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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Is she seeing other guys? Hate the uncertainty. Could I have competition?
Q. For the first time ever I feel I might have made a connection with someone I met online, but I can't help but think she's seeing other guys whilst she's texting/chatting with me. I noticed she's registered on multiple dating sites as well. ...
A. 20 October 2015: Aren't you taking this a bit too seriously ? Too intensely ? The acquaintance with this girl is recent- and you haven't even met yet.
I get what you mean, in a way, and yes, I think too that if this girl was in love with you, or very smit... (read in full...)
Why might a guy take a long time to orgasm?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. This question feels quite weird because I've never really heard it before. I'm used to hearing about men who come too quickly, but not those who take a very very long time. I slept with a new guy for the first time last night. H...
A. 22 September 2015: Probably inveterate wanker. With or without porn.
There's nothing wrong with masturbation of course, but- apparently there is something like : too much of a good thing.
Many young ( or not so young ) men who overindulge, train themselv... (read in full...)
When did dating become so confusing? Do I cut him off or give him a chance?
Q. I have known this man for 2 yrs, we were friends first. We dating a bit last year and were physical when were seeing each other. All was going well and then he disappeared on me. We kept in touch but it looked like he was dating other peop...
A. 22 September 2015: I would not waste any more time on him. If you want an exclusive relationship, he is not the one you can have it with.
This situation sounds confusing to you only because you are very invested emotionally- from the outside it's rather clear cut ... (read in full...)
I don't know what this guy is thinking or what game he might be playing, can anyone shed any light?
Q. Dear Agony Aunts/Uncles, I'm really confused about this guy I have been dating. We met a few months ago on a night out, my friend and his friend ended up getting it on that night and we went back to his friends too, but nothing happened between...
A. 21 September 2015: No parricular games- it sounds like you two are just giving different readings to your story.
He reads it as he is dating you casually, you read it as if it is something more.
Unluckily, " Hanging out with you is great and I had an amazing ... (read in full...)
I'm wondering if it's too early to invite him to upcoming holiday, like Thanksgiving?
Q. Hi all! I've been with my boyfriend for two months and already, I very much care for him! He's met my close friends and little sister and brother. Made great impressions! Anyway, with upcoming holidays I'm wondering if it's too early to invite h...
A. 21 September 2015: I'd say , invite him - but leave him an out, so to speak.
I mean, the idea is more about not leaving your bf all alone and bored ( and turkeyless ? ) on a big national holiday, right ?, than to make this a chance for a formal, official " meet... (read in full...)
His past (failed) relationship is making him very cautious about getting into a relationship with me. What should I do?
Q. I met this guy a bit less than a month ago and things have been good between us. But something sparked the conversation about what he wants and he said he likes me, i tick all the right boxes but he needs to know that he is 100% okay because ...
A. 21 September 2015: Broken hearted anon male, I think you are missing an important point . And if you bear with me, maybe you'll see how the suggestion to " grow a pair " may sound too harsh- but it's only harsh because logic can be very harsh at times . Facts are ... (read in full...)
Is she seeing other guys? Hate the uncertainty. Could I have competition?
Q. For the first time ever I feel I might have made a connection with someone I met online, but I can't help but think she's seeing other guys whilst she's texting/chatting with me. I noticed she's registered on multiple dating sites as well. ...
A. 20 September 2015: Of course you have competition ! How could you not have competition ? She is registered on numerous dating sites, so I guess the idea is to get to know several possible candidates and then make her final selection from a number of possibilities. ... (read in full...)
He's told me that I'm cute during the many times we chatted online. But was he just more interested in sex?
Q. Hey everyone so im so confused about a guy that I've been talking to. We talked everyday for a week mostly snspchatting and messaging. We hung out last Friday and he was super nice, we talked about really deep stuff. And then we hugged for like 10 ...
A. 20 September 2015: Much probably yes, but maybe it's early for a final verdict.
Tbh, yeah, at first reading " kisses and cuddles , and to love on him "- it induced a big eyeroll in me . That sounds like a cheesy way just to make it sound a bit better than... (read in full...)
Why do some men turn really nasty when they dump you?
Q. Why do some men turn really nasty when they dump you? I had a bad fall out with my ex. We had only been seeing each other a short time but after a few months we fell out over a misunderstanding and he dropped me - just like that - no warning, noth...
