A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok Aunts, feeling like Im overreacting or behaving in a passive aggressive way need your advice and take on this seemingly stupid thing. Background been with my boyfriend for 3 yrs we are in the process of moving in together i am div with a teenager, him never married no kids, and is an only child. Yesterday i was with him and cooked did his laundry and 'serviced' him...gladly.....shortly after he fell asleep as i finished cleaning up from dinner and the clothes. It got late i was tired so i headed home, i was feeling a bit neglected and i reasoned in my head that it was not only late but i was really tired. as i was headed out he informed me that his radio club was having a christmas party not a big thingy its a bunch of nerdy older guys about 12/15 ...i was like oh ok yeah no biggie have fun. Well i go home go to sleep and wakeup feeling physically bad i have a nerve disease...i also see on FB a bunch of the wives and one of the guys from the club asking if I'm coming to the party ...i responded like what party..i didn't remember at first then realize it was the christmas thing...well my bf answers on the site in response for me....'no i wouldn't subject her to these clowns..lol' ..well that pissed me off internally even more then i start getting private messages why I'm not coming the other GF and wives will be there...then he private messages me and says its not a party to brag about just a little gathering and besides you (meaning me ) had something to do tonight with your daughter....like he was trying to convince me not to go..i responded no biggie but the only plan i had was to pack to move that its. He was like oh ok...how u feeling?' i was like eh and told him i had to go...unlike my texting style...so then i don't hear from him until late tonight after his show he texts me if I'm still up. Well, i don't know what exactly i am asking but i was and am still really pissed and irritated and don't feel like talking to him...I am sure he thinks everything is fine...but I don't know why I'm so angry and pissed i wouldn't have wanted to go anyway honestly but somehow i cant shake this anger...i don't know how to respond to this at all i need some help analyzing this somehow i feel my emotions have gotten the best of me i don't want to seem irrational when I speak to him and right now i feel irrational and angry. Thanks for reading my ramble...ps he is an amazing boyfriend very kind and giving s I'm not sure what my beef is.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 December 2013):
 I think you are pissed because he didn't WANT you there and then tried to make it seem like YOU didn't want to come. In reality he didn't ASK because he didn't WANT to bring you.
THAT would piss me off too.
I think you DO need to talk to him about it. Because MAYBE it wasn't that HE didn't want you there, he just didn't think you would enjoy it. TELL him how that made you feel.
It may not be a big deal to him (or your relationship) but being mad over something your partner did or didn't do and then NOT discussing it, won't help. It will just built more resentment.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 December 2013):
 I think you got mad because you would not have wanted to go anyway ... but you would have liked to be ASKED as it's normal when your bf has a social function where spouse and gfs are welcome. At least, that's what would have got ME mad :). You are not a little child whose daddy chooses the entertainment for : " Oh no, Jenny is not coming to the circus, she is afraid of clowns . No Jenny won't come to the birthday party, she plays well in small groups but she gets too hyper in a large crowd of kids ". You are an adult, you'd like to be involved, to be asked and to be able to say : yes please - no thanks. Your bf is not a mind reader, he cannot know if you are feeling like joining him or not, - for all he knows maybe you would have liked to be there just to keep HIM company, even if the gathering is not much to your taste.
Plus, I think you are mad, or, again, at least that would have got me mad, because what I just said is so obvious and normal and routine that it MUST have come to mind to your BF too, I don't think he is so clueless, he must know that , since the other spouses are coming, he should at least have asked you, not just anticipated your response. So, if he did not... he must have his own reasons and prefer you out of his way on that night. Probably nothing as dramatic as cheating, but who knows, maybe he thinks that somehow you'd cramp his style, he would not feel as free as without you to ..( get sodden drunk ? tell dirty jokes ? flirt with the ladies ? ).
Your relationship is altogether a good one and it makes you happy, so I would not make a tragedy of this accident. But , yes, I would eliminate any trace of passive aggressive from my actions and I'd tell him- I am a bit upset because you did X . I don't like when you do X , please make sure than in future does not happen anymore.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2013): ' cooked did his laundry and 'serviced' him...gladly.....shortly after he fell asleep as i finished cleaning up from dinner and the clothes. It got late i was tired so i headed home'You are his partner and not his slave.It's great to do things for each other but your efforts are not being reciprocated or appreciated here. No wonder you feel irritated. Learn to be assertive with your needs. If you want him to service you, ask for it. Compromise and work together on all things domestic, you cook, he cleans for example.If you're getting this annoyed before you live together, goodluck when you two do move in!It was also weird how he discouraged you to go -almost as if he didn't want you to be there. Next time, he does this, tell him you want are coming, and he'll learn not to act like this. Try to get to the bottom of why he didn't want you there.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 December 2013):
I'm guessing you're upset because it appeared that he didn't want you there, but it was probably because he thought you'd think it was boring or that he was a nerd too. I'm sure it wasn't because he didn't actually want you there, he sounds like a good guy.
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