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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My boyfriend read my texts in front of me without my permission. Why did he do this?
Q. I was with my BF of two years the other day and he saw that I received a few texts. The battery died on my phone and as soon as it recharged he saw I had three texts waiting to be read. He seemed very interested in my texts from the moment he sa...
A. 23 March 2015: Ah then it's all another story, if he always was jealous and controlling. And you KNEW already the answer to your own question : he read aloud your messages, even if you told him not to.... because he is ( pathologically ? ) jealous and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend read my texts in front of me without my permission. Why did he do this?
Q. I was with my BF of two years the other day and he saw that I received a few texts. The battery died on my phone and as soon as it recharged he saw I had three texts waiting to be read. He seemed very interested in my texts from the moment he sa...
A. 20 March 2015: Yes, maybe it is harmless but it's a bit strange isn't it ? I mean, MY texts nowadays are so lame that I could show them to the whole Dear Cupid community, no problem. That does not mean that I would WANT to do it, or choose to do it, even if ... (read in full...)
My best friend stopped all contact with me because his girlfriend asked him to?
Q. Hello Everybody! My problem is: I have been friends with a guy for more than 10 years. We attended the same high school, and the same university for BA and also for the MA studies. We never tough about being more than friends, though we kissed...
A. 20 March 2015: Are you really so surprised ?...Sorry but I cannot quite believe it.
As other people said, she is not making trouble, she is setting up appropriate boundaries.
You and this guys weren't best friends as in strictly platonic friends. You were... (read in full...)
There is no sex in our relationship and I can't figure out why!
Q. ive asked for help on this site before and do appreciate any insight on my issue. im a 48 year old female living with a 30 year old male. the issue is sex... he wont touch me and says its not me. i cant help to think that it is. he has made many ...
A. 20 March 2015: Dear OP, he told you he is not attracted to you anymore- and you call this an " excuse " ?!
Well, if it is an excuse ( i.e., not a real reason but an invented one )- it's the best excuse EVER for not having sex !
I am not attracted to you = I ... (read in full...)
I have feelings for a girl who didn't want to date but now has a boyfriend
Q. Hi there, i'm here, asking one simple question; why can't i find someone special? there is one girl at my High School, that i'm pretty good friends with, and we share a good amount of things in common. to be honest, the group of friends that i hang ...
A. 20 March 2015: Isn't it a bit drastic at 13 -15 to decide that you CAN'T find a special person ? Give it time, and give yourself time to grow some self confidence, naturally, in time, and to grow some ego in a good sense, like some sense of your self worth in ... (read in full...)
After 4 years together, why does he need time away from me?
Q. Hi DC community, My bf and I are going through some problems in the relationship and have decided to work through them. The main issue is that he is working on himself so he can be better for me, but in the mean time he doesn't want to sleep in...
A. 20 March 2015: That's very convenient - for him. He is factually not in a relationship- no physical intimacy with you, no demands on his time, no emotional / affective energy turned toward you and YOUR demands , in fact if you want to see him before the next 6 ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to understand if my current relationship is a rebound or not and if what I feel for this other man is real or infatuation. Non-judgmental help appreciate!
Q. Im at a real tipping point in my relationship and I seriously need some advice, I am aware that people will judge what I say and use this as a way to pass judgement rather than help someone who is reaching out. Ok so I am in my first year of un...
A. 16 March 2015: I don't think anybody here will be able to tell you 100% for sure if it is infatuation or true love. If I should bet, I'd vote for infatuation :), why ? well, because you are, what, only 18 ? 19 ? , not saying that all young girls are fickle ,of ... (read in full...)
He lied about having a wife and a kid!
Q. Hi, I am very sad..I am dating a guy for a year so far, he is from Iraq but we both met in US..after 6 months of being together I saw a pic on facebook of him with a baby..I asked him whos this baby..he said is one of my nephews..anyway I believed ...
A. 16 March 2015: Yeah, I 'd be curious too to know- and I'd base my answer upon- which help exactly are he and his family talking about.
Have you been giving him money ? regularly ? A free accomodation ? Are we talking about something more tangible and prac... (read in full...)
No sex with wife since our two year old was born.
Q. Me and my wife had a little girl alomst 2 years ago but since then we have only had sex a handful of times i have tried romantic baths etc. Have spoke to her and dont really get a response as to why we dont have sex anymore just wondering what else ...
