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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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How can I rekindle the fire that existed between the two of us?
Q. How do you rekindle the fire? I have been away all summer working in a different state far away from home. I left home on May 24th and will not get back until August 15th. I have been in a long distance relationship since January, but we were only...
A. 21 July 2015: When in doubt do nothing.
Seriously. The more you push and prod and come up with clever schemes- the worse. He cooled off nnoticeably, for whatever reason, and you trying to fan the embers won't come off as loving or caring etc., just as clin... (read in full...)
I don't want to cheat on my husband but don't know how long I can go being unsatisfied
Q. So basically for the past 2 weeks or so I've been extremely horny. Like to the point that I think I might cheat on my husband if given the opportunity. I also gave myself my first orgasm ever last night. I am not being satisfied by my husband at the ...
A. 21 July 2015: Female anon reader : sorry I would not want to sound pedantic or polemic, but I think you are using Maslow's pyramid in too a decontextualized way.
Regardless of the fact that just because Maslow came up with a theory ( in 1954 !, which is e... (read in full...)
Why am I still so jealous and what do I do about it?
Q. Why am I still so jealous? I had a fall out with a girl over a guy not so long ago - she was seeing him, but so was I prior to that too! We made it up again later (as I knew there is no point falling out over a man) but the thing is - it's hard to ...
A. 18 July 2015: OP,probably now you'll think mine is a lame advice, but maybe, if you let it sink in, in time you'll come to see it's sound advice instead.
Own your actions. Live authentically ; don't be ashaned to be true to yourself.
There are so many occasion... (read in full...)
My fantasy of a three-some with my wife is on my mind. And it will not go away. Any advice from those who have tried to have a threesome?
Q. I have a long time fantasy that wants me to see my wife having sex with another guy. I have been reading Q and A's on this forum for a long time. I have read everything that very nice folks here have to say about threesomes not being a good ide...
A. 18 July 2015: I am not going to give you my moral views on the topic but I am going to give you my very practical views, which is :
to make this fantasy come true, you would need your wife's consent and cooperation, which apparently she is not going to give... (read in full...)
Should I go to the funeral of a very dear friend even though I'll feel like an outsider?
Q. Dear Aunts and Uncles, Recently I received the devasting news that a friend of mine has passed away and not only am I grieving for him but it has brought up a lot of sad feelings. I knew my friend for many years (16 years) and he was best frien...
A. 16 July 2015: If you feel like going you should go.
Don't worry about the other people.
I have read somewhere that funerals are the ONLY social occasion where you do not need an invitation to partecipate,in other words you can't ever " crash " a funeral ... (read in full...)
How can I determine and confirm if he just wants sex?
Q. I met a guy online and we talked for a few weeks before having our first date today at a coffee shop. We had a lot in common and he said very sweet things to me, which made me think he liked me. He knew that I was a virgin and that I had never...
A. 16 July 2015: No, OP- that's not a matter of feminism but of using English properly. " Slut " does NOT mean " a woman who has multiple partners ". Take out any English dictionary and you'll see that it means:
a slovenly woman, a slattern, a trollop.
a pro... (read in full...)
Have I messed things up with guy I met online?
Q. Hey guys..... So I met a guy online and I'm totally new to the online dating thing, and not sure If I'm entirely comfortable........ So we went on a couple of dates and things seemed to be going well, he said he liked me and I do really like ...
A. 15 July 2015: OP, it's not us responders who are harsh. It's reality itself. Or the dating world, if you wish - it's a jungle out there :) !
Now, I don't want to make you unduly paranoid , nor I want to imply that all people you meet on dating sites are ... (read in full...)
What can I do? My Boyfriend's obsession with hot girls on Facebook causing problems
Q. So this is more of a rant than a question, but I would love to hear some other peoples' opinions or similar experiences to mine. I'm 25 years old and my 34-year-old boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. I know, it's a young relationsh...
A. 15 July 2015: I am glad that yours is not really a question, because I do not have a real answer for you- just my personal opinion.
Which it happens to be the exact same as Janniepeg's. Curiously I could almost use her exact words.
I don't want to offend a... (read in full...)
Should I make a final attempt to salvage a friendship? Or just let it die a slow death?
