A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We have been dating for ten months, we had a fight last week that I was mad at him for not doing much with me. So we make up and have a great weekend together and I ask him what we are doing for new years and he said he is going out with his friends to the casino and some of them are bringing their wives and girl friends. He cant take me because they are friends with his ex wife and do not like me. While I dont like them either. Isnt it wrong of him to still continue with his plans even though we made up? We fought for three days. I think its inconsiderate. Am I wrong?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 December 2013):
 Yeah that would not be OK, I would wish him a Happy New year and welcome to being Single again.
The fact is you two are not a good match. HIS social circle doesn't WANT you around so he RATHER please them by keeping you away. YOU don't like HIS social circle either, so.. not much to do there. This is not likely to change, so when in the future you two get more serious, THIS WILL NOT CHANGE.
I would plan something with your friends for New Years, since you will soon be single.... lol
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2013):
 Wow this would be a total deal breaker for me.
IF you are a couple then his friends have to accept you and be your friends or at least friendly to you. He's not even making an effort to attempt to integrate you into his life with his friends... is this really OK for you?
word it this way "HE CAN take me to the casino with his friends HE CHOOSES not to"
does that make your choice clearer?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 December 2013):
 It is inconsiderated but have you thought where this lack of consideretion comes from ? it sounds like there's an imbalance here, he is your priority and your first choice of company to spend an important holiday with- while you for him are one among different options, and not the best one because he chooses to pleases not just his friends but their wives over you.
I am not even saying that he SHOULD necessarily choose you because it's a tough choice and for some people friends or family members are exactly as important, or more, than their partners . Just that if you aren't cool with that, and you want a man who, having to choose between his social life and his love life, would choose the second and always will put you first , well, that clearly is not your bf.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 December 2013):
 Without knowing why they don't like you this situation does not look good for the future of your relationship. If you are expected to be on your own for significant holidays and events because he prefers to spend them with people who don't like you, what sort of relationship is that?
Meh, I'd give him a little peck on the cheek and tell him "bye bye, I hope you have a good time at the Casino" and find something else to do on New Year, and the day after, and every day after that as well.
You are not his priority, so why stay with him, unless you like being second best!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): I would be hurt by his insensitivity. New year's eve is such a big event for most of us that it's 100% a given that you would include your girlfriend! It may be a bit complicated what with you being the new gf, they all are friend with the ex, etc. but there's nothing difficult about being polite and giving you a chance, more importantly I assume you are hoping this to be a long term relationship or more? In that case they'e gonna have to get to know you eventually, you can't just keep hiding in the shadows like you did something wrong!
Other than this I think it's really insensitive that he made those plans, KNOWING you would not be invited, without telling you first, or asking what YOU would like to do for new years. Some men, perticularly older ones who are set in certain ways, forget to always think about themselves as an 'us', so this could be merely an oversight, lack of communication, OR it could be that he simply doesn't care enough to consider you on an important day. The former can change, the latter just can't.
I would express these feeling calmly to him and if he gets it then great, if he doesn't see anything wrong with what he did well then it sounds like you're with a bit of a loser.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, sleepingbeauty +, writes (23 December 2013):
It's hard to say without knowing the full story but in reality--you two must be wasting your time together. If you fight and it last for three whole days and you two are only dating, you're both wasting your time. If that isn't bad enough, he doesn't even want to BE with you on such a romantic holiday. I hope you don't think that I am saying that YOU aren't good enough to be with him. I think that you should both find other options if you don't even get to spend time with someone you love--especially if you think you're being punished for fighting last week.
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