A. 16 March 2015: Anon male, the 6 months post partum you mention is perhaps the limit that YOU would feel able to handle in your personal case, but it has got nothing to do with reality ,and with medical science, which knows perfectly how post partum depression ... (read in full...)
I miss the cuddling. How can I engage in any relationship in my situation? And are my friends right about arrive together and leave together?
Q. Hi everyone, need an advice. I am a single mom with 2 teens, 15 and 17. My life is very busy with work and kids. I don't date as I really have absolutely no time for that or energy. I concentrate on my kids and my job. But still I am a sexua...
A. 16 March 2015: This is one of those issues where everybody is right and everybody is wrong.
Sure, it is pointless, and a bit overbearing and out of order, tryng to monitor the sexual conduct of another adult, and if you are willing to risk bodily harm , bein... (read in full...)
It was pre-arranged. So why would my FWB come to my house to tell me "no" to having sex that evening?
Q. Thanks for taking the time to read this question. Basically, my fwb came around the other day and after we had gotten into bed and started kissing and what not she told me we wouldn't be having sex that evening. Obviously I was kinda like wha...
A. 16 March 2015: Eh N91, that must mean that you never cease to surprise me,lol.
As for the anon female reader : it's not that I want to convince you, anon, you are surely entitled to your opinion !, as for mine,FWIW is this :what is REALLY weird is the way peop... (read in full...)
It was pre-arranged. So why would my FWB come to my house to tell me "no" to having sex that evening?
Q. Thanks for taking the time to read this question. Basically, my fwb came around the other day and after we had gotten into bed and started kissing and what not she told me we wouldn't be having sex that evening. Obviously I was kinda like wha...
A. 15 March 2015: Sigh ... I remember you N91... couple years ago you used to be such a romantic kid... And now, look at him :) he says whatever, rolls over and goes to sleep (:.Lol.
I feel you are a tad overthinking this . If it had happened a few times it woul... (read in full...)
Is a baby ultimatum a bad idea?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I am 30 and he is 41. I love him and want us to be together for the rest of our lives. I have mentioned marriage before to which he has said he doesn't believe in. Sure I'm disappointed, but he assures me ...
A. 15 March 2015: I sort of agree with Janniepeg.
When a person say they do not believe in marriage,... what they actually mean is that they do not believe in forever, or they do not be in forever with you.
They believe that feelings change, attraction dies, an... (read in full...)
I may as well be a single parent!
Q. Hi hope someone can help me as I feel so down I've been with my boyfriend for 19 month we have a 4 month old daughter I know it happened quick we have a good relationship we never argue always laughing but I feel like a single parent he has not done ...
A. 14 March 2015: I have to agree with Ciar.
You ARE a single parent !- a single parent who only has a casual arrangement, a sort of FWB thing, with the baby daddy. You have chosen to call him and see him as your boyfriend, but he does NOT act like a boyf... (read in full...)
He won't speak to me since I challenged him. Why do I still think about him?
Q. A few weeks ago I fell out with a man who won't speak to me or reply to my calls over the fact he was having an affair. We used to be close - but after I said I didn't want to get too serious - he started chasing other women. Feeling hurt I stated h...
A. 14 March 2015: I think it would also depend from when this happened. If your apologies are recent , maybe he needs some more time to digest them / accept them.
Oth, here's a thought for you :
I don't know in which kind of terms you were before falli... (read in full...)
Why does she want me to take her to Prom?
Q. I'm confused, so their is this girl at my school I like. She is actually a party girl and the word is she gets around. A few months ago I went out on a date with her and everything went good in my opinion. Idrove to her house met her mom and ...
A. 14 March 2015: I can't speak out of personal experience because we did not have formal prom parties like in USA where I lived, ...but, well, I feel your paranoia is a tad justified.
I mean, this girl is not interested in dating you and she had firmly frie... (read in full...)
He won't speak to me since I challenged him. Why do I still think about him?
Q. A few weeks ago I fell out with a man who won't speak to me or reply to my calls over the fact he was having an affair. We used to be close - but after I said I didn't want to get too serious - he started chasing other women. Feeling hurt I stated h...
A. 14 March 2015: You weren't trying to interfere...unluckily you managed without even tryng.
Opinions about personal behaviours and choices are best received when they are asked for, ( as you are doing now asking DC's opinions ) , or when there's such a degr... (read in full...)
My family doesn't want me to marry him because of his caste!
