A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I've been seeing a woman over 4 years and she has 2 daughters. Her ex-husband (they are separated but not divorced for over 7 years) has not been involved with anyone since they separated and he is still close with some members of her family. He regularly visits her father, sometimes with their daughters and sometimes by himself. Recently, my girlfriend said her ex was going to Boston with one of their daughters and that they would be staying at my girlfriend's sister's home for a few days. I made a comment that I thought that was weird and she went ballistic, saying that her ex was still a part of her family and that its good he can still be close to her family. I say its still kind of weird. I can understand still having occasional contact with ex-families and going to special events etc, but this situation seems to cross a line for some reason. What do you think?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): i have a good female friend, her situation is much the same, i think females tend to be much more open and acceptable to things like this. i am divorced after 12 yrs, i would love to see his family but he forbids it, they liked me too much he said it would only hurt them, so i keep in touchwith the mother only by mail. no it is not unual for her to be like this. so just try and understand, don;t keep bringing it up questioning it, unless you suspect they are still having sex. i am concerned why however, she has never divorced after all this time,that is just crazy, maybe that is what they both need to do, just do the paperwork. You can assist her by getting those self divorce papers and helping her fill it out so the ex can fill it out, they only cost about $200 and you local courthouse has them.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Hi Hunny,
I think that she is right the children are the most important here and as the father he has still a big conection with the family he is related by the children so he goes to see grandpa with them and aunty and whoever he needs to see and that love is what an active father does its a pity that not all fathers from seperated familys do the same if on good terms with the mother life would be so much nicer dont you think TAKE CARE WITH LOVE MANDY xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 You didn't say how long she was married or how old the kids were. I am 53 and have known my husbands relatives for 35 years. I can't imagine being a total stranger to them after all this time, if my husband and I ever separated. And they are tied through connections by their children and their cousins. You are just going to have to accepted the ex as a relative in the extended family, whether they are separated, divorced or whatever. The good news is that there is no animosity and they all get along, which makes a great future life for all involved. No fist fights at weddings and funerals! The other good news, if she was able to be this successful in loving and maintaining relationships throughout her marriage and life, she is probably a wonderful woman and a great future partner. Don't ruin it by suspicion and nit-picking, try to view this as a remarkable feat that proves her graciousness and loyalty to people that she has loved. If you can love once successfully, you stand a much better time of being successful loving someone new the second-time around.
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