A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:We recently started dating and he told me he wants us to stay a secret. My family knows but he is afraid his conservative dad will be upset with him. I know I need to wait to see if this relationship is going anywhere but is this a red flag? Should I not be with this guy? I really like him but if he doesnt want to tell his family. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (15 July 2015):
 If he is not keeping it a secret because he already has a GF or is cheating (or racial issue) then why ruin a good thing if you like him. If his father is strict maybe your guy will bring you out only when things turn very serious between you and him, but that's down the line. Conservative people don't like risks and your relationship is in the young, fragile stage.
As an aside, my GF and me never met each other's parents until marriage announcement, yet everybody knew of us. So the word gets around one way or another.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 July 2015):
 Nope. Not acceptable.
I admit that in this case it may be less of the big red crimson flag it would be in others. When a guy wants to keep you a secret, it's in general because there is another woman ,or more women, who are not supposed to know about you. Or, because he is ashamed of you and he would not want to be caught dead going out with you, yet he still wants to get laid.
This time, it 's just a young kid with a strict father who maybe would give him a hard time and would make his life more complicated once he knew that said kid has disobeyed and started dating. He just wants to make things easier for himself.
Yet, that's HIS problem , not yours !
So he has a strict, overbearing father that could cramp his style in dating ? Well, then the correct M.O. would be to try and reason with Father and convince him to change his tune. Or, if this is unattainable, ...to follow dad's rules and forget about dating.
Instead, this guy wants to keep his cake and eat it too; he wants the Gf experience,- only you can't have the official title and have to resign himself to the umcomfortable, humiliating position of dirty little secret.
Not cool, in my modest opinion.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2015):
 For me, this would not be acceptable. Sorry, I would not want to be ANY man's dirty little secret.
If he isn't allowed to date, well then he isn't allowed to date.... hiding the relationship makes him shady.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2015):
 Is son the same age as you?
Is father paying the bills?
how long have you been together?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHis father wants him to focus on college and getting a job. He feels that having a girl will distract his son.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2015):
why would his conservative dad be upset about you? or is he not permitted to date?
how long has it been and what is he afraid of?
see a lot depends.
6 weeks of dating is different than 6 months
if it's been a long time and the man is professing his undying love for you and wanting to spend the rest of his life with you but you can't meet his family... RUN Forest Run.... but if it's "hey we are figuring out if this works, once we know I'll deal with my family" that's a different story.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2015):
Well, it depends how long it's a secret. If you two are still in the "initial stage" of getting to know each other, I don't see it as a red flag..
BUT if you have been dating a while? Yes, red flag.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2015): You don't say why he wants to keep it a secret. Different social class, different religion, different race, younger, older?? Either way, his hiding you like a nasty little secret will get old and you may get resentful. It already is a red flag that he can't be proud of you.
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