A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for almost 5 months now and I want him to meet my friends. He hasn't met them already yet as there hasn't been an opportunity for him to. So I asked him the other day if he would like to come and watch one of my friends perform at his gig with me and my other friends, this way he would be able to meet them all. I was showing him pictures of me and my friends and one if them is gay. When I told him this he said if he met him he would feel uncomfortable around him as he doesn't really know any gay people and has never met a gay guy before. I really want one of my bestfriends to meet my boyfriend at some point without it being awkward or uncomfortable for anyone.Any help or advice on what I should do, please? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (13 December 2013):
I have some experience with this, as a classmate of mine had the same reaction when I suggested meeting a friend of mine, who is gay. This classmate came from a small village, was raised in a narrowminded, conservative way. She was afraid my gay friend would hit on her. So I told her: "do you hit on every guy you come across?" Her: "No, of course not." Me: "So why do you think it's any different for gay people?" That set her straight.
I think your bf may be uncomfortable because of the same (stupid) reason. Explain the above to him and he should come around.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 December 2013):
 Trust me your homophobic boyfriend has met gay folks.. he just doesn't know it.
they don't wear signs or special symbols to designate them as gay.
Tell him to just deal with meeting your friends... gay or not they are JUST people.
have you asked him what will make him feel uncomfortable?
personally the discomfort in the not knowing is acceptable to me, the refusal to ADDRESS this discomfort and move forward as an adult member of society where all folks are treated equal is NOT acceptable.
I would say "I'm sorry you are uncomfortable but this is an important person in my life and I want you two to meet and it's a good time to do it at this event."
He should go. If he REFUSES to meet your friend who is gay, I'd consider ending the relationship. but then that's me.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (13 December 2013):
 Did your boyfriend refuse to meet your gay friend, or simply express his concerns? If he's agreed to meet him, then the problem will soon be solved. Your boyfriend will meet a gay man and realise that he's totally normal, he can enjoy a beer and a chat with him and nothing bad will happen. There, he will now have met a gay person ans problem solved. Maybe he had a very sheltered upbringing.
On the other hand, if he's refused to meet him or is delaying it, I'd be seriously unimpressed. I always told myself I'd never date a homophobe because I have a handful of gay men who I'm good friends with and can't be bothered with the ignorance or judgement of dating a true homophobe.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 Sorry but I agree wholeheartedly with lllifton, he just needs to grow the hell up. Notice that I am not generally a big proponenet of politically correct , but " I'd be uncomfortable around gay people " it's just too naively ignorant ,or naively ignorant, to let it pass meekly.
I bet that there's a lot of other people that your bf, being young, has never had the chance to meet before. Maybe he has never met anybody from New Zealand- or anybody with a degree in mathematics- or anybody born under the zodiac sign of Aquarius. So, would he refuse to meet a New Zealander or a mathematician or an Aquarius ? I think not. Then, why must it be JUST the sexual preferences of a person which make a difference ?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 Just let them meet and dont make a big deal out of it. Your bf is just nervous, because he thinks it might be a big deal (like if he was meeting the president). Let him worry if he wants to, but carry on as normal. Introduce and let them meet. He will soon see it wasnt a big deal at all. Most of the worrying comes from inexperience in how to relate. Should there be different treatment for example. Will manners be different. Is it a different culture etc. He just needs to meet your friend and then you can evaluate afterwards.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 December 2013):
 I could give the "politically correct" advice, or I could give the real advice here. My husband's brother is gay, and my best friend is a lesbian. In honor of them, I'll be honest and tell you that no amount of guilt, propriety, or societal pressure will change your boyfriend's feelings. His feelings are his journey and his alone.
