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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 25 September 2017: " There's no excuse for being promiscuous ! ".
Actually, even better : there's no NEED of excuses for being promiscuous. Excuse oneself to whom ?
Every woman has free agency over her body and sexuality, and everyone decides what use to do of... (read in full...)
My boyfriend remains friends with a girl who froze me out. I am angry that he remains her friend
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and met most of his friends, co-workers and even his bosses. One of his closest friend had a new gf who I kinda grew close with. I confided in her when things werent good between me and boyfriend, ...
A. 24 February 2015: Then ,in your shoes ,I'd check if I KNOW , if I am SURE that I am ready to let him go over something like that. Not just that I " think " I am ready to let him go.
Because, tbh, if you frame the question in these terms, there are excellent chan... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 24 February 2015: Anon male reader of Feb. 21st .. " This thread has a lot of women just making each other feel better about themselves "...
Well,for " wanting to make each other feel better about ourselves "- we should feel bad, or not-so-good ( about our sexu... (read in full...)
Does my attitude keep men away?
Q. Dear Cupid,I'm single I have been single for quite sometimes by choice now that my children are grown im ready to mingle I have often been told I have a beautiful personality but my attitude is different.What could it be? I'm a beautiful person im ...
A. 24 February 2015: Ah ok- it' s not that bad, it's something that can be worked over. You do not have to change personality- you can't, and you should not if you could !- but maybe, just make yourself a little more approachable, less defensive.
Relax, the worl... (read in full...)
My boyfriend remains friends with a girl who froze me out. I am angry that he remains her friend
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now and met most of his friends, co-workers and even his bosses. One of his closest friend had a new gf who I kinda grew close with. I confided in her when things werent good between me and boyfriend, ...
A. 24 February 2015: And it is because you are hurt and upset that you can't see how you are not being very rational, and most of all, how your picking this as a bone of contention is unnecessarily driving a wedge berween you and your bf, and turning a normal ... (read in full...)
I contacted my girlfriend 7 times last week and she's still mad about lack of contact?
Q. I contacted my gf 7x last week but it wasn't good enough?? We've been together for 4 years. I'm 36 and she's 32. We usually spend our weekends together but due to work we don't see each other through the week that often so we rely on exchanging me...
A. 24 February 2015: Uhm, maybe pick up the phone and give her a call , and have an actual real conversation ? maybe rather than waiting for " the chance " to call , MAKING the chance ,and the time to call ?
I don't know about "all the time " ,I think probably once... (read in full...)
I told him I wasnt ready for a relatiosnhip then I found out he slept with someone else...
Q. I had been dating this guy for the passed 4 months around 2 months into thing he said that he wanted a relationship and that he had strong feeling for me but as i had not long got out of a terrible 3 years relationship i told him i wasn't ready just ...
A. 24 February 2015: He did not owe you anything considering that you had said you did not want a relationship just yet. You had not agreed on being exclusive, you were just hanging out.
He may have said he was not seeing anybody else and this may have been the ... (read in full...)
Does the volume of semen a man ejaculates matter to a woman?
Q. I was talking with a female friend of mine and she called herself a "slug girl." I asked her what she meant by that and she said she she gets very wet when she gets turned on. She was quite embarrassed to admit that. However, I think most men thin...
A. 24 February 2015: Bah. It must be like the fact that women really dress nice to impress... other women , not males. So men in porn do stuff that women could not care less, or actually hate, to impress other MEN.
You, as a man, feel better when you ejaculate a la... (read in full...)
Should I stay with my girlfriend of 6 years?
Q. Hi, I just wanted to get some advice on my relationship as probably I could do with it. I'm 33 and my girlfriend is five years younger than me. We have been going out for 6-7 years. I’m not sure if I should stay with her. When she has no problem ...
A. 24 February 2015: I am amazed, OP - you are one patent guy ! Way too patient for your own good.
Wow, 7 years of on and off, yells, verbal abuse, smashing your stuff, living like a single party girl while she is supposedly in a committed r/ship, and taking ille... (read in full...)
I am unsure of the signals she gave after our second date
Q. Ok, so I had my 2nd date last night with a girl that I met on a dating app.. The 1st date was at a pub near her house and last night she came to mine, I put some nice cool easy listening to music on, lit candles and cooked for her. We talked from ...