A. 20 September 2015: Since you mentioned a bad fall out, well, maybe the bad fall out WAS the warning.
I mean, it happens some times that people start an argument and it escalates and things get said or written in the heat of the moment , and when something is said... (read in full...)
Its frustrating that my ex can't see his new girlfriend for what she is
Q. My ex blamed me for stirring up trouble and talking behind his back when his current girlfriend (who he chose over me) does just as much stirring and gossiping. It really frustrates me how he blames me for everything and not her. She even div...
A. 20 September 2015: It does not sound like such a brilliant move to me .
So, your ex can't stand you anymore because he thinks you stir up trouble and are a gossipmonger, and, to smooth things over and change his mind, what would you do : you stir up more trou... (read in full...)
He evaded answering my question. Should I confront him or ignore him?
Q. Hiya I have been seeing a guy for a few months and all has been going really well, and always tells me how much he likes me and how much fun he has with me. We haven't yet been physical and I want to wait until I am sure of him. We only se...
A. 20 September 2015: Well, I am not sure we can say it was a lie of omission.
For sure, he has been not polite and not considerate, because if somebody asks you a question, Jeez, just answer already, it's not a military secret !
Then again, perhaps there's a shift, t... (read in full...)
Is falling for/crushing on other people really inevitable in long term relationships?
Q. I am a 20 year old girl. I have had a few past relationships, and have been in my current relationship for a year. My boyfriend is 23. Just to be clear before I start: When I talk about "crushes", I mean the whole "can't stop thinking about he...
A. 18 September 2015: Nothing is inevitable but death. So there will be couples which never have to face this hurdle . Nevetheless, this is a hurdle which is pretty frequent; you know it because it happened to you too, after all. Your explanation is that it happened ... (read in full...)
Was he just frustrated sexually and I was just there?
Q. Hello, I really need some help. I'm 16 and I recently made a terrible mistake. I needed help with a college project so asked a guy I knew (my dads friends son) to help as he had already done a similar thing. He's 18 and has a girlfriend of 14 ...
A. 17 September 2015: Well, yes and not. I mean, basically yes, he was horny ad you where there and non verbal signals have gone back and forth and then ... stuff happens. But of course he must have thought you attractive, probably personable too, to send or receive ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend admitted that he's attracted to another woman but says it ends there and has no feelings for her. Do I believe him?
Q. My boyfriend (not sure what to call him right now) have been dating for over a year now. We have had our ups and downs but have a lot of love for each other. I just broke up with him last week because I found out that 8 months ago he had a crush o...
A. 17 September 2015: Eight, nothing is all black or all white, but some times you have to make it so- either black or white - on purpose. Otherwise you get stuck in gray , unfulfilling even painful situations, always waiting that things get reeeeaaally so bad that ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend admitted that he's attracted to another woman but says it ends there and has no feelings for her. Do I believe him?
Q. My boyfriend (not sure what to call him right now) have been dating for over a year now. We have had our ups and downs but have a lot of love for each other. I just broke up with him last week because I found out that 8 months ago he had a crush o...
A. 16 September 2015: " He admits being attracted to another woman but he says he has no feelings for her. Do I believe hm ? "
My take is that you could believe him, because the situation is believable- only, I am not sure that believing will make things more mana... (read in full...)
My boyfriend used to be so appreciative and now nothing seems to matter to him
Q. This afternoon, my boyfriend texted me a video of his sister and nieces and nephews singing Happy Birthday to his mom. I love his mom and she is super nice to me. Once I saw that video, I went online to order his mom a $80 USD fruit basket to be de...
A. 16 September 2015: I think you are overreacting.
I don't think he meant to say that your gift is not a big deal and means nothing, and I don't think that he meant that he does not appreciate you being so nice to think of his Mom's birthday and spending all that... (read in full...)
Why is my ex still friends with this guy after he hit on me but yet can't be friends with me?
Q. I work at a local pharmacy as a cashier and my ex and his friend go there from time to time. It makes me uncomfortable that they are there. My ex doesn't go in because he is banned from the store (because he stole something before we started ...