Q. Should I make a final attempt to salvage a friendship? Best friend and I had a major falling out several months ago and the friendship just hasn't been the same. She apologized for what happened, and I told her I was going to try to accept that a...
A. 14 July 2015: No, please, don't talk to her AGAIN.
She apologized, you accepted her apologies. That should be the end of it,- also because she made very clear that she does not want to bring up the incident anymore , and if you force her again her wishes to b... (read in full...)
Have I messed things up with guy I met online?
Q. Hey guys..... So I met a guy online and I'm totally new to the online dating thing, and not sure If I'm entirely comfortable........ So we went on a couple of dates and things seemed to be going well, he said he liked me and I do really like ...
A. 14 July 2015: Well, yes, you sort of messed it up. Big time.
Not that you have done anything WRONG , per se. Let's say that you two play by a different set of rules.
Now : I agree that there was no need for him to freak out and to cut you off in such a c... (read in full...)
Is this acceptable? Recently started dating but he wants that fact to remain a secret.
Q. We recently started dating and he told me he wants us to stay a secret. My family knows but he is afraid his conservative dad will be upset with him. I know I need to wait to see if this relationship is going anywhere but is this a red flag? Should ...
A. 14 July 2015: Nope. Not acceptable.
I admit that in this case it may be less of the big red crimson flag it would be in others. When a guy wants to keep you a secret, it's in general because there is another woman ,or more women, who are not supposed to know... (read in full...)
My mother is pushing me away. How can I get her to listen to me and accept things?
Q. Hello everyone, I have been going through a situation for a while now. Basically I met my boyfriend back when I was in high school, we were both 18 and this was when we were friends at the time. When we were in school, he got arrested at th...
A. 3 July 2015: I am sure my answer will disappoint you, but I can see perfectly where your mom is coming from.
She might grasp intellectually the concept of " giving second chances ", and "everybody makes mistakes " and "people can change " etc.etc.... but the ... (read in full...)
I've looked forward all year to going into the ocean but because of recent shark attacks my mother is forbidding it!
Q. This isn't exactly about a romantic relationship,but I'm really hurting and hope you will please help me. It's hurting me a lot. I've got a dilemna. I'm from the coast, and the ocean was always a big part of our lifestyle, and I never had any ...
A. 2 July 2015: I admit that I am the worst person ever to advise you , because I have a totally irrational shark phobia, and I have been known to scout the horizon, looking for that dreadful black fin,... at the swimming pool in my apartment building :). Well, ... (read in full...)
Should I respond or shut it down?
Q. Sheesh this is a long one, sorry! I was with this guy for almost 2 years. While it wasn't the best of relationships (it was rife with cheating and all sorts of lies and disrespect) he was my first pretty much everything and I really really li...
A. 26 June 2015: OP, you win the Softy prize of the year :).
I understand and encourage being easy going and forgiving, and not wasting precious emotional energies into holding grudges over inconsequential stuff that belongs to the past anyway .... but ther... (read in full...)
What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship?
Q. What is the difference between Friends With Benefits and a Long Distance/ Casual Relationship? Call me old fashioned here - but from a woman's point of view - I cannot see how she can get anything from FWB without having some sort of feelings for...
A. 26 June 2015: Define " attracted ". If you mean physical attraction, yeah, that's the idea, -otherwise they'd look for more attractive ( to them ) partners,after the first time.
If you mean a general vague sense of camaraderie, of familiarity, of feeling at e... (read in full...)
How do I get my head around the fact that he's rejected me because I have a child?
Q. My ex and I were together for a year and we've been broken up for 4mos. He came back a month ago wanting a second chance but then changed his mind. He says that he doesn't want to be with me because I have a child. I'm trying my best not to cry w...
A. 23 June 2015: He is not judging and ridiculing you, why do you say that ?! He, quite simply, does not want to date a single mom,and does not want a ready made family. That's his legitimate preference, for whatever reason of his, and does not imply a moral ... (read in full...)
Is it generally normal for a Doctor to ask a patient if the patient is married?
Q. I had a followup with a female doctor/consultant after procedure. Big hospital, see different doctor each time usually, so probably won't see again. This one asked me if I am married, was very friendly and when I left told me how nice it was to know...
