A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay aunts and uncles, I really need help with a text message gone really wrong. Here is a layout of our relationship okay. He lives 4 hours away. We met one time before but we were not alone together remember that. He is coming down to spend a week with me in march. We have been talking about being very serious, as we have had 6 years to get to know each other. He is 29. He tells me he is tired of being alone, and is ready for us to commit, and eventually move in together. Yet in the middle of texting last night, I get a random message that has nothing to do with our conversation. It said "Your smile, the way your face lit up when we were alone"Now mind you, we have never been alone together. And that text had nothing to do with our convo. I said I think you sent the wrong text and he said huh what did I send. Since then I havent have the nerve nor want to reply to him. I dont know what to do. He seemed so genuine to me. I keep thinking this has to be a mistake. Because he acts like he has no idea what im talking about. Am I overreacting since he isnt officially my boyfriend? He wants to be, and apparently has a hell of a way showing it. I just feel like if you want to prove yourself to someone, or only want to be with one person, why let that accident happen. But then again, we arent official yet, so maybe I'm just being immature. Advice is much needed.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 December 2013):
 Yes, it definitely sounds like it was a text for another woman. Are you really surprised ? I doubt he can have been living for the last 6 years just with the confort and company .. of that one visit to you. You are not a couple yet, and apparently he is keeping his options open and playing on different tables.
Which is not something wicked,per se. At the moment you are not dating, he can do what he wants. BUT I'd take with a big pinch of salt his declarations that he is ready for something serious and ready to settle down etc. If he is ready, nonetheless do not assume he is ready to do that with you- since he is obviously shopping around.
A
female
reader, jls022  +, writes (24 December 2013):
I'm afraid I think your intuition is right and he has someone else (or is trying to make that the case). To be honest I think you deserve better anyway though - 6 years and he's only met you once? My parents met on vacation and lived 4 hours apart. They visited each other every weekend apart from one for 2 years (week about at each other's home city) before they got married and my Mum moved from England to Scotland to be with him. They have now been together for 32 years. It takes sacrifice but if you want it enough it can be done, so there is no excuse for the lack of visits. That paired with the strange message you received means I think you should be careful with this guy. I wish you the best of luck though.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (24 December 2013):
Perhaps he was indeed texting someone else like you imagine. This would be a bad thing if the two of you were a couple but you guys are not. I am sure he IS genuine but perhaps his options are open at the moment.
The choices and decisions are up to you. Do not get sucked in by someone you are not even dating. Try to spend some months to actually get to know the person before doing anything committal. This would mean 3months of physical dating. This will allow you to know his past, present and future. You would also be wise to keep your options open, since this person is clearly doing the same :)
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 December 2013):
 I agree 100% with YouWish statement:
*** 4 hours away is an excuse not to meet every week. 4 hours away and matching schedules is a reason not to meet every fortnight, but once in a YEAR is suspicious, let alone once in SIX YEARS.***
ONCE in 6 years?
It does sound VERY VERY suspicious and I would not be surprised if he had a "local" girl of some sort.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell see, over the last six years I had my own life. I got pregnant 3 years ago almost and have a son that is now two. He says his bills (car note, apartment, food gas etc) doesnt leave him extra money. He talks to me on the phone til he falls asleep sometimes. I have a good sense of when I'm being played. I never felt that way with him. He wanted to come down in January for his birthday, but it was I who insisted he save his money and wait until march. So we can spend his whole vacation together. I was just so shocked by the text message. Sitting here imagining who he could have been sending that too. It makes me sad.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2013):
 if he was interested in you that much he would NOT wait till march to see you.
sounds like he's got a finger in a lot of pies... proceed with caution as it sounds like he's hedging his bets and has more than just you on his plate.
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A
female
reader, Paper Sky +, writes (23 December 2013):
 Sorry, but it sounds a little fishy to me. Also, you've been speaking for 6 years but have only ever met once? Don't you find that really odd? It sounds to me like he may have another relationship with somebody else that you don't know about.
You may think you know him but how well can you really know somebody that you've only ever met once? It doesn't take 6 years for a guy to know if he's interested or not. I think you're being played. He only lives 4 hours away so there's really no excuse for him not meeting up with you in person.
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