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... Send *irdynumnums a private message | | | *irdynumnums's profile:I am old enough to know Not answer how old I am, wise enough to Not presume that I know all the answers, have lived in enough countries Not to assume any prejudices - and my Husband, Children and my love of Art make me tick. Have recently become a sailor and am swashbuckling on the high seas. Argh! *raising pirate hook*
Be careful what you Think, Thoughts become Words.
Be careful what you Say, Words become Actions.
Be careful what you Do, Actions will Define your Character.
...and Your Character will Determine your Destiny.
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| Latest articles: Tips for New Parents!
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2009: One of our agony aunts is going to have a baby soon, so I thought it might be nice to send her our best wishes and our tips, the practices on parenting that we have learned from our experiences! I'll start the ball rolling - - If you don't want a...
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She's so nice but she bores me and there is no 'spark'.
Q. Currently, I am with a girl who has many nice qualities about her. She is nice, supportive and affectionate, I find her quite physically attractive, and she never gets jealous or nasty- she has nothing "bad" about her at all. Ive been with her 7 ...
A. 26 December 2007: Sorry if I misspoke myself. I think that you answered your own question in the last paragraph. I don't think there is anything wrong with you, I really think it's either there or it's not.... (read in full...)
She's so nice but she bores me and there is no 'spark'.
Q. Currently, I am with a girl who has many nice qualities about her. She is nice, supportive and affectionate, I find her quite physically attractive, and she never gets jealous or nasty- she has nothing "bad" about her at all. Ive been with her 7 ...
A. 26 December 2007: Hmmmm. I'm not sure that you heart is in it. You are happy to seem content with the status quo, but if you lived closer in proximity to each other, would you still continue this? It doesn't sound like it. In an way, you are kind of using her, in ... (read in full...)
How can I get back in with my family after my mum fell for this blokes lies??
Q. My question is How do i get back in with my family? A bloke has told my mum I have given my 13 year old brother drugs when he's around at mine. Of course I havent but she's so stubborn she wont have it that I havent. What shall I do?...
A. 26 December 2007: As an adult, your responsibility to your sibling minor is more like a Mom than as a sister. You need to go and talk it out with your Mom. Promise her that this would not, could not ever happen when he is with you. And then make good on the ... (read in full...)
Why is he telling me about her and is she real??
Q. My ex fiance called me and left me a nasty message saying how his family and friends think I am so heartless for not returning his calls. I broke up with him because he was emotionally abusive and manipulative and told him never to contact me repea...
A. 25 December 2007: Hi Sweetie,
Yes to all of the worst things that you were thinking about him. He has a lot of the classic trademark signs of becoming a controlling, abusive partner. You should change your number. You don't owe him or his family any expl... (read in full...)
Why have I not got pregant??
Q. I'm 16 years old, and I have been having sex with my best friend who is 18. Sometimes we use protection (condoms) but most of the time we don't. He doesn't always pull out on time before he ejaculates. I'd like to know WHY i havn't gotten pregnant!? ...
A. 25 December 2007: There is nothing wrong with you! You have been very lucky young lady. Please stop playing russian roulette trying to prove that you are fertile. You are very young, too young to take on the very heavy responsibilities of having a child yet. ... (read in full...)
Happy Xmas from DearCupid
Q. Happy Xmas everyone :-) The aunts who share their wisdom, the people who share their questions and the team of moderators who keep everything flowing onto the site! Plus the 350,000 people who visit each month Have a great Xmas! Feel free t...
A. 24 December 2007: Hi Everyone!
I joined this site last January, so this is my first Christmas with you! My Thanks to Andrew and all the site Moderators and Big Hugs to all the Aunties and Uncles out there! It's been an honour and a privilege to post with you and ... (read in full...)
I can't see why my parents won't accept my boyfriend only because he used to go out with my sister. She has gone away to have their child with another man anyway, so what's the problem?
Q. I'm 15 and am currently dating an 18yr old boy. But my family wont accept him because he is going to be the father of my sisters baby. I started sleeping with him when she was with him but then she caught us and dumped him. She's also moved away to ...
A. 22 December 2007: The thing that is wrong here is that you have absolutely no sense of loyalty. The next time someone betrays YOU, it will be your karma haunting you for what you have done to your sister. Until you dump him and apologize to your sister and beg her ... (read in full...)
My (and her) biggest problem - lack of sex. She is already in a relationship but we plan to act upon the mutual sexual attraction. Should we do this?
