A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Okay, I broke up with my boyfriend, of 3 years, a few days ago. I changed all numbers and blocked/deleted him from everything and went NC to the best of my ability. We broke up like this 10 months ago and after 3 weeks he found a way back in and we decided to try again. I don't think it will be like that this time. Anyway, my question is - do guys have feelings? (I mean I know they do, it's more rhetorical). Do they feel pain, or miss their ex partner, or go through any of the god-awful emotions I'm currently going through? I chose to end it 'cause it was the best thing to do for myself, but I'm miserable. I can't eat nor sleep. I've cried the last 4 days. Just when I think it'll be okay I start bawling my eyes out. My world feels empty, as I was truly in love with this man. I had a chance to view a profile of his (without him knowing) and he was going on as if nothing happened. As if I was never even a part of his life. Yes, I'm aware I broke up with him, and how I shouldn't have looked, and eventually he'll start dating someone else... but it hurts to think that I left his life and he's "so fine" without me. I'm hurting like hell and can't even think of anything except him. I can't, no matter how hard I try, pretend like he never meant anything to me. I'm crushed even though I know it's for the best and have full intentions of moving on with my life.Everything reminds me of him. We shared so many things that I see him everywhere I go and in everything I do. Music, movies, things on facebook, xbox games we played together.. he's *everywhere* and there's just no way to make him disappear. God, I'm hurting. I'm in the most horrible I've ever felt in my life. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this man, but we just couldn't make it work.I'm just needing somewhere to vent. My family and friends are glad it's over so we aren't really talking about him. I guess I really just wanted to know what goes on with a man after a breakup. Do they feel? Do they care? Do they "just forget"?
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female
reader, desiree075  +, writes (10 December 2013):
What do you mean view a profile of his? If he has facebook, doesn't it mean it's open to the public? So it's not "wrong" to look at it, just unhealthy. Also, just because he doesn't express his sorrow on social media, doesn't mean he isn't grieving as well. I would never whine or cry on my FB wall. Yes, men do feel sad and hurt. But now you are not in his life so unfortunately you don't get to know how he feels.As for your break-up, remember that you won't feel the way you do today 4 months from now. Right now you are in break-up mode, so you see everything for not what it is, but as an absence of him. This is normal and temporary. Even if your friends are glad that you broke up with him, you should still take comfort in them. I don't see any reason to talk to them about it, they may even help remind you why you are apart and that will make you feel better. Do be warned though that if that's all you ever talk about, it will get boring. So use your friends to talk about it, but also use them to distract yourself.Anyway good luck.
A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86  +, writes (10 December 2013):
Yeah they do but most of them get over them quicker than women. Women are more emotional and get attached quicker.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013): Ditto to everything that has been said by others but at first read it sounds as though you are unhappy that he has not cried, wailed or stopped his life in the wake of your break up.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (10 December 2013):
 I don't think there is any rule you can apply to this to help you understand his reactions. I think it varies by person and from one incident to another.
If I was in his situation I would have started the grieving process 10 months ago when you started dumping him. I would have been happy for the reprieve but not terribly surprised at a second dumping. That 2would have left me that much closer to healing.
Then there is the possibility that he is just waiting for you to come back again. He may still be in a state of denial. You know that this is really over this time, but your actions in the past have left him with a hope for reconciliation.
I'm not saying that you should change what you are doing now. No contact is still the best course of action for you. He will get the message soon enough. Remember no contact is as much for you as it is for him. you need to stop checking his Facebook. that is one way contact that is keeping you from closure.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2013): Of course they have feelings, but they show less drama Also I want to add, you broke up with him for a reason. I had this guy 2 years ago. We broke up with him several times and got back together only to break up again. Then I finally understood that i have to get rid of him forever. He just doesn't work for me. I still think of him and miss him, every month less and less, but I am glad we went our separate ways. I think your break up was bad as you did everything to forget him, but he crawled back into your life. That is what my guy did. I will never let this situation to happen again.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 December 2013):
 Yes, men are human and they feel feelings the same as the rest of us, its just that sometimes they have been conditioned to not show those feelings in public, from very, very young. If a male toddler falls over and starts to cry the very likely response is "boys don't cry"
I cry bullsh*t to that, boys do, and can and should cry, and men feel as much as women do.
However, none of the above means your ex boyfriend is being affected by the breakup in the same way as you, maybe he doesn't really care that much, and that could be try regardless if he is male or was a female.
