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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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My ex's wife doesn't want me to attend his service
Q. I was engaged briefly to a man about 4 years ago but prior to that we were very close friends since high school. I loved him dearly. Unfortunately he passed away last week and I was only notified yesterday. I had lost touch with him when he got ...
A. 31 August 2015: OP, by now I think you are just holding your ground out of ( misguided ) pride. Either that, or you live in a parallel society in a parallel universe where EX girlfriends are on par with legally wedded wives, and said ex girlfriend 's plans ... (read in full...)
My ex's wife doesn't want me to attend his service
Q. I was engaged briefly to a man about 4 years ago but prior to that we were very close friends since high school. I loved him dearly. Unfortunately he passed away last week and I was only notified yesterday. I had lost touch with him when he got ...
A. 30 August 2015: Hey OP this is his WIFE ! - now his widow ,actually -this isn't such an irrelevanr derail as you make it; what she wants, counts. Same as, when the man was alive, it would not have even crossed your mind to show up on his doorstep and demand ... (read in full...)
Is there ever a right time to give someone a piece of your mind?
Q. Help. My friend who I thought was a friend was making a play for my man all along. We split up and he blocked me and then chose her instead of me, but mainly because she was stirring things up between us with lies and my ex chose to believe her ...
A. 29 August 2015: If you've got a bit of pride, it's never a good time. At least in a case like yours.
What would you accomplish with your home truths. Would she repent, apologize and give your ex back ? I doubt it.
All that could happen is that she could se... (read in full...)
I made a comment to him that has come back to bite me in the butt and now I'm confused about everything
Q. Hi all, Here is my situation. I was starting to see this guy, who was chasing me for about a month before I gave in to hanging out, which is unlike me because when I feel as though I have chemistry with someone, I tend to jump right in. Hones...
A. 29 August 2015: Sorry but...3rd vote for yes, you messed up. Hopefully not in a major, deal breaking way ; I guess this can be fixed when he comes home. If he resurfaces ( or if you decide to call him first ) once he's back, you can play it by ear, and see if ... (read in full...)
Did I overreact even though he lied to me?
Q. Dear cupids, I posted a story http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-really-dont-want-to-be-the-victim.html. I want to continue from where I stopped but before that let's just say my healing process has been slow but I am better now. The main point ...
A. 29 August 2015: I would not overthink this, if I were you. Isn't this the same guy who snatched 35 dollars off your wallet right under your nose- and it took quite some doing to have the money back ??
So yeah, although I tend to concur with your sister, (for... (read in full...)
I have growing frustration over the ladies my best friend has chosen to be her bridesmaids
Q. I'll aim to condense this down (hopefully i'll manage) my best friend is getting married in December and i'm her maid of honour - couldn't be more excited! but... she has made some random choices for remaining 3 bridesmaids - I think. I know ...
A. 24 August 2015: If you are annoyed you are annoyed, and I don't think there's any authority , not even Dear Cupid :), which can allow you or forbid you feeling annoyed.
If we want to reflect a bit about the rationality of feeling annoyed, then we can do that... (read in full...)
I want to confront my ex friend about her lack of respect in our relationship but wonder if I should just let things go?
Q. I was friends with a girl for many years, even when we went apart to go to different colleges across the country. During this time, she got a boyfriend who lived in our home-town, she returned from college and they became very close. During t...
A. 24 August 2015: Enraged ? Enraged is a heavy word, I wonder why this bothers you so much.
You are disappointed that she chose to let go of your friendship, but these things happen, all the time. Not every friend you make will be a friend for life, at some poin... (read in full...)
Am I just too jaded and expecting too much of a my boyfriend?
Q. So is it me and my large amount of bitterness and cynicism? Here are the facts, and please lemme know your ace value opinion. My bf and i have been dating for 2.5 years. As of last month I told him I didn't wanna be w/ him anymore in an em...
A. 24 August 2015: I think you answered your own questions : you have chosen a somewhat ( personally, I'd make it "VERY" ) shitty middle.
Either you can put up with his shortcomings, or you can't- and if you can't, terminate both the relationship and the coha... (read in full...)
When he's had a few drinks he divulges far too much about our relationship to others. How do I respond to this disrespect?