Q. I need help. I know what I plan to do is wrong, but it doesn't make me wanna stop. I met a girl, across the net on a game, long story short, both her and her partner share the account, he has become a good friend to me too. Although a ...
A. 22 December 2007: Hmmm. He has become a good friend to me too. So I think I'll bonk his partner. No. Wait and see if they split up, but don't be the catalyst that drives the break-up. It's exactly the thing that has you writing to us, that little feeling in the ... (read in full...)
Once hurt very badly by a man I loved, now I run a mile everytime I'm in a relationship getting serious because I'm terrified I'll hurt again. This way I'm hurting others as well. Advice?
Q. It's 3 A.M. and I have just got back out bed. There's something I can't get off my mind so I felt the need to ask my friends on 'dearcupid' for advice. It all started two years ago when I met a guy called Jay* we were seeing each other for ar...
A. 22 December 2007: Hi Hun,
I'm sorry that you got dumped. Having your heart broken is one of the most painful things in the world. Most people experience it at least once, and never want to do it again. But we all do it again. Because that's life, you fall off ... (read in full...)
She said she'd like to go out with me but I'm not her type. What should I do?
Q. I've like this girl for about a year now and she just recently told me that I was "super nice, cute, and a really good guy" and that she would go out with me but I'm not her type. She says that she usually dates guys who give her butterflies and I ...
A. 22 December 2007: Go on-line and find a web-site that will ship you caterpillars (you will probably have to wait until the spring now, they won't ship during the cold) OR find a Butterfly Conservatory that takes sponsorships and make a donation in her name. Girls ... (read in full...)
My parents are divorcing! Is it my fault because I'm such a handful?
Q. ok,my mom and dad have been fighting for awhile and they are getting divorced after christmas.my dad isnt even gonna be with us for christmas hes just gunna stay home or go with his friends.i think itll be kinda weird without a dad.i feel like its ...
A. 22 December 2007: No Sweetie,
It's not your fault. I'm sorry about your parents. The truth is that they aren't happy together and they probably have been fighting for that same reason. The truth is, every child in this situation blames themselves, or feels some... (read in full...)
What should a marriage-minded couple prepare for? Any tips?
Q. So many things to think about before my time is up, and im only 17. Couple months ago my boyfriend popped up the question... I said yes because i am truely in love with him. So we're planning the wedding when I get done college in about 2 more ...
A. 22 December 2007: Hi and Congratulations!
Baby Duck is so right. Communication is the key. And HINTS, yes so right, hints don't translate to guys, just come right out and say what you are thinking.
My husband and I just celebrated our 30th Wedding Annivers... (read in full...)
He's emailed many women saying he's bored with his current relationship. Is he being unfaithful or planning to? How do I confront him about this, as he will know I snooped?
Q. I am worried that my boyfriend may have cheated or be planning on cheating on me. I have been with my fiance for nearly 5 years and we have just bought our first house together in october. I had noticed that he was sending totally innocent mes...
A. 22 December 2007: I think that I would take a very sharp object and cut the wires to the computer.
He will have to have them replaced and that should give him "time to reflect" and a big hint and clue on what will happen if you find messages like that on his comp... (read in full...)
More ideas for Christmas presents to a man?
Q. It's only a few days away from Christmas and I still have no idea what to get my boyfriend. He's into skateboarding, but he's also sort of preppy. not really preppy, but he cares what he looks like and all that. Please give me some ideas! kthnx....
A. 22 December 2007: Price range?... (read in full...)
He gave me attention in class but last week, he suddenly showed up with a ring on his finger! What now?
Q. Hey guys. I'm 20 years old...ok so every Monday and Wednesday i have combat classes at the gym...my instructor is the sweetest and cutest guy ever...he has a great body too..,I'm so in love with him i mean as a crush hes really adorable and always ...
A. 22 December 2007: Well, there's a live, flesh and blood person on the other side of that ring. This is a decision that a lot of people never consider beforehand, so good for you. I am of the mind that there are two types of women, those who will ignore the fact ... (read in full...)
My Mother's dream is disturbing. What does it all mean?
Q. I haven't talked to my crush for like 2 and 1/2 months.Well today my mom tells me that she had a nightmare.She told me that in her dream that my crush came to my house and that he wanted to talk to me but I wouldn't let him that I just kept on ...
