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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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A friend has a crush on my BF. What needs to be done to discourage her unwelcome attention ?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles, I need some help here regarding a female Friend who has been asking my Boyfriend out. My Boyfriend and I discuss about boundaries with opposite gender friends and we both agree hanging out one on one with the opposite gender ...
A. 19 November 2015: OP, I just answered your previous and identical question a few hours ago. I imagine that , if you reposted the question right after, unluckily you have found the answers you've got, including mine, ineffective or unhelpful, and you want to hear ... (read in full...)
She I forgive her and resume our relationship, which is what she wants?
Q. So I have a issue and I need some help from people with experience. My girlfriend and I of 5 years split up for a few months and she ended up sleeping with someone else during this time. Now she wants to get back together but idk how to handle t...
A. 19 November 2015: You got nothing to forgive. You were broken up , and she got on with her life, as it is expectable ,even healthy,that she would do. For all she knew, you might never be getting together ever again, so what was she supposed to do, stay single ... (read in full...)
Is he interested or just want a hook up? Is he testing me out?
Q. So this guy has been flirting with me during this period. He would give me obvious signs that he's interested. He would sometimes stop flirting or talking for days or a week, then he simply comes back and flirts/talks to me again as if nothing has ...
A. 19 November 2015: I don't think he is being strategic, it's just that... he is not that into you, I guess. He shows interest.... some times. Then he forgets about you, and then he reappers.
So, he is giving you " mixed signals "- which, in my humble yet firm opin... (read in full...)
Was I just another notch on his bedpost?
Q. Hi Okay so I've been friends with this guy for a while, we don't see each other often but have a catch up now and again. I think he's nice looking and have liked him for some time, I wasn't too sure of his feelings about me and neither of us ev...
A. 19 November 2015: Notch in the bedpost ? Yes and not.
Yes, there's quite a possibility that he only wanted an one night stand, or at best an occasional, sexual relationship only. Since before he had not said or done anything to indicate that he was thinking of a rela... (read in full...)
Should I ask her to my place for Thanksgiving?
Q. Would like some advice, I have been seeing someone for about three months, thanksgiving is coming up. She didn't offer, me to come over, that is fine, I got friends, I can go over, to their place, it's just the thought, she didn't ask, she k...
A. 19 November 2015: You have only been dating 3 months . She will probably be spending Thanksgiving with her family and maybe it won't even have crossed her mind to include you in such an intimate famiy occasion at this early stage of your relationship. She knows ... (read in full...)
How does one nicely tell a opposite gender friend you don't want to hang out anymore? Or is there no way to do so?
Q. Hello aunts and uncles, I need some help here regarding a female Friend who has been asking my Boyfriend out. My Boyfriend and I discuss about boundaries with opposite gender friends and we both agree hanging out one on one with the opposite gender ...
A. 19 November 2015: I do not see why your bf could not simply tell this girl the truth : that both he and his partner ( you ) feel it is inappropriate for a person in a committed relationship to hang out one on one with someone of the opposite gender, and that you ... (read in full...)
I'm pale but my genitals aren't.
Q. I apologize as this is quite personal. I am a 21 year old Caucasian female. My vagina lips are very dark, almost black. My anal area is the same but not as bad. I'm not sure why this is going on or how to lighten the area, it's quite emb...
A. 13 November 2015: It is normal.And,if this may cheer you up, it often happens with male genitalia too.Often their penis is quite darker than the skin tone in the rest of their body.... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to have deal breakers in relationships?
Q. My Boyfriend and I have been together for a year. Recently we talked about deal breakers. Both of us agreed cheating is a deal breaker. Then I told him if he ever took drugs at a party it'd be a deal breaker for me. I did not know he used to do ...
A. 10 November 2015: Nice try , boyfriend, but..no cigar. Hehe.
His very transparent intent is to guily-trip you, by specious, wolly argumentations, into accepting and condoning his future use of recreational drugs ( btw, I am a bit surprised too ,though, by the ... (read in full...)
Am I horribly inconsiderate for not being ready when my bf expects me to be?
Q. Hi, we have more problems than this in our relationship and maybe it's doomed but I'd just like to get some outside perspective on this one issue. This has happened two or more times already, two times recently. One early evening he drove an hour to ...