Q. Hi so I've been kinda "seeing" this man for a few months now, his a lot older than me, we are both single may I add, and at first it was just a friendship thing, we enjoyed each others company I'm not looking for a relationship. Then one night to...
A. 21 August 2015: I have to disagree with Rebecca c,I think that regardless of your unofficial status you'd have ANY right to call him out on his loutish behaviour and ask him to stop. The problem is that a guy like this would not listen at all, so yeah , basically ... (read in full...)
Should I speak up for myself or stay silent?
Q. Hi - I was on earlier about a friend in the next town who had deceived and lied to me over a man we both liked and was seeing. She is dating him now and has done some pretty mean things to me, on the sly, which I have only recently discovered ...
A. 21 August 2015: No,let it go. Definitely and completely. Whatever happened happened lready, theer 's no undoing it, and there's no point in bringing it up again, no positive change, nothing to earn. Maybe you think that if you could vent your anger and ir elicit ... (read in full...)
I am happy dating the wrong person
Q. I recently started seeing a guy who is quite my type physically but in other aspects no. Even as much as he has shown me his bad sides which include taking my money and not returning it. Telling me we must have sex or he can't see me. I still like ...
A. 21 August 2015: OP,...seriously ?... There's not much that can surprise me by now, both in life and on DC, but,frankly, when I read your post I just wondered if maybe where you live there's a summer heat wave that has been impairing your judgement. Brains do ... (read in full...)
Should I get breast implants because my boyfriend wants me to?
Q. My boyfriend wants me to get breast implants, and I don't know how I feel about it. I am naturally very flat chested, an A cup. I've never really liked having small breasts but as I've gotten older I've learned to accept it. My boyfriend wa...
A. 21 August 2015: Tell him that you'll get breast implants IF he goes for penis enhancement surgery. If you book your surgeries together, they may even give you a discount :).... (read in full...)
Could she be sleeping with other men, or intending to do so?
Q. My long term friend with benefits recently told me that she needed some space, and she was emphatic that I respect her wishes. Here's the confusing part: we still have sex a couple of times a month, and when I do leave her alone she will reach out ...
A. 17 August 2015: OP, I am pretty sure, 90% sure, that you are a gentleman who posted about this a few days ago, and in that post you give us an information which this time you omitted , but which is relevant and sheds some light, IMO, on what's going on, i.e. ... (read in full...)
A question about spenders, why does he expect me to fund him?
Q. Why cant my boyfriend understand that every time he spends his money that he cant account for and comes back picking for a fight when i have little cash of my own to spare, that this creates a problem for me. I am not well off and probably have less ...
A. 17 August 2015: I think he understands it perfectly !, he just does not give a damn about it. It's not lack of understanding, it's lack of concern.
Between you having to go without, and him having to go without, he has no doubt what's the better solution. ... (read in full...)
Should I go ahead or should I remain a virgin?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex ...
A. 17 August 2015: Erm.... you do not have to wait until 40 to have sex of course !, but just for the record,.. yes you are confused- and misinformed. In general sex is way moooore enjoyable, unhinibited, intense and HOT at 40 than at 25,ask anybody . It may ... (read in full...)
Is it worth me hanging on in there as his friend and waiting for when he's ready?
Q. I have met a lovely man who is currently going through a divorce after a very long marriage. I have been divorced for 10 years and have been single for most of that time. We're both in our early 60s. Over the past two months we've been seen ...
A. 17 August 2015: No, don't wait.
If you can enjoy his companionship for what it is, no emotional strings attached, no getting yourself into it too deep, then sure, appreciate your new friend and his attentions and the good time you are having together.
But if ... (read in full...)
Should I go ahead or should I remain a virgin?
Q. Hello agony aunts. I just came out of a 1 year relationship and honestly isn't looking for a rebound. I met an attractive and likeable guy after. I like him, he claims to like me, I don't care. The thing is I am a virgin and never had sex with my ex ...
A. 17 August 2015: What's the rush ? Is there a time limit, an expiration date ? Why can't you wait to lose your virginity to someone who is NOT a loser , and that in your mind fully deserves to be your first lover ?... (read in full...)