So, while everybody is pretty much there same, you will also find that most people are different, and react differently to life's highs and lows depending on a wide range of influences.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (10 December 2013):
 Men have feelings too. Thing is, they tend to keep them to themselves more than women do.
Men are societally influenced to not show emotions. Women are influenced that it's okay and appreciated. So this is how it manifests; women cry to their friends and cope, while men stuff it all down and pretend they are fine.
Just because he's not posting all over this particular profile that he's devistated and life as he knows it is falling apart and ending, it doesn't mean he's not feeling that way inside. Besides, maybe he just doesn't like his personal life made public. I know I don't.
Do yourself a favor. Don't look at anymore of his profiles and don't torture yourself like that. You are only making it harder on yourself. I'm sure he's hurting and I'm sure he's suffering just like you. He just hides it better.
Good luck. Keep your head up.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 December 2013):
 It depends. I mean, of course men have feelings, of course they feel hurt they feel sad and lonely and wistful and everything, they are human.
They are just better than us women ( in fact. that SOME woman ) to make sure that " the relationship " is not the center of their universe, and not to focus ALL their energy on love and romance. So, when a relationship ends, they will feel hurt, if they cared, just they will have a other interests, other emotional outlets to help them defuse the intensity of pain.
Then, tbh, it depends from the KIND of break up. If you are the OP which I think you are, yes you broke up with him, you were the one who pulled the plug- but he sort of forced you, didn't he ? He had ALREADY started distancing himself, and withdrawing his emotional energy from the couple, and acting dis-involved, and that's precisely what you were arguing about, and what you weren't able to fix- because he would not cooperate.
What I am saying is that MANY men ( yes, ok, women too do that ) use the passive aggressive approach to break ups. They start acting up or misbehaving or acting cold- until the partner just can't take it anymore and dumps them : exactly as they wish she would do all along. In this way, they are the dumped ones- but also those who REALLY initiated the break up, so it's logic that they would not feel particularly upset and they would go on about their business as usual .
Either way, this course of thought- I guess you know it already - won't help you at all, will prevent you from moving on, and will make what you are going through more painful.
Did you make your FINAL decision, to call it quits ? Yes ? Did you go NC, cancel his numbers etc . ? Yes ?
Then, enough already.. It's done. What differences does it make what he thinks or wants or suffers or enjoys ! It's not any of your concern anymore : that's the whole point of breaking up with somebody. When this kind of idle, negative thoughts come up, try your best to distract yourself with activities, or at least try not to wallow in them !, it's really a painful waste of time.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (10 December 2013):
 Absolutely!! Men feel just as much hurt and dissapointment after break up (whether it's a long or short term thing)...they are just better at hiding their feelings because that's how most men are raised.
They will cry in private and go over past events just as much, but just because it isn't splashed all over FB or twitter...doesn't mean it's not happening.
Women tend to grieve openly and blame themselves. Women over think and analyse and torture themselves why men tend to be more pragmatic and sometimes they just cannot figure out why things ended so they tend to just move away from it rather than deal with it.
I really really understand what you are going through...break ups are horrible and painful and even more so when you know it really IS the end, but what a permanent break up does is establish a new starting point in your life!
It creates a 'line in the sand' where you can begin to leave the past behind. Of course, at first you won't want to, because your mind will linger, but over time, when other memories, without him, are created and new experiences begin to happen...you will begin to move foward.
If you know this is the end with him, try not to let yourself think about what he is thinking, because, right now, it isn't important and it cannot fix anything. You need to reach a point of acceptance and that will come as you move foward.
Right now, everything hurts and it will for a while so ask your friends and family for help and support. I am currently supporting two friends through break ups and one is beginning to talk less about her ex, whereas the other is still raw and cries while talking about her ex constantly...I understand because I have been through it myself, so I know it can be overcome and the world dont end.
Do not allow yourself to think about him moving on and stay away from online 'profiles' because they do not give the whole picture and ignorance is bliss!!
Keep your head up and just take each day as it comes, things will get better.
xxx
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 December 2013):
I can't speak for all men but I know that I don't have feelings. I can stick my hand over a candle for like a half a second if that tells you anything.
Yes men have feelings and I bet he's as hurt as you are. Men aren't as emotional as women, so you may not see the pain when you look at him.
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