Q. Hi, I'm in a moral dilemma and would love to receive some advice. I'm in relationship with a guy since two years. we are very happy together. and wish to get married. but he does not belong to my caste I intro...
A. 13 March 2015: Discrimination against lower castes is ILLEGAL in India under art. 15 of its Constitution.
I know that this still leaves you with a moral dilemma, and with the last wish of a dead parent.
My personal take on this is: you do not live in a vacuum... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want me to come to his sister's sweet 16 party
Q. My boyfriend doesn't want me to come to his sisters sweet sixteen with him. We've been together for 2 years and out of town numerous times. I've met his family and stuff but this would be the first big gathering and he has been super reluctant ...
A. 13 March 2015: Then you have no problem, and you can take it very literally : your bf is just telling you that you have the choice , you have been invited, but, if you do not fancy going it's fine, they won't be offended , your choice.
( Don't you thin... (read in full...)
He complained about my lack of memory and detail and I broke up with him. Now he's drinking heavily. Should I reach out to him?
Q. Hello so I dated this guy for about a year. everything was awesome between us for the first few months.his demeanor was always very alpha male. He liked to be in charge. He never liked to go out and party he liked staying in all the time sometimes ...
A. 13 March 2015: Your post encouraged me a lot. If being detaol oriented and having a good memory makes women sexually attractive, then I am golden: I am very detail oriented, and I have an excellent mememory, and that means I always was, am and will be a sex bomb ... (read in full...)
Guys: How can a man last so long after not having sex for 7 years?
Q. Hi I have been dating my bf for 2 years and r engaged to be married. We were great friends before we started dating and shared all our secrets with each other. So we know each others past and stuff. He had told me that he had sex with his 1 st ex gf ...
A. 13 March 2015: He did not say he stayed seven years without masturbating, did he ?
In fact, chances are that during this time he became a first class wanker - he trained himself to respond to VERY vigorous stimulation, which he can't reproduce by vagi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't want me to come to his sister's sweet 16 party
Q. My boyfriend doesn't want me to come to his sisters sweet sixteen with him. We've been together for 2 years and out of town numerous times. I've met his family and stuff but this would be the first big gathering and he has been super reluctant ...
A. 13 March 2015: Actually, technically it's not for you bf to invite you to someone else's party. It's not HIS party, it's his sister's, you should have been invited by the sweet 16 herself- or at most by her parents who, I suppose, are paying for the whole bash.
... (read in full...)
Rejected after first date?!
Q. So I joined eharmony. I was talking back and forth with this guy and we seemed really compatible, he even said so. He asked me out to a coffee date and I said yes, which was yesterday. I was really exited because he seemed attractive and we had so ...
A. 13 March 2015: .... Maybe the guys you dumped after a first date were surprised and disappointed too :).
No, I am not saying it's karma in action and your past dumped dates jinxed you - just that, hey , it happens ! You can't please them ALL. There may be comp... (read in full...)
Should I stop having a FWB relationship? Or go with the flow?
Q. I've only been in two serious relationships... One ended because my ex forced me to give him head a few times and told me he was using me for sex. The other guy was recent, he was my everything, but I go to college out of state and it ruined us. He ...
A. 12 March 2015: Is it getting better, or
do you feel the same ?
Will it make it easier on you now ?....
as the the U2 would say.
It sounds like you feel the same and FWB won't work too well for you. So might as well stip trying to MAKE yourself like th... (read in full...)
I'm the only one trying in this relationship so why doesn't he just break up with me?
Q. Dear Cupid I'm with my current bf for past 4 years , had our ups and downs. But for past few weeks our relationship is going downhill. He stopped even trying to be nice, just stopped putting any effort in the relationship, no fights and no ta...
A. 11 March 2015: He will never voluntarily break up with you until he can treat you like s..t, AND still ask you for money
( and get it, I guess )! ... (read in full...)
Should I keep working or put myself through college?
Q. I'm not sure how to explain this but here it goes. I got into a full time job right after High School, I never went to college. This was mainly because I needed/wanted money because I wanted a car, needed to put some money into savings, and oth...
A. 11 March 2015: Yes, you can do it. And no, of course at 23 it's not too late !
Put it this way : if you begin now, you will have 4 or 5 years of living lean, yes.
And if you do not start now, you'll have a whole lifetime for living lean , stuck at minimal ... (read in full...)