A. 23 February 2015: Agreed with Honeypie. Second date , cozy candlelit dinner complete with easy listening music... to me it would clearly say " someone wants to get laid real bad but wants to be smooth about it ".
Then again : let's not forget that the girl was ... (read in full...)
What are the ground rules during separation from spouse?
Q. Just curious, what are the ground rules for separating with a spouse i.e. we need some time apart? Is dating and seeing others ok? Please don't look at this as an excuse but rather a consequence of separation....
A. 23 February 2015: I'd also check the legal angle, not just the "social " or emotional one.
In many countries , separated is still married - living apart ,but with all the other obligations deriving from marriage . Including being faithful. So, suppose that a sp... (read in full...)
Why do the thongs I wear not seem go fit right?
Q. When I wear thongs, it fits like it should when I first put it on. They're comfortable and I have no problem with them at all. By the end of the day, I notice it makes its way up my vagina and sometimes, it rides up in the back and hurts a little ...
A. 23 February 2015: I am with WhenCowsAttack. In fact, I wonder how people could wear a thong or G-string all day WITHOUT it riding up their a** and giving them uncomfortable wedgies ?... And without it having to be extracted from where it got stuck, by the ... (read in full...)
I need advice about my married lover and his intentions
Q. hello my name is sweet c and i have a problem that i need help with. ok i met this guy and we hit it off the first night and we ended up sleeping together the first night. but the sex was different because he was having a hard time getting up. so w...
A. 23 February 2015: Find someone else. Possibly single, possibly without a prison record, and, if he has to cost you money !, definitely sexually functioning :
Come on, call it " buying him things and taking care of him " , call it " helping him out "... in prac... (read in full...)
Does my attitude keep men away?
Q. Dear Cupid,I'm single I have been single for quite sometimes by choice now that my children are grown im ready to mingle I have often been told I have a beautiful personality but my attitude is different.What could it be? I'm a beautiful person im ...
A. 23 February 2015: There are not details enough to give you reasonably reliable feedback; as quoted the words you have been told may mean anything.
My guess- but it is only a guess- is they meant that , once they get to know you, it comes out that inside you are ... (read in full...)
I'm uncomfortable saying his name because of my accent
Q. This is going to sound really stupid but I'm genuinely finding it difficult to say the name of someone I've just started talking to platonically online. I haven't met them yet and, if I will it will be a while away, so I don't need to say it but t...
A. 22 February 2015: Luca, as the Italian version of Luke ?... Then you are lucky, that's a short and easy name :)- and WiseOwlE is correct , you pronounce it loo-kah. You can also go to PronounceNames.com, you digit " Luca " under Name Search, and voila' , short ... (read in full...)
Orgasm clarification please!
Q. I'm not sure if I've ever had an orgasm. Everything I read and everyone I talk to always says "you'll just know if you have one." I'm sick of hearing that because it doesn't help me at all. I'd like to know for sure if I'm having one. I'm genuinely ...
A. 22 February 2015: Sure , orgasms vary in intensity and " symptoms " but from what you describe I doubt you had one . An orgasm is accompanied by involuntary contractions of vaginal muscles , which may be strong or just a flutter, anyway they are quite " local ... (read in full...)
Emailed a co-worker my feelings for her after she quit. It's been seven days.
Q. Hello, I had a girl in my office to whom i love, I was never ever able to tell her about my feelings and one day she left the company and after she left i still have feelings for her. So i wrote a love letter after a one year since she left the ...
A. 22 February 2015: I'd let it be. Silence can be very eloquent at times, O think her is . One year is quite a long time particularly between people who were never that close or that friendly to begin with.
Apparently, alas, she does not return your feelings / in... (read in full...)
Why do men expect women to be shaved down below? Porn?
Q. I'm out of a twenty year marriage so the last time I dates was some years ago. Since being single again it seems most men now expect or want women to be shaved down below. What's going on? I don't remember this ever being a request or even a prefer...
A. 20 February 2015: I am sure porn has got a lot to do with it, but not only. It's just fads and trends. Unfathomable courses and recourses of fashion. Like, in mid 18th century people wore powdered wigs, and early 19th nobody did anymore. It's not all of a sudden, ... (read in full...)
