A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy who I thought really likes me. We exchanged phone numbers, and few days later he offered to meet. So we go for a walk in one of the cool areas of the city, and we walk and walk, walk and walk, talk and around 2 p.m. I felt nautios from hunger. He doesn't say anything, we just keep on walking. I thought it was time for me to say that I am hungry. So I tell him that I feel like having a bite to eat or otherwise I will pass out. he readily agreed. We pick a restaurant. We sit, and he goes, that was actually a good idea, I feel hungry myself. I ordered something small, and water, he orders a beer, and a whole plate. Then a waitress asks him if he wants another beer, and he asks me do you think I should have another beer? Not suspecting anything, I say, it's your choice, being actually a little surprised that he was kind of asking my permission. If I only knew:)When bill came, he didn't even move. We were sitting there for good twenty minutes, him not even making an attempt to look at the bill. Well, I was getting this uneasy feeling,and I wanted to just to get out from there. I looked at the bill, it was almost $50 with tip. Mine portion out of all this was like 15$ . I look at him, and he is not even looking at me at this moment. Now I started to understand that he actually expects me to pay. Ok, now I am pissed. I take out $15 and put it on a table and tell him, I believe the rest is yours. He looks at me and says, I didn't really take any money with me, I thought you were inviting me for lunch. I said, I can't believe this. I just met you, you don't order an expensive lunch platter aNd 2 beers even if you thought I invited you which I didn't. You just don't agree to lunch or at least tell me ahead of time that you have no money with you. He smiles at me and says, I am sorry, it was misunderstanding. I said to myself, I will give you misunderstanding now. I excuse myself, go to the bathroom, and on a way there I find our waitress and ask her to give us separate checks if she doesn't mind. She said, not at all, it's no problem. So, I go back to the table, and he is still sitting there waiting for me. I take my 15$ from the original bill folder, and wait for the waitress. She comes back with 2 books now, and puts one in front of me, one in front of him. I pay my bill, and he just keeps on looking at all of this, and then he said: you put me in a terrible position, you know I don't have any money on me, how am I going to pay? I said, you should think about it before you ordered for $35 food and drinks for lunch. I went home where I live with 4 roommates, one girl and 3 guys. We were having dinner together on a kitchen this very night, and I shared this story being absolutely sure that they all will be on my side, calling this guy a free loader and so on. To my greater surprise ALL OF THEM were so disapproving of my behavour, that it made me cry and leave the kitchen. 2 guys said that though they disapprove of him not telling me that he had no money on him, for me to just leave him hanging there was just terrible. They justified his behavour that it was a day date, may be he was not even thinking that it would take this long as he doesn't even know me, and when I offered lunch it's like I invited him. They all agree that ordering in excess not having money was wrong, but they also added that may be he is from different circles and is more well of and little things like 35$ lunch doesn't really mean that much to him as it was for me. Another roommate said that it was so unfair to a waitress to go through this situation. I should have just paid and never see this guy again but not just leave him at the table with a bill,knowing he has no money. I just wanted some other opinions, because now I don't even know what to think anymore. I get up and leave. It's not thati feel good about the whole situation, but at least I didn't feel that I was taken advantage of. So, I go home
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): Cindycares, though you have a point saying that people who are very limited with money don't go to restaurants, I suggest you to read OP last answer again. She says, she sometimes does go out, but is always looking for deals. One thing is to spend occasionally $10-15 on lunch, and another to spend $35 on a stranger. Her spending extra $35 on this moocher might mean that for the next 2 weeks there will be no outings. That's quite a price to pay for a young girl for something she didn't plan and especially for the most unpleasant experience. The situation described is awful in its clearness that one person was taking advantage of another. I am sure it's not the first time it happened with this guy, and I am sure because the other party was put In a very uncomfortable position it went exactly the way this guy planned: his part of the check was paid. As people here suggested, his behaviour of someone who left a house without a wallet, and ordering lunch in excess is obvious in his attempt to get a free lunch. Now, we need to consider OPs age. If it was me, who