A. 22 June 2015: Sorry my PC jumped. Or, you can reply to your doctor that this is ptivate info, or that rather not say etc./ and they will cure anyway at the best of their abilities as per the oath they took, of course.
But most of the times, yes they will... (read in full...)
Is it generally normal for a Doctor to ask a patient if the patient is married?
Q. I had a followup with a female doctor/consultant after procedure. Big hospital, see different doctor each time usually, so probably won't see again. This one asked me if I am married, was very friendly and when I left told me how nice it was to know...
A. 22 June 2015: Yes, it's generally normal. At least, that I remember I had my last 4 GPs asking me about my marital status- and the current one is a woman.
Now, I am a charming lady :)- but I do not think so universally charming that FOUR doctors , incl... (read in full...)
Was it weird and randon that he never normally talks to me and yet at a party he chatted, asked me questions and added me on facebook? Is he interested in friendship or dating?
Q. Hi, So a few months ago, I was on a party and a guy was there, (he's 1 year younger than me). Then a few days later he added me on Facebook and started chatting with me and asking me questions and stuff, he was very nice but I found it weird and ...
A. 22 June 2015: An one year age difference is nothing, not even worth mentioning - I think that your friends are being silly and close minded. Bur, even if it was more... , do you date to please your girlfriends , or to please yourself ?! I understand about ... (read in full...)
How can guys be so insincere? I was dating him for 2 months, but now I find he already has a Gf?
Q. I was dating with this guy from work almost 2 months. He told me yesterday and the day before he likes me and misses me. Today I asked him where he was at last night. He said he was in his gf's crib and that he was horny. I said, ^^^k him and d...
A. 22 June 2015: OP,isn't this the same guy who texted you telling you that he wants to PUMP with you because it feels so good etc.etc.?
Honestly, what explanation do you want, and what did you / do you expect from him ?...
Unluckily ( but luckily for you !, h... (read in full...)
Why is this ex trying to turn friends against me?
Q. Why is an ex trying to turn my friends against me? I had a brief affair with a guy who was a bit of a player - chatting and flirting with women etc. I told him I didn't think I could be part of his life like it is and told one of my friends that ...
A. 22 June 2015: I second " who cares what he thinks ", and I'll also add " who cares if he wins ".
Wins what?- what's the prize ?- you weren't and aren't, at least I hope, in competition with this guy.You simply decided thet he is not the right person for you ... (read in full...)
How do I choose new boundaries when in the process of breaking up with someone?
Q. I feel it may be time for me to break up with my boyfriend, even though I love him, because we're incompatible in finances and maturity. It hurts me to think of doing a cold cut from him, especially since he's my longest relationship. When you...
A. 22 June 2015: You know, I am not sure I understand exactly what you mean. Why would you have to " redefine the boundaries while you are " in the process" of breaking up " ?!.
You would have to redefine the boundaries IF you were in the process of mending, or t... (read in full...)
Our 12 year old son shows no interest in family life and ignores Father's day and Mother's day. How should I approach these issues with him?
Q. I have a 12 year old son. He dosn't show much interest in spending time with the family. His life revolves around computers, video games, and similar devices. We have tried installing firm and strict usage rules, and even downright a "ban" on compu...
A. 22 June 2015: He is 12, for Pete's sake !
Thanks God that you are an easy going, laid back family with a relaxed parenting style...?!- still, you nag a prepubescent 12 y.o. boy into doing mandatory cutesy stuff and officially celebrating his feelings for you ... (read in full...)
Are there men out there willing to use condoms?
Q. I'm having a bit of an issue with birth control and I'm looking for some advice. I have tried so many types of birth control over the years: the injection; the implant and 4 different types of pill, and each of them have played havoc with my ...
A. 19 June 2015: I hope I won't make you any sadder- I just want to help you make sense of something that feels unjust and irrational to you ( the fact that some men- but not all !- would rather have no sex, ergo no YOU , rather than have sex with condoms within a ... (read in full...)
What can I do about guys at work who are bullying me and treating me differently?
Q. Im a black woman who is not mixed. I have an online job and white guys are bulllying me. They know what I look like and they refuse to answer questions directly from me instead they relegate a woman to do this task. Sometimes during n...
