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... Send *indyCares a private message | | | *indyCares's profile:Hi everybody. I am an Italian woman currently living in Italy but I spent many years in England and USA. I hope my English is still decent but in case it got a little rusty, please be lenient.
My age ? Let say that I am way past the stage when you cry if the boy you like takes your best friend to the prom, and young enough to remember how awful that feels.
What qualifies me to help people- well, let me show off just a bit and mention that I studied Psychology 4 years in college, and, even if then I graduated in a different subject, I never lost my interest in psychology and kept reading a lot about this subject. Yet that does not really qualify me for anything because intellectual knowledge is not the same as real life experience. So let's say I feel I can advice people because I have lived a lot, travelled a lot, met a lot of people from all backgrounds , races and religions- I have loved a lot, and I have also been dumped a lot :)
Plus, I am really fascinated with people and their stories. Not in a gossipy way. I just find that every person is a whole new world that I am excited to discover.
Right now I am single- and happily so. I realized- better late than never - that rather than waiting for Prince Charming I should first become a Princess myself. You can't love anybody unconditionally, if first you don't love yourself unconditionally, and this is what I am learning to do.
Looking forward to hear from all of you..
Ciao
Cindy |
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| Latest articles: Devastation in Italy
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
26 August 2016: This has got nothing to do with romance or relationships or love- maybe with love for our fellow human beings, i.e. solidariety and compassion , so I hope that the mods will publish this regardless. On August 24th a devastating eartquak...
Ten best ways for a woman to be given her walking papers.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
19 August 2014: Yeah I know : ultimately love is a mystery, not an exact science. There's always an element of sheer luck, of serendipity, of magic in it. Some times you do everything right, by the book, you are the perfect gf / wife / lover .. and you still get ...
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Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.
Q. There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...
A. 17 January 2016: Thank you for the update ; now let's hope that yow will not only talk the talk but also walk the walk ! :) If you can really just relax and see what happens, without having any particular expectations or making any special emotional investment, ... (read in full...)
Is a puppy just as much work as a baby?
Q. I recently got a puppy, and a friend of mine who has a baby told me she heard a puppy is just as much work as a baby. Now, she's never had a puppy, and I've never had a baby. Can someone who has had the experience with both please tell me if this is ...
A. 9 January 2016: @male anon : your shock is unwrranted, and must come from your having read into the posts much more than the posters wrote and, I think, that they meant.
The OP posed a simple question " Is it more work a puppy or a baby ?" which has a simp... (read in full...)
Is a puppy just as much work as a baby?
Q. I recently got a puppy, and a friend of mine who has a baby told me she heard a puppy is just as much work as a baby. Now, she's never had a puppy, and I've never had a baby. Can someone who has had the experience with both please tell me if this is ...
A. 8 January 2016: Your friend is grossly mistaken, or else she was just joking. How can she even compare the two things ?
A baby is MUCH more work than a puppy.
I had a baby ( that happened 25 years ago, but I remember all very well ) and I had, along the year... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't like the expensive present I got from a female co-worker. What should I do?
Q. Hi all Where I work, its mostly with women and as a result I am friendly and comfortable around women,although my wife isn't too happy about it.There's one particular girl who I work very closely with and I'll admit i get on particularly well wit...
A. 7 January 2016: Although, as for my personal opinion, I do not think that aftershave is too personal a gift, and it is in fact the typical, neutral, " I don't know anything about your tastes " gift that I would choose for some older distant relative ; and ... (read in full...)
I think he is selfish and only thinks of himself!
Q. I have a bf of 2 years. He asked me to help him to buy an iPhone 6 months ago with my credit card. I did and he's making the minimum payments every month since I know he had a job but was looking for another with better pay. He got the second job so ...
A. 7 January 2016: I can see your point... but I can see his too. Financially it makes much better sense that he gets rid of the most important, cumbersome debts, and keeps doing the smaller, easily manageable monthly payments for the other card. Moreover, if this ... (read in full...)
