A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I accidentally stumbled across the Christmas gift my boyfriend got me (it was addressed to me). It was a very wide, hot pink watch with a heart-shaped face, from a mid-range brand. I'm a little confused, because we have been together for 1 year and he has always known (unless he was never listening) that I dislike most jewelry, especially bracelets and rings that get in the way for work. Even nail polish. So, I'm a little confused as to why he got me a watch for my birthday. I hate to say it, but I hate the style as well and I will not wear it. It looks very cheap. But it cost about $85 - I'm confused as to why he would even pay that much knowing (or not knowing...) I don't like it? Why is that? I feel like I'm going to be in a dilemma soon because I can't possibly pretend to like it. I know it's the thought that counts but I'm disappointed that he doesn't understand my obvious likes and dislikes. I can't see if he was being thoughtful or thoughtless.
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (19 December 2013):
 Perhaps he's trying to help you out. Are you always late to funtions? Are you always asking people for the time? Maybe he has noticed you need a watch. In which case it is a very thoughtful and loving gift.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2013): Thank you, everyone! I truly appreciate that many of you answered my question instead of assuming I'm a terrible, unappreciative girlfriend (we have all seen those posts). To Chigirl, it was addressed to me but of course I'll pretend I never stumbled across it when he gives it to me. No worries everyone, I will definitely say that I love the color (jls002 - your post was very helpful! Pink is my favorite), and be appreciative yet honest. I simply can't imagine myself wearing it. Hopefully he won't mind and allow me to exchange it. Then again, if he became upset that would seem a bit immature. To another person who asked, I have expressively stated that I dislike jewelry and anything on my hand due to work and piano, etc. Haha but (most) men will be men. Thank you everyone!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 December 2013):
 I don't think it was for you. Why would he send you a gift for Christmas now already, and not wrapped up? Doesn't make sense, and it's not your style. My guess is, it's not for you but for someone else. Wait until you hear from him before you assume it's for you. Just ask him about it and who it was for, because a gift for you would have been wrapped. Not just put in the post as it is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2013): My my! You are so sure that is the extend of his gifts?
You are absolutely unequivocally certain it's meant for you?
He is a guy and may not be very good at picking out the precise style, taste, and cost of accessories you may like.
I just can't get past how mean you are about it. So ungrateful and toxic. I'm not going to let it slide.
Since you intentionally ruined any surprise by snooping... you had better hope you are the intended recipient; and it's not a holiday gift intended for a more appreciative girl on the side.
How do you know it's not for one of his own family members?
Was your name on it? It wasn't wrapped.
I hate to think of what a bad facial expression you would present at the opening of your gift. Maybe the gift is poorly chosen; but you deserve much less for the way you're behaving. You sound spoiled and quite mean-spirited.
There is no justification for behaving that way about a "gift." Even if you don't like it, and you admit that you've made it your business to drill your likes and dislikes into his head.
Maybe he chose a gift he feels most suitable to your personality. I'd say the watch fits your tone.
You may as well shove a stick in his heart and just tell him you don't like it before Christmas. So he can take it back and get you what you prefer. Be sure to write down a precise description and give him all the specifics.
Now that you got a little tough love, I'll suggest a better approach.
When you open the gift. Assuming it is intended for you. Give him a big smile and just say I know you're not good at this but...you forgot I don't wear jewelry and stuff like that. It's really sweet!
Ask him if he still has the receipt, and if it would be okay if you got something in exchange for the watch? Give him a kiss and a hug. With a good humored chuckle.
I know you're a lot nicer than you come across in your post. I bet you were even having a bad day, or he just pissed you off a little about something else.
The gift just didn't sit right with you. You feel he's taking you for granted as a girlfriend. There is a proper time and place for addressing that issue. Tell him if you feel he's ignoring you or taking you for granted.
ANOTHER TIME!!!
Don't diss a gift with spitefulness. That reflects badly on you.
You know, sometimes there's a nicer way to handle things.
He is your boyfriend and he goofed. Please do your best to be nice about it, considering it's a Christmas gift. You may not always hit it on the mark yourself. Would you like to know someone reacted in such a way to something you intended for a gift? As far as thoughtless? That's a matter of opinion, if you judged it by your attitude.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2013): It's men - he tried! My now husband one Xmas got me a gift that was nothing like my style, he said be honest and so I was and said I didn't like it. We laugh about it now, he just wanted to get me something nice and because it was a fairly expensive item he had hoped that meant it was good! Maybe your bf is thinking like my hubby!
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A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (18 December 2013):
 Why can't you pretend to like it? Maybe he thinks you don't like jewellery because you've never had anything nice. You don't have to wear it every day but it would be a bit mean to tell him you hate it.
You can always ask him subtly why he decided to get you a watch? And then you'll know his thinking behind it and you might realise that it wasn't thoughtless even though it isn't exactly what you'd like.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (18 December 2013):
Well.... "sounds" to me like you've got it pretty certain that this guy is "yesterday's news".... because YOU need to dump him because he didn't read your mind and figure out that you were going to HATE the Xmas present that he spent his time, energy and hard-earned money to get for you...