A. 16 September 2015: It must be some kind of " bros before hoes " thing.
It is not even totally devoid of sense. When the friend hit on you, you were still with your ex and your ex still cared about you, so, bro or no bro, he got mad. But, you are broken up now,... (read in full...)
Why is my ex-friend even trying with me?
Q. My female friend treated me badly - she had an affair with my boyfriend behind my back, lied to me and basically treated me like dirt. We fell out obviously - but now she wants to make up and says she feels bad about everything she's done. ...
A. 16 September 2015: Maybe we can take her at face value and assume that the reason for her contacting you is precisely the reason she gave you : guilt. She feels bad about what happened and about sneaking behind your back etc. Probably she has realized that her ... (read in full...)
Was this girl a virgin?
Q. Was this girl a virgin? This may seem like an odd question, but I assure you that the answer is important to me (I won’t get into the reasons why it is important). I have my opinion of the answer, but I’m “just a guy”. I would be very grateful fo...
A. 15 September 2015: I'd be curious too to know why you want to know if this woman was a virgin , and what difference does it make after 7-12 years , but... I suppose I can survive if you won't tell us :)
Anyway, FWIW, no I don't think it's likely she was a virg... (read in full...)
I am absolutely dreading going to the mutual friend's wedding because my ex will be there with the other woman. I feel like the loser and she will be gloating and all over him :(
Q. Dear Cupids I was seeing a man for a few months and we were getting on really well and his behaviour towards me showed that he was really interested and keen. He said that I was fun, interesting, and pretty, and we had some wonderful times ...
A. 15 September 2015: " The loser " ? " Gloating " ? I am sorry but I have to agree with the poster who says all this is a bit juvenile . Of course people can have negative feelings at any age, but hopefully the filter of their experience, maturity and rationality ... (read in full...)
Is this what men are really like in their thoughts and feelings?
Q. I have only had one bf before and I'm just really confused if it is my lack of experience or in fact, what men are. My new bf been with him for over a year. We live together and he tells me how I'm perfect and how much he loves me and wants to be ...
A. 15 September 2015: No, not all men are alike, think alike and act alike in reference to women. If you have met a love rat it does not mean that all men or most men or many men must be love rats too.
Same as if you were dating a vegan, it does not mean that all ... (read in full...)
I learned his native language but I feel underappreciated for my efforts! How do I broach this subject with him?
Q. My partner of over a year was born and raised outside the UK, and moved here for work. He is perfectly fluent in English, and we have no problems communicating in it. He took me to meet his friends and family in his home country, saying that I ...
A. 10 September 2015: I confess that I can see your bf's point of view ; I mean, if he is fluent in English and you normally communicate in English, he did not particularly need or care that you should learn his mothertongue. In fact, if you keep speaking English with ... (read in full...)
He always stares at me, but never talks to me?
Q. Hi, so I've been in love with this guy for so long, I'm so confused if he likes me or just being friendly. So a year ago, I would always catch him staring and glancing at me a lot. I'm a very shy person so I just avoid eye contact. The past few ...
A. 10 September 2015: That's one case where social media intervene to save the day, rather than complicate everything :).
So you are shy, he is shy, he does not make a move, you neither, it can go on for ages. As the other ladies say, the simplest thing would be j... (read in full...)
Can anyone give me feedback on taking Xanax?
Q. This is a health question, but I'm hoping to get some opinion. At the last few month , I'm having a very bad time, with numerous health complains, but when I go for tests, everything looks ok. The doctor is running of ideas, what could be wr...
A. 10 September 2015: I took very briefly Xanax many years ago and I discontinued it ( under medical supervision ) very soon, because although it was very effective, it was effective in a weird way that did not suit me. At the time part of my problem was ... (read in full...)
Who should I go to for mental health treatment, counselors or psychologists?
Q. Hello , First thanks for reading my post. I am interested to know about mental issue treatment. I cant go over my past. One of my family member hurt me badly in past I cant get over this. I cant move on. Which doctor I have to go to help me t...
A. 10 September 2015: I'd try a psychologist. Not that counselours cannot be a precious help, they are, but they are better for teaching you strategies and coping skills to deal with a specific situation , a specific difficulty in communication or relationships or ... (read in full...)
How can I get my friend to get the hint she needs a boyfriend?