A. 19 June 2015: Quite frankly,... it depends which OP you are.
If you are a new OP, then I think that collecting several examples of snubs/ harassment , submitting them to your HR department, or directly to your boss, and let them handle it, is a good , sens... (read in full...)
Is it weird to track your BF/GF's whereabouts on Find My Friends App on iPhone?
Q. What does everybody think of tracking your boyfriend or girlfriend's whereabouts on the Find My Friends App on iPhone? Where you use GPS to know exactly where they are on a map (or where their phone is) at any given time throughout the day... unless ...
A. 18 June 2015: Because he is not trying to be transparent. He is only tryng to appease you, to calm you down, to have some respite from your jealousy. So, he offers you the token gesture of making himself traceable, a gesture that gives you the illusion of ... (read in full...)
Are these really relationship red flags, or am I making a big deal out of nothing?
Q. My gut instinct is telling me this relationship is already flawed but I am inexperienced in dating. This man and I are in our mid 40's. I was married for 15 years ( no kids) and he has never been married. His longest relationship was 5 years. ...
A. 17 June 2015: OP, it's not that you have to get this bf, or a bf in general, by doctor's order , right ?
Only if you like what the guy is , says and does- and only if you think you are compatible.
You have pointed out 14 things you don't like about him. FOU... (read in full...)
The "Metrosexual" Guys I Find Physically Attractive Always Seem To Be Shallower Than I'd Hoped?
Q. I have a specific type in guys and I don't think this is wrong (geeky looking, glasses, skinny, short, well dressed, metrosexual ish). I tend to be very attracted to guys I see who look like that though they are quite rare where I live. However, ...
A. 17 June 2015: Let me begin with saying that you and I must have two very different definitions of " pretty boys ",lol... I can't say that I'd call a skinny short bespectacled guy
" pretty "... but hey do not mind me and do no take offense, OP :). There's no a... (read in full...)
Why was my wife so good to her cheating ex partners but I have to beg for sex?
Q. My wife and I are very happily married. However, in the past she was involved in very emotionally abusive relationships in the past where she put up with a lot of cheating and verbal abuse. She told me that she always tried to give more of herself ...
A. 17 June 2015: I think you got the answer to your question loud and clear already, only... you weren't listening.
1) She was so compliant and adventurous with her previous " bad " partners because she thought that sex was a way, maybe the only way, to KEEP them... (read in full...)
Is it weird to see if they would be interested in a date, after all these years?
Q. So i have a question for all you women. If you accidentally run across an old acquaintance after nearly 10 years (who you really didn't talk to very much) is it weird to see if they would be interested in a date? This person was coincidental...
A. 17 June 2015: Tbh, yes, I'd find it a little strange, after 10 years. But strange- in a good way, so to speak; even if I wasn't interested, I would find it flattering.So go for it, what's the worst that can happen ? that she says no thanks ? ... Life will go ... (read in full...)
Is it weird to track your BF/GF's whereabouts on Find My Friends App on iPhone?
Q. What does everybody think of tracking your boyfriend or girlfriend's whereabouts on the Find My Friends App on iPhone? Where you use GPS to know exactly where they are on a map (or where their phone is) at any given time throughout the day... unless ...
A. 16 June 2015: Well, since you ask, yes, it's weird, very weird.
And ineffective two. For two reasons :
1 ) location does not prove loyalty. Even if he is where he is supposed to be, so what. If he is at work , he could be cheating with a colleague. If he's at ... (read in full...)
Help me get a second chance!
Q. My gf and I were together for over 6 years, and although we had our problems we were happy. I'm 2 years younger than her (29/31), so for that reason she was always asking me for more commitment. I asked her to move in but that wasn't enough ap...
A. 15 June 2015: ..Or maybe you are the one who does not want to listen. She spoke her mind very clearly- she said you rwo do not want the same thing. You dismiss that, affirming that instead you do .
I may believe that you are in good faith, but you are emot... (read in full...)
I was clear that I would only move if we got married ...
Q. Hi, my name is rebecca, Age 40 and from the USA. last July i moved to Sweden to be with my bf, 38 who is from Sweden. I have been in sweden for 1 year now and sadly he hasnt asked me to marry him yet. It was something i was very very clear with ...
A. 15 June 2015: Pardon me, but if you did not want to move abroad just to play house- then why did you do precisely that ?