Is kissing ok after I turn 16?
Q. okay so i'm 15 and the guy i love {a lot .} is 20, but i'm turning 16 in two months... is it okay for me to kiss him once im 16 or like, what are the does and don'ts of what im able to do... i live in georgia so...
A. 11 March 2015: In Georgia the age of consent is 16 and there's no close-in-age exception.
So, in 2 months you can do what you want, but right now you are still supposed to avoid any sexual contact ,vaginal or otherwise.
Kissing ( by which I suppose you mean... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't believe in marriage
Q. I'm 25 and I'm in the best relationship of my life. I'm completely in love with my boyfriend and I think he feels the same. He tells me he wants to be together forever but when the word marriage is brought into converstation he freaks out. The pr...
A. 11 March 2015: Well,if marriage is really VERY important to you, common sense would suggest that you cut loose and look for someone who wants the same as you.
Hoping that he changes his mind in time is a risky bet. He might, of course ... maybe he is just youn... (read in full...)
Any tips for Friends With Benefits?
Q. I just met a guy who's friends with a friend of mine and we ended up having sex on Friday. I really like him sexually and the feeling is obviously mutual. We've seen each other every night except tonight and it is agreed we like each other as ...
A. 11 March 2015: " ... The sex and everything else seems romanric yet around other people we don't act like a couple ".
And, is this by any chance a problem for you ? Does it make you uncomfortable / disappointed his not acting coupleish in public ?...
I mean, ... (read in full...)
Will men still fancy me if I get a short hair cut?
Q. I feel like doing something brave and unconventional, and one thing I'd like to do is to cut my shoulder-long hair to a dramatic, very-short hair cut. But I'm afraid that if I do so, men won't fancy me any more, as people sometimes assume short-ha...
A. 10 March 2015: I like the suggestion of trying a short cropped wig before proceeding with the haircut. What if, the men are still attracted to you... but YOU hate the way you look ?..
It's not all about male stares and male attention ! ( said by one who alwa... (read in full...)
Guys, would you date a 27-year-old virgin?
Q. I'm 27 and still a virgin. I feel so old being one at this age and I'm wondering if guys will even want to give me a chance since there are plenty of experienced women for them to pick from. So, first things first. My virginity doesn't mean much to ...
A. 10 March 2015: Not at all.
Regardless of any other consideration, you have THE perfect reason for having stayed a virgin longer than usual, if anybody should wonder / marvel at / be surprised ( ..assuming it were any of their business ).
A physical problem ... (read in full...)
Even sex on the fifth date doesn't seem long enough to wait
Q. I'm 24 and fed up of boys wanting one thing from me .. It isn't like I have sex 1st date .. I do make them wait till at least 4-5th date but it always ends up just sex. I was dating this guy which I went on 6 date with .. The 5th date we did...
A. 10 March 2015: I can only suggest what nobody is willing to do, although it would also be what common sense suggests :
do it the other way around. I.e., if it is a relationship that you want, wait it has BECOME a real relationship BEFORE you introduce sex in i... (read in full...)
Curious, maybe even suspicious...
Q. My girlfriend constantly calls me daddy during sex. She also likes to role play that she is 13 and I'm her father coming to her bedroom when everyone else is asleep. Her father is deceased but I know from her mother that they, my gf and her dad, ...
A. 10 March 2015: Yes, you are out of line. It's a fantasy. Some fantasoes aren't politically correct at all , they may sound disquieting -but they aren't a re-enactment of reality !
By your token, since you dig this role play and find it exciting - and in it s... (read in full...)
Is it normal for my fiance to call his parents and check in with them when we go somewhere
Q. A little background. When my fiancé was in his late 20's he was in bad car accident and he was in a coma for 3 weeks and rehab and then went home after 3 months. That sent his parents into a frantic mode, which would be a normal response to that ...
A. 9 March 2015: Call me dumb ,but I did not get why you ( or he ) say that " if they call and don't find you in , they may be worried and wonder where you are ". Why ? Do they HAVE to only call the landline ??
Hasn't your fiance' got a CELL phone, like ever... (read in full...)
Does my friend think she's better than everyone else?
Q. I have a friend of mine who is very attractive and comes from a family that has a lot of money. She is pretty sarcastic but anyway we were out one night and I introduced her to a group of my other friends and the whole time she was just staring them ...
