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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have a long time fantasy that wants me to see my wife having sex with another guy.I have been reading Q and A's on this forum for a long time. I have read everything that very nice folks here have to say about threesomes not being a good idea, etc. However, I don't seem to be able to let go of this fantasy.Eventually, I worked up the courage and started talking to her about threesomes when we were having sex. I asked her to imagine [some things using only my fingers (mod note: DP was the code used). It drove her crazy with pleasure.Any talk of threesome (during sex only) was a recipe for strongest possible orgasms. The caveat, though, is that I PROMISED her this was all a fantasy and it will NEVER happen in real life. May be that put her at ease to get started.She then agreed to have sex in front of other men or a couple (purely exhibitionist stuff) who could film or photograph our sexual session. Photos/Videos NOT to be shared with anyone else though. I didn't follow through on this one.I even approached a couple through an online type service, who agreed to have sex with own partners in the same room (i.e. no sharing in the begining), and then see where things went. My wife agreed to that too.HOWEVER....I never worked up courage to act on any of it. And then it all stopped when she asked me NOT to talk about threesomes during sex. She said that during sex, we should just talk about ourselves. I obliged.But my secret wish didn't go away. It has been building inside, and now is very strong again.Any advice for me? Any word from experienced couples/singels/men/women who have been through similar experiences like what I have described? One request: please spare me the talk or your view on the morality of this act/fantasy. Please only speak from experience (even if its realy bad and negative). With all due respect, I am not asking for your moral views on the topic of wife sharing. Thanks.
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 July 2015):
 "I PROMISED her this was all a fantasy and it will NEVER happen in real life. May be that put her at ease to get started."
So she was okay when it was all just a fantasy, (grudgingly?) agreed to some activities that you never followed through on, and then decided that threesomes were not for her.
There's a big difference in the morality of a FANTASY and an ACT. Jimmy Carter may have said lusting in your heart is the same as sleeping with someone else, but he didn't actually sleep with anyone, as far as I know.]
In other words, be clear about separating the FANTASY from the REALITY.
The reality at this point in time is that your wife doesn't want to deal with your fantasy about threesomes. She put in some time (and may have enjoyed it) indulging your fantasy but it isn't for her.
I go back to your promise. "I PROMISED her this was all a fantasy and it will NEVER happen in real life. May be that put her at ease to get started." But you are nurturing and keeping alive that fantasy and allowing it to take over your thought process.
Buy some mirrors, a good mask or a wig, and a video camera. Enjoy having sex with your wife with the mask or wig on. Perhaps that will feed the fantasy.
At the end of the day, you may have to decide between your marriage and your fantasy.
So_Very_Confused is an aunt on here and has posted about this topic before. Swinging ruined her marriage. You could message her to ask her opinion on this topic. She's the only one I can think of with actual experience in swinging.
Maybe you can come to terms with it like Jimmy Carter did, and just lust in your mind? Keep it all fantasy? He stayed married, after all.
If you do want to keep your marriage intact, you might consider some counseling to help you cope with intrusive fetish thinking. It couldn't hurt.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2015):
 I am not going to give you my moral views on the topic but I am going to give you my very practical views, which is :
to make this fantasy come true, you would need your wife's consent and cooperation, which apparently she is not going to give.
Of all your submittal , the most- or only- relevant part is when you say :and then it all stopped when she asked me not to talk about threesomes during sex.
She is not into that - if she ever was before.
Whether it might be because she got tired of having her appetite wetted for then never seeing anything coming to frituion- or because this was really YOUR fantasy and she was just humouring you up - or because she is afraid that this fanatsy would be taking over your whole sex life at the expenses of your closeness and intimacy as a acouple ...anyway she has cooled down toward the threesome scenario. To the point that she does not even want to hear about it !- so, I imagine even less she'd want to act it out.
Therefore , at this point,- either you ditch the fantasy ( or, to be precise, the HOPE to see it come alive , because in your mind you can fantasize all you want ). Or you ditch the wife.
Sorry, but- what alternatives could you possibly have, ?
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