is 20 years older I would understand sooner or later that a guy who invited me for a walk and keeps on walking for several hours without even offering a place to have even a cup of coffee either a social clutz or a penny pincher. I would not offer to have lunch, I would just excuse myself and leave. But OP being her young self didn't suspect anything and did offer to have lunch, as she probably enjoyed the company and didn't want this date to end. If I was in this situation I would pay for him, but only because I have no interest of spending my energy on revenge. I would not think twice though that a guy is bad news and would never see him again, and deffinitely I wouldn't expect him to pay me back. The whole situation calls for a conclusion that it would never happen. As for OPs action, she acted in a bold manner in which a 20 years old needs to act and fight for fairness. If even she didn't think at that time about other people involved, I am sure a restaurant will find a way to get money from this guy: they could take his driver license, they could call a police, and police could take his info down. But my gut tells me that there wouldn't be any need for this. I am pretty sure that somewhere in a back pocket of his jeans this guy would find a credit card.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 December 2013):
 Sorry, I meant " 20 euros... about 3 DAYS of groceries "
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (9 December 2013):
To the 9th decenber anon who says some of us don't live in the same reality as she and the OP.
In that ,you may be right.
In my reality, people who work hard over 40 hours a week just to get by and pay bills, food , rent etc... are, unluckily, the wide majority ( of those so lucky to actually STILL have a hob in our current economy ). They would not dream, though, of spending the equivalent of 20 euros, i.e. about 3 of groceries , for no special reason , other that they are feeling a little peckish and they have a hunker for something tasty. They would cut the date short and go home, or they would grab something cheap at a food stall.
Now, OP and anon, don't get mad at me- of course it is your hard earned money, and you are free to spend it any which way you like, far from me wanting to dictate what you should do with your money. But, in MY reality, people who eat in restaurants are people who can afford it - people for whom 35 bucks would NOT mean having their clothes taken off their backs. That's why I assumed that the ( possible, not certain ! maybe if she had asked, the guy was going to reimbourse her, who knows ) loss of 35 bucks was unwarranted to trigger such a take-no-prisoners reaction.
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A
female
reader, kathrina.1003  +, writes (9 December 2013):
"He offered to meet." Who invited who? Did he ask you out, or was it you who suggested you two meet? Was eating not part of the actual plan at all? Was the first date supposed to be just having a conversation while walking around?I understand why you're upset. We girls usually expect guys to offer to pay for the entire bill without batting an eyelash. However, I believe it must have been a misunderstanding: he probably assumed that you were going to pay for both your meals because according to your story, it was you who suggested to grab something to eat. That doesn't excuse him from the fault of not letting you know that he didn't have any money on him, though. He should've informed you, prior to you two finding a restaurant. He probably didn't because, again, he assumed you'd have enough money to cover both your meals, and, more importantly, he was probably too embarrassed of the fact that he was broke. Which, unfortunately, resulted in an even more embarrassing situation at the restaurant.If I were you, I probably would've settled the bill, and, depending on whether or not I was completely turned off during that first date, decide whether a second date was possible or not. If he seems like a genuinely nice guy who just seemed to be broke at the moment, I probably would give it another go, on the condition that he pays for everything on the second date.I've went out on a date with a guy before who put me in a similar situation. Asked me out for a few beers, insisting on a place that was more convenient to him than to myself, and when the bill came, he sheepishly said he didn't have any money on him. I had to pay for everything. He was an complete egomaniac, a self-absorbed ass, so needless to say, I refused to meet him again. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2013): I will add that some hardworking people like myself work 40+ hours a week for a nonprofit, and after rent, car, groceries and insurance, literally have no money left in their account. If I had been with this guy, paying his damn $35 would have overdrafted my effing bank account. Fabulous first date. So I would feel even more violated -- that he nearly took the clothes off my back.
The people saying "you should have just paid it" obviously don't live in the same reality as the OP and I do.
