 April 2015: I guess this will be largely a matter of personal opinion, to me yeah 150 $ for a guy you are just "seeing "( although exclusively ) since July feels a bit too much , then again I suppose much would also depend from your income and lifestyle ? ... (read in full...)
How have others coped with pre-natal depression? I am 13 weeks pregnant
Q. I am currently 13 weeks pregnant with my second child to a new partner, it wasn't planned and ever since I have found out I have not really felt happiness. I feel quite depressed and i think its more then my hormones I don't feel excited and ...
A. 17 April 2015: But maybe it is just hormones, how would you know ?
Rapid increases in hormone levels at the beginning of a pregnancy can disrupt brain chemistry and cause depression ( and / or anxiety ) - as well as the opposite. It's a biochemical thing.
Th... (read in full...)
What's the hype with men liking big butts?
Q. What's the hype with men liking big butts? Something I've noticed the past year or so is that a lot of men seem to be butt men. They like the 'Kim Kardashian' type butt, the big, round butt. Even the majority of my sister and I's male friends hav...
A. 17 April 2015: Ah don't worry. It's fads. There's always some hype about some body part, if it's not one it will be another.
Like, I have full,plump, pouty lips ( less now than once, I must say, because lips sort of "shrink " with age ?! , how strange ). L... (read in full...)
I'm pretty much a social reject!
Q. I can't seem to make any friends because I'm single with no kids. Everyone views me as desperate or needy and stay far away from me as possible. Even when I don't announce my relationship status I still get the lonely and desperate tag. At work, ...
A. 17 April 2015: Well, obviously you have be cautious, or, better say accurate or inequivocable , with your verbiage, if you want to befriend a married man ! There aren't many close friendships single girl / married man around,it's unusual - and not because it is ... (read in full...)
I need my fiance to grow up because I have to tell him I'm pregnant!
Q. My fiancee keeps changing his mind about what he wants, and whether he wants our wedding to go ahead, and now I'm pregnant I'm scared he will say he isn't sure if he wants a family. I'm just so confused by his behaviour and I need some advice on how ...
A. 17 April 2015: Just tell him already. No, actually you do not "need " to make sure that your pregnancy won't make him unsure again. In fact, as other posters have commented, if , as you do, you exclude the possibility of an abortion and you are going to keep ... (read in full...)
She overstepped the bounds today! How do I deal with her if she comes up to me again?
Q. Well this is not really a romantic relationship question but it has to dowith a co worker who I felt overstepped today. I've a lazy eye that occassionally will act up if I'm stressed or tired. Anyway this co worker came up to me and asked me if I ...
A. 17 April 2015: I think too that the intention was kind behind the tactless action. She probably did not mean to diss you, just to offer you the benefit of her experience,- she just did not think that you ' d be sensitive about having your " flaw " pointed ... (read in full...)
I just want to go to the party and make him wish he hadn't done what he had done, am I being stupid?
Q. I'm going to a party on Sunday night and my ex boyfriend is going to be there. He cheated on me a couple of weeks ago and stupidly I want him back. He hasn't called or text since we split up and I just want to go to the party and make him wish he ...
A. 17 April 2015: Uh that's a disaster waiting to happen.
My crystal ball says that, based on wishful thinking, you'll put on the Eitz, dress too skimpy, wear too much make up, go to the party, act too happy , drink too much, laugh too loud, dance too sedu... (read in full...)
The man I am dating won't commit because he doesn't wish the relationship to die and he doesn't want to be hurt
Q. I met a man a few years ago and we kept in touch. He always made it clear he is not ready to settle down. In the last few years he hasn't had serious relationships and we started dating again but he still doesn't want to live with anyone or get too ...
A. 17 April 2015: I think what a Peter Pan ( although a nice, non promiscuous Peter Pan ) who is happy ( or happyER,in fact ), living alone really means with this type of talk is that he ain't gonna fix it if it is not broken, and that you are welcome to be part of ... (read in full...)
Why is he saying what a crazy needy possessive bitch I am, who won't leave him alone and is constantly telling him what to do?
