A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi, first of all thank you so much for any help!I'm in a bit of a bind. Backstory: I'm a freshman in college, and I entered college not looking for a relationship. In HS I had two year and a half long relationships, and I entered college wanting to have fun and not worry about that. I became really, really close with this guy (let's call him X) who is in an extracurricular club with me, and lives a few floors above me. A couple of times when we were drunk, people asked if we were going to hook up, and I said no, of course not, I didn't think of him like that. Then, one time I was totally smashed and we hooked up. I kind of regretted it, and after talking to my friends, decided to not again, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. We had a conversation about where things were headed and both said we weren't looking for a relationship, and we liked our friends and hooking up thing.However, since we are such good friends, things slowly started to turn towards relationship-y stuff: every dorm has a college "dance" where you set up your roommate with someone random you think they'd like to hook up with, but instead of going with a random person, the guy asked me to go with him; we went to dinner and a movie a few times, did lots of relationship-y things... Then a couple days ago, he asked me out. I said that I needed to think about it, and he told me that it would be completely okay if I didn't want to, because as I said, "we basically are dating anyways." He said it's okay if we didn't want to label it yet.Here's the problem. I find his personality crazy attractive, but I just don't find him very attractive. I know it's shallow, but I don't know what to do. My friends didn't think I should have hooked up with him to begin with, and I'm just really confused. I'm not sure how important this is.Another note: I have hooked up with a couple other people. X told me a few weeks ago that he wasn't hooking up with anyone else, but that he didn't expect me to say anything or do the same, he was doing it by choice. X is not very experienced, and I'm not sure I want to commit to that yet.What do you think I should do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2013): First, my advice, don't hook up on campus withso many people, it's not a good start, news travel fast. You don't want to be a campus slut that hooks up with everyone.
And of course you know the answer: leave the guy alone.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 December 2013):
 Don't date him. And stop hooking up with him. The poor guy has a crush on you, while you only can bring yourself to be sexual with him when you are pissed drunk, and that says a lot. You need to find someone that you are attracted to as a package, mind and body- and he needs not to be anybody's lapdog and find someone who really LIKES him. So stay just friends and keep things non relationship-y.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (11 December 2013):
 i think it all just depends on how you feel. you can be extremely attracted to someone's personality and not their physical appearance and still be happy because their personality makes them absolutely adorable and beautiful to you.
do you feel this way? or do you literally just see him as a friend?
you seem kinda hesitant to jump into this with him. i think there's a reason you're feeling this way. i think if he was someone you were incredibly interested in, you would know it and you would have said yes to his asking you out. i think you should stay friends and wait for the guy who just knocks your socks off to come your way.
and in the meantime, perhaps feelings for this guy will develop as you remain friends? who knows. whatever is meant to be will be. but as long as you have reservations about the relationship, you shouldn't commit to it. it will be a mistake.
good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2013): Hi, I'm the OP.
I think I really misrepresented our relationship. I don't feel I'm "using him" in that I adore hanging out with him and I consider him an amazing guy who I have tons of fun with. I'd say he's one of the people I'm closest with, by far, at college. I do like him a lot, I'm just not sure how important the attraction aspect is. I love going on dates with him and I've been introduced to his friend group and stuff, we have a constant text conversations, and I find his personality crazy attractive.
Hope that helps clarify a bit!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 December 2013):
 Tell him you are not interested in him in that way abd stop sleeping with him. Its not that difficult to keep your legs crossed. If you get too drunk to say no then dont get that drunk. He obviously likes you and you are just using him. You arent friends, he wants more. Aytraction does matter. If you dont like him that way then stop leading him on. Btw, how can you sleep with him if you dont find him attractive? Ih well, you dont have to explain that one. Just get a grip and stop stringing him along. The worst you can do is enter a relationship with him out of convenience.
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (11 December 2013):
 If you don't find him physically attractive then he is no more than a friend.
Don't lead him on and give him false hope if your not sure, he has already told you he has decided to see you exclusively so he's shut off other options.
I think you like the idea of a relationship - just not with him - or you would have no doubts and would have all the symptoms of a love sick puppy by now - which you don't.
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