I hope your NEXT boyfriend is a lot better at catering to your lofty standards (and, whims) ... such that you can keep him... and let HIM do your bidding....
And, as for this guy... I hope that - once YOU dump him - he finds himself a little less self-serving girlfriend in the future....
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (18 December 2013):
At least he remembered,it's the thought that counts and just remember the true meaning of Christmas.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 December 2013):
 Pink heart shaped watch...? Sounds cute . Send it to me :)
You are disappointed because you assume that your bf would be hanging to your words any time you say Oh I like this oh I dislike that. He probably wasn't- maybe he did not pay attention, or it did not register, or he has forgotten . And it does not mean that he does not care about you. Just , he is your bf, not your female best friend. Many guys are generally a bit clueless , and not much interested in these kind of details. They hear them, but it does not " take " . And they don't have the eye , training or attention span to work out by themselves what's your usual style, what " this is SO you " and what it's not.
Plus you expressely mentioned bracelets, rings and nail polish. Never said anything about watches. It was implied you say ? :) Not really. Not for a young man, they need to have this kind of details spelled out for them. For some reason they don't have the kind of mind it takes to figure out that a girl who does not wear bracelets and rings most propbably won't even wear watches.
I think the idea maybe was : uhm - it's pink, so it's girlie -so it will make a nice present for a gf. Hey , at least he tried. We get so many posts from gfs with cheap boyfriends who alwyas forget or " can't afford " to buy their gf present, it's comforting to know that at least your bf is not stingy.
Be honest, but duly grateful. Thank him for the lovely gesture , and the lovely thought, say " very cute, and I guess it is expensive too " and tell him, look, don't feel bad, the fact is that maybe you haven't noticed but I never wear watches, -or I never wear pink,- or it does not suit any of my outfits,... would you terribly mind if we return it and exchange it with something more like my style ? "
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 December 2013):
 I would play it gracefully but honest. Honey, that is a lovely thought, but not at all my style, I don't want to be rude but can we go exchange it for something more my style?
Maybe he got advice from someone else. My guess is he wasn't paying attention when you mentioned you didn't like jewelry.
My advice, in the future made wish list on Amazon (even if you don't show there it's just a nice way to keep a online wish list) and then he ca access it and find you something you like. Some men are rather clueless when it comes to presents. My husband have been more misses then hits, and the few hits he had, were because he checked my "wish list" on Amazon and bought something from there.
And YOU have to remember that it's a PRESENT. A gift. NOT an entitlement.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (18 December 2013):
 Well, if you make it obvious that you hate the watch you're likely to have a miserable time of it come Christmas. Your best bet is to be as diplomatic as possible and to say something along the lines of, "it is very sweet of you, but, you know, its not really my style".
Wait until he actually gives you the gift however. Hopefully he will return it to the store and you can go with him to pick out something you DO like.
Finally, please don't assume he knows you dislike most jewelry - unless you have expressly said so in the past. There is room for considerable misunderstanding when a person THINKS they've been clear about stating their preferences......
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (18 December 2013):
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he still struggles to buy me gifts. I don't think it's because he doesn't care though, he just doesn't see the difference between the things I like and dislike. For example, I have two good watches (a gold and a silver one) that I absolutely love. They are both very classy and understated (in my opinion) which is exactly what I like. For my birthday this year, he got me another very expensive watch which had rows of jewels around the face and a bright coloured strap - far too blingy and not me at all! But in his head, he thought 'I know, J likes watches so I'll get her a watch' and he took the advice of the sales clerk on what one to buy me. He can't really see the difference between the ones I picked and this one because he isn't into watches or jewellery at all, but I guarantee he thought I would love it and he obviously tried to do well. In your case, maybe your boyfriend thought a watch isn't 'technically' jewellery, so he thought it was a way to buy you something nice without going against your rule? Or maybe he's seen you wear pink before? Or he thinks the heart shaped face is romantic? There could be lots of reasons to justify why he chose it.I'm sure he has tried his best and just isn't great at buying gifts. Now me and my boyfriend pick out a few things we like and make lists for each other to choose from to save any similar issues in the future.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (18 December 2013):
I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years and he still struggles to buy me gifts. I don't think it's because he doesn't care though, he just doesn't see the difference between the things I like and dislike. For example, I have two good watches (a gold and a silver one) that I absolutely love. They are both very classy and understated (in my opinion) which is exactly what I like. For my birthday this year, he got me another very expensive watch which had rows of jewels around the face and a bright coloured strap - far too blingy and not me at all! But in his head, he thought 'I know, J likes watches so I'll get her a watch' and he took the advice of the sales clerk on what one to buy me. He can't really see the difference between the ones I picked and this one because he isn't into watches or jewellery at all, but I guarantee he thought I would love it and he obviously tried to do well. In your case, maybe your boyfriend thought a watch isn't 'technically' jewellery, so he thought it was a way to buy you something nice without going against your rule? Or maybe he's seen you wear pink before? Or he thinks the heart shaped face is romantic? There could be lots of reasons to justify why he chose it.I'm sure he has tried his best and just isn't great at buying gifts. Now me and my boyfriend pick out a few things we like and make lists for each other to choose from to save any similar issues in the future.
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