A. 9 November 2015: Since you asked.... yes, it is inconsiderate. Just ask anybody :). Is it " terribly " inconsiderate ? That, I don't know, - to me "terrible " best pertains to deadly car crashes, earthquakes, etc., than to your predicament which surely did not ... (read in full...)
Which issue could derail us? Our age difference? His drinking? Or his use of drugs?
Q. Please help me. I really do not know what to do here and I am desperate for advice. My bf and I have been together for 2 yrs now. We live together. My bf is now 27. Before we got together we discussed at great length the age difference an...
A. 25 October 2015: I don't think this has much to do with his age. It would have if he was 18 or so- some kid going through a
" mandatory ", sort of, exploratory, rebellious phase.
But he is a 27 y.o. grown ass man !, so this is what he is and this is the life... (read in full...)
Can I get this girl to like me more?
Q. I met a girl on an online dating site a few months back. We had a great emotional and intellectual connection and got along great. However, we made the mistake of not meeting quickly enough. So while our connection deepened significantly, we still ...
A. 22 October 2015: Sorry OP but as for me I really think that if she is not feeling it, she is not feeling it.
After all, it's not as if this girl has been capricious and superficial, like, cutting you off after one date because, say, she did not like the shap... (read in full...)
Is she seeing other guys? Hate the uncertainty. Could I have competition?
Q. For the first time ever I feel I might have made a connection with someone I met online, but I can't help but think she's seeing other guys whilst she's texting/chatting with me. I noticed she's registered on multiple dating sites as well. ...
A. 20 October 2015: Aren't you taking this a bit too seriously ? Too intensely ? The acquaintance with this girl is recent- and you haven't even met yet.
I get what you mean, in a way, and yes, I think too that if this girl was in love with you, or very smit... (read in full...)
Why did my ex give up on me? Why does he do things with his fiance that he refused to do with me?
Q. We dated for three years. He went through some tough times and I was always by his side, helping him and never leaving him. We went through a bad patch, argued every day. He said we needed a short break. He said he will always love me and be there...
A. 20 October 2015: He gave up on you way before getting together with the second girl. He gave up on you when he asked for a
" short break " that , once you are out of teenhood, it's just lingo for " it's over by I don't know how to tell you without you going bali... (read in full...)
His ex had big boobs. I have tiny boobs. What chance is there that I can overcome my insecurities over this?
Q. I just don't know how to feel? My BF and I have an on an off again relationship when we first started I wasn't ready to settle down, yet even though at that time he deserved it. He was so sweet and 100% everything I wanted in a man but I was mu...
A. 20 October 2015: Frankly I think you are focusing on the wrong things to be worried about.
Yes he may have a visual preference for large breasts, but obviously that 's not all that matters to him in a woman, in fact it does not matter at all, since he had larg... (read in full...)
Do all men stare at other women? Is it natural?
Q. Hi I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years we are happy we live together and never argue there's just one problem his interest in other women I know all men look but he stares for ages I have told him many times how this upsets me but he ...
A. 17 October 2015: Well said ,You Wish. Even if something it's natural, it does not mean that you can't control it according to the circumstances.
Wanting to blow your nose is natural, you can't have a problem with someone who needs to blow his nose. The problem star... (read in full...)
I broke up with her and have some regrets.
Q. I will try to make this short. I am 28 years old and recently got out of 5 years serious LTR(lived in together for 5 years). Problem is I was never very much in love with her to start with. I deeply cared about her but never felt that attraction ...
A. 17 October 2015: Yes, I think you will go back feeling the same.
If you haven't fallen in love with her in 5 years....It is also true that not all loves are loves at first sight , and you need time to let people "grow " on you, but 5 years is a long time, an... (read in full...)
How do I push my bf to leave his parent's house?
Q. My bf and I have been dating for 3 months now. He is 26 and im 22. We both are very alike, and very much comitted to each other. He even gave me a promise ring. I understand that we are still very new to each other since, we've only been together ...
A. 16 October 2015: 3 months of dates - on weekends only - and you already want to push him out of his parents ' house ? Unmm.. isn't this veryn... pushy ?
Plus, at leasr he has a place , even if not of your complete liking, where he can have you over. You can't even... (read in full...)
