A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Ok so I'm confused and upset over my ex and how to treat the situation! I'm only young but I was with my ex for a year and a half and it was a pretty intense and loving relationship, in which we spent a lot of time together. During our relationship I got pretty ill and had 6 months off school, where I lost contact with all of my friends, meaning my boyfriend was all my support making us a whole lot closer! I went away summer 2014 and after having such a rough year ended up cheating on my boyfriend. I regretted my actions straight away and told my boyfriend as soon as I got home but obviously he was so angry and upset that he broke up with me. It's been 7 months since we broke up and we still occasionally go out together and talk quite often but he's told me he's completely over me. The problem is i am still completely in love with him and my ideal situation would be to get back together with him. It sounds stupid but I seriously think me and this boy are meant to be together and he's the only one for me but sure to what I did he doesn't feel like that, although he always tells me how much he cares about me. I don't know what to do? Please help, I'm desperately unhappy!
View related questions:
broke up, get back together, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (11 April 2015):
 I have seen cheating in a few cases where people don't like others seeing them in a weak situation, be it mental illness or drama at home, so an affair with another was to refresh their outlook on life, as an escape or to forge onto a new path when an old boyfriend only reminds you of your pain. If I were you I would look into whether that was the reason for cheating or if you were just curious about what being with another man feels like. I agree with others that if you really loved him you would not have gone through with the cheating. When you only feel in love after you lose your partner and want what you can't have, that's not really love.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 April 2015):
 As you said, you are only young- and you are getting your very first lesson about the fact that every action has consequences, every cause you put in your life has effects.
Of course, everybody makes mistakes, ... but not everybody can get away with their mistakes unpunished.
Your bf is hurt and upset that you cheated on him ; he would be anyway, but what makes it worse is precisely that he was your rock and your support while all other people weren't around, so , he thinks, nice, that's the thank I get for having gone the extra mile.
Not only it is understandable that he feels this way, the problem is that your kind of behaviour can actually make the other person change the way they see you and feel about you.
That's life telling you : next time, THINK before you act on your impulses.
I'd cut contact and move on, - perhaps it's best if you stop clinging to a friendship that's not platonic , but romantic- yet it has minimal chances to become a romance again.
It may feel difficult because you feel like you are soulmates and he's the only one for you- but, if it were true, you would not have been so quick to cheat. If he had really been the only one for you,- you would not have felt any ,even fleeting, interest for another guy.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2015): I think it's time to face the reality that your boyfriend doesn't want you back. You cannot live chained to the hope that he'll change his mind. You'll suffer the whole waiting period.
It's time to teach yourself how to move-on. You have to own the mistake you've made; and you are allowed to forgive yourself. You are only 16, and you made a slip-up. Making mistakes is part of growing-up, and essential to the learning-process of life. Through trial and error, we learn. It's how we gain our tools for survival.
You haven't officially begun your life's journey. That happens when you've completed your education, have become a part of the workaday-world, and fully supporting yourself. No longer needing parental-consent, fully-independent, and legally-responsible for yourself. You set your own goals, and assume most of the fault for the choices you make.
Relationships between people your age are trial-relationships. Practice and fundamental-exercises at forming and maintaining lasting adult-relationships. That is a life-long process, actually. Teen-relationships are programmed by nature to be short in duration. To minimize under-aged pregnancies, and limit codependency. Your brain is still growing and developing. You mature in phases. This allows you more time to gradually reach adulthood (you still deserve playtime); gathering a few real-life experiences under your belt along the way.
You need to date different boys, to gain more experience in dating; and to learn more about personality-types. Then you can choose the matches that are best for you.
It's nice to have a long-term relationship. Unfortunately, at your age, it keeps you too confined in your psychological-development. You become too focused on one boy; and somewhat isolated from making new friends, and sharing your time with others. Socializing in groups is very important at your age. Left up to you, all your time would be spent clinging to a boy. You won't know how to appreciate real independence as a female. You will feel uncomfortable or awkward in groups of people. It's all about being a couple, not an individual. You're too young for that.
Cheating is inevitable; because you're trying to do things you're not mentally-developed enough to handle.
Your curiosity is likely to get the better of you, and your judgement needs more practice at problem-solving and making decisions. I don't waste my time trying to convince young people when they're taking on more than their stage of development is prepared for. Part of the learning process is learning from your own mistakes. Watching you kids mess-up after fair-warning; gives us older-folks the satisfaction of "I-told-you-so's!" You're not likely to listen; but if you're wise, you will. We can't be too smug, we made the same mistakes and worse back in the day. Still do!
Please don't limit yourself to waiting for that boy, my dear. He may intentionally keep you waiting, and stringing you along to punish you. If he says he's done, move on. You should enjoy being young. You have a right to! He's not the last guy on earth; as you determined when you made the mistake of cheating. It was wrong; but you've learned the consequences, and everyone deserves another chance. That chance doesn't have to be given by the person you cheated on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (10 April 2015):
 I think the more time you spend HOPING he will change his mind, the longer you are wasting your time.
IF your relationship was so great, I can't see why you cheated so easily.
My advice? Cut the contact. You keep him around hoping he will change his mind, he keeps you around because he KNOWS you still care, and while he doesn't WANT you, it makes HIM feel good to be wanted.
...............................
|