Your job isn't to facilitate tolerance, or to carry the mantle of your boyfriend's journey of tolerance. You love your best friend, and your boyfriend loves you. Sometimes the solution takes time. If your boyfriend is of the stuff that makes for a long term relationship for you, then he will find the answers on his own. If not, you may face the fact that your future footnotes him for the short term, and that someone else gets the privilege of spending his life with you.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 December 2013):
 I know EXACTLY how your B/F feels. Once, when I was walking along Duval Street, in Key West, I saw a man who I thought "appeared to be" gay.... When he got closer, I felt stirrings in my brain, and - don't you know - I immediately turned to my girlfriend (we were walking along together) and told her that I was no longer interested in GIRLS.
So, his concern is not without merit.....
Good luck...
P.S. I hope you get a response from the Cheney girls. Together, they can give you (your boyfriend, actually) the "real scoop" on this matter.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013): If your boyfriend has never "met" a gay person; it's time he did. A person's sexual orientation is only one aspect of their humanity, not all that they are as a person.In fact, he encounters gay people every single day. He just isn't aware of it. Closed-minded or stupid individuals expect all gay men to be the stereotypically flamboyant and effeminate type. All gay men are not cross-dressers and finger-snappers. Those poor guys do get their share of teasing and abuse. Sometimes in lethal doses.Some expect lesbians to be butch, and easily identified among other women. We gays blend right in. Or we stand out, if we choose. We are here, and we aren't leaving this planet. He may as well get used to that fact. Gay men attend his gym, a gay man could be his doctor, his coach; even his dad, or his brother. His best mate. He may never know unless he is told.Imagine how uncomfortable we feel, when people hate without a reason. Or some dreadful troll thinks we're going to hit on him, just because he's male. Many stylish or very attractive straight men are judged as gay. This is through prejudice. It is due to the lack of exposure, and a lot of distorted myths and misconceptions created by bigotry and hatred.When he says he will be uncomfortable, he is already judging before he has even met the guy. Well, your friend was with you first; and probably will be indefinitely. That means your boyfriend will have to deal with it. I wouldn't thrust them into an awkward or abruptintroduction. Let him meet all your friends as a group. It might put him at ease when he sees how relaxed, and at ease everyone else is. He'd have little choice but to be civil.Don't single out your friend. He wouldn't like that. It would also be quite insulting. He requires no special attention or sympathy. He is who he is.He's not a freak. He's a friend, who happens to be gay. Not just a "gay friend."He has more than likely dealt with enough of this crap already.Ask your boyfriend to be polite and accepting of "all your friends." They are your support and family. They will be there for you when he is out of the picture completely. As they may have in the past.He may feel differently once he gets used to your friend. Right now he is focusing on "gay." Introduce your friends without singling out who's gay or straight. Just people meeting people.Even if your friend is the flamboyant and effeminate type;he deserves respect and the same welcome as any of your other friends. I hope you are a loyal friend. It would be quite hurtful for him to feel he is being avoided or left out, because of who he is. Because someone is "uncomfortable."
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 December 2013):
 how about telling your boyfriend to grow the hell up and get over his homophobia? how's that for a start? god forbid your boyfriend suddenly catches the gay disease being around your friend.
seriously no joke. that's ridiculous. tell him to grow up and stop being so judgemental. gay people are the same as everyone else. what's he afraid of? him hitting on him? believe it or not, gay men don't hit on every man on the face of the planet. that's complete ignorance.
maybe this will be a good chance to for him to realize gay people are normal and nothing to be afraid of.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 Gay guys are uncharted territory for him. Some straight guys have homophobic tendencies meaning they are afraid to be seen to have desires, or being desired by gay men. He is afraid that if his body responds to a gay guy flirting, then he would be called gay. Female friends don't have that effect. Men can flirt all they want with women without emasculating themselves. Straight women also feel very comfortable amongst lesbians. This is something women can never relate. Some men who don't have this issue like to use gay men for ego strokes. Deep down inside very few men view gay men as equal to them.
There is nothing you have to do. He needs to get over it. I find it hard to believe someone this day have never seen a gay person before. Meeting gay people is a part of life. 10% of population is gay so he is bound to meet one at his workplace. This is his problem and no matter what you try he may still have this fear. I won't push him to meet the gay guy. It has to be his decision, even if it's just curiosity.
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