A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:It was mine and my boyfriend's second anniversary today ( the anniversary of our relationship, we aren't married ). He has Bipolar Disorder, and he sometimes drinks a lot. I was upset this morning , as I hadn't had a message from him saying happy anniversary, so I went round to his house with the presents and card that I bought for him. He hadn't bought me anything. We had quite a nice day. He was hyper at first ( he can be really loud when he's like that ), and that got on my nerves a bit, but he was very loving towards me. Later on though, he kept falling asleep because he was drunk. I was disappointed that we didn't go out somewhere though, and that he kept falling asleep later. Do you think I should be mad?. I do think he loves me, but I know that some men don't buy presents for anniversaries, or celebrate them much. Or do you think this shows that he doesn't care about me?.
View related questions:
anniversary, drunk Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, BeeVee +, writes (22 December 2013):
If he was a little hyper and was drinking it is kind of hard to blame him. If he isn't on medication he really needs to see a Dr and find meds that will control his mood swings. Drinking heavily to self-medicate will just make his swings worse.
I would be upset if I had bought gifts etc and then he did nothing but, did you discuss this beforehand? He may not have realised gifts were required or that you were so into the anniversary. Some people just don't see the big deal of celebrating small anniversaries or even remember them (which may sound awful but it doesn't mean they don't care).
I think the main issue here is to ensure he gets the treatment he needs for his bipolar because if left unchecked you could be dealing with much more serious issues.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (22 December 2013):
 well first of all, it really only depends on you and how you feel. if you feel hurt, you have every right to feel that way. and it's only natural to feel let down. after all, you feel neglected and forgotten. i can't blame you for that.
if it were me, i would be really bummed out if my significant other didn't notice it was our two year anniversary, or simply didn't care. all the little months in between don't matter. but the years do, in my opinion. i couldn't care less if i received a gift. but a quality night in together would be nice. or hell, at least just acknowledging it.
you say your boyfriend is bi polar. is he medicated? a medicated individual with bipolar can be very stable. however, it sounds as though he's not medicated, seeing as how you talk about his mood swings.
if you've spent two years with an unmedicated bi polar man, you of all people should know what to expect with him by now. this should be typical behavior of his. you obviously have gotten to a good place where you can tolerate it or work with him on these swings, seeing as how you've been with him for two years.
his ups and down are beyond his control. that's a fact. it doesn't, however, excuse his complete negligence on remembering your anniversary. bi polar doesn't effect his memory. that was all him. he simply just forgot. which would honestly upset me a little. it shows apathy.
anyway, all this being said, being with an unmedicated bi polar is not easy. you go through the ups and downs with them. and it's a chaotic ride. props to you if you can stay. just make sure you know your limit and set proper boundaries. know what you will and won't tolerate. often times, people make excuses for their partner who has mental illness. they take more shit from them than they ever would from anyone else, simply because they give them the out that they are unstable and can't help it. know what you will and won't take and demand that treatment. and if you don't receive it, move on.
good luck. and yes, you're have the right to be upset. i think it's natural.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 December 2013):
 No, you should not be mad, you should be worried. He has Bipolar Disorder- unmedicated/ untreated I guess, since you say he's hyper and loud. And he drinks so much that he falls asleep during the day in mid conversation.
I'd think you have more serious things to worry about than a missed anniversary present.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 December 2013):
 If you date someone with a severe mental illness like bi polar or manic depression as it used to be called, you have to pretty much expect all kinds of odd behaviour because the person may not be able to control their emotions and actions. If that person drinks on top of medication (as manic depression sufferers are often on medication)then their behaviour will be even more erratic and chaotic.
Its a bit of a moot point worrying about whether he missed your anniversary, because the man obviously has some serious problems and you need to realise that you are very unlikely to ever be a serious priority in his life.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2013): I don't put any value on "relationship anniversaries", only marriage anniversaries. So no I wouldn't be mad. To me it is just another regular day. But that's just me.
...............................
A
male
reader, M Proops +, writes (22 December 2013):
If he'd done that on your 20th,25th anniversary etc I would be mad but I never celebrated those early anniversaries and i'm still married 33 years later to the same woman.
...............................
|
