A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been hanging out with my ex boyfriend this past month, after being broken up for about 5 months. Yes we are sleeping together, hanging out, acting like a couple. But he tells me today that he is not ready to get back into a relationship. He needs time to "focus on himself". He says that he needs to be honest with me and doesn't want to lead me on and hurt me. He claims he loves hanging out with me and talking to me. He says he loves me and will always love me but can't promise what will happen in the future. I just don't understand we have a great time together and seemed like we never lost that connection. I appreciate his honesty but I am really hurt by this, I was expecting another chance for us. What do you guys think??
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (11 December 2013):
 Here's the key ingredient to your disdain: "... I appreciate his honesty...."
This guy isn't being HONEST with you, at all. You have admitted that you and he are having sex, again.... SOooo, his lovely (and "honest") words are so much B/S....
YOU are putting out for him... so HE is getting what he wants. YOU are NOT getting what you want.... from him... That is, something "boyfriend-like"....
Forget that "honesty" that you believe that he is spouting... and believe, to yourself, that he is USING you... and will continue to do so, for a long as you allow it... AND, you continue to give him "passes" for his behaviour and non-committment.....
Good luck...
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 December 2013):
 His honesty? If he were being honest he'd have informed you he wasn't ready for a relationship BEFORE enjoying all the trappings of one. What he did, OP, was akin to consuming a full course meal, then dessert and when presented with the bill, declaring he isn't in a position to pay for it.But hey, if you consider that honest and think this is the sort of person you want as a repeat customer then...whatever floats your boat.
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A
female
reader, april.garcia41 +, writes (10 December 2013):
the fact that it seems like you're okay being in that type of relationship, he realizes he doesn't have to try much. therefore he doesn't find it necessary to make things official. try to disappear for a while. let him miss u and let him look for u. or.. at least try to opt out of the sex because you're just hurting yourself. I'm in the same situation. it's been 6 months since my x broke up with me because i cheated. we still talk and we are friends, but because i know that cheating is something that is hard to get over, when he asks to get more intimate with me i say no because giving in doesn't guarantee me that he will get back with me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 December 2013):
 You are FWB and the second he finds a girl he loves he will leave you....
BTDT...stop putting out for him and see what happens....
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (10 December 2013):
 I have to agree with other aunts, you free convenient sex to him, FWB. He does not see a long term relationship with you. You need to either end this relationship or keep the FWB status and start disinvesting from the relationship.
Its best to go cold Turkey and end things with no contact. If you do not end things now, you will be setting yourself up for future heartache. There is no what ifs, its a question of time.
I know you probably thinking what if he realises he want you? So what? If he treats you so badly and strings you along, is he really that worth it? It hurts like hell and you dreams are shattered but its is better you start now than have deal with him walking out on you and setting up shop with another woman.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 December 2013):
 This is what happens when you don't TALK about. A whole month.
YOU ASSUMED that because this seemed back to normal that they WERE back to normal, and he KNEW that, but played ignorant in order to have that "GF experience" without having to commit.
That way he had someone familiar to have sex with, hang out with and be lovey dovey with, but by telling you he is basically saying I DO NOT want to get back together, but you are good enough to use while I "find myself" greener grass.
Yes, he is using you. Using the fact that he KNEW/KNOW you wanted to get back together.
Now he did that for a whole months and then left the ball in your court. Either you keep being "fwb" and act like a couple or you say, OK this is NOT what I want. IF we aren't getting back together, I am done. And then no more games.
Focus on himself, my ass.
Sorry honey, if you keep doing this "pretend relationship" with him YOU are the one ending up hurt. He finally TOLD you he doesn't want to DATE you. My guess is he waited a month to get you feeling secure and happy about getting back together, that way you might accept being FWB.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 December 2013):
 I think that he is leaving his optiona open and shopping around for a new gf. In the meantime , old reliable available convenient you will do just fine.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (10 December 2013):
 I think he is directly telling you that he DOES NOT want a relationship with you, but he is using the 'LOVE' word because he knows that will guarantee you still have sex with him.
Some people think they can string someone along by being clever and using certain phrases.
He knows you want another chance and he is taking full advantage of that fact by continuing to have sex with you and hang out with you...but he has a frickken HUGE sign up in front of your face at the same time:
'I DON'T WANT TO BE WITH YOU BUT I DON'T MIND USING YOU FOR SEX UNTIL SOMEONE BETTER COMES ALONG'
Do yourself a favour...STOP HAVING SEX WITH HIM...and see how long the friendship lasts after that. When you do confront him he will say 'But I was being honest...I told you I didn't want a relationship right now'...yeah right!!!
He isn't a decrnt guy...a decent guy would have ended it and had enough respect to leave you alone.
Having sex with him will continue to hurt you and it absolutely WILL NOT make him take you back...so stop being stupid...say goodbye and move on.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (10 December 2013):
 i think he's using you for sex. like a fwb. if i were you, i'd remove him from your life before you wind up even more hurt. he's not looking for the same things as you and his emotions are not invested like yours are.
the best thing you can do for yourself is move on.
good luck.
fyi, that is pretty dirty of him to mislead you for an entire month. he never should have done that.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (10 December 2013):
I think that he wanted to get laid so he called you. And he obviously likes you but it doesn't sound like he's interested in a relationship with you.
What else is there to say? You can hang out for awhile to see if anything changes, but I wouldn't hold my breath. Just enjoy what you have but don't let your guard down too soon or you may be hurt.
"I don't want a relationship" means "I might meet someone else."
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