A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:On the 27th of November my friend tagged me in a status saying Nickelback was "f***ing awesome" and because I was tagged in it, my gran saw it and commented on it saying that the swearing is disgusting and that its not needed. My friend responded in a way which sounds quite cheeky then liked someone elses comment which was just swearing obviously to get at my Gran.She then text me trying to justify her actions telling me my Gran has no right saying anything to her because its her Facebook. I went off on one, which I had every right to since its my Gran it wouldn't be right if I didn't defend her plus my friend's actions look bad on me. She didn't say anything to that but instead a few days later told me she's got my Christmas present, she's told me that she may have kissed a guy I know and that a barmaid remembers her from a restaurant she went to once months ago. No kind of apology and I'm not sure what to do.I still feel angry at her but I don't know if I should still be angry or not.And I feel conflicted because I don't know wether to give her a Christmas gift or not.Any advice please?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 December 2013):
 You friend is correct in that your gran can say what she likes but so can your friend. YOU did not have “EVERY RIGHT” to go off on your FRIEND because your GRANDMOTHER (over) reacted.
I’m closer to your grans age than your age and I think everyone is behaving badly here.
Your friend has the right to say what she pleases on her facebook page. Your grandmother has the right to disapprove or disagree but to call someone out in public on their own page is wrong. She could have expressed her dislike of swearing privately to you. Calling someone she is not related to out on her choice of colorful language is not proper.
YOU going off on your friend was not right IMO. IT’s her page… personally, I think that your proper response should have been to acknowledge your grandmother’s sensibilities on language and yet remind her that OTHER people have freedom of speech and on a friend’s facebook page, her comments concerning language are not needed or welcome but you certainly can see her POV and understand it.
YOUR friend’s actions do NOT look bad ON YOU…. The fact that you see it that way tells me you possibly over-reacted due to embarrassment. Sadly your generation thinks NOTHING is considered important if swearing is not involved. It’s sad really.
You then add that your friend “may have kissed a guy” and I’m not sure what that has to do with Gran at all… what else is going on with this “Friend” that you are so angry about… it’s more than just swearing on facebook that has you upset with her…
Personally, I think you over-reacted to the grandmother incident.. the other is a red herring thrown in to indicate that this girl has other judgment issues you don’t approve of.
So IF the ONLY reason you are conflicted is what happened with your grandmother on facebook, get over it… but I am sensing more conflict with this “friend” then just some swearing that grandma did not like… can you elaborate?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): LOL as if you've got your nan as a friend on facebook....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 December 2013):
 Tempest in a teapot.
And, while I understand, in fact commend, your reaction as a devoted granddaughter... Granny had it SO coming.
Sure, it's a public social network and Granny has the " right " to post her opinions. But , being an unsolicited , unrequested opinion from a quasi-stranger , your friend had the "right " to feel annoyed and make it clearly known to Granny.
If I , as a non drinker, see someone who's sleeping off a night of boozing on a park bench, I guess it's my " right " to shake him up and warn him sternly about the social and physical dangers of excessive alcohol intake. But then, I won't be surprised that he might not take it kindly, and tell me to mind my F word business.
So, don't expect humble apologies from your friend. If you want to clear the air, tell her that your family members, like anybody's family members, might perhaps at times act inappropriately but if that should happen in future , you would expect from your friend a kind, tolerant, diplomatic reaction as a courtesy to YOU . Then make peace and forget about it.
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A
female
reader, Lieutenant +, writes (16 December 2013):
If it's still bothering you that she disrespected your grandmother, then just talk to her about it and ask for an apology; hug it out and everything should be good. That is the better alternative as opposed to not getting her a present. If exchanging gifts is something you've both always done, then not doing it this year would be like declaring war. I know how some girls can be. Your friendship will most probably deteriorate because of that little act of anger.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (16 December 2013):
 There is no "someone else's" when it comes to Facebook. Your gran was okay to voice her opinion, and your friend was okay to voice hers. She responded "cheeky", but at least she didn't verbally abuse her or call her names or put her down.
Gran is from a time where profanity wasn't as widespread. Generation clashes with generation. I say let it go, and if your gran brings it up to you, just say "Sorry you had to see that" and show her away to block the feed if she doesn't know already.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2013): Much to do about nothing. While profane language is unnecessary and while the overuse of it does not excuse it, this is a Facebook post that was meant to be light hearted. No one is particularly wrong here. If anything, your grandmother should have turned a blind eye to it. It is Facebook. What did your grandmother expect from your friend? An apology? There are far worst things you can say and what your friend said was not even bad. Let it go.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 December 2013):
 Yes, she was embarrassed for being called out. However, that in no way merits liking posts that make fun of and mock your grandmother. As your friend, she should have respected your family member. End of story. Embarrassment doesn't justify disrespecting someone.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 December 2013):
Well if sounds like there were a string of bad decisions made here. Your friend probably shouldn't have tagged you in a post with profanity in it. I don't do things like that because you never know who may read it. However, she prob didn't think about it or expect poor gran to get offended. She didn't mean any harm, but that was error number one.
Error number two was made by gran. Sweet gran had good intentions, as well, however, probably should have kept her opinion to herself. So gran was a bit out of line herself by telling others what they can and can't post.
However, then error number three was made. your friend, rather than being respectful to your family, was blatantly disrespectful and mocked her publicly. Which is directly shitty and rude on her behalf. This is your family member, and as a friend, you don't disrespect your friends family or your elders. She was very in the wrong for this.
How you choose to proceed here is totally up to you. If somebody disrespected my family member, I'd be pissed, too. She didn't behave or respond like a respectful adult. She responded and retaliated like a rebellious idiot, punk teenager. I don't know how old she is. But she sounds immature by that disrespectful response.
If the friendship is worth it to you, just drop it and give her room for maturing. She may just still be young and have growing up to do. And if you choose not to be her friend anymore, than that's justified, as well.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (15 December 2013):
It honestly sounds like a misunderstanding more than anything. While, I understand that you had to defend your grandmother, your friend wasn't in the wrong. It is her FB that she tagged you in and I'm guessing she's an adult, she doesn't need to be lectured by your grandmother about profanity on FB! And maybe your grandmother was confused and thought you posted it and that's why she wrote something about it...not sure.
I don't think this is anything worth ruining your friendship over. I think you were justified in defending your grandma, grandma wasn't in the right, and your friend had a right to defend herself...so I really think this should just be forgotten about, get her a gift and forget it ever happened.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2013): I think you should stop being her friend for the sole reason that she thinks Nickelback are f***ing awesome. I'm joking. That aside, be mature, don't hold a grudge and give her a gift.She was probably embarrassed to be called out by your Gran which is why she reacted the way she did and then pretended nothing had happened after.I would send her a text and say that she hurt your feelings by upsetting your Gran but you don't want it to come between you... then she might think about what she did and why it wasn't appropriate.Hope it all works out, not worth losing a friend over.
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