Newly married, but I've lost my sex drive completely. What can I do? What could cause this?
Q. Hello, I just recently got married literally about a week ago. However, I've lived with my husband for a little over a year. For about 9-10 months now, I've not wanted sex at all. I'm on birth control pills, and on anxiety medication so I'...
A. 20 February 2015: I am not sure about birth pills, but as for anxiety meds, a very common side effect is that they lower your sex drive . Not all the same meds in the same dosage to the same people, it may take a bit of patience and trial-and-error to find the ... (read in full...)
Should I reach out to my rich grandfather for help?
Q. I don't come from a wealthy family. The only person in my whole family who has been well off is my grandfather. He's very rich. However, I rarely speak with him. He's a somewhat distant person from our family and I've always felt rather weird around ...
A. 20 February 2015: With all due respect to your family, I too, instead, think it's a bad idea and in very poor taste.
I am not even saying that it is your fault you don't have a great relationship with Grandpa. Maybe it is all HIS fault. Or , it's nobody's faul... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 20 February 2015: Anon male reader, not to be bitchy on purpose but... I have to say it, of this is how you feel, then it is a big luck that your being ( or, most probably, feeling ) unattractive prevents you from getting the casual sex you crave.
You seem to coup... (read in full...)
How can I get over my current beliefs and accept my partner's past?
Q. Hey guys, I am in a relationship with someone of "20...30... i lost count" sexual partners and past bursts of casual sex with a casual view on sex, in comparison to my 4 partners, including her and conservative values. I love this person and thin...
A. 20 February 2015: I admit thet I did not read through the whole thread- but I want to comment on one specific statement of yours, that can't be overlooked regardless of the actual content of the debate.
YOU had casual sex once. So I call bullshit on yout sexu... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 19 February 2015: Ok, so suppose women have a natural, biological unfair advantage over men in getting casual sex ( and, we also have to suppose that getting casual sex is a big coveted goal for everybody ). So be it- then , why should they have to regret it, and ... (read in full...)
Am I the problem or is it them?
Q. Hey guys. You see, at the start of this academic year, all of my friends went off to college while I stayed at school for sixth form. I knew straight away that they would all make new friends and I was fine with that, but it's getting to the p...
A. 19 February 2015: I am not even sure it is a problem. It's just how things work-ot's one of those annoying things that feel a bit unpleasant and disappointing in the moment, and that you have to handle with your own resources, enlarging YOUR circle of friends, ... (read in full...)
I told my married lover I am free to see others and he said he wants a future with me. Is he stringing me along?
Q. I have been seeing a married man for 5 years I have divorced my husband but my lover is still with his family, he said he cannot leave his children until they are older and less dependant on him, he does idolise his kids.I said I was free to see ...
A. 19 February 2015: Doesn't it amount to the same ? Wheter he is stringing you along or the timing is not right with him, the end result for you is teh same - you have a part time lover whom you have to see secretly , I imagine ) or at least discretly, and whom you ... (read in full...)
I want to move out but can't afford it! Ideas?
Q. Hi everyone. I'm 21 years old and I live with my father and brother. The thing is, I really want to move out and be on my own but I just can't afford it. Let me explain my situation. My father is retired. I love him to death but he stays at home...
A. 19 February 2015: Does it necessarily have to be someone you know for sharing a place together ? yeah of course if you share with a good friend it's more fun and you avoid a lot of adjustment/cohabitation problems ( at least in theory ). But I know tons of people ... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 18 February 2015: Maybe it's because I am so bad at maths, but I could never quite get why some people say " getting sex is much easier for women than for men ". How does it work ?... I mean : a woman who's having sex , is having sex with a man, right ? ( at least ... (read in full...)
Middle Eastern girl wants to marry an American guy, does anyone have any advice?
Q. please i need very serious advise. i am from middle east from muslim culture.i am not religious person.my marriage was fail last year.it was not my fault.i saw my friends who marry with different cultures and have very good life.there marriages are ...