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A
male
reader, massage +, writes (8 December 2013):
 It's really disturbing to see how women think about paying bills for food. I am speechless. Why do you take a guy's act of kindness for granted then? I went out with girls before, and they really genuinly offered to pay for me which I do not accept, except if it's my birthday or a celebration and they wanted to treat me and after they insist for a long time. I 'll do the same thing without expecting anything in return. There is some cultures when somebody offered to go to eat, they pay because they invited you. not saying the guy was from other culture or was right. I think you are just looking for support from others instead of just hearing the advice/point of view. It sucks to hear that you were wrong, but own it if you are, there is nothing wrong with that.
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A
female
reader, Lieutenant  +, writes (8 December 2013):
In the exact same position up to the point of the bill, that is, I would have done the exact same thing. A man does not order a full plate of food without any money in his pocket and expect the woman that he's on a date with to pay for it...at least not any man that I know.
But to be honest, if the original plan was just to take a walk and talk and I got hungry, I would just have said my goodbyes, ended the date there and gone home to eat; unless he insisted on having lunch to prolong the date. But I guess your roommates are a different kind of people. I would not pay for anyone's lunch unless I explicitly stated that I was inviting them out for lunch (which I usually wouldn't considering the fact that i'm a broke student). You did not do anything wrong in my opinion.
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A
male
reader, J.B +, writes (8 December 2013):
If I were to be going out on a date even just a walk, I would always have a little money and my card with me. Obviously because if a situation like this arises you don't have any problems. Also I personally wouldn't just take it that anyone was going to pay for me just because they asked me out for a bite to eat.So I do understand why you are angry especially if his side of the bill came to double what yours cost.I do however think you acted irrationally. I know how you feel earning next to nothing since I earn less than you for doing 40 hours per week (Dumb apprenticeship minimum wage) but if I was in that situation I would offer payment for the both of us and just hope they returned the favour in the future or if it really annoyed me then just cut contact with the other person.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 December 2013):
 I was doing some digging on the internet, and it seems that this is actually an established con done by many guys, and the guys who do it are called "fishermen". The common story is that they'll talk about their successful careers and stable financial situation.
A lot of times, it's online where they'll spam a bunch of women, ask them out, eat a lot, and then "forget" their wallet. A good number of them are bluffing and when called on it, make up something about "testing" the woman to see if she was a gold digger. Others actually deliberately "forget" the wallet and put their dinner dates on the spot.
The idea of a real guy forgetting his wallet, even if it's a Dutch date or she insists from the start on paying for the day is mortifying to him. The stories of guys actually being extremely nervous and forgetting their wallets usually involve abject panic, profuse apologies, and frantic promises to repay. If the date is close enough to his home, he'll drive home breaking speed laws to get his wallet to not look like an idiot in front of the woman he's trying like hell to impress on the all-important first date.
This guy shows a lack of any of the traits of an honest mistake. He set this up to con the meal and maybe more if he could get away with it. The OP is lucky the meal wasn't $200.
The reason for the fisherman con?? Well, apart from the free meal and possible getting laid, this is the guy's way of sticking it to women. As in, they're pissed at feminism and what they view as a woman's sense of entitlement and their own seeming emasculation, and they milk the women for whatever they can get all in the name of protest and a twisted sense of justified outrage for a woman taking their power away, but demanding the trappings of chivalry.
You did the right thing by splashing him with reality. I would have still considered the server, but he needed the lesson and he needed it good. The final proof that this wasn't a misunderstanding that you rubbed his face in was the guilt: "you put me in a terrible position, you know I don't have any money on me, how am I going to pay?"
Even if it *was* a misunderstanding, he would have offered to reimburse. He would have apologized for the misunderstanding, not smile, say "this was a misunderstanding" and then sit there waiting for you to pay. No guy who wants to see a girl again and get to know her would dream of acting like that, even if he did feel like she legitimately should have paid.
Tell your roommates that this is an actual orchestrated ploy.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 December 2013):
 It seems to me, reading through the answers of the others, the easy and best solution to fix any bad guilt on behalf of waitresses, and to also know if he lied or not, would be to call the restaurant.
