A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How to be less intimidated or worry less about this person?I work with a much younger manager (early 20's) who is very good at her job, kind, nice to most, regarded as "sweet" by almost everyone, and is well liked, especially by the other managers and the boss, who is (female, 31) This young manager and I don't really "click", I don't hate her! but we really don't connect at all. She makes little or no conversation with me (and does with most people, no bullying but.. I get the feeling she dislikes me, which is fine, we cant all be good buddies at work.) Im a worker and not a manager or anything like that. I like and need myjob and though my workplace is very very cliquey (and I'm not in it, mainly as Im older,) I can get along and work Ok and make small talk with most people work is work and there will be cliques everywhere, as long as you are polite at work and do you best that's the main thing right?I have tried to make small talk to her and she gives me short at times sharp and bordering on sarcastic answers. A times as I walk into work and see her she wont say hi, but will do to others. I must say hi first, which is how it is, she will talk to me one on one at times, but not in a group situation.I find her a little intimidating,sometimes, she's not a nasty person, but can, at times, not always, be a smart ass to me, She's regarded as sweet by most everyone and no one would say a bad word about her, I try I really do, don't say I don't!I think its because we don't click well, which happens at work I know!I don't dislike her but do find her a little rude to me, and I think she may pick up on this? what a good way to not feel like this? so I can work with her more easily?Shes is great an her job and deserves it, I have NO issues with her being younger as 95% my work place is under 31, much younger than me. thanks for genuine anvice, please don't be nasty. AM a little hurt here and wondering what's going on to make her ignore me like this.oh and confronting her is NOT an option, she would either ignore me, let me know what have done wrong, and yes tell the other managers and the boss, so Id be in the bosses office and having to explain myself, possibly to HR or higher up people, I may even be told all my faults. or.. she'd be be overly nice "im sorry" and fake concern.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 December 2013):
 I think if you are doing your job
and you get along at work and there are no issues with your work performance that you should just let it go.
I NEVER talk to my boss other than work related stuff... and he's chummy with a bunch of folks in my branch.. clearly he tolerates me nothing more nothing less... and i do my job.. that's all that matters.
if you know it's a personality clash
if you do your job well
if she has no complaints about your work etc..
we can't all like each other... and at work our only goal is to do a good job and get a paycheck.. we don't actually have to like or respect the folks we work with.
and they don't have to like us.
not sure what else we can say that will help...seems you WANT her to like YOU... but you don't really care for her...
I'd figure out a way to just accept that it is what it is.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): this is the posterthere are times when I am 'transparent" she will walk right past me nose in the air and say hi to and be friendly to others, I am not the only one she has done this too, a 30 yr old F left a month ago and she told me that aside from her young children, part of the reason was the cliques including this young woman. But of course I am professional and will keep being so, and try not to let it bother me, she is who she is, young and with power and well liked, it must be me, ill try to relax and just be polite. I just dislike being the "odd" one out of the workplace, the one she doesn't say hi to, it hurts when I am in room with 3 others and she says hi to all but me, even if I say hi. Surely you all can see that that is a little rude of her? but maybe she is entitled to say hi to who she likes, even if that means ignoring me to my face...maybe I deserve by trying too hard.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2013):
 OP, it's not that I want to be " nasty ", but- you have to help me understand what is actually the problem. I remember you having posted before about work situations - and tbh I still fail to see what is it exactly that bothers you.
You are a good worker, you are generally treated well and estimeed for your contribution, although the environment is cliquey and you don't belong to the cliques . Which, though, is in large part due to the age difference between you and the others. You are polite to everybody, and they reciprocate with politeness. Actually it's not just frigid politeness, you can make small talk with everybody, you get along fine with everybody , you are not being ostracized or cold shouldered .. it would sound like, so far so good.
Now, the manager is not overly friendly. Well, she is not bound to be, she is your manager. That she chooses to be somewhat warmer to other workers... well, OP, not only that's her choice, but it's normal, I bet you do it too in your own social circles ( relatives, neighbours , people at church.... ) you aren't exactly equally warm and friendly just to everybody, you've got your favourites, i.e people you click with more, and often this is totally irrational and knee jerk, you are drawn to some personalities more and not so drawn to others.
You and this lady just don't click, but.. ... is that really such a bad thing ? ... On one hand you seem to accept that you can't be liked alike by all the world and , as long as their " not like " ( because is not an actual dis-like ) does not sabotage your work, you've got nothing to worry or to feel bad about- on the other hand, actually you ARE worried about not being able to make friends with the manager, why ?
I could understand if she had somehow targeted you as her whipping boy or something, but in practice, what does she do ? She does not say hi first. She does not have to, she is the manager, you are supposed to say hi first. If she decides to keep things more informal with other colleagues and to say hi first, well, her legitimate choice, I don't think you can accuse her of playing favourites on the job just because she feels a little closer to other people. Ditto for not talking to you in groups. It's not like she REFUSES to talk to you, she does when you cross paths, she is not making a point to look through you as if you were transparent, right ?... But if there are other people around, she will prefer to make social small talk with those she is already friends with. I don't think this is strange- do you ?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): You harbor a little resentment for her being younger than you and bossing you around. Admit it to yourself, and you'll solve a major portion of your problem.
She gets along with everybody else. Your body language and general attitude in her presence is sending messages she can easily read. It's hard to pretend when you don't like someone; and you may have told other people you trusted that betrayed you behind your back. Someone spilled the beans.
If no one else has a problem with her, you stand out even if you don't think you do. Stop trying to warm up to her.
It comes across forced and pretentious. She's not an idiot.
No one was hired to like your bosses. You are intimidated only because of your own resentment, and pent up hostility toward her. The tension between you is mostly coming from you. She gets the negative vibe. Women read each other very easily. It's hard to hide your feelings.
The friction between you will end; when you become more professional, and project a more cordial attitude. Or, you're out the door.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): I know how it feels. Maybe she just don't like you. You can't change it. My suggestion is just for you to ignore it. As long as she's not going overboard just dont mind her. Stop trying hard to make her like you. Just focus performing your job well.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): this is the poster..
I can relate Ok to most other ppl at work, and work OK, despite me being older, its a personality issue I think.
Made worse by the fact everyone else likes her a lot. I think she is unaware of her attitiude to me, ill jts be polite and try less maybe.?
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