A. 18 February 2015: Good point SVC. I knew Muslims from Syria and Lebanon, for instance ,who were very fair -skinned, and green-eyed too, so personally I am aware that Muslims belong to different races according to geographic location - it was a lapsus, or a ... (read in full...)
Middle Eastern girl wants to marry an American guy, does anyone have any advice?
Q. please i need very serious advise. i am from middle east from muslim culture.i am not religious person.my marriage was fail last year.it was not my fault.i saw my friends who marry with different cultures and have very good life.there marriages are ...
A. 18 February 2015: Anon of Feb. 18th- maybe I did not make myself clear. I never said that interracial relationship can't be beautiful- they can be as beautiful, or not so beautiful, as any other relationship. After all, it's two PEOPLE coming together and there's ... (read in full...)
What can I do to help him understand he is ruining our relationship?
Q. Im in a relationship with a younger man there is no doubt on my mind we love each other, he goes to work I am home I rarely go out I pretty much stay to myself before the relationship began I was always surrounded by fam and friends they were always ...
A. 18 February 2015: Why, do you think he would be upset if realized he is " ruining the relationship " ? I think he knows ,and just does not give a fuck ! It does not take Einstein, or a shining example of sensitivity, to realize that constant cheating and running ... (read in full...)
He wants me to be exclusive with him. But there is another woman in his life. What should I do?
Q. i met this guy i been having sex with him the last mouth he has been helping me in so many ways. he talks to my kids he tells me he wish he met me fours years ago before he met the women he is with now he wants me to wait for him for me to have no ...
A. 18 February 2015: His request is ridicolous. What a nerve ! He should not DARE to ask you what he can't give you himself to begin with- i.e. monogamy and exclusivity. He can say all he wants- talk is cheap- but the thruth of the fact is that he is coming around for ... (read in full...)
I walked in on my 15 year old cousin masturbating
Q. I walked in on my 15 year old cousin masturbating. My mom told me to go see if he was sleeping and if not tell him breakfast was ready. It was silent and I thought he was sleeping so I peeked in to look and forgot to knock (worst mistake ever) I ...
A. 17 February 2015: Yeah, as awkward the episode was ,- there's really nothing ro " talk about ". These things happen . Have you ever walked into a bathroom occupied by someone who had forgotten to lock the door ? have you ever been the one who got walked in and got ... (read in full...)
Should I move in with boyfriend of 4 months? He's been acting standoffish
Q. I'm widowed but seeing someone. OK he has 2 children 10 and 12 I have 1-19 we have been seeing each other for 4 month. I need to move so I decided to move in with him. I'm unemployed. He owns his house. But lately he's getting stand off ish.but ...
A. 17 February 2015: U woud not do it. 4 months is very early to move in with anybody even if you both were head over heels and getting along famously. But he is also being standoffish, and that means either he has got second thoughts about moving in with you after ... (read in full...)
She's falling for my ex-crush. How can I deal with this and not lose friends?
Q. Hey guys, so I'm in a pretty complicated spot here. My best friend and I are very close, but them last week something happened. She's falling head over heels in love with my ex-crush. I have a boyfriend, yes, but she feels like she shouldn't go...
A. 16 February 2015: Well- but you ARE a girl who dates a boyfriend while she likes ( also ) another : YOU said it yourself ! Ok, maybe you don't still like him as in OmyGod I am crazy about this guy. But you still like him enough for this to be deemed an obstacle by ... (read in full...)
Do women really regret their sexual past?
Q. This question goes out to the ladies and girls out there. Do you regret your sexual past especially when you've only dated losers then finally one day meet the man of your dreams and you wished he was your first or that you had met him in the past?...
A. 15 February 2015: I don't know about all women, - I think most don't regret their sexual past and I definitely know I don't regret mine.
Everything has an age and stage, maybe if the perfect guy had shown up before... it would not have been perfect for the kind... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend doesn't trust me
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend a little over a year. We met online, and eventually met in person. As of right now we're LDR (long distance relationship.) again, just for a few more months. Ever since day 1, he has had trust issues. MAJOR. At fir...
A. 15 February 2015: I am afraid that Aunty BimBim is quite correct. Graduating , or turning 18, does not mean automatically being able to earn and support yourself independently ( in case the r/ship does not work out and you need to get your own place / go back home ... (read in full...)