"Hello, I was visiting yesterday with a man who claimed he had no money to pay his bill. I left him with his share of the bill. Looking back, I'm thinking this could have left the waitress in a bad spot, if he actually couldnot pay his way. So, I am calling because I want to reimburse the waitress for any difficulties she had, and also give her a good tip for her effort."
Then you will find out if he did in fact have money to oay his way. And if he didn't, you will have your chance to make up for whatever difficulties you may have left the waitress in. I don't know about the system in your country, but here in Norway it wouldn't have come out of the waitress money at all. It'd be a problem for the restaurant, not the waitress, as in Norway they get paid per hour, not per customer. Tipping waitresses is not customary in Norway, so I wouldn't know about that. But seeing as she DID do you a favour, and yuo probably did stick her with the problem, it'd be a nice gesture to reimburse her for the trouble. Even though it was your date's problem, not yours. But it'd be a nice gesture from your part, and you'd be guilt free.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 December 2013):
 Good for you!
If the man had, by some unforeseen circumstances and through no fault of his own, been unable to pay the bill, had informed you the moment he discovered it and did his best to minimize the damage and/or offer to reimburse you later then I think it would have been rigid of you to leave him there high and dry.
This was not the case. Even before meeting you he arbitrarily decided that you would be footing the bill for the entire date by yourself. A date he invited you on. And knowing you were unaware of the additional expense he assumed you'd incur he made no effort to reduce that cost.
His plan FROM THE START was to worm a free meal out of you and possibly more. He did this on purpose and he counted on you feeling guilty or feeling sorry for him. He's a con man.
Whatever your pinhead friends may think, you taught this man a valuable lesson and he was lucky to get it when he did. That bill could easily have been $265 instead of $50. And it could have been an hour's drive away (in your car).
If more women spoke up more quickly and acted decisively when they were treated badly, a lot more of them would be a whole lot happier.
You absolutely did the right thing. Don't second guess anything you did.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 December 2013):
I wanted to be excruciatingly clear when I read through your account, because normally I am a "whoever does the asking out does the paying" on a first date. If it's clear that *he* initiated the meeting, which from what I was reading about, he was the "asker", then he was way out of line. Who the hell asks a woman out for a first date without carrying a wallet?? Who asks a woman out on a FIRST DATE in order to just go on a walk? And even if you did the "I'm hungry" discussion first, he should have said "I'd love to, but I'm really short on cash". He initiated the date, so it is on him. That's what first dates are - a meal and a chance to get to know the other person. He initiated, so it was on him to either pay, or at the very least let you know that he didn't have the means for a lunch when you said you were hungry.
The guys who defended him saying that he could have not considered it a proper date because it was the lunch hour, I have two words for him: TWO BEERS. That alone disqualified that theory. A lunch date doesn't involve alcohol. It involves something light from the lunch menu, like $10 or less (or the 2 for 20 or whatever the place offered), instead, he was a freeloader who gorged and sucked down beer like it was 7pm.
My thought was that while you had every right to NOT pay his half of the bill, since he was the date initiator, your actions had collateral damage. Most restaurants make a server who has a "dine and dasher" pay out of their own tips, and they deduct the bartender's and bus boy's tip portion out of the check regardless of whether the person pays a tip or how adequate the tip is.
I would have paid because I have friends who either were or are servers, and I treat all servers well both in courtesy and politeness and financially. Unless a server was rude and threw my food at me, I pay minimum 20%, and if the service was above and beyond, so is my tip. I wouldn't hurt a server in my quest to teach a moocher a lesson because they make a living and I might want to show my face there again. At the very least, I would have called that restaurant a couple of hours later and found out whether or not the guy paid, and I would have generously compensated the server if he hadn't. I would have also told him or her what happened. That way the lesson would have been learned and an innocent person wouldn't have been caught in the crosshair.