Why would he lead me on to think we would have a future together and yet now he's seeing one of my friends? I'm heartbroken
Q. Hey, can someone help me make sense of this? I'm heartbroken. I was meant to meet a guy out travelling really soon. He went out a few months back for a year and I was going to go meet him once I'd saved enough money. We have a lot of history ...
A. 8 October 2015: My advice won't be too mollifying in your current predicament, I suppose you'll have to let time heal your wounds as it always does. But a little crash course in " Looking reality straight in its face and calling things by their name " may speed ... (read in full...)
My mother still wants her adult children to accompany her on ''family'' vacations. What can I do?
Q. Is it normal to go on family vacations every year? My mom has forced my brother and I to go on vacations every year, almost twice a year since we were young. Over the years my Brother has protested against Travelling with the family. On my part, ...
A. 8 October 2015: How common it is , it will also depend from different social codes in diffrrent cultures, I suppose that maybe in Singapore the social and family structure is more conservative ,ergo what you complain about. But in the Western world, yes, I'd say ... (read in full...)
What is this "dirty wet spot" after oral sex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now and every single time he eats me out it leaves this "dirty" wet spot in the area. And I'm wondering when it is. I've never had a problem with hygiene so I know that's not a answer. Someone please help cause ...
A. 8 October 2015: I am a bit stumped with the "dirty" . The wet part is normal, it means that you were aroused and secerned a lot of lubrication. But it's not " dirty ".
Unless, if you have some vaginal infection, producing, say, yellowish or whitish or gray... (read in full...)
Have you helped your adult children financially, like pay for their wedding rings
Q. After the fact and the wedding, my significant other told me that he helped his son pay for his daughter-in-law's engagement ring to the tune of $800.00. It was suppose to be secret and only between him and his son. My significant other is d...
A. 8 October 2015: I think there is no right or wrong, it's simply a matter of different opinions, tastes and habits.
Personally, I don't see what's the big deal. So your SO gave a gift to his son, in the guise of pitching in for the engagement ring. If he can affo... (read in full...)
Do new couples usually have so many fall outs?
Q. Is it normal for a new couple to split up and get back together on a regular basis? My ex can be quite controlling and self centred. He also can have a short fuse from time to time. I notice (from comments on social media and friends etc) tha...
A. 7 October 2015: No, clearly if two people break up 3 times in one year they can't be too compatible and the relationship can't be very fulfilling, so at some point they'll get tired of on and off- and either one or both will decide to stay off.
Even so- what... (read in full...)
My boyfriend lost it when I told him I wanted to look in on my brother as I'd promised my parents!
Q. Am I in the wrong? My parents are away on holiday and my brother has been left home alone (he's just turned 18, can't cook but he can heat up soup and do beans on toast) and my parents have asked if I can go out each day to cook supper and make ...
A. 7 October 2015: If your bf actually called you a b.... over a disagreement, then he is wrong on principle. But if he means that you are over protective and hyperfussy, then he is right.
First, unless he is a special needs kid , I can't believe that an 18 y.o.... (read in full...)
He doesn't want to hurt the feelings of his ex?? Is that a poor excuse to give to the new Gf?
Q. This is the scenario: Guy breaks up with his girlfriend of a few years. They remain friends. They start hanging out and talking on the phone as soon as a few weeks after break up. A few months later, he dates someone new. A new girl he appears ...
A. 6 October 2015: It's not a poor " excuse " in the sense that he may be telling absolutely the truth, just what he thinks and feels , but it's a bad, not acceptable reason !
It means that he KNOWS that his ex would be jealous and have a conniption knowing that... (read in full...)
He stopped texting me. Why? We did break up, recently, but we did keep on texting each other.
Q. He hasn't texted me :( So my ex boyfriend and I recently began talking. We talked great and had basic conversations. Before we broke up we would tell each other "i love you" but since we broke up I don't feel comfortable telling him that again. ...
A. 5 October 2015: It would help to know why you broke up ( over what ) and who dumped whom.
Because what you are doing now is sort of bizarre and pointless and ineffective either way, i.e. whether you can patch up things, or you can't.
It's like you haven't ... (read in full...)
Why do people say a couple is being ''selfish'' if the couple make a conscious decision to have one child only?