Q. My boyfriend of 3 years is very busy. He has several jobs and, to be honest, has what I think are OCD-like tendencies. So, when he does have some rare time at home he spends it doing things like cutting holes in the walls to hide the wires BEHIND ...
A. 17 April 2015: Because he IS extremely rude ! and self centered. It's all about him.
He does not realize that you would not tell him what to do and what to proritize if only he was able to do it RIGHT on his own ( " Right " as in : appropriate and acce... (read in full...)
My wife wants children and I don't she knew this when we married. Am I selfish?
Q. My Wife thinks I'm selfish because I don't want to have children, whereas she is desperate. I'm 29 and she is 30, we've been together 5 years, married just under 1 year. To be honest I don't like kids, I've never understood the appeal of children. ...
A. 16 April 2015: It depends. At first I was going to write just like the other ladies " no you are not selfish, she knew exactly how you felt and she married you anyway, so she knew she was giving up becoming a mother ". But, something in your wording abour " your ... (read in full...)
Are we dating or are we in a relationship?
Q. So there is a guy that I really like, but I'm confused about what we are. We went out for a few dates etc and really hit it off. We have similar interest and I would like to go to the next level with him. So far we've went on about 4 dates. Recent...
A. 16 April 2015: You are still dating. No you haven't welcomed yourself to be his gf, if any I share with suzzzque 232 the doubt you may have welcomed yourself to be his FWB. If all these four dates consisted in hanging out at his place and having sex.... I realize ... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any suggestion/herbal remedies for a crying always hungry baby?
Q. This is not a relationship question but I hope it will be printed anyway ... because it is for the good cause of helping a distressed new mother. A younger friend of mine just had on March 3rd her first baby. The baby is healthy, beautifu...
A. 16 April 2015: Thanks a lot , SVC. I am sending my friend your suggestion ( mercifully skipping the "one - armed " Mom detail. Wow you must have developed ONE massive biceps :) ... (read in full...)
Random Girl In Library Was Rude To Me - How Would You Have Reacted?
Q. I walked into my library a few hours ago and sat down at a long study desk (there's a row of chairs where people can sit) next to some random other girl (it's busy today so there aren't many spaces left). I noticed her staring at me the whole time I ...
A. 15 April 2015: No. You are just guessing that she slapped you with her sleeve on purpose, but you can't be sure about that. These things happen. Once in a pastry shop a lady I know procedeed to put on her large, long winter coat, with an elegant, sweeping ... (read in full...)
Is my boyfriend depressed or lazy ??!!!
Q. I want some opinions on my boyfriend. We have been dating 7 months now. He wants me to move in and get married already but I still have reservations. Something that concerns me is his lack of motivation. I can't decide if he's lazy or depressed. ...
A. 15 April 2015: If he shows no other symptoms of depression , he still eats well, sleeps as usual, enjoys sex, does not have crying bouts ,is not unusually moody or aggressive, cures his personal hygiene, etc... then he is not depressed, he is just lazy.
Or mayb... (read in full...)
Will I become a more sexual person after my first kiss or is this just the way I am?
Q. Recently I have come to believe that I do not have feelings of sexual attraction unless they are built on a deep bond of friendship with someone. I have no desire to do anything with guys, not even kiss them, unless I feel extremely close to them. I ...
A. 15 April 2015: Uhm. I don't know. It may be not negative or not abnormal, but, it's not even exactly normal, as in : the biological norm . It certainly is unusual, but that you said it yourself.
I quote from " Social basis of Human Behaviour in Sex " by R... (read in full...)
Help me decide to do the right thing!
Q. I met my boyfriend in online dating , two days after we talked and chat . He was persistent to move in with me . We was only still trying to get to know each other.. part of me I was shocked and also willing to give him a chance but a lot of doubt. ...
A. 15 April 2015: OMG !
" I know that is crazy " ?. That's a major understatement ! That's the kind of crazy that so often leads women six feet under, or at the E.R. with multiple lesions, or, best case, in jail for complicity because the police won't beli... (read in full...)
Does porn viewing encourage men to treat women with disrespect?