As for the guy, in my opinion, he hung you out to twist when he pulled that little "I don't have a wallet" lie, and so don't feel bad for hanging him out to twist. HE initiated the date. He shouldn't have been the douche who didn't offer to buy dinner OR explain from the start that his financial situation can only afford a couple of bucks for an ice cream, giving you the chance to eat before you met with him so you wouldn't be nauseous.
But your friend who had the server in mind was right. You hurt that poor girl, and she could have lost her job because of what you did, and certainly she had to pay out of her own pocketbook, meaning possibly taking food from the mouth of her kids if she had any. Not only that, but you added insult to injury by asking her to go back and split the bill into separate checks, which for 99% of servers is extra work to go back, void, and re-itemize. You should have made the server whole if your mooch boyfriend hadn't.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (8 December 2013):
 You're my hero OP!! What you did was just GREAT and you literally did something that many of us wont have the guts to do for fear of looking bad...but you didn't care and that was RIGHT! OP I too have been in this situation a couple of times; my date ordered tons of food and all I had was a lemonade and a teeny pizza, and he took a bite out of that too, joking about the fact that I didn't need all that cheese (imagine his cheek!!) and when he saw the waiter coming with the bill, he conveniently left the table to "attend a phone call" and JUST wouldn't look at me. I waited for him to come, he didn't, I paid the bill...and I think that asshole saw it from the corner of his eye, and came rushing back.
I regret it to this day. I shouldn't have paid for his share but I did and I learnt my lesson the hard way. You did right OP, you taught him a lesson he will never forget. Good for you OP!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): I just want to add that it was kind of strange post from first responder to text him and ask him if he got home allright??
I never want to see him or hear from him again, and will try to forget this awfull episode, why do you even think that I can possibly care for someone like this?
And yes, people come to this site for sympathy, what's wrong with that?
Also I wanted to say that I am a full time student on my last year at university. I work very hard, and live very frugal as I only work 20 hours a week and bring home 250$ a week. That's why I live with so many people to save on rent and bills. My parents still pay my car insurance as I can't afford it. My budget is very strict, and though I allow myself outing sometimes, I can't really afford to pay for anyone else. When I go out with my friends I am always looking for some deals like ladies night or happy hours. This time will end soon, when I am done with college and find a good job, but for now this is how it is.
This guys is 6 years older. He was done with school few years ago and works for a big company. He knows about me being a student and he knows what kind of work I do, so he is very well aware that there is not much money here. And to act as shamelessly as he did its just
unspeakable.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): For those of you who are on my side, thank you, I still feel that I was right.
For those who answered I have to have a sympathy for this guy that he might just forgot his wallet and what a bitch I am, let me tell you that if he didn't order such an expensive meal, and alcogol knowing he has no money, I would pay for his lunch. It's not about $35, it's shamelessness of his how he ordered one of the most expensive dishes and not one but 2 bears, not saying a word about him not having money.
When I go on a date and I feel that a guy will pay for me, I NEVER order anything expensive, and never have more than one glass of wine, unless he insists. I think it's just polite.
I think he is a scammer and he needed to be punished like that. I think he didn't just do it with me, he was not even a bit embarrassed when he said it was misunderstanding. May be this episode will teach him.
Thank you all for answering:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2013): In the case of this is your first time with this guy and you guys are complete strangers and he has no money when he uses something. I disagree strongly with everyone who thinks you were cruel or wrong. Further more they are all liars if they say yeah I take strangers out to dinner and spot the bill. This guy was not a friend more less someone you knew well. You have to build a report with people to prove trustworthiness. You don't do what he did. If he didn't have money he should have just ordered water. Or he could have shared it with you. This is a he'll no thing to tolerate. I probably would have paid for him though buy you took up for yourself and you nipped his behavior in the bud. It makes it next date easier.
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A
male
reader, massage +, writes (7 December 2013):
ok not to make things worst because you already cried and I don't wanna be cruel, it's this simple:
you should have paid and never seen the guy if you really thought he wasa free loader.