A. 22 December 2007: Hmmm. I suspect that she has observed you both and it might be the very first time that she is picturing you "leaving and getting married". Dreams don't have direct interpretations, they only apply to the person who has them and the situations ... (read in full...)
I know that bras and suspenders are sex for guys... but what can guys do for girls that are equally sexy??
Q. What do girls like..lik I kno a girl in a sex thong or booty shorts with a matching bra is sexy for any girl...but wat can I do 4 my girlfriend..and I'm not talking about a man thong or anything lol...wat do girls think is sexy that guys can ...
A. 21 December 2007: NO stubble, it looks cool but it hurts and gives us a rash. If you have excess hair or thick hair, trim it to a reasonable length. Please consider waxing if you have it on your shoulders or back.
I just bought "lifeguard" underwear, "sol... (read in full...)
I need to feel like I can have a civil discussion with my boyfriend but he is always interrupting me - even when I want to add something in his favour!
Q. I love my boyfriend of a year and 3 months, but he talks over me! This really bothers me because I feel it is a respect issue; that he does not care to listen to what I have to say. My boyfriend will go off on some sort of soap-box speech, where ev...
A. 21 December 2007: I make sure that I sit right beside my husband so that I can poke him if he starts this. If he is being rude and interrupting, there is nothing wrong with rolling your eyes and making the Yakkity-Yak sign with your hand! You know the one, like ... (read in full...)
My friend is really irritating me, and I can't take her crap anymore. What should I do?
Q. I have a friend who lies about basically everything. She even made up a rumour about one of our other friends having a backstreet abortion. To be honest I think that's sick. She's aparently been pregnant twice, once she had an abortion (she would ...
A. 21 December 2007: And one last thought, I read an article that said, men tend to keep a flawed relationship and ignore the behavior, women tend to dump the friend because they don't like confrontations.... (read in full...)
My friend is really irritating me, and I can't take her crap anymore. What should I do?
Q. I have a friend who lies about basically everything. She even made up a rumour about one of our other friends having a backstreet abortion. To be honest I think that's sick. She's aparently been pregnant twice, once she had an abortion (she would ...
A. 21 December 2007: rcn had a good answer!
You know, it is possible to hang out with someone whose personality does have flaws. I have always told my kids that once your friend does something wrong, like borrow money and not repay them, then you continue the frie... (read in full...)
I get panic attacks when my bf is away and doesn't contact me! Advise?
Q. My boyfriend is away for christmas and i miss him so badly i feel like constantly crying He promised to keep in touch but sometimes he is not very good at it I feel like part of me is missing when he is away and dont know how to cope Im 24 but t...
A. 21 December 2007: I have lived in several different countries and my husband has travelled, for the most part, more than a third of the year for the majority of our lives together. I have had experience in living without the man that I love, and I have done this for ... (read in full...)
My friend is really irritating me, and I can't take her crap anymore. What should I do?
Q. I have a friend who lies about basically everything. She even made up a rumour about one of our other friends having a backstreet abortion. To be honest I think that's sick. She's aparently been pregnant twice, once she had an abortion (she would ...
A. 21 December 2007: This is such a self-destructive pattern. It sounds like you have all been friends in the past but she has pushed you to the limit. You should have an intervention.
BEFORE YOU DO THIS, ASK YOUR MOM FOR ADVICE AND HELP, AND SHOW HER THIS SITE... (read in full...)
I'm a student and I want to have fun. Should I go and work in this german brothel?
Q. i am a young black woman living/studying in germany. german men show me a lot of attention and i like it. a friend of mine (german girl) who works at a place called the sexy inn (a brothel)says i would make a lot of money working as an escort. i ...
A. 20 December 2007: I am so glad Irish answered your question! She gives the best advice!
Just came across a quote that you should consider:
"Artists make lousy slaves" -Hellpope Huey
You may go into this thinking that you own it, but it will wind up owning you. ... (read in full...)
I get panic attacks when my bf is away and doesn't contact me! Advise?
Q. My boyfriend is away for christmas and i miss him so badly i feel like constantly crying He promised to keep in touch but sometimes he is not very good at it I feel like part of me is missing when he is away and dont know how to cope Im 24 but t...
A. 20 December 2007: Honey,
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way, but you can't put all of your hopes and dreams on one person and make them the person responsible for your happiness. Happiness comes from within. It's not fair to him and it's not doing you any ... (read in full...)
There are signs my friend's marriage is in trouble...what should I do?
