A
female
age
,
*inne
writes:Am I a fool?I'm 50, he's 34. I'm Irish, he's African. I'm a graduate, he's intelligent but uneducated. I had money and status in a country where the majority live on less than a dollar a day, and very aware that that was a big attraction to many who would not have looked twice at me in the UK. We've been married five years now, I bank rolled everything and we were happy. Now we're in the UK, he's working, I'm having trouble finding work. For xmas he bought me 50ml perfume, I was pleased until I saw he had bought 100mls for himself and though he drunk most of the alcohol i bought he still hasn't paid his share of all the stuff I laid on for xmas or the bills.I love him. I resent him. I hate myself for believing he loved me for myself. My anger and frustration grow daily. What to do? I've tried talking but he laughs and dismisses all my concerns.
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female
reader, Minne +, writes (10 January 2008):
Minne is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for taking the time to reply. It was very helpful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): Dont beat yourself up about this. I think you are probably just going through a low time at the moment. I am. I lost my job at the end of November, havent had anything until 2nd January, temp work and it is crap. I am off today because the job is so horrible and stressful. I know how you feel. Try and find a job, but something you like doing and stop thinking about the money side of it. This is probably the first time he has money and he bought himself something a big bigger than he bought you, so what, it is supposed to be the thought that counts. BUT if you continue to feel like this and it isnt the work side of it then have a good long chat with him. Tell him how serious you are and dont appreciate him just laughing or brushing the situation off. Tell him exactly what is going on. I hope you can work these things out and i am sure it isnt the age thing so stop putting yourself down. If things get no better then you will have to ask yourself if you want to go through life feeling like this, if not, then move on. But i feel you are going through a bit of a depression right now, i know i am, and i am trying to put it right myself and not go to the doctors, as i would advise others.
take care
xx
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 You are the master of your own destiny. You don't have to take the crap from anyone. If you have tried your very best and not satisfied with what you get in return then you need to take stronger actions. Either he response favourably or someone has to give way.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 I think that you are really being hard on yourself now that the tables have turned. Looking for a job is a very stressful time. You already said that you knew all of the possible pitfalls and problems, and that you had gone into this with your eyes wide open. Now that he is the only person working, and you are having trouble finding a job, he might be spending a bit more on himself, but he may be finding the experience of having more than a dollar a day quite exhilarating. I could probably forgive him that much. He hasn't left you, or cheated on you, so if he is still with you, perhaps you should try to see it from both sides the way that you did in your previous country? If he dismisses all of your concerns, could it be that he is doing that because he doesn't see these things as a problem within your relationship, and that he thinks your relationship is fine? You are resenting him because of the change in circumstance and feel foolish because he is young, poor and uneducated, and possibly was after your money. I suspect if that were the case, he would have left you shortly after entering the country. There must be another reason why he is staying. You didn't say how you were getting along, if you are still talking and spending time together or how your sex life is. I think all of those things are a far bigger indicator of whether or not you are still happy together. I hope that you are able to get through all of this. Best of luck with the job search.
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