I love/hate him and feel I am going nowhere.
Q. The blush is beginning to fade from the rose. Met a guy in Nov. 2014 at a French speaking club. He pursued me from the get-go. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship (my first one) earlier that year. So, when he came along, I was ambivalent...
A. 7 January 2016: The man is not a liar, and he is not a player either. Quite simply , he is offering you what he can give you, and it's not his fault if it's not enough for you. We might say that you have been friend-with-benefits -zoned , but not in a disparaging ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left on a trip but he was not overly emotional during our "good bye" and I am wondering why?
Q. My boyfriend is leaving on a family trip to Europe tonight. He'll be gone for two weeks. He was just over at my place spending an hour with me to say good bye because that's all the time he had. He is getting ready so he can soon get to the airpo...
A. 5 January 2016: I can only confirm what Honeypie says.
Come on, OP, do not exaggerate. You will miss him, and I am sure he will miss you , still.... it's 2 weeks total !! !$ days !!
And he's going on a family vacation, not on a study expedition among cannibal... (read in full...)
My boyfriend left on a trip but he was not overly emotional during our "good bye" and I am wondering why?
Q. My boyfriend is leaving on a family trip to Europe tonight. He'll be gone for two weeks. He was just over at my place spending an hour with me to say good bye because that's all the time he had. He is getting ready so he can soon get to the airpo...
A. 4 January 2016: I can only confirm what Honeypie says.
Come on, OP, do not exaggerate. You will miss him, and I am sure he will miss you , still.... it's 2 weeks total !! !$ days !!
And he's going on a family vacation, not on a study expedition among cannibal... (read in full...)
Why would your boyfriend tell you to be a "good girl" before he leaves to go out of town?
Q. Why would your boyfriend tell you to be a "good girl" before he leaves to go out of town? What's that mean? And why say it?...
A. 4 January 2016: I would not read much into it. It's just a way of saying. "Be a good girl ( or boy ) ". " Behave " " Don't do anything that I would not do ! ". It's not unusual at all, and it's just an attempt at humour- or maybe at being
" cute ".... (read in full...)
He tends to go quiet after we're together -- will he do it again?
Q. Am I reading too much into my New Years date..? I met a guy 6 mths ago on match. There is a slight age gap he is 52, 12 yrs older. I felt there was a spark between us and we did meet up several times. He seemed interested but I got the impressi...
A. 3 January 2016: He had no other plans and did not want to be alone New Years Eve. Or, as Honeypie says , he had something else planned but it got canceled.
Look, if he shows up every 2 months, gets intimate, and then disappears,... he does not like you that much... (read in full...)
My boyfriend dumped me after I slapped him
Q. Hi again.. I'm had a huge argument with my boyfriend of 2 years last night.. We argued over how he's getting to the airport when he goes on holiday with his friends in March. I'm upset he's going away for one and secondly I wanted to take him to t...
A. 3 January 2016: "What's the big deal ?".... I am sure the anon male reader will understand what's the big deal the first time he gets slapped by his partner for having said or done something annoying or out of order ! Doing something " wrong " happens to ... (read in full...)
I feel really nervous and I'm feeling hesitant about getting engaged. Is this a normal reaction? Or a sign that I sense something wrong?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for a year but we've been friends for a decade before that (met as kids). We are at that age where everyone is getting engaged and I think he plans on asking that question soon. I love him a lot and everyone thinks ...
A. 2 January 2016: ...Maybe is it a classic case of " I love him but I am not in love with him " ?...
Often, alas, the persons that on paper are perfect for us, and we should feel lucky to have,- well, they are great and we ARE lucky, and still... there's some... (read in full...)
Girls, who do I choose?
Q. Question for the girls. You have a choice to go out with one of two guys. One is gorgeous and you find him irresistable but for some reason, which we will leave to the side, he only wants passionate foreplay no penetration. The second guy is ok in ...