Q. so i have this one friend i will call hannah. not her real name. she does not flirt w boys so me and our other friend nevaen (not her real name) have to make her. we will say we are going to the ice rink to watch a hockey game and ...
A. 9 September 2015: Your age bracket , 13 - 15 ,is a very mixed bag, we go from girls who are already sexually active ( btw, if you ask me I think it's a very bad idea ),up to the other end of the spectrum , girls who want nothing to do with boys and flirting ... (read in full...)
I have feelings but he wont open up.
Q. Can anyone tell me what these texts mean? . I have feelings for a man and his dad sent one text saying good luck and hope it goes well. Dont spend all your money on her.Another text he sent said don't be upset if it doesn't work out. The man I li...
A. 9 September 2015: Uhm... is there by any chance a big age difference between you ? are you noticeably younger than him ? Or has he got some sort of baggage ( healthwise, moneywise... ) which he may think it's too much for you to handle ?
Because it sounds like... (read in full...)
I have feelings but he wont open up.
Q. Can anyone tell me what these texts mean? . I have feelings for a man and his dad sent one text saying good luck and hope it goes well. Dont spend all your money on her.Another text he sent said don't be upset if it doesn't work out. The man I li...
A. 7 September 2015: OK, mine is probably a dumb question, but... who is the girl he is exchanging emails about, is it you ? And are you SURE about that ?
Because, you know, the first impression I had of the situation at the first reading of your post is that you ... (read in full...)
I know she's just trying to annoy me, so how do I move past it?
Q. Do I have a right to be angry? I fell out with a girl who started dated a guy who was once after me. Me and this guy never really got past first base - although I would've liked to - but just wasn't pushy enough like her. To cut a long story sho...
A. 5 September 2015: Do you know for a fact that this woman is posting on purpose just to annoy you ?? How do you know it ?
I mean, why has it have to be about you. This is a girl who, from her point of view, has made a comquest, has got the man that she wanted, and ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend plays happy families with his ex
Q. I received a text saying that my bf was being thrashed by his ex playing crazy golf yesterday and just off to dinner with her and his sons. I knew he was taking his son out for his birthday but he forgot to mention he was taking her too. We have ...
A. 5 September 2015: I can see how you could be annoyed or wary, but I think that it may be all very simple and aboveboard . That you would not choose to entertain your ex husband socially or to be cordial with him, it's your legitimate choice, but some people do ... (read in full...)
Does he just want sex or could we be friends?
Q. So I've asked similar questions, but now there's more to it. So I lost my virginity to a guy who was a co-worker, at the time when I lost my virginity we were no longer co-workers because i had quit due to some family issues. I don't think it m...
A. 5 September 2015: Awww please IP. I think you know the answer very well, nobody is THAT naive.
So the guy has been sexting you and asking you for nude pics ( and btw, I think that , if you "don't know what he did with these", you can imagine it pretty well! ) . Do... (read in full...)
Why did he lie about my singing? Should I raise this with him, or drop it?
Q. I was wondering if I should be upset or just let it go. My husband and I were at a birthday party dinner for one of his friends that I have only met once so I knew no one at this party. I fell easily into conversation with a women at the din...
A. 3 September 2015: I think he just wanted to be polite to the other lady. Since she JUST had said that she is not such a good singer, telling her in the next breath that YOU, instead, are great could have been a bit tactless , a bit insensitive.
Maybe not ,may... (read in full...)
I need advice about my daughter's boyfriend please ?
Q. Hi there, I need advice please about my daughter's boyfriend. First of all, a bit of background info. re. my daughter. We now have no family at all - no aunts, uncles, grandfather's etc. No one. It has been this way for many years and, before t...
A. 3 September 2015: Sheesh ! Sorry but, again aknowledging that your actions and words come from good intentions and from being naturally protective of your only child and anxious about her well being ,- not only I stay by my
" heavy handed ", but I am temp... (read in full...)
I need advice about my daughter's boyfriend please ?
Q. Hi there, I need advice please about my daughter's boyfriend. First of all, a bit of background info. re. my daughter. We now have no family at all - no aunts, uncles, grandfather's etc. No one. It has been this way for many years and, before t...
