A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Should I make a final attempt to salvage a friendship?Best friend and I had a major falling out several months ago and the friendship just hasn't been the same. She apologized for what happened, and I told her I was going to try to accept that and move on.Problem is-I just can't seem to move on. We have gotten together several times since then-and those times always seem pretty normal, but I can't help but feel there is an "elephant in the room"I debate on trying to talk to her about it again-but I am not sure what the point would be. The last time I tried to bring my unresolved feelings up-she said "Can we just leave it as I apologized and you accept my apology?" It's been hard because I don't feel like she really was sorry and then I don't really find her making an effort to stay in touch with me.I go back and forth between wanting to resolve (which may not happen even if I bring it up again) and just wanting to be done with her. Right now it feels almost like a "slow death" like she will eventually just kind of fade out of the picture.I don't know what to do! Leave things as is? Talk to her about it again?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 July 2015):
 No, please, don't talk to her AGAIN.
She apologized, you accepted her apologies. That should be the end of it,- also because she made very clear that she does not want to bring up the incident anymore , and if you force her again her wishes to bring it up again, because you feel she did not repent " enough ",- that is not going to cause authomatically more atonement, or more sincerity, from her - just annoyance and aggravation, and maybe another big argument. If you want to finish your friendship with a big, loud " bang " , rather than let it fizzle away , this may be a good method !- otherwise,better let things be as they are now.
I too can't see why you could not agree to disagree about the specific issue you had argued about, and be friends for all the rest.
But , if you really just can't get over the real or perceived slight you received- at this point I think maybe it's better let her fade out of the picture, without any further attempts to strongarm her into having guilty feelings that she does not feel or seeing things under a light she can't see them.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2015): It's about the wedding isn't it?
I still don't think she was wrong to be hurt.
Let it go.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 July 2015):
 She apologized, you ACCEPTED. The wanting to KEEP kicking the "dead horse" is NOT helping either of you. YOU need to ACCEPT to agree to disagree.
YOU are trying to CONVINCE her that YOU were right and she was wrong and eat some more humble pie. And she isn't having it.
So it comes down to this, CAN you accept the apology or not?
If you can't you are up the creek, because she is done with the subject and ... you lied. (you said you accepted the apology when in fact you didn't). And then maybe letting it fade is the better option.
If you can, it's LIKE forgiveness. YOU need to let it go.
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