Q. Does porn viewing encourage men to treat women with disrespect. At times I notice my partner becomes somewhat disrespectful and dismissive of me. At times it almost seems like a little contemptuous . Without fail , everytime I have noticed this , I...
A. 15 April 2015: Hard to say whether the egg was born first, or the chicken.
Maybe the constant viewing ( I don't think that occasional viewing can do that much damage ! ) of scenes where women are demeaned, disrespected,objectified may aliment a sense of disr... (read in full...)
Does anyone have any suggestion/herbal remedies for a crying always hungry baby?
Q. This is not a relationship question but I hope it will be printed anyway ... because it is for the good cause of helping a distressed new mother. A younger friend of mine just had on March 3rd her first baby. The baby is healthy, beautifu...
A. 15 April 2015: Thank you very much, ladies and gentleman. I knew that the DearCupiders were going to come up with some brilliant suggestion. I am passing all them to my friend, and I'll let you know what worked. Special thanks to the male respondent, it was ... (read in full...)
I sent a text to my boyfriend that was meant for my boss. Will my BF get upset?
Q. Hi all. Let me start by saying my BF of two years can be insecure and has expressed jealousy at times. I was texting my boss trying to set up a meeting and sent the text by accident to my BF as I have both conversations saved on my phone....
A. 14 April 2015: My, isn't it terribly stressful for you to live like this ? Always tiptoeing around a partner's hypersensitivity, or possible hypersensitivity, always trying to guess what may or may not have triggered his paranoia ?.
Honestly, if you were 20 year... (read in full...)
Why is my sister obsessed with facebook?
Q. I know things could be a lot worse but my 'problem' is that my sister is constantly on Facebook. And it irks me. I don't why. She posts pictures and updates about once an hour. She is 35 years old and has three kids (2 step kids) and is pregnant for ...
A. 14 April 2015: The fact that I do not have a Facebook account or Twitter account says a lot about how I feel about social networks. I do use Whatsapp and I find it both very useful... and a bit annoying too. I really can't be accused of being biased toward ... (read in full...)
It turned me off that he accepted my offer to split the bill on our first date!
Q. I went on a first date with a guy I met, we connected and I really liked him, but then he was ok with me paying for my dinner. I offered to pay before he reached for the bill and he said "sure, if you want to." So he told the waiter to split it. He ...
A. 13 April 2015: I agree with the " modern " responders ...and I also disagree at the same time.
Meaning, yes, of course in 2015 a woman can pay her way, no great shakes. And yes, at times I did just like You Wish, I picked up the check for both, and with... (read in full...)
How do we continue to enjoy ourselves despite the language obstacle?
Q. As most of them go, I met him online. He's a German intern only around until June and this works fine for me as I was not looking for anything too long term either. However, I have little knowledge of German, and only speak English and Xhosa. He is ...
A. 13 April 2015: Yes, you are way overthinking this .
The guy is only going to be there until July, and you share a knowledge of English that maybe is not enough to convey each other your depeest thoughts, or to debate philosophical issues, but so far is bein... (read in full...)
We've been married only a year and have big problems. When do you call it a day?
Q. I‘ve been married for almost a year now and already we're in a bit of a crisis. We have many issues in our relationship, too many to mention but i'll give some examples. I think he's become very controlling since we got married, I am admittedly ...
A. 13 April 2015: I can't say from what you write if this guy is a potential abuser - or just if you two are going through
" growing pains " in the transition from dating to being married. ( Although, personally, I am a bit allergic to sweet and kind guys who dict... (read in full...)
Do girls enjoy having their bodies rubbed with other men in crowded bus?
Q. Before I continue, I want you to know that I am around 19 and an attractive male. People and friends adore me every now and then, I don't have girlfriend though and don't even have female friends. The reason for all that is I am shy and not much ...
A. 13 April 2015: Chigirl said perfectly, but once more can't hurt.
If the bus was so crowded that she was pressed against your body, well, where was she supposed to go ? Why did not YOU move back , or left, or right, so that you did not have to rub against her.... (read in full...)
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