A. 31 December 2015: I would choose the second.
The second can / want to perform both foreplay and intercourse and would be able to alternate either one upon request.
The first is limited in his sexual offer , and even if you " prefer " foreplay, that does not... (read in full...)
Husband's left for Pakistan. I'm in a terrible dilemma
Q. My husband has decided to return to Pakistan, I know he does miss his country. He knows I do not really want to go there as I am not a family person and he has a large family. He has basically told me that if I do not go with him then he will get...
A. 31 December 2015: I would not go if I were you.
Once he is back in Pakistan he can, very easily and very legally, take a second wife anyway ; and you could end up being a co-bride AND living in Pakistan where you did not want to live to begin with.... (read in full...)
How can I deal with an over sensitive mother?
Q. Key Information: 22 years old, currently live with my mother and have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. My mother is always under the impression that my boyfriend has a personal issue with her. Whenever I have asked him if he dislikes my moth...
A. 31 December 2015: Sorry, but I think you asked the wrong question. Rather than " how should I deal with an oversensitive mother ! it should be " how should I deal with a rude disrespectful boyfriend ".
Honestly, I have trouble believing what I read. He is invi... (read in full...)
I don't want to be alone on New Year's Eve. Any suggestions?
Q. So...this may sound pathetic...because I'm going to be alone this New Year's Eve. My friends are either going to spend New Year's Eve with their boyfriend or their husband. And the only one single friend prefers to stay at home. I feel so lonely.... ...
A. 30 December 2015: Well, if it's just about not wanting to welcome the New Year all alone, why don't you go at your single friend's ? Call in pizzas or cook yourselves a special fancy dinner and then do whatever comes to mind : A Sex and the City marathon ? A card ... (read in full...)
He didn't contact me Christmas day. What can I say to him? Is my reaction reasonable?
Q. Hello everyone I have been dating a wonderful man for 3 months. We were friends for 4 months prior to that. He is kind, attentive, loving, considerate, reliable, funny, generous, always keeps his promises, and generally a good man. We get on...
A. 30 December 2015: Let's hope that baby Jesus wasn't a stickler for details and for punctuality at your same degree . Otherwise I can picture very well in my mind the scene at the arrival on JANUARY 6TH ! of the Magi Kings, bringing their gifts of gold, ... (read in full...)
What could I say in a love letter to girl, without frightening her off?
Q. I need to write a love letter for this girl im going to ask out. Only thing is I dont want it to be one of those over the top corny love letters. I just want to tell her how I feel about her, a little romance is ok but i dont want to scare her off....
A. 30 December 2015: No, you don't need to write a love letter to this girl whom you haven't even ever asked out . Just ask her out and take it from there.
A love letter from a perfect stranger has many chances to be seen as corny and OTT , if not downright cree... (read in full...)
Should I walk away from a man who is 90% perfect for me?
Q. My boyfriend and I broke up in the end of October. We were arguing a lot. He says I'm too aggressive. As a native New Yorker I do have an edge. He's from the country with a very carefree laid back attitude. Our lease was up in December. We decided ...
A. 24 December 2015: First of all,.. allow me please a short digression- don't blame New York ,lol. New York has got nothing to do with either of you being stubborn or having communications issues. As an ( ex ) adoptive New Yorker who spent there a good chunk of my ... (read in full...)
I want to spend Christmas with my mom and boyfriend and now he wants to spend Christmas with his mom. I'm not happy about this!
Q. Cutting a long story short. Last year my dad left my mum, she now lives with my two younger brothers, which truthfully they don't really care about her. This will be the first time she is on her own (brothers are going to dads) and it's the first ...
A. 24 December 2015: You are not happy because you are not having it your way and we all are not happy when that happens. But since there's a lot of people involved, beside you, that need to be made reasonably happy , or not that unhappy, I think that your bf suggested ... (read in full...)
He constantly comments on other girls .....
