A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, i'd really appreciate some honest opinions. Like a lot of people my age i ended up being very stupid and getting into what you could call a "casual" relationship. It was just sex for him but it wasn't for me and i ended up pretty heart broken.He and i stayed in touch after it was over. He told me that he wanted to stay friends and i did believe him at first. Mainly because he had started a relationship with someone else. It turned out that his idea of friendship was very different from mine. Every time we were alone he would try and touch me inappropriately or say things.We fell out a few times over it because i found his behaviour confusing as one minute he was saying he wanted to be friends but the next he would act like that when he saw me. Eventually he got engaged to his now wife and i decided to have no more contact with him. For both myself and her (even though i've never met her).We didn't speak for a long time, maybe a year, then out of the blue he sends me a friend request on Facebook a couple of weeks ago. Seeing as a lot of time had passed i accepted it because i thought things might be different now. I've spoken to him once, very briefly on Facebook, just normal "how are you?'s" etc which i don't have a problem with.However, he text me Friday evening saying "Hey, i'm back for this weekend x"i replied "Hi. Oh right, ok?"He then asked how i was and i just said i was fine and asked how he was. He then text me again yesterday morning and said asked if i was working. I said that i wasn't and he then said that he was glad he was back in town and that he likes being back.I just said something like "Oh, that's nice". He then started asking how my job was going. I didn't respond until today because i forgot to answer. I haven't heard anything else from him but i don't like the fact that he's just acting like we can forget everything that happened. He hasn't even mentioned the fact that he got married! He must know that i know because it's all over Facebook. What do you think he wants? Have i made a mistake by responding?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 There is nothing weird about it, especially since you didn't invite him to add you. People do it all the time.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 December 2013):
 It's easier than you think . You just decide you'll do X because you know it's the right thing , and you stick to it . Even if it may cause you , or others, psychological discomfort - you decide, and stay true to your decision.
So, you decide to delete him, and delete him- who frigging cares what he thinks, it's not as if he has to like you, in fact the least he likes you the best for you !. So just delete him and keep him deleted-what he may think does NOT concern you.
Then, you say that everytime you hope that " this time is different " but actually you know that you have been proven wrong and that you are thinking wrong. So, DECIDE to do the right thing , which is to ignore him, no matter which way he may chose to contact you ( .. but if you delete him everywhere , he won't contact you ...). Once you have decided, you keep ignoring him, no matter what.
Just make up your mind , and stick to your decision.
It is quite simple : you DECIDE something and respect YOUR OWN decisions.
All the rest, are just excuses.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just thought it might make me look a bit weird seeing as i accepted the friendship thing and text him back then all of a sudden deleted him without saying anything. I know i really shouldn't care what he thinks but i always seem to do the wrong thing. It seems like any other woman would just either tell him to get lost straight away or ignore him but i always think "maybe it's different this time" then get hurt and have to start all over again. I wish i was more confident in myself, that's all.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 December 2013):
No, it does not make you look like a weirdo, it makes you look like a person who has changed her mind, or like a girl who does not want to flirt with married men.
Both very normal things.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (25 December 2013):
 How would that make you look like a weirdo? It look more like a person who REALIZED that maybe it wasn't a good idea. Besides WHO cares what he thinks, right?
Chin up and don't worry about things you CAN NOT control. Only thing you CAN control is YOUR own actions and deed. So think before you act and act according to your morals and values.
Don't stress about things that DO NOT matter.
Merry Christmas.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI removed him from Facebook yesterday. I'm just worried that it makes me look like a weirdo that i accepted and now i've deleted him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@HoneyPie.
Thanks. Yeah, i guess you're right. We've been "friends" on Facebook for a few weeks but he's only spoken to me once. I get the feeling that he only added me to see if i would accept and to maybe look at my profile to see if i've moved on.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 December 2013):
Best way to "butter up" a person is to pretend to be friends. Once they feel comfortable around you again, that is when he will try..
He was never really a friend, because friends don't fuck friends.