It's gonna come situation when you have to pay for the other guy as an act of kindness.
are you the type that accepts the guy paying? if so why? since you dont even give back...
may be because it was a walk, he was just wearing running shorts and shoes and didn't carry his wallet...it is possible he didn't have money... you are smart for not letting people taking advantage of you because you work hard for you money but have sympathy, empathy.. sometimes
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 December 2013):
I am inclined too to think that probably it was not just a misunderstanding. The guy tried his luck- unsuccessfully. Supposing that you had said something like " Why don't we go to grab a bite ? ", which could be misconstrued as an invitation, still, knowing he had no money on himself, just in case he should have said, sorry I left home without any money - or sorry, I think I'll have to pass , or something . And if he is so clueless , or clumsy that he did not know how to handle this kind of situation- well, then he is not ready to date and should not even attempt it for now. So, I think he did it on purpose, which is bad.... YET...
no, the punishment does not fit the crime. I'd say it is cruel and unusual punishment.
First, you cannot be SURE that it was not actually a misunderstanding in good faith.( And what's the thing about him ordering a full plate ? why, when you invite a friend to lunch or dinner do you count their morsels ? Do you expect your guests only to order salad, or a side of potatoes, even if they are hungry ? And how would they know that ,if you don't tell them ?.)
Second, I have no sympathy for moochers, but- you don't need to make this kind of waves for 35 bucks. What happened when you left the restaurant ? .. For all you know, they may have called the manager , made some humiliating public scene, kicked him out and / or banned him from coming back - they might even have called the police ,as for that ! Jeez, OK, you were pissed and probably with the right to be , but what do you want, a pound of flesh in exchange for a ( maybe ) mooched meal ?
You could have told him " You owe me 35 bucks, I need them back by - X day - ". So, IF the guy was in good faith, you were going to get your money back. If he had tried to stiff you , yet he liked you and wanted to see you again, he would have got the message that you don't let people mess with you or your money, would not have been going to try a similar stint on you ever again, and you would have got your money back. If he did not give a damn about you and only went out with you to mooch a meal - then, yes,in this case you were never going to see your 35 bucks again.
Even si , personally I am surprised that you feel that 35 bucks warrant this kind of tar-and-feather treatment.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (7 December 2013):
I think he was lying. Who leaves the house these days without money? He is a grown man, not a child. You were in no way responsible for him. Scheez, hes not a toddler whos hand you need to hold and call to make sure he got home safe. Who orders TWO beers and a full plate on the FIRST date just assuming the other person will pay? That is unheard of in Norway, for sure. If you offered to pay, in CLEAR words, itd be one thing. But he just assumed. And if you ask me, he lied. No doubt he did have money. You can always call the restaurant and ask discreetely how it went. They would remember if a guest couldnt pay.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013):
To the male poster she isn't his mother.. And what guy turns up on a date without cash or a card ??? Hmmm
Look sweetie you did the right thing, you were put in a very bad situation and you worked the best possible solution .. Who spends hours and hours with someone not thinking their going to have to at some point have something to eat ??
I think you were very brave .. Don't let the views of your flat mates get you down .. You didn't do anything wrong. He can easyily write the establishment a I owe you with his name address phone number employment details, etc or they would copy his driving license if he had one etc and they would give him a reasonable amount of time to pay say day or two ..
As he said it was an honest mistake, so he can easily cough up the dough or wash their dishes ..
Females don't pay on the first date it's not gentleman .. However current climate may preclude going halfs , or paying for what you have eaten .
I mean people don't have the finances nowadays to carry other people, do you work of a budget ?? Tell your flat mates if pestered on this .. Would you like me telling you I haven't the full amount towards the rent because douche bag had me paying for his meal .. They wouldn't like that .
Chalk this up to you live and learn. You keep a stiff upper lip sweetie don't let anyone say you were in the wrong .. I talked this over with my hubby and he said ' damn right ' if some dude has the front to do this he had the front to get his self out of it .. He was hoping you would cave and pay the bill.