Q. Do you think these are signs my friend's marriage is in trouble? -Whenever I see her and her husband together they look like robots their is no comfortable interaction between the two of them... it is just emotionless communication with one another....
A. 20 December 2007: This is the kind of thing that you wait for her to bring up. It would be more awkward to her if you were to mention it first. Tread lightly. You are a good friend, and I am sure that you have the best of intentions, but if she wants to talk about ... (read in full...)
Is there a graceful way out? I cant deal with a long distance relationship.
Q. I started a relationship about a year ago. We got along great and I thought there could be a future. But he took a temporary job out of state and has been gone for over 6 months now and will be even longer, maybe a year before we meet in person ...
A. 20 December 2007: I don't think that this relationship has actually been totally established, it sounds like it has just started and barely gotten off the ground. Under those circumstances, I don't think that you are committed to a long-distance relationship. So I ... (read in full...)
I'm a student and I want to have fun. Should I go and work in this german brothel?
Q. i am a young black woman living/studying in germany. german men show me a lot of attention and i like it. a friend of mine (german girl) who works at a place called the sexy inn (a brothel)says i would make a lot of money working as an escort. i ...
A. 20 December 2007: I am am also an artist who has lived in the Netherlands, London, Chicago and Toronto, and have travelled the world for most of my life. This question reminds me of that stupid old joke: Would you sleep with me for a million dollars? -Sure!... (read in full...)
How can I make my relationship better?
Q. I'm having problems with my girlfriend.I just am losing motovation and am starting not 2 care as much anymore. but I know if I really did lose her I'd go insane. will someone please help me with ideas to save this? idk, give me a whole day that ...
A. 20 December 2007: Sorry, what does idk mean, I don't care? Hey, I'm so far out of this loop, I don't have a clue! lol. The beginning of every relationship has a life of it's own. It drives itself, all of the heart-fluttering, mind-racing thoughts of love, the adre... (read in full...)
Is it ok to want to kiss my best friend who is a girl?
Q. Is it okay to wanna kiss my best friend, who is a girl? I need help, cause Im also in love with this guy....
A. 20 December 2007: You should wait on it a bit longer. If she isn't attracted to girls, you run the risk of losing your BFF. AND if you are in love with a guy, chances are you are straight but having feelings in both directions. It's not unusual for girls to crush... (read in full...)
Why are girls suddenly interested in me after years of acting like I don't exist?
Q. I just got out of a relationship that i was completely devoted to and got hurt in the end. Well the word of how devoted i was to her got around. before this relationship, which was my first serious relationship, girls payed little to no attention to ...
A. 20 December 2007: Never question your good fortune, just relax and enjoy it. It's possible that you have matured into a handsome guy now that you are a man, not a boy. It's possible that your ex did a lot of talking about you, and it was all good. It's possible ... (read in full...)
I regret my revenge kisses with other guys, that my boyfriend knows nothing about!
Q. i have been with my boyfriend for a year now and in the first few months i used to go out and get drunk with mates. i then found out my boyfriend kissed a girl so i fort id get revenge and i kissed 3 guys which he never found out about. a year has ...
A. 20 December 2007: DON'T TELL HIM. This is nothing, vapor, fairy dust. All of this happen in the very beginning of your relationship BEFORE you were totally committed to him. The really important thing is that you love him and would never want to hurt him now. To ... (read in full...)
It's really awkward with my ex, I hate that I am hurting him
Q. Oh dear. I hope someone can help me. I was dating a guy for awhile. It got physical and I guess I realized the magic was not there and I ended it. I mentioned the friendship thing but I guess I hurt him. We are taking a course together and I am ...
A. 20 December 2007: It's easier to be nodding acquaintances than to be friends after being lovers. Trying to be friends afterwards just is so loaded and brings up so many issues that it not worth it. A friendship can happen afterwards on rare occasions, but don't let ... (read in full...)
He's been sending me signals, how do I make a move?
Q. What is the best way to ask a guy? I am on a board and one of the members has been sending me signals. It started with hugs and today he shook my hand and held it to his face. He has not asked me out but I was thinking of asking him to a movie. S...
A. 20 December 2007: I'm with Danielepew. Do your homework before you take a chance in asking him out. If it turns out he is single and the feedback is positive, from the warm handshake I'd think he would be receptive to an invitation out. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend gets messages from sex sites, but denies being a member, says they are random. Is he lying??
