A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had a really good guy friend who started out a perfect gentleman and he made it abundantly clear our relationship was strictly platonic, so it seemed. After a while he started to become jealous and possessive. Every time he'd hear me commenting on or talking to/about other men he would raise a stink and start trashing the other guy and badgering me about "what I saw in him". He suddenly stopped being friendly and instead started acting like a jealous boyfriend.Finally after the numerous episodes of his jealous poking and prodding one day I finally confronted him asking him why was acting that way and now he absolutely refuses to speak to me. He won't respond to any of my calls, texts or emails. I wanted to make amends with him because I value our friendship but he has made it clear he will never speak to me again. It's been 2 months since he cut off all contact.Just wanting to know why this man is adamant about not talking to me? He just shut me out of his life forever like I never even existed. I cared deeply about our friendship and I feel very sad for the loss. Why is this man so stubborn about never speaking to me again? He won't budge.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): He has retreated to come to terms with his feelings.
When you confronted him, he felt completely exposed; and that was embarrassing. He knows he behaved badly. He just can't come out and tell you why. He had hoped you figured it out.
He cares for you as more than just a friend. He got hit in the nuggets with the fact you don't feel the same. You've outed his true feelings.
You only pour salt on the wound, every-time you stress how you value his "friendship." That's not what he wants to hear.
Even more so, he feels "rejected". You admonished him for "acting like a jealous boyfriend." Making him realize he doesn't have a chance.
He's doing his guy thing. He's hurting in private. Leave him alone for a bit.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2013):
 my take:
he liked you as more than a friend and when you made it clear you did not see him as more than that he opted to go NO CONTACT to help himself heal.
HIS behavior is NOT a reflection of you or your behavior and does not reflect on you as a person or your worth as a friend.
best advice: move on, the friendship you wanted is not what he wanted and you two will not agree on how to make it work. He's protecting himself and you have to respect that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): He either has a thing for you or he's a messed up possessive asshole, or maybe your taste in guys is so insanely bad that he was trying to protect you and gave up.
Either way he's not a good friend and you're better off without him.
I mean I've been freindzoned when I was a teenager so I know how easy it is to become jealous. I've also had close friends who chose the worst men, on purpose and then spent all their time complaining about how shit those guys were but still staying with them because that's the kind of relationship they liked. I've dumped friends like that, so maybe it's that.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 December 2013):
 I think there's a lot more to this story that's missing from your post here. Something was said in this conversation that you didn't write on here, because I have a hard time going from you questioning him to him just getting up, walking out, and never a word spoken since. And why did he feel the need to make "platonic" abundantly clear? Was there a moment of "unclearness"?
Given the incompleteness of this post, the only thing I can come up with on the surface was that his whole "Strictly platonic" thing was an act of his to try to get close to you, and it backfired on him when you started seeing other guys, and when you called him on his behavior, he got embarrassed because he didn't have the maturity to just reveal his feelings, so he got in a snit and disappeared.
But having said this, I'm not 100% sold on my advice, because I don't think this is the whole story.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013):
I think deep down you know actually why he has reacted the way he has but by saying that I'm not in anyway saying its your fault in fact I can relate ..
He thought that if he stayed in your life had contact as a male friend then one day you may find what is staring you straight in the face ' him'. He had feelings for you .. Hence his badgering regarding other guys and becoming possissive ..
Now being honest he did the only adult thing available to him.. He withdraw and stopped all contact ... How can he be friends ... When he wants more ??? That's my opinion
Do you want more .. Do you miss him ?? Or the company of him and ego boost he gave you ?? As compliments are ego boosters lol lol do you see him as a potential suitor ..
If not, then let him go send him a last email saying you understand that he needs to distances himself and that you certainly didn't mean to make him feel like this was never your intention .. You now understand that he couldn't handle the friendship, but it would have been nice if you two could have had closure over it .. You liked him as a friend heaps and wish him
All the best etc .
Then move on and make sure all your friend from now are girls as normally when opposite sexes have friendship, there is too me a 'wanting' on one side or the other ..
Take care you didn't do anything wrong sweetie, he was just hoping for more and his feelings and jealousy got in the way.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 December 2013):
 You know, reading your question , and other similar questions, I just had a flash of insight:)- half of the questions on DC, or more, would have no more reason to be asked, if the posters gave up the effort to decode unsettling, unpleasant behaviours and just STOP accepting as friends/ lovers/ suitors etc. people who treat them badly or jerk them around emotionally.
Like, if somebody is mean / cold / abusive / disrespectful / uncaring etc.etc.- don't waste precious time wondering how and why. Just drop them off your life,ignore them, move on and only take into it people who actually can ACT as true friends / true lovers.
Then again, if all you gals would follow this simple, neat M.O.... you would not write to Dear Cupid anymore and we Aunts would not have anybody to advice :). I guess it's a case of " your loss our gain "...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2013): I would say he just don't want to talk regardless if its jealousy or not. one time I was in a highly platonic friendship and the person was a friend slash user for money and pharmaceutical stimuli then all of a sudden started acting out jealousy on her front porch. Then again we are just platonic but then they wanted benefits of relationship like the money and sex. All the wild admitting they where not attracted to me didn't want to help me and I didn't turn them on. But in turn there lover brother made us closer by causing a confusion act. But in the end I was go get my number change I ask they don't call me. They would call and text I explained why but all the while I still corguail and chatting with them while being insulted about various things they not not of. I dont have to communicate with whom I choose not to I may just want to move on to other people regardless if Im jealous which is not the case. I tend to be able to deal with people and the disgressions on dating vs being single. Been there done that also got the t shirt minus the rubber duckie.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 December 2013):
Who knows? He's a possessive jerk's, that's the bottom line. He's obviously not a gentleman, just a guy pretending to be one.
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