Ps. Don't let yourself get into this situation again next time you say lunch say cheekily, shall we go halfers' hopefully the next guy will respond by saying ' hell no I'm paying ' take cars sweetie
Don't feet to much, he's not worth it x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 December 2013):
 I'm sorry I wouldn't have paid a dime either. When you said, hey I need to stop and eat something - HE should have said I didn't bring any money. And I would have grabbed a McD/Burger King instead of going to restaurant.
I think it's a REALLY DOUCHY move for a GUY to ask a girl to meet up and then "forget" his wallet. Who The F... walk around without a wallet on them?
HE ASSUMED you would pay. HE ASSUMED you SHOULD pay. Sorry, I would have done the same thing as you.
I'm not saying HE should have paid for the whole meal, NO he should have NOT ordered if he didn't HAVE money or TELL you, hey, I didn't bring any money - THAT way YOU could CHOOSE to treat him or not. But but NOT bringing it up til the bill is ready to be paid? LOW douchy move. He cold have asked you to "spot" him the money til "next" date or what not, no he just SAT and ASSUMED you should pay.
I'm sorry your room mates think you were mean.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013): I will personally never order anything at any restaurant that I cannot pay for with my own money, whether it's friends, family or a date (when I was still dating) just in case the "invitation" wasn't an invitation for more than to accompany them to the same establishment and dine at the same table. To me, it sounds like he had you walking around until you had no choice but to suggest getting something to eat and then suckering you into paying for him as well. Since this was the very first meeting between the 2 of you, I would say that you were absolutely right to put your foot down and ask for the check to be split. Had this been a friend, it would have been horrible to leave them like that, but I think your instincts were right on and I for one am proud of you for not letting that louse take advantage of you. Pay no mind to the opinions of your roommates, if they want to allow people to take advantage of them then they can allow it, there's no reason for you to allow the same.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (7 December 2013):
 When I read your question I was horrified because through miscommunication and misunderstanding any of us could have been in that poor guy's situation. We don't know what words were exchanged between you that led him to come to the understanding he did, after all it seems eating was at your insistence.
Sure, even if he believed you were offering to buy him lunch he should not have gone for the expensive dish, and yes somebody with a little more experience or maturity may have spoken up when you suggested eating, but to go split the bill like you did and leave him there AFTER he had already had to admit he had no money on him, well that was the action of a bitch.
Everybody makes mistakes, and sometimes misunderstands but your actions were deliberately nasty.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (7 December 2013):
Ok I think he should definitely have told you he had no money the minute you suggested getting food. If someone I'd just met asked me to go for lunch I would have said 'I'm sorry I didn't think we'd be eating so I didn't bring money with me', then he could either offer to pay then and there or not bother eating.
However, leaving him there when you knew he had no way of paying was really mean. Some people think that the person who suggests going for food is the person who should treat. I don't necessarily agree and would always offer to at least go dutch, but I wouldn't be mortally offended if someone had got the wrong end of the stick and thought I'd offered either. I certainly wouldn't have embarrassed him the way you did. Couldn't you have picked up the bill just this once? Or told him he had to pay you back afterwards? I'm sorry but to me you seem very selfish and inflexible to have not at least tried to find a way to help him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013): I agree with what you did 100%. If all that you wrote was true, then I totally side with you and would've done more or less the same. He acted like a pig and expected you to pay for him. If he had no money, he should've stated that in the beginning and refused to eat or go out. You go girl :) I believe your roommates were incorrect in their criticisms.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (7 December 2013):
 When I read your story, I was cheering for you all the way. You go girl. I don't blame you one bit. The guy needed to learn a lesson in dating. I bet he won't do that to another girl in a hurry:) The guy sounded like a free loader and a scam artist. I bet you weren't the first girl he did this to. You handled this situation in a classy, effective manner.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2013): You got your opinions from your flatmates, but you didn't like them. SO you come here for sympathy, nice. I hope you texted that guy to ask if he got home ok after you left him stranded
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