Are her values too at variance with mine for me to consider an ''official'' relationship?
Q. Hey, been courting/dating a girl for 4 months. Nothing to full on but we do have a sexual relationship, looks like things are on the way to being a "official" relationship. Just found out she had a one night stand before we met. (I'm not judging ...
A. 17 August 2015: Where's the variance ?....
Unless you are specifically against ONS, and not against casual sex in gneral, in which case you'd have a point I guess.
But you say that you have a problem with all casual sex- in theory. In practice, you ARE engaging... (read in full...)
Why do women do this? why allude that we have a future and then jump ship in the middle of the ocean?
Q. I've been trying to date a friend of mine for a few months. She said she didn't want a relationship. And I never forced her hand. So for months you don't want a relationship, but you were cool with us talking all night on the phone, video chatting...
A. 17 August 2015: I strongly doubt you can be " friends " while you still have romantic/ erotic longings for her. You may like her as a person, but I bet you still like her as a FEMALE ,attractive person, not the same way you'd " like " an intellectually compatible ... (read in full...)
It hurts that he doesn't want to marry me!
Q. My b/f and I have been together for 15 months. I am 42 he is 47, both of us have been married before. I have a 3 yr old and an 8 yr old, all of his kids are older due to him and his first wife adopting older kids. Within the first 2 months h...
A. 6 August 2015: So, your Bf thought he'd want to get married again but then changed his mind, and you do not know why. The reason you made up in your mind, is that he thinks you are good enough to mess with but not good enough to marry- and while this is a ... (read in full...)
Will her ex know it's her despite a fake profile and different contact details? Should she do it?
Q. Has anyone ever used another phone or fake profile to contact an ex to get a message to them? My friend is in a bad way because of the way her ex treated her - firstly two timing her and then dumping her and cutting off all contact. He has been a j...
A. 5 August 2015: Yes, he, unless he's got other 20 spurned lovers , will guess that the message came from your friend,-he will shrug it off and will say " Whatever; hell hath no fury like a woman scorned ".
He won't think that she is a certified psycho, but he w... (read in full...)
Why do women do this? why allude that we have a future and then jump ship in the middle of the ocean?
Q. I've been trying to date a friend of mine for a few months. She said she didn't want a relationship. And I never forced her hand. So for months you don't want a relationship, but you were cool with us talking all night on the phone, video chatting...
A. 5 August 2015: She did not want a relationship WITH YOU.
That's a well known " secret " , for males and females alike !, for everybody - that when someone says " I don't want a relatiosnhip " it's only shorthand for " I don't want one with you . Sorry OP, ... (read in full...)
My affair partner is moving on and "dating"!
Q. [Moderator note: a little more background, YOUR background would be helpful. How long have you been married? Are there children involved? How long has this been going on? Do you know for certain she's been on dating sites or is it just a strong ...
A. 5 August 2015: She has given you mixed signals because she, like zillions of people, males and females alike, does not like to work without a net, and won't let go of the old relationship, albeit stale and unfulfilling, before they have firmly secured for ... (read in full...)
Online dating - why do women never reply to email?
Q. I admit I've tried online dating because it's convenient and saves a lot of time and creates a certain comfort level for people because a person can always choose not to respond and feel no pressure. My problem is nobody responds. When I send a ...
A. 3 August 2015: OP, you are absolutely right on principle, a bit less in practice.
I think it's just... numbers. There are more men looking than women.
I remember my first foray on a dating site some years ago. To be honest ,I was not exactly looking very bad... (read in full...)
Should I worry about my kinky fantasies that I give in to once a month?
Q. This is something that's embarrassing the heck out of me,and I cannot share it with anyone. Its bizarre. The thing is,every time of the month I get super-horny during my ovulation period (women would know what I'm talking about), I get very kinky...
A. 3 August 2015: That's why they are fantasies and not " facts " or
" events " - because they are weird :). Otherwise , if everything that turns people on was normal, feasible, simple, realistic and easily attainable.... well, then people would just go out and ... (read in full...)
He's seeing someone else. But also wants to see me. What's my best response to this?