A. 2 September 2015: I read your update AFTER posting - where it says that you CAN find a restaurant yourself but asking your SIL 's coperation was ,in your intentions, simply a nice , inclusive gesture.
I have no doubt about your best intentions, but, you see ... (read in full...)
I need advice about my daughter's boyfriend please ?
Q. Hi there, I need advice please about my daughter's boyfriend. First of all, a bit of background info. re. my daughter. We now have no family at all - no aunts, uncles, grandfather's etc. No one. It has been this way for many years and, before t...
A. 2 September 2015: You remind me of my mother. Lovely lady, but - she has a firm set of expectations and rules and regulations about how the world SHOULD go , and about what people SHOULD do and say in any given occasion, and how everybody SHOULD act or react towards ... (read in full...)
He's showing no interest whatever in wedding planning
Q. What to do if he's stopped showing interest in planning the wedding? After two years in a long distance relationship, my fiance and I are finally living together(we've been engaged over a year)-going on three weeks. We have both been busy gett...
A. 2 September 2015: I don't think I have ever- ever ! - met any guy who was too excited with wedding planning. Except perhaps for choosing the honeymoon location, or their own wedding attire ( for the fashion-conscious : otherwise , not even that ).
What for you is e... (read in full...)
Paying on a date. Am I making this too big of a deal?
Q. Am I making this too big of a deal? I have been seeing one guy for about 3 weeks now. Everything is good and I really love to be with him, he wants to be with me, we have fun together and everything is easy and we just click. He is very caring...
A. 1 September 2015: Poor guy, is nobody willing to cut him some slack ?:)
I mean, maybe he was just distracted, or preoccupied with something, his mind was somewhere else, he forgot. Maybe it was an automatic gesture, he is so used to pay for himself only, that... (read in full...)
No one will take me serious when I say I don't want sex or partying?
Q. My siblings and I grew up in a house where my parents made it their goal to make sure that we a) graduate HS b) while not experimenting with drugs, alcohol, or sex. They let us listen to most the music we wanted to and read most the books we wanted ...
A. 1 September 2015: OP, I am curious, what's the real ossue , and the real story ?
If it is something that you are not comfortable with having debated in public, you can always PM any of the Aunts.
You see, ... I have that kind of weird memory that may forget i... (read in full...)
My LDR boyfriend is letting a girl interfere in our relationship and I don't know what to do about it
Q. So, my LDR boyfriend just started attending a new college and immediately made acquaintances with this girl. She's in a few of his classes and is working at the campus radio station. She's pretty annoying and not so bright, which we've both ...
A. 1 September 2015: I would not want you to unleash on me the same fury you unleashed on poor Uncle Sageoldguy ( who, anyway, I'd bet, was just being humorous )... so I hasten to precise that I believe that your bf is not a cheter, is not cheating on you and he does ... (read in full...)
My ex's wife doesn't want me to attend his service
Q. I was engaged briefly to a man about 4 years ago but prior to that we were very close friends since high school. I loved him dearly. Unfortunately he passed away last week and I was only notified yesterday. I had lost touch with him when he got ...
A. 31 August 2015: OP, by now I think you are just holding your ground out of ( misguided ) pride. Either that, or you live in a parallel society in a parallel universe where EX girlfriends are on par with legally wedded wives, and said ex girlfriend 's plans ... (read in full...)
How do I compete with the army?
Q. My boyfriend said one day out of the blue he wants to join the armed forces, he needs to started training for it and cant be talking all the time. Since then its felt like I'm no longer a priority to him, all the things he used to do or say he ...
A. 30 August 2015: I think that the more you grow older and mature ,the more you'll come to terms with " playing second fiddle to a job ". You will realize that's better playing second fiddle to a job with a man who is hardworking, motivated, committed to a life ... (read in full...)
My ex's wife doesn't want me to attend his service
Q. I was engaged briefly to a man about 4 years ago but prior to that we were very close friends since high school. I loved him dearly. Unfortunately he passed away last week and I was only notified yesterday. I had lost touch with him when he got ...
A. 30 August 2015: Hey OP this is his WIFE ! - now his widow ,actually -this isn't such an irrelevanr derail as you make it; what she wants, counts. Same as, when the man was alive, it would not have even crossed your mind to show up on his doorstep and demand ... (read in full...)
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