A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for over 4 years, 4 months ago we bought a car together and he proposed. We still live with our parents although we are in our mid 20's. He has had a lot to deal with over the past few years including two deaths and a months ago I discovered he has a coke habbit for the last year since his sister died. After confessing this to me and declaring his love for me he then finishes with me 3 weeks later just before christmas leaving me no alternative but to tell his parents as they have already lost a child. First he was grateful I did, then he went cold and now he tells me he still loves me but is not sure what to do for the best and his head is all over the place at the moment. He still sees me but tells his family nothing happens between us and I worry sick that he might relapse although he has been clean for 4 weeks now. He has started bereavement councilling but I feel that he is blaming me for the whole coke addiciton thing now as appose to the bereavement. I'm not sure if he could be using me or if the withdrawal is messing with his head? Should I move on I don't want to pressure him and lose him but it hurts not being part of his life and it's like treading on egg shells not to push to far the other way when he is talking to me.
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Perhaps you should try a few meetings yourself. Al-Anon helps people who are involved with people with addiction problems. I hope that he is getting help for his addiction problem as well as the bereavement counseling. I'm not sure if they would be the right group for you, but your boyfriend's group should be able to point you in the right direction, and it sounds like you could use some guidance. Frankly, I think you've been through quite a lot and it was very brave of you to go to his parents. I think that they must really pleased that you cared so much for him that you put your own relationship on the line. I really don't know much about helping a recovering addict, but I'm sure that you would find a lot of answers and support with the people at a "Survivors" group. Take care and best of luck with everything. I think that you did the right thing.
A
female
reader, alymarshall  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 im sorry to say this as you must realy love him but you need to give him time to start getting over th deaths that has happened the coke is his way of coping with them as other people have alcohol or other drugs just make sure he knows you are him when he needs you and let him know you will help him if he wants it dont push him put dont neglect him either hope this helps x x x
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