I know I'm his bootycall. What should I do?
Q. Hey, I'm writing, because I would like to get some help. Any help would much appreciated. Well, there is this guy I've known since October, and everything was going quite well. I then developed feelings for him, and I thought that he liked me t...
A. 14 February 2015: You know, OP, Midnight Shadow is right :" booty call" is a slang term that has a strong sexual connotation and is is always used in a sexual meaning- it's not the same as " a fairweather friend " or " a fickle guy " as this one seems to be.
T... (read in full...)
Is it OK to buy someone a birthday trip if we can't cover the full cost?
Q. Hi guys, I just want your opinion on a birthday gift. I'm hoping for a parents opinion if possible! I'm 21 and my sister is 19, our father will be 50 in march. My father has a good/well paid job and my mother also works. They have a large amount...
A. 14 February 2015: Sorry to rain on your parade,bur... I think your mother is right, you'd better tell him first ( and maybe if SHE -Mom-too shows keenness to go you can rope him in ). Yours is a wonderful ,wonderful idea... but for the right kind of parent. Which, ... (read in full...)
Met online, set up date to meet and he doesn't show. Is he blowing me off?
Q. Hi thanks for reading. I meet this guy on pof and been talking and we finally set a date to meet up. The day came and went because I tried to confirm with him heard no reply. Asked if everything was ok no reply till a week later. Then he messaged...
A. 14 February 2015: You haven't done anything wrong, or, actually what you are doing wrong is being a tad naive and way too nice with someone who is an arrogant, inconsiderate jerk.
Whaaaat ? he stands you up, no cancellations, no apologies, no explanations- he just... (read in full...)
Had a massive and intense sleep orgasm. Should I worry?
Q. Okay, this is the first time I've actually BEEN an OP, but something happened a couple of days ago that I'm wondering if it's normal or not. I'm not complaining about it, but it's never happened to me before in my life. Background - I...
A. 13 February 2015: Eric Troy says enjoy, I say: enjoy it and cherish the memory, because it might never come back.
I had something similar happening to me when I was 22 or 23 ( I guess that in my case, then ,it had nothing to do with the perimenopause horm... (read in full...)
Should I take her back if she wants me to?
Q. My girlfriend broke up with me because she wanted to do stuff with other people without having to answer to me and that she doesn't want the title of "girlfriend".And we've been dating for 6 months and I saw a message on her facebook to her ...
A. 13 February 2015: Heck no- do you even really need to ask ?!
If you know for sure that she was / is / will be with you only to have someone to fall back on, and to have companionship / attention while she is looking around for someone better , what's in it for ... (read in full...)
It's our first Valentine's together, but I might have to be at work! How can I make it up to my partner?
Q. So, there's a really good chance I'm going to be busy on my partner and my first Valentine's Day together. I applied for a job, have made it to second round interviews and if I make it through that I'm going to be inducted and working on Valentine's ...
A. 13 February 2015: Aren't you making it worse than it actually is ,by any chance ?
You'll be working on Valentine's day which this year happens to fall on a Saturday, but 5 years out of 7 will fall on a weekday, so there will be a huge majority of people work... (read in full...)
My Boyfriend Thinks I'm Faking Orgasm's!
Q. My boyfriend thinks I'm faking orgasm's! We have been together for just over a year and I have never faked an orgasm with him. I don't even think I would be very good at faking one! First of all, why does he think that? My downstairs tenses and ...
A. 13 February 2015: Curious. For saying that, it means he expects to see or feel something specific that it is not happening, and this, in his mind, means that your are not having one. And it also means that in his mind ALL women orgasm in the same way with the same ... (read in full...)
Middle Eastern girl wants to marry an American guy, does anyone have any advice?
Q. please i need very serious advise. i am from middle east from muslim culture.i am not religious person.my marriage was fail last year.it was not my fault.i saw my friends who marry with different cultures and have very good life.there marriages are ...
A. 1 June 2010: I am surprised when you mention yr Muslim friends marrying out of their religion- are you sure about that ?
as a Muslim female, you are not allowed by your religion to marry a non Muslim male.
That would be apostasy- and apostasy excludes... (read in full...)
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