Q. Why do people consider you selfish for making the choice to only have one child? My boyfriend and I have thought hard about this. We have decided to have only the one child when we marry. It's a thought out decision. We are both self employed a...
A. 5 October 2015: What " people " say this , and where ?...
They don't say it here ( Italy ), where the natality rate is only 1.3 . This means that there are scores of only children around so it does not elicit any particular comment, either positive or nega... (read in full...)
Question for men: is it really difficult to leave your wife if you've been having an affair? Or am I right - is he just offering me excuses?
Q. I have done the unthinkable for the last 8 years of my life. Please don't hammer me. I have been dating married man. No kids. He's much older than me and at first I was just having fun but it turned into love. He's taken me on many trips an...
A. 5 October 2015: Of course his are excuses ! Even if his wife decides to leave him,- she surely would not be leaving him because he is the perfect husband ! She would be leaving because she could not cope anymore with the heartbreak, the humiliation and just plain ... (read in full...)
My Bf is always checking out other women. Do all men do this, as if they can't help doing it, even if they are in a relationship?
Q. Hi everyone I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have a 10 month old daughter we are happy but lately I have noticed he always wants attention from other women and he is always looking at women if someone walks past he stares at them. I...
A. 4 October 2015: Yes, men look. And women look too. The impulse to look at something visually attractive is normal and natural- again , it's not because you are in a relationship or because you love someone that you also become blind and insensitive to ... (read in full...)
I think my boyfriend is bi, should he have told me?
Q. Somebody told me that they think that my boyfriend is bi and i found from a face book profile saying that he was in to woman and men and now my sister said that he should have told me is she right....
A. 4 October 2015: Maybe. But, since he is in a relationship with you now, he is supposed to be faithful and to approach neither other females nor other males . So I don't quite see what difference does it make for you in practice even if he is bisexual.... (read in full...)
Does breast lump surgery take this long to heal?
Q. Hi, I'm so worried. Had a breast lump surgery 3 weeks ago. It's getting to 4 weeks now and it hasn't healed up yet. Still have steri-strips on it. Though I have been getting regular dressing on it. I feel so uncomfortable . I'm not feeling any pains ...
A. 4 October 2015: Should not you ask that to your doctor , and urgently too if you are worried ? Possibly the one who performed your surgery ?
This is a medical issue. Even if you find a couple of ladies from Dear Cupid telling you " yes it is normal " or " no it i... (read in full...)
He took in homeless people and I'm the bad guy for wanting them out?
Q. Hello all. I really need some advice. Forgive me if this takes too long. My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years and we just recently moved in a one bedroom apartment together August 1st, 2015. Things have been good until this past wee...
A. 2 October 2015: That's one of the weirdest stories I have read on Dear Cupid. Pardon my bluntness, but I think your bf is just- crazy. Loony- bin quality out of his mind. Yeah well I guess you got to know him well in 9 years and if so far he had not given any ... (read in full...)
I thought the date went well but he just wants to be friends?
Q. Just another sad love song So I met this guy, Pete, through mutual friend and then we stayed in touch via social media and texting for maybe a month I was at a town a little while. Good connections, nothing sexual, lots in common. Finally we mee...
A. 2 October 2015: ...But chemistry, I think, is a bit more and a bit different than raw physical attraction.
I mean, you are a very pretty,on shape girl, ... and the mood was mellow and convivial... and he had had a bit too much to drink... of course he enjo... (read in full...)
Found out that my b/f has done drugs
Q. Recently I found out my boyfriend did drugs (ecstasy) before he met me. We have been together for a year and we plan to get married in two years. He told me he did it 7 times over a span of 2 years, of which 4 times was with his ex. The most recent ...
A. 1 October 2015: Ah well.... if he's got the guy to go to for ecstasy- then it's all right then ! Maybe this guy is the President of the British Association of Ecstasy Pushers ; he knows that if he gives your bf some tainted crap which will make your bf have a ... (read in full...)
My son dislikes his sister-in-law and her family and won't go on family vacations with them! How do I handle this?
Q. I have two sons. The oldest is 32 years old and the youngest is 30 years. The oldest, Rob, is married with two kids and my youngest, Justin, is single with no kids. About ten years ago, we all went on a family vacation (My husband and I, m...