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and we are more than happy. But... he comments on other girls and I've seen him looking at them too. I know he loves me and I love him, but a few days ago he made a comment about someone I know, ...
A. 20 December 2015: It depends from what you mean by " he looks at other girls ":
Does he stare them down, does he check them out meticolously head to toes, does he OGLES them ? DOes it look like he is drooling over them ?
Then no, this is inappropriate at any age,... (read in full...)
She took the presents and ran
Q. Hello was dating this woman for a short time. I just gave her Christmas presents, then next day she broke up with me. Should I ask for them back?...
A. 19 December 2015: No, you should not.
Presents are unconditional, otherwise they aren't presents but bribes. You gave her presents as a way to express " I like you and appreciate you ", right ? " Not : " I like you and appreciate you ,... but only if you like and ... (read in full...)
I feel weirded out by my housemate's iciness and then occasional familiarity. What should I do?
Q. So my housemate is gay and so am I. He asked to move in after we went on a tinder date. I'm starting to think he went on the date more because he wanted to move into my desirable apartment in an area he liked (but wasnt up front about it), and the ...
A. 18 December 2015: Pardon me, OP, ... but have you been totally upfront yourself ?...
I don't know ,but it sounds to me very bizarre that you have decided to take in this guy after just one date from tinder, which is a site for casual encounters. A good enco... (read in full...)
Why is he spending so much time with me if he doesn't want me? What should I do?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm sorry for the long post but I could really use some advice. My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me recently but we still act like we are a couple. I want to still be with him and I've told him that. But he has said that w...
A. 18 December 2015: If by " we still act as a couple " you mean you are still sexually intimate, then isn't it rather self explanatory why he stays ?
He gets his sexual needs taken care of, while he waits for someone more exciting or more compatible or more what... (read in full...)
Was it just a joke to him? He e called me PG and text me a pig cartoon
Q. Hi, Thanks for reading my post. English is not my native language I need advice. I am trying to the find right person. I started online dating . I met few guys but things did not work out. Its almost a month a guy tried to reached me. He ...
A. 18 December 2015: No no. Just block him and move on.
This is unacceptable. If it was just a joke, then is a bad taste joke ; you can find someone with a better sense of humour. And even if there was no intent to offend or to put down (... hard to believe ....... (read in full...)
Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.
Q. There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...
A. 18 December 2015: Don't beat yourself up too much. The best way to learn is through experience, through trial and error. Now hopefully you are best equipped to screen your candidates and weed out the flakes.
I reiterate my advice to be quite more ....self serv... (read in full...)
Does my date need to come out?
Q. A guy I'm dating got intimate ! I gave him a couple hickies at the drive thru and we kind of had sex. Well when he turned on the light he saw he had two hickies on his face, and he was upset. I said we can go to the store and I'll help you pick your ...
A. 16 December 2015: If he is dating you and having sex ( kind of ) with you- then he is not gay. At most he could be bisexual.
But I bet he is neither. Just a metrosexualish hetero.
Powder foundation is not like liquid foundation , people generally does not use ... (read in full...)
Is it bad for me to get mad with him? Or am I justified in feeling this way?
Q. I have been with my daughters dad for three years. We've had our ups and downs but have managed to stay together for the most part. Well, in July and August we separated due to him being really different so I packed up and left. We were still being ...
A. 16 December 2015: I agree with Ciar. It's understandable that what he did does not sit too well with you- but it does not give you the right to be belligerant about it. You were broken up as a couple !, you had LEFT him and you weren't an item anymore. That you ... (read in full...)
Did she mean it? Do you think a girl would say this to someone if she didn't mean it?
Q. This girl is not exactly a workmate, just a place where I visit every week or so, selling things there. She is also not someone I deal with, she works in another area. Anyhow we chat sometimes and she seems very friendly to me. The other day ...
A. 16 December 2015: You flirted - she flirted back. It's sort of an authomatic response from any even remotely quick witted girl in response to your line ! what did you expect she would say : " Uh.... oh... ah... gee ? ".