A. 9 March 2015: She may actually be a SHY person. I have noticed that my son does the staring-and-glaring thing and he is actually a very shy guy.
As for walking into a bar as if it was not the first time... I don't quite understand what you mean, isn't it the ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to feel a little resentful towards my wealthy boyfriend for not helping me out when he can?
Q. I ve met my boyfriend 2 years ago and since then we are a couple. I am a widow with 2 teenage daughters. My husband passed away suddenly at the age of 52 from heart attack 6 years ago. He was 16 years older than me and a love of my life, and we s...
A. 9 March 2015: I just had a flash of intuition... for which I am going to be thrown rocks and rotten tomatoes at :).... but, hear me out please .
Has anybody thought that maybe the reason why this gentleman is committed but uncommitted... in love but drag... (read in full...)
What do I tell my young daughter about her father?
Q. My 2yr old daughter has said to me today wheres daddy after watching all programs that involve a daddy in it, I kinda just brushed it off ?? She's never been in contact with her dad and he doesn't want anything to do with her, my problem is I now...
A. 9 March 2015: At 2 years of age she won't even understand a detailed explanation of hows and whys, so don't bother. I would just tell her what, after all, happens to be nothing more than the factual truth: that not all families include a dad. Some are composed ... (read in full...)
Should a woman pay for drinks? his drinks?
Q. Should a woman pay for drinks? I have been out with this guy 2 times, the first time he paid for drinks the second time he paid for drinks. Both times I offered to pay but he said he would. The third time we went out in a group so he did not offer ...
A. 9 March 2015: I don't find it so shocking. You went out one - on- one the first two dates, he paid it all - textbook. Call it silly or hypocrisy or " bait and switch " but in general the first dates , the man pays- if nothing else to make it clear it's a DATE ... (read in full...)
These ladies are all home owners and take pride in their home- why couldn't they respect mine?
Q. Hi, Something happened recently which annoyed me some what and I would like opinions as to whether I'm being too sensitive or not... 2 weeks ago my work organised for us all to have an evening out- now seeing as I lived closest to the venue whe...
A. 9 March 2015: They are mannerless slobs, what can you do. You are so nice to offer them hospitality, and refreshments too, for their convenience, and they thrash the place ?- yeah, not acceptable if they are over 17.
Which makes me think the only ( sort... (read in full...)
He goes on the attack and puts the blame on me when I raise his cheating. Why does he need to go on these dating sites?
Q. I was wondering if I could get some advice thanks. My husband has a history of cheating on me in the past on internet dating sites and when I discovered this 6 years ago he hurled abuse at me and called me a man-hater and lied and denied and turned ...
A. 9 March 2015: Sort of easy to figure out why he is shifting the blame on you.
- because the best defense is always an attack
- because everybody hates to be caught red handed, in flagrant transgression;it makes them feel vulnerable and foolish
- because... (read in full...)
Our relationship is draining me. How do I know if its worth fighting for?
Q. My very first real relationship, as the previous one was mostly long distance...Its been over one year of me and my boyfriend being together, yet I still feel like I dont know him. We find ourselves in similar fights, but dont seem to really learn ...
A. 9 March 2015: What needs to be changed in you is your willingness to stay in a relationship with a man who can only communicate when he has alcohol in his system, ( ! ) does not want to change or even meet you half way, keeps you on a draining, exhausting ... (read in full...)
How do I get him to contact me and let me know what I did wrong?
Q. I'm 18 and I started talking to this boy on tinder last month (he's 18 too). We added each other on whatsapp and were talked frequently and then met. Afterwards he messaged me saying all these nice things and how perfect I was. We were talking ...
A. 9 March 2015: You did nothing wrong.
It's just... you met him on Tinder !, were you expecting the love of your life from there ? the way you get them is the way you lose them, he may have met other ten,twenty girls on there and found that that he has no time... (read in full...)
Is it wrong for me to feel a little resentful towards my wealthy boyfriend for not helping me out when he can?
Q. I ve met my boyfriend 2 years ago and since then we are a couple. I am a widow with 2 teenage daughters. My husband passed away suddenly at the age of 52 from heart attack 6 years ago. He was 16 years older than me and a love of my life, and we s...
A. 6 March 2015: Ok, I admit my answer is " European " probably , we do have cars ( even too many ! ) but our is not a car based civilization , we can at least contemplate teh possibility of a carless life style.
Based on which- why would your bf would even THIN... (read in full...)
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