Q. My boyfriend gets these instant messages from sex sites, stating "hey I liked your profile, if you want to see my webcam pics you can contact me at...." He says they are just random junk mail that everyone gets. I've got a yahoo account and I ...
A. 20 December 2007: If you are not sure, you can hire a specialist in comZAAputers. My dog just stepped on the computer and typed that in. Sorry. lol. You can actually get spy programs installed that will report back to you. But it all comes down to how much trust ... (read in full...)
How many times is it appropriate to call your partner? He complains I whether call too often or too rare.
Q. Hey everyone, just wondering... me and my boyfriend see each other about 4 days a week i usually stay over and we just do things together... he says that we see each other too much and that's why sometimes we fight (we don't fight often!) an...
A. 19 December 2007: My husband and I usually call each other once or twice a day. I also know couples who travel for two weeks and call their husband once. I guess normal is whatever is normal for you. How often do you call your best friend or your Mom. How often ... (read in full...)
Isn't it unacceptable to expect a married (or even single) woman (teacher) to share a hotel room with a man-colleague on a business trip? Am I old fashioned?
Q. This question and asking for opinions is coming from me and my husband. I am a new teacher, I waited until our kids were all in school to go to college. I am a reading specialist, and received an opportunity to attend a 3 day seminare in anot...
A. 19 December 2007: And another thing:
Get your teacher's union to threaten to take the school district to court over this. Someone needs to change this policy.
And one last afterthought:
This still sounds so ridiculous and unbelievable that I wonder if so... (read in full...)
Isn't it unacceptable to expect a married (or even single) woman (teacher) to share a hotel room with a man-colleague on a business trip? Am I old fashioned?
Q. This question and asking for opinions is coming from me and my husband. I am a new teacher, I waited until our kids were all in school to go to college. I am a reading specialist, and received an opportunity to attend a 3 day seminare in anot...
A. 19 December 2007: Absolutely unacceptable, you and your husband are 100% right to be angry about this lunacy.
Would the school district pony up after a lawsuit if you should be assaulted because of their one room policy? Please ask them for me. In private indu... (read in full...)
I'm worried that I won't find anyone to lose my virginity with
Q. I know I'm only 15, but I am really starting to worry that I will never lose my virginty. It's not that I don't want to, it's because I don't think that anyone would ever want to have sex with me! People at my school think I'm really wierd and don't ...
A. 19 December 2007: You seem hung up on the fact that somehow, virginity and fitting in at your school are key elements, that the fact that you have your virginity is causing you to become a social outcast. I didn't hear once about you wanting to be in a relationship, ... (read in full...)
My boyfriends brother is obsessed with this girl to the point it is causing depression, how do I help him?
Q. Ok, I have a question (obviously) it’s about my boyfriends brother; he is infatuated with their ex-flatmate. He is starting to self harm and get really depressed about it; ok she moved out but she still see’s him on a regular basis, yes she flirts ...
A. 19 December 2007: If he is harming himself, he needs a professional. You shouldn't be the only one in the family worrying about your brother. It's not a betrayal of trust to tell other responsible adults when you are getting them the help they need. Tell your ... (read in full...)
How do we fool around without getting caught by our parents?
Q. OK my girlfriend wants to full around and use wip cream and stuff how can we without our parents knowing and when can we find time with our parents always around. ...
A. 19 December 2007: When you are old enough and have worked long enough to have paid for your own home, you will have all the privacy that you want. And you will have paid for a big refrigerator to keep as much whipped cream as you heart desires. Until then, be ... (read in full...)
6 years on I still love my college sweetheart, should I tell him?
Q. Although I've had many relationships, the one that mattered the most to me was my college sweetheart. We only dated for 8 months, but he was the only person I ever loved. When he broke up with me, I was devistated, I never felt such a crushing ...
A. 19 December 2007: You have been apart for 6 years, and seen each other for roughly 3 days. You may have been pining, but he may not have. Don't scare him off by deciding the rest of your life based on three days! If you had a good time, and your Mom lives near ... (read in full...)
I can't stand my husband's female co-worker!
Q. My question is I can't stand my husband's female co-worker! I met her at his christmas party and from the moment I met her I did not get a good vibe from her. I consider myself good looking but she is 20 years old, very gorgeous and has a body that ...
A. 19 December 2007: Don't give her any reason to not like you if you are worried about your husband. As a matter of fact, do you best to befriend her and may her like you at office functions. I'm not saying doulble-dating, but make her like you SOooooo much that ... (read in full...)
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