This does not exclude, of course, that she ... (read in full...)
I know he wants children and I don't, so what's the best way to go about ending the marriage?
Q. I've been married for 2 years and have been with my husband 8 years before we got married. I never wanted children - he did. I was honest from the start about children- he was upset- understandably but accepted that we wouldn't have any and th...
A. 16 December 2015: Life is made of hard choices and often forces you to prioritize, to choose A over B. It's very few lucky people who can have absoutely all they want.
It's like this for your husband. He made, willingly and freely, his choice. Between having chil... (read in full...)
He's being generous but I don't feel I can accept his gifts and money!
Q. I met a guy about 6 months ago. I'm 23 and I work as a bartender while going to school. He is a lot older then me (he's 38). He came into the bar I work one night with some friends and we ended up chatting. He came in the following night and asked ...
A. 16 December 2015: That's an easy one.
Your boyfriend does not need to understand why you won't take the money. You can agree to disagree. Do you have to do anything he says even if it goes against your values ? Obviously not. So thank him profusely for his kind... (read in full...)
He wants more sex but I'm exhausted
Q. Hi all - I need advice. How often do happy couples have sex? I am in an on again off again relationship with a guy for 3 years. We just got back together in late October - early Nov. Within the last 3 weeks, he brought up that he wants more sex...
A. 16 December 2015: I agree with Tisha. The problem here is not one of mismatched libidos, or of an oversexed lover. The problem is that you have chosen to date a guy who is generally a jerk, and specifically a person with a big drinking problem. As such, he can't be ... (read in full...)
I think I'm so bad at sex that I should consult a sex therapist or sex coach! Is it worth it?
Q. Dear Cupid It's embarrassing to even say it but i completely suck when it comes to sex, I can't do anything. Had two long relationship, one with ex bf who didn't care much and we hardly had any and everytime I just lie down and he will do his job ...
A. 16 December 2015: Will it work, is it worth it ?... Probably not for this specific instance of this guy who's ready to have sex , like, today. I know barely anything about sex therapists or sex coachs, but I can imagine that , as with any kind of therapy dealing ... (read in full...)
Is is possible she thought I was breaking up with her? After our rose petal dance?
Q. Am writing again, about what I wrote before, about the rose's, well women are saying to me, that I shouldn't of walk out right after wards, cause she didn't say anything nice to me about it, I've been told, she might of thought, I was breaking up ...
A. 16 December 2015: If your mother taught you to treat women with gentleness, why did you walk out on your date without even a " drop dead " ? Why did you answer a kind thank you note with a dry, curt bye-bye ? . Was that " gentle " in your opinion ?...
No you won'... (read in full...)
My in-laws pop in every day and I'm finding it irritating! Opinions?
Q. I have to get some other opinions on this.. Ok, so the bigger part of me says I'm being petty, selfish and ungrateful even getting annoyed about this.. but, still, I find it really irritating! So since my partner and I bought a house, ...
A. 15 December 2015: OP, I feel for you and I do not think you are being unreasonable or "mean " at all. As a person who cherishes her space and privacy, I'd go berserk if I were in your shoes. To me it's not even a matter of liking or disliking the visitors, or of " ... (read in full...)
Is is possible she thought I was breaking up with her? After our rose petal dance?
Q. Am writing again, about what I wrote before, about the rose's, well women are saying to me, that I shouldn't of walk out right after wards, cause she didn't say anything nice to me about it, I've been told, she might of thought, I was breaking up ...
A. 15 December 2015: I don't think so, .... but she might have thought that you were throwing a tantrum ( as you were ) and being too high maintenance emotionally, and she might have not liked that, and decided to let you stew in your own juice...maybe for good.
A... (read in full...)
Can anyone tell me if my equipment is too small?
Q. I've recently become a little insecure about the dimensions of my penis. Due to various circumstances, I've never been in a committed relationship. Recently however, I had a fling with a female acquaintance who shared with me her very honest ...
