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Is it generally normal for a Doctor to ask a patient if the patient is married?

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Question - (22 June 2015) 12 Answers - (Newest, 25 June 2015)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I had a followup with a female doctor/consultant after procedure.

Big hospital, see different doctor each time usually, so probably won't see again. This one asked me if I am married, was very friendly and when I left told me how nice it was to know me.

Wondering if doctors ask the marriage question.

On one of the blogs a female suffering from boils was asked by male doctor (twice) if she is married. She said she asked him if marriage affects boils in any way, LOL.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2015):

Yes it's absolutely normal. Part of my job is to review medical records from all over and it's usually part of the social history. If you were female, likely they'd ask about births as well. They note age, gender, race, too.

And some doctors like to be friendly and relatable. My female doctor asks about boyfriends and my work. In fact, she writes it in the record so she can follow up on it in the next visit, just to make small talk.

I'd assume it's nothing, but if you're interested doesn't hurt to ask her out. But switch doctors if she says no! :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015):

Marital Status is part of the Social History part of taking a history. This part also includes how much alcohol you consume, if you take any drugs, how many kids you have, what your sex life is like. Perfectly normal question we've been taught in med school to ask.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2015):

Op here, re your question Tisha, the answer is neither, just interested to hear others opinions. Although if she was interested it would give me an ego boost :-)

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A female reader, Tisha-1 United States +, writes (22 June 2015):

Tisha-1 agony auntAsking about family status and marital history is a routine part of taking a medical history. In the case of an elderly person, for example, it helps the doctor to know if they live alone or have a spouse. Not that you are elderly.

Here's a comprehensive medical history question list from one university I randomly googled that their students would be expected to ask patients: http://medicalassistant.everestcollege.edu/articles/http/how-to-take-a-medical-history

It does include marital status.

So yeah, it's normal. Were you uncomfortable being asked that question or did you wish to take things further with this physician?

Best wishes!

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A female reader, Help from Lisa United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2015):

Help from Lisa agony auntyeah doctors ask this I think to see if there is anyone to care for you genuinely, it's nothing to worry about, it's something they ask everyone

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (22 June 2015):

like I see it agony auntDoctors come with a wide variety of personalities, just like the rest of us. Bedside manner is a skill like any other and as with any skill there are varying levels of proficiency.

Like you I don't see an "assigned" doctor but rather whoever is available, so my experience is a little different each time. I've had doctors who literally don't talk to me except to explain step by step whatever it is they're doing ("now I'm listening to your heart, now I'm listening to your lungs") and doctors who talk up a storm. The last GYN I saw chatted at length about the vacation he'd just taken with his wife and kids overseas WHILE I was half naked on the exam table with my heels in stirrups and a speculum up my lady parts. Needless to say, I had a hard time carrying on my half of the conversation with a straight face. The setting seemed too absurd! I do not doubt, however, that this particular doctor is like that with all his patients and that small talk is his way of trying to put us at ease. It reflects whatever he personally took away from his med school instruction on bedside manner.

It sounds like she was probably trying to make conversation, and I wouldn't read too much into it. Men and women tend to have different interests when it comes to hobbies, sports, and other harmless (i.e. non-political/non-religious) conversation topics, but family is a topic virtually everyone appreciates and relates to and no one is likely to find it inappropriate or offensive. It's a "safe" conversation to start, if you will. Had you answered "yes" she would likely have asked if you had children and how old they were and so on.

Hope this helps. Best wishes!

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (22 June 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt Sorry my PC jumped. Or, you can reply to your doctor that this is ptivate info, or that rather not say etc./ and they will cure anyway at the best of their abilities as per the oath they took, of course.

But most of the times, yes they will ask.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (22 June 2015):

CindyCares agony aunt Yes, it's generally normal. At least, that I remember I had my last 4 GPs asking me about my marital status- and the current one is a woman.

Now, I am a charming lady :)- but I do not think so universally charming that FOUR doctors , including a female one, would all be trying to hit on me.

And, haven't you noticed how, in a doctor's office, the patient information form that you have to fill out also features " Marital Status " _

If you do not want to disclose that kind of info, they won-t force you, and they woll not bay a lid. You can leave the answer box blank on the form, or you can reply to your doctor

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (22 June 2015):

Honeypie agony auntI think it's pretty normal.

IF the patient will be getting meds where she/he can't drive, or it needs to be rubbed on (let's say on the back) - I think it's a perfectly innocent question. Though, he/she could have asked IF the patient have someone at home to help.

Sounds like the doctor was trying to be friendly and doing small chat.

Some doctors have horrible "bedside manner" others are entirely to "friendly" and many are somewhere in between.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (22 June 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntmy marital status is always part of a medical visit.

would you have questioned it if the provider was male?

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (22 June 2015):

There’s no law against asking, you don’t have to answer the question. There can be several reasons why a doctor might ask. One is simply that she was just making conversation and being friendly. It may be a question to identify whether you are sexually active, which may be relevant in certain instances, for example where a procedure may impact on some-one’s ability to have sex for any length of time, or if a diagnosis has implications for a sexual partner. It would be better to ask outright if you’re having sex, but nonetheless it could be an explanation. In any case, they see so many patients that it would either have been a passing friendly remark or a matter of professional interest and I doubt she gave it any more thought after leaving the room, whatever her reasons.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (22 June 2015):

Abella agony auntHi

She might have been making some small talk but I don't think it is generally the norm for doctors to do this.

If you was suddenly overcome with a thunder bolt of love-struck lightening attraction to you then you may be in for some more attention from her in the future.

It seems highly unusual, to me, for a doctor to ask the question. I cannot see the relevance.

Most Doctors are far to busy to indulge in small talk. They generally have a reason for every question they ask

Regards

Abella

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