A. 1 October 2015: I'd be curious to see how you could "force " a 30 y.o. grown up man to take a trip that he does not want to take .....
Anyway, oh no Gosh, please do not get involved. Did Justin ASK you to say something to his sister in law ? No ? Then , don'... (read in full...)
Confused by one night stand. Was I too harsh on him?
Q. Dear all. Please can you throw some light on this. Thanks. I have recently come out of a long abusive relationship and feel happier than ever. I've been out partying and dating and having a great time. Anyway, last weekend I met a guy I was stro...
A. 30 September 2015: If you are really done with him it's a moot point, but....I think you have missed completely the whole point of his interaction with you, ( or, the interaction of the widest majority of 20something guys with an appreciation for much older women ) ... (read in full...)
Is Using A Dildo If You're A Virgin Safe?
Q. I'm saving it for the right guy. Anyway, I want something "up there" but I'm pretty sure I haven't lost my hymen as I've barely even fingered myself and I feel really tight because I am petite. I can get myself to orgasm without penetration ...
A. 29 September 2015: Of course you can tear your hymen using a dildo, the hymen is not hidden somewhere all the way up, it's just behind your vaginal orifice;and it is thin and fragile . Unless you are born with what is called a " complacent " hymen, a very elastic ... (read in full...)
How am I supposed to continue into the future with someone as spiteful as she has been towards me?
Q. I've been dating this girl on and off for a little over three years and I just recently found out that whilst we weren't together for a short period of time, she had sex with a guy that was clearly my enemy, but she didn't come clean about it until ...
A. 25 September 2015: No, you are not supposed to continue into the future etc.
But not for the reason you quote, her " betrayal ".
Simplu because of the " on and off " thing.
I have never ever seen anything that started and continued " on and off " all of a sud... (read in full...)
How can I learn to really stand up for myself?
Q. I often let people run over me and talk to me any kind of way. Especially ones that are not my family. It's like my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say. It's like my mind runs scared. But I get disrespected to the point to where I want ...
A. 25 September 2015: Actuallu, there are assertivity training classes. Commminicating in a way that's firm, ,clear and powerful without involving conflict, emotional meltdowns or fistfights: ) is a skill and like any other skill some people needs to none it a bit ... (read in full...)
Been divorced for ten years and happy now. But now my emotionally abusive ex wants to come back and live with me since the death of her partner. How do I refuse my ex-wife's request?
Q. I have an ex wife who was continuously unfaithful to me and was abusive, she divorced me about 10 years ago. I have been much happier since our divorce. We have a daughter together who is now 17. She moved in with me about a year ago after confid...
A. 25 September 2015: Your ex 's request is absurd and I hope you haven't ever entertained seriously for a sec the possibility of saying yes ?
Of course you feel bad for her- because you are a human being, and she is too. Heck , I feel bad too for the woman and I have... (read in full...)
I tricked my boyfriend because I wanted to know if I could trust him and he failed!
Q. i made a fake profile to test if i can trust my boyfriend, i added and chat with him and ask if he had a girlfriend and he says yes, but the next day i ask him to meet up at a private place and he agrees. after i confronted him he said he's sorry ...
A. 25 September 2015: No it is not kinda true. At all.
He was not " forced " ar gun point. I suppose that you mean that the trap was very persistent or very convincing in her approach . That just means that he was tempted and he is very weak in front of temp... (read in full...)
Why might a guy take a long time to orgasm?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. This question feels quite weird because I've never really heard it before. I'm used to hearing about men who come too quickly, but not those who take a very very long time. I slept with a new guy for the first time last night. H...
A. 22 September 2015: Probably inveterate wanker. With or without porn.
There's nothing wrong with masturbation of course, but- apparently there is something like : too much of a good thing.
Many young ( or not so young ) men who overindulge, train themselv... (read in full...)
Is she seeing other guys? Hate the uncertainty. Could I have competition?
Q. For the first time ever I feel I might have made a connection with someone I met online, but I can't help but think she's seeing other guys whilst she's texting/chatting with me. I noticed she's registered on multiple dating sites as well. ...
A. 20 September 2015: Of course you have competition ! How could you not have competition ? She is registered on numerous dating sites, so I guess the idea is to get to know several possible candidates and then make her final selection from a number of possibilities. ... (read in full...)
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