A. 14 December 2015: Average penis girth is 3.67 inches flaccid, 4.59 erect. These figures come out of a research done by King's College in London collecting and comparing the results of 17 studies for a total of over 15000 partecipants.
You are totally normal and very... (read in full...)
What shall I do? Is my family right or just being narrow minded?
Q. So I've been dating this guy for few months now, we're both serious on getting married however my family are not keen due to the guys reputation regarding him being a player and being divorced before as well as being a control freak, the thing is ...
A. 14 December 2015: Your parents might have started disliking this guy just based on prejudice and hearsay... but never discount a good parent's gut feelings and intuition, in this case, their intuition apparently it served them well and their fears have been amply ... (read in full...)
Might it be possible for him to be friends with me again? Or did my cousin say something to upset him?
Q. So in July of 2013 I started working at this new place. And well I became friends with one of my co-workers. He had a family (girlfriend, and 2 kids with a 3rd on the way) well I fell for him. And he knew I liked him. I ended up losing my virgin...
A. 14 December 2015: Yes, I think it's possible that your boss and cousin told something to your " friend " but I don't think it was out of jealousy. At least, had I been in her shoes, I probably would have confronted the guy myself, both pissed off as a boss that ... (read in full...)
What are the dangers or issues associated with not wearing underwear? Assuming there may be any dangers or issues.
Q. Hello everyone, I have an odd question. I recently have decided I want to stop wearing boxers. I don't enjoy wearing clothing to begin with, and I don't even see a reason as to wear underwear if I'm covered. I'm in high school, and I want to kn...
A. 14 December 2015: It depends- would you be washing / changing your jeans or trousers every day , same as ( hopefully ) you do with your boxers ?
The Italian word for underwear is " mutande ". It comes from Latin " mutandae " , which literally means :
( things )... (read in full...)
I feel like I'm her 2nd option. Is it time to end this friendship? Sick of her letting me down.
Q. I am so frustrated with my friend because whenever we make plans to meet up or go out she always cancels last minute and its beginning to really annoy me! For example we had dinner plans the other week. I went to the restaurant and got us a tab...
A. 13 December 2015: Oh yes, it is high time to finish this friendship. If you feel like you are her 2nd option, it's because she IS treating you as her 2nd ( or 3rd, or 7th.... ) option ,with such a blatant, arrogant disrespect as to not warrant in the least your ... (read in full...)
Was this a marriage proposal?
Q. I'm not sure if I got a marriage proposal last night or not. I know that sounds strange, let me explain. It was a spur of the moment kinda thing, no ring or anything. We were walking around our local park which is decorated in christmas lights i...
A. 13 December 2015: No no, do not go around telling people you are engaged because you are not yet. Your bf was sort of seeing how the land lies, he does not want to rush rearranging his business and becoming financially stable... only to maybe find out that you do ... (read in full...)
Will it be a huge turnoff to girls to find out I'm a virgin?
Q. To begin things im just gonna say that im a virgin...well i had girlfriends before but im kind of the emotional attachment old school kind of guy so i dated a girl for 6 months and still didnt have sex. Even though i dated i always respected a girl ...
A. 10 December 2015: No it is not embarassing for you to be a virgin at 21 and it's not even that unusual, it just sounds so because young guys who are sexually active tend to brag and boast about it ,while those who aren't instead do not advertise their celibacy . It ... (read in full...)
Should I trust him this time? I still feel he may go away again, off the radar.
Q. There was a problem with a question I posted about a guy I met online who I subsequently had over 100 conversations with over 35 days, he got really sick, we never met and he fell off the radar screen. He called me a few days ago, is doing be...
A. 29 November 2015: Scottie aren't you the same lady who posted another question about another on line suitor , assumedly a secret agent ? He too, after a prolonged and intense e -mail exchange, just vanished off your life, no notice and no explanations.
If this... (read in full...)
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