Q. I have been good friends with a guy for a number of years and about a year ago we both found out that we were attracted to each other. We became fwb as neither of us were in a position to have a relationship, even though I really would have like...
A. 3 August 2015: Your best response is to get yourself out pronto from the mess you ended up into .
Big initial mistake, accepting an FWB when what you really wanted was totally something else. FWB only work for people who just want casual fun , without any exp... (read in full...)
We have a special connection but neither of us dares to take the next step
Q. So.. this is not the first time I've had things to think about and been confused about this okay. We met in middle school and I've liked him ever since on and off. He has liked me too.. We were friends but not that close in school. When we got older ...
A. 3 August 2015: I admit that I am biased against special connections that take years to develop and nothing ever happens.As a matter of fact , from an outsider 's point of view, what we can get from your post is that YOU feel a special connection, he, uhm... we ... (read in full...)
Am I chasing a dead end relationship?
Q. Will a relationship come out of my chase? I dated a guy for a year and a half. Everything was perfect until one day my jealously became violent when he left me at his house to go pick up his children from his baby moma's place. After some tim...
A. 3 August 2015: I am afraid so. IMO, anyway, you should not "chase " him no matter what. Personally I do not believe in hard -fought-for love, I think if it is love - it should flow easily, naturally and spontaneously. If you browbeat or trick someone into being ... (read in full...)
The guy is all over the place and I can't figure out what he wants
Q. Hi, I'm just looking for a little advice. I've been dating this guy. Not long. 3 weeks but in those 3 weeks we had in excess of 10 dates. It was going well. Then one night I was staying at his and we got a little closer than we had previously (...
A. 3 August 2015: OP, it did not take him " all that time " . It only took him less than 3 weeks !! When it comes to unrequited love and emotional turmoil, it's not all neat and clear cut as, say, hemming a pair of trousers , where you can see immediately if one leg ... (read in full...)
The guy is all over the place and I can't figure out what he wants
Q. Hi, I'm just looking for a little advice. I've been dating this guy. Not long. 3 weeks but in those 3 weeks we had in excess of 10 dates. It was going well. Then one night I was staying at his and we got a little closer than we had previously (...
A. 2 August 2015: I disagree, it's not very confusing. IMO, it's rather typical !
The guy is still carrying a big,BIG torch for his ex. Then again, the break up was recent, not even 3 full months ago.
He has TRIED to do his homework and do it right (not getting ... (read in full...)
Worried I'll disappoint him. How can I explain to him that I'm not very experiened? That laziness during lovemaking is not the issue.
Q. So I have this guy that I have been seeing for a few months now! Its not a LDR but we do live almost two hours from each other and with work commitments and other things we have only seen each other three times but we talk every single day! W...
A. 2 August 2015: You must be much sweeter-tempered than I am - nor that it takes a lot for that, probably :)- because my attitude would be quite different. I could not take his comment so good - naturedly , because 1 ) what, pot calling kettle back ? He must be ... (read in full...)
We were taking it slow and then there was a complete 180, what do I do now?
Q. About 2 years ago a friend of mine showed me the instagram of a friend. She commented on a picture of us together and inquired who I was. I could tell from her pictures that she was gorgeous and outgoing. Real life of the party type of girl. Well...
A. 2 August 2015: Have you thought that maybe she understands perfectly why you'd feel this way- she just does not particularly care ? It is quite possible that she is / was in this for HERSELF, her narcisistic supply, her ego strokes, the pleasant and reassuring ... (read in full...)
Can a man live without sex in a marriage?
Q. Can a married man in his mid 40's stay happily married if his wife doesn't want sex anymore? And I'm talking years now? Can a man live without sex in a marriage? ...
A. 30 July 2015: As for staying married, yes they can , and they do. Sexless marriages aren't that rare , and even more frequent those marriages where sex still happens in some rare occasions,maybe 2 or 3 times a year- out of habit and a sense of obligation.
I... (read in full...)
We were taking it slow and then there was a complete 180, what do I do now?
Q. About 2 years ago a friend of mine showed me the instagram of a friend. She commented on a picture of us together and inquired who I was. I could tell from her pictures that she was gorgeous and outgoing. Real life of the party type of girl. Well...
