A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, just wantedd to know is it possible to never move on from a relationship or does everyone move on eventually?What are your thoughts and experiences?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013): The guy that I was into when i was 17.... hmmm.. took me 4 years to truly get over him. even after being in another relationship. What I mean by truly getting over him is someone mentioning his name and you not giving a flying hoop without even trying cus u sincerely don't care and the feeling is amazing ;), kind of like someone mentioning your fat boring neighbor.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): if you never move on you are not facing reality and that is a bad place to be. life goes on. it's hard at first but gets easier... but you have to make sure you have something else in your life - friends, interests, support from the family maybe. fill your life with other things and don't dwell on it.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2013):
 "Never " is a looong time, I don't think that I know anybody who really got stuck forever in the aftermath of a failed relationship. But I know people who has got stuck for a long time, a few years maybe. They all though were people who refused to participate in their own recovery, who did not consciously seek healing, and ways to move on, or at least to shift their attention from that love loss onto here-and-now kind of things. They seem to take some sort of bitterweet pleasure into staying rooted in the past , and not letting it go. So, at the end of the day, I think like SVC - if they do not move on, basically it is by choice.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 December 2013):
 folks who choose to dwell on things probably can manage to never move on and stagnate in the past.
but I think that's a choice they make.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): Tolerance to pain and suffering, or grief differs from person to person. The length of time a person takes to recover from the grief of a personal loss can take years.When you are in the early throws of grief, it feels like an eternity; and your mind makes you believe it will never end. People who slip into depression will suffer an unusually long period of recovery from grief. If they don't recognize their need for treatment, they will slip deeper and deeper into despair. Then it has gone beyond grief, it has become a mental illness. There will always be a tug at your heart for a person you've lost that meant a lot to you. Detaching after a breakup/divorce is more than just getting over a person and moving on, it is an actual chemical process in the brain. You release chemicals in your brain that make you feel good when you form a meaningful attachment. It gets stronger over-time, and loss of the source that stimulated the same chemical that causes addiction to drugs will cause a reaction similar to drug withdrawal. That person you lost was your dealer.That is why the process is so agonizing. Some people just take longer than usual to get over their addiction to another person. It isn't always love. It could be sexual as well. Even psychological dependency.When it has gotten to the point that it is debilitating, and depression sets in. You have no choice but to seek counseling and medical attention.If you are mentally healthy, you will move on. The depth of the pain and loss determines how long it might take. If it effects forming new relationships once more than a year or more has past; you need counseling. That doesn't mean you're ill, you just need professional help. Healthy people fight their way back. Like kicking a habit cold-turkey.They move on out of shear determination. People who give up the fight, those most likely to slip into depression. Eventually, it still happens. It takes will to do it. If you give in to the grief and hold on to false-hope; you delay the process of recovery. You prolong the suffering, because you are stubbornly holding on to that person. It is a refusal to accept reality. That is the power of grief, not mental illness.The mentally ill may take an unreasonable/unhealthy amount of time to get over the loss of another person. That's due to untreated mental-disorder. They are suspended in time, and live only for the memory. The fixation is due to obsession, that goes beyond the healthy expression of love.Some find clones of their ex. Same looks, hair and eye color, sound of voice, and identical physical attributes. The pressure put on that person to mimic their predecessor; usually has a tragic ending. They are usually soon replaced by another twin. I've witnessed it several times in my lifetime. It's quite unsettling. Creepy as hell.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): Everyone moves on eventually.
I think some people have their 'one who got away' that they may think about sometimes, but I do believe everyone moves on eventually.
From personal experience I had a great relationship with a man that didn't work out for no reason other than circumstances, work and other matters were just too much to make the relationship work. That was 10 years ago. We didn't keep in touch but even now I think about him regularly and wonder about all the 'what ifs' but it wasn't meant to be and I've long since accepted that.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (9 December 2013):
 A lot of people never move on, they remain stuck firm, and when you ask how long they are prepared to wait, a month, 6 months, a year, 10 years, they turn deaf.
Fear also holds some people back, fear of being hurt again, or fear that they may invest their all into a relationship only to have it snatched away and they need to start again, from scratch.
And shear bloody mindedness can also keep people stuck firm in the past, otherwise called cutting off your nose to spite your face.
Some people are so intent on trying to hold on to something that no longer exists they fail to see the years moving on, and time passing until one day it is just too late to change, and others still don't move on simply because it is easier not to.
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