If he wanted to really be friends he would have told you about his wedding and wife. Because THAT is something a FRIEND would do.
You already said being in a casual relationship with him was a youthful dumb mistake, so STOP making those. THINK a little before you jump in.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for answering. I suppose i knew deep down that he only wanted one thing but i guess i was secretly hoping he really could see me as a friend and treat me like one but i guess that's never going to happen.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 December 2013):
 what do i think he wants... he wants to get laid.
what should you do? just ignore him and get on with your life.
unfriend him on facebook (he may not even notice) and block him if you must...
he figured he's contact you and if you offered he'd be there.
he'll try again... ignore him... he's not worth the effort even if he has changed what's the point... or you could ask his WIFE if she would like you to be friends with him...
NO good can come of you having contact with him.
you will get hurt, she will get hurt... and he gets to continue to be a self-serving ass.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (23 December 2013):
Or maybe he has contacted some other girl from his little black book, got it on with her and got his fill of extramarital sex for the week.
OP, don't play dumb, you know what he wants, and you know you should not have accepted his friend's request because you are only looking for trouble ( and possibly courting heartbreak ) this way.
What made you think that " this time will be different " ? If he never gave you the time of the day for anything but sexual purposes in all your past history, what has suddenly happened to make him change his mind and decide that you are the platonic friend he can't do without ? considering that you weren't really friends even before but casual sex partners ?
And even if,- how this great platonic friendship would go on, secretly ? behind hos wife's back ? That's most probable , since he never even mention he got married , as friend would surely have done , and as another Aunt already remarked. A secret friendship would not be correct or loyal anyway, so keep out of it.
Unfriend him, and focus your energy on making true, new, real friends, of both sexes,- so you won't ever have to be tempted to go sniffing around old fuck buddies for attention and validation.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (23 December 2013):
A couple more thought I should have included.
Changing jobs, moving to a new place, buying a house, getting married, having a child, a vacation abroad are notable events in a person's life which tend to come up fairly quickly in a conversation with an old friend. Yet your 'friend' never even mentioned getting married.
Imagine reconnecting with a woman friend from high school, who didn't want into your pants and who had recently gotten married. She'd talk about that early in the conversation and if she hoped to renew your friendship she'd be eager for you to meet him. Now compare that to this guy.
Now imagine this woman arranging to meet face to face. She'd suggest getting together for coffee or lunch or something at a specific time and date and at a specific place. Your guy friend tries to set up a last minute rendezvous in which the parameters are deliberately vague.
Deceivers and users don't announce their intentions. They don't have obvious physical features that set them apart from everyone else. Even the most vicious, violent criminals know how to be charming some of the time. If they didn't they'd be easier to spot and avoid. So if even the nastiest person can be 'nice' some of the time, then so can a player who just wants into your pants.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (23 December 2013):
He was checking to see how available you were. Not necessarily for that particular moment, but as a future stand by.
The fact that he would try to revive a previously sexual acquaintance is highly suspect. I don't imagine his new wife would be included in this 'friendship', and you know that.
Nothing has changed. Keep your distance. Your hopes will lead you to temptation so I recommend not even responding.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 December 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. I get what you're saying. I just thought that maybe it was different this time. I mean, could it be that he was just seeing how i was? The weekend is over now and he didn't text again so surely if he was after sex he would have text back.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (22 December 2013):
The title to your question says it all.
He's after a booty call. That's it. Nothing has changed. He's hoping that after enough time has passed you'll have missed him enough to take a chance and let your panties down.
Delete and block him on Facebook and change your settings so that only friends and friends of friends can find you. That way you won't get anymore of these duds from the past tracking you down.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 December 2013):
What do I think? I think he was hoping for a booty call and I think you actually know that.
Why not block his number, un-friend him on FB and move on, if he does contact you ignore ignore ignore.
All he wants is to use you some more.
He will act like you two ARE friends and once you get comfortable he will bring up the missing the sex and how he misses your body and you... hoping you will once again drop his knickers.
Avoid him like the plague. THAT is my advice. Unless you want more heartache.
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