A. 30 July 2015: Sigh..this will sound a bit cynical, but here we go :what do you expect, dear OP ? You called this upon yourself. This comes from not following a simple rule : mean what you say and say what you mean.
Think about it, how you have served her on a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend claims he is still on a dating app just to make friends?
Q. So I've been seeing this guy and we have met loads of times, been on plenty of dates, ive met his family and stayed at his and are now dating for about two months and ive noticed hes still on the dating app... which i find insulting.. but he says ...
A. 23 July 2015: But there are lots of sites for just making friends , if he wants platonic friends why is he on a DATING site ? ... (read in full...)
Do I leave or stay? We keep almost breaking up, then seconds later we miss each other
Q. My boyfriend started to like someone else and he told me and I've been so hurt and the question is so we stay together? But there's more... We keep almost breaking up then seconds later we tell each other we miss each other. He loves me and he's sto...
A. 22 July 2015: I noticed too that you posted the same question yesterday;you got 3 answers which all sounded pretty sensible to me,.. but perhaps you aren't satisfied because, as some times posters do, you want someone to just decide for you ? So that you don't ... (read in full...)
Double date with parents! What affection is appropriate?
Q. Hi! I know I ask a lot of questions but I really like having outside opinions from people other than my peers. So anyway here's my situation. So Saturday I am going on "a double date" with my parents. My boyfriend and I and then my parents will ...
A. 22 July 2015: Personally as a parent I would be Ok with the displays of affection you have mentioned, in fact I'd probably found you two lovebirds cute and endearing.
I don't think that, unless your parents are particularly conservative because of reli... (read in full...)
Why are so many men so shallow and judgmental?
Q. I have many female friends who are happy with their boyfriends of all shapes and sizes and seem to be totally disinterested in looking at men on the street let alone naked in porn. It is very rare I hear a female friend make a negative remark about ...
A. 22 July 2015: Well, OP, I am sure my answer is not what you are looking for, because obviously you have very firm ideas about this issue and your mind is already made up . But, for what is worth, I just want to throw in a couple of comments...
- I think you are ... (read in full...)
My relationship is making me feel unconscious, mentally foggy, and extremely unhappy
Q. I think my relationship is making me feel unconscious, mentally foggy, and unhappy and just out right not myself anymore. I have been with my partner for 2.5 years and things were great in the beginning. I thought we had the same vision in l...
A. 21 July 2015: Hey, you just GAVE him another chance , and he just blew it !
Or, he meant that his new course in life and reformed behaviour was going to start from when you move ??
Why ? Will it be the air in the new place that will make him good, the qual... (read in full...)
Are there no gentlemen left? ? My dating has left me not interested in sex, though I have had sex
Q. I'm 20 and I've got this problem with boyfriends. I only had four of them when I was in HS. "Matthew" was a relative of a friend and he was nice, but he annoyed me because he would just show up at my house without calling first or else he would...
A. 21 July 2015: Poor kids :). I agree that maybe true gentlemen are hard to come by, then again WHY young men your age should NOT want sex ??!
Sex is normal and natural, you can't blast people for wanting it and having it in mind. Nowadays it is assumed, that... (read in full...)
I do want him back. We can't seem to break free of each other. What can I do now that it's become a friends with benefits situation?
Q. I'm in love with my ex. We talk several times a week, hook up regularly and have done for more than a year- basically since we broke up. He's cold and distant and at times when we meet up I feel unwanted and like i've become a "friends...
A. 21 July 2015: I agree with SVC.
You should get out of this mess before you get the emotional bruising you have been cruisisng for.
So he's indignant and hurt when you try to break free, h ?
Sorry, Op, last thing I want is to mock you, but... I could not he... (read in full...)
How can I rekindle the fire that existed between the two of us?
Q. How do you rekindle the fire? I have been away all summer working in a different state far away from home. I left home on May 24th and will not get back until August 15th. I have been in a long distance relationship since January, but we were only...
A. 21 July 2015: When in doubt do nothing.
Seriously. The more you push and prod and come up with clever schemes- the worse. He cooled off nnoticeably, for whatever reason, and you trying to fan the embers won't come off as loving or caring etc., just as clin... (read in full...)
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