If a formal committment is so important to you ( and I am not saying it shouldn't be ! particularly in a case like yours where you left behi... (read in full...)
Am I being too harsh getting annoyed with my fiancé's bed-wetting and his behaviour when he is very drunk?
Q. Am I just being over sensitive? My fiance and I do not go out very often, mainly due to finances, but he does get to go out more often than I do. I don't mind this as I am a bit more of a 'home' person. However there is something about his beha...
A. 14 June 2015: Eewww.EEEEWWWW! Super gross ! And extreme, I'd say.
When I was 20something I lived 6 months in a Dublin blue collar neighborhood, with a family whose alcohool intake on a weekend night was probably equivalent to the alcohol intake of my whole neig... (read in full...)
I slapped him, he slapped me back, what should I do?
Q. I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend *lets call him Tyler) for 3 years. He proposed to me last month but since then we just seem to argue. He purposefully does and says thing to get reactions and when i snap he goes in a really childish ...
A. 14 June 2015: I have mixed feelings about him slapping
you back. On one hand , I am just horrified ; he gets no free passes to act like a troglodite because of his abusive past . If any, his abusive past should have taught him to not do unto others etc.... (read in full...)
Should I see him before I leave? And should I text him when I arrive at the destination?
Q. I met with this guy at work and we dated like 4 times. I slept with him after a month.Since we both working in the same airlines, we took an advantage and went on a trip. He became sick on the 2nd day and i took care of him. He appreciated and ...
A. 12 June 2015: Let me begin with something unrelated to your issue, but... may I suggest that both you ( check in agent ) ad he ( gate agent and supervisor ) should STOP texting about your private business during work hours ? Both being jobs of high ... (read in full...)
What to do about bully of a sister in law?
Q. Can't get away from her because she is living with my in laws. She is verbally abusive, aggressive, lies and manipulates. She's a spoilt adult who always gets her way. My in laws never tell her offend always make excuses for her. I don't trust h...
A. 12 June 2015: Now that you have your own place, can't you just get clean whatever it is that you have to clean and get your daughter ( of whom you have legal custody ) back from your in laws ??.
At the end of the day, who cares what the inlaws and SIL do or thin... (read in full...)
He just blows me off and then I don't hear from him for a while. What's his problem?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy lately. I have no clue what we are, at this point I think we are just hook up buddies I don't know. Anyways, every time he would ask to hang out or go out and I say yes he blows me off and I won't hear from him. ...
A. 8 June 2015: He keeps doing it because you allow him. He knows he can do the heck he wants, there will be no consequences, you might at best pout a bit since you are " starting " to get annoyed, rather than being sick and tired and disgusted, but eventually he ... (read in full...)
How can I tell her I'm not going to visit her? Or should I visit her?
Q. My friend that I've known for about 4 years, okay let me add a back story first. She used to do meth, and I hated it I told her it was so stupid to pay money for something coffee can do. I got sucked in I took her to buy that stuff I didn't want ...
A. 8 June 2015: If I were in your position, I'd assume that I have been targeted as an easy mark which will provide generously food drinks cigarettes gas etc.for someone who wants to keep her cash for meth -or for other personal pursuits anyway. My friend ! She ... (read in full...)
Is it reasonable that I feel hurt that he said he was disappointed - or was he just being honest ?
Q. Been seeing a guy for 3 weeks and all was going well. Last night we made out in his car and he asked me to be his gf, I said yes. After a little while he put his hand under my shirt which I wasn't ready for and I started to shake from nerves. H...
A. 8 June 2015: Maybe we are being a bit ingenerous with this guy by necessarily suspecting him of bad intentions.
Of course he could have put it more elegantly, or kept his big trap shut altogether :)-but I do not find what he said particularly sinister.
He... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he'll never feel ready for anything more than dating!
Q. The problem I'm having could be easily summed up as "I want to move in together but he doesen't". I don't know, I love that guy, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I'm afraid he'll never feel ready for anything more than dating. ...
A. 8 June 2015: Or, why do you have to be so "old ":).
I mean, I think it makes perfect sense that moving in with a Gf , after one year of dating, and still in school full time and going for his master's degree , has no special appeal and is no priority for a 23... (read in full...)
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