A
male
age
41-50,
*ommy2k7
writes:My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he said that she was his one true love, gave her 'forever' bracelets and wanted to marry her! She now thinks there was something elseWhat do readers think?
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (4 April 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the question She rang me last night, I asked her how he was, and she said he was okay when she sees him (apparently only Fridays for an hour or a night - he says he's always busy other times). I said to her last night that she's got to talk to him otherwise it will be a repeat every time she sees him. When I said that, she said she's tried to talk to him and every time she does, he makes promises he can't keep. She then put the phone down on me! (for helping her)Please, I need some advice
A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (31 March 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI talked to her last night and she told me that she was p_____ off. She had a go at her bf about putting his hobby (horse riding) before her too much and she said he promised her he'd cut down, but she told me he hasn't. She only sees him Friday nights out of a whole weekend, and then he makes up the excuse he's too busy.She told me (and I think this is a HUGE mistake) that she gives him between £10 and £30 a week to fill his car up! They've broken up and got back together enough times!My only advice was to give him some space and let him (not her) make contact.I can tell she loves him, and I know men find it more difficult to talk about their emotions, but I don't really know what to advise(Last night, I texted her and said, why dont I come and see you, then he can know what hes missing, by us holding hands and snogging!!)Joking aside, any advice?
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (12 March 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe texted me on Monday to tell me she was alright and she added she hasn't seen her bf for a week. She rang me Monday evening; I asked her why she mentioned her bf (she never normally does). When I asked her how she was, she said 'ok, I suppose'. Then she told me that she felt fed up with him, cos he kept putting his hobby (horse-riding) before her. She tries to get him to talk about their relationship, but he doesn't want to; what advice can I give her? (apart from if she doesn't make him talk to her, she'l get more fed up)
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (12 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe rang me last night, and she said that his sister apparently doesn't like her and told my friend to dump her. But anyway they're back together now, so I'm gonna just be a good friend. But she said if this happens again, he can just go to hell
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (11 February 2008):
 If I were you Tommy I'd just leave it and cut her off. Where is this getting you? It's like she wants to be with her man but is constant need of reassurance and emotional support from you. Maybe because this is soemthing that's lacking in her relationship.
Sounds far too complicated. If you do speak to her perhaps you should simply tell her how you feel, and tell her you can't carry on like this, it's all or nothing. Either give you two a go or stay with her man and leave each other alone.
Whatever she decides, that has to be it. I don't think this is healthy anymore especially since I get the impression you REALLY want something to happen with this girl and seem to be clutching at straws. How long is this going to go on for?
Just my thoughts though, you do whatever you feel is right. Best of luck :)
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (11 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe rang me on Saturday night, again on Sunday night, I didn't answer both times, so if she rings again tonight, I'll report back tomorrow
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (11 February 2008):
Well Tommy2k, looking at this whole thread I think it's time you just moved on from this. She obviously has very strong feelings for him and it may seem like you're banging your head against a brick wall.
Maybe it will work out for her this time. Maybe it won't. She's made her choice and I suggest you let her go, make her own mistakes and think you should just find someone else.
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (11 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOn Saturday morning, I texted her to say I was going to take her out, but then she texted back and said she was back with him - when will she learn?!
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (9 February 2008):
 She was probably lonely and wanted to talk to someone.She likes you that is for sure .
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (8 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe hasn't called me since Monday night, but she does call me (even at 1am just to talk! - I was awake!) Is she playig hard-to-get, just very friendly, or does she want me as a lover?(She rang me on Monday at about 9.30 just to see how I was)
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (8 February 2008):
When she loves you enough , nothing or no rules will bind her. She would break every rules in this world to be with you .
She wants you to know the problems if you want her. You need to convince her of your strong love. If she is not interested in you , she would not call you everyday. I think it is more than a friend. If it is just as a friend, she would have to text to all her male friends.
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (8 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy friend texted me at 10.48pm just to say goodnight, she rings me almost every night, she giggles at me; the problem is there's 10 yrs between us. She said she couldn't go with me because of my age and 'her parents would disown her'. As you know from this post, she's got dumped with everything just mentioned, I'd like to know what readers think: is she just being friendly or would she have changed her mind? and should I ask her out for a meal for Valentine's Day (friendly or otherwise)?
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (6 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe made a point of texting me last night at 10.48 to say goodnight to me - prob only means friendship but who knows?!
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (5 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe said to me ages ago she'd be uncomftable me being her boyfriend because of the age and her parents as well! I don't want to upset them! If I do tell her, I've got to somehow let her parents know or let her parents know without telling her! I do text her every night, we talk most nights as well
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female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Sorry for being obtuse. The fact that he is trying to stop her from talking to her male friends is kind of controlling.
I have a 22 year old daughter and a 26 year old son. His girlfriend is 22, and he felt uncomfortable with that at first. So I get where you are coming from. But I would probably look at the guy and his "prospects" (job, ambition, intentions) if I were looking at my daughter's boyfriend - that's what parents do. I think the fact that you seem devoted to her and protective of her would work in your favor! Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Faint heart never won fair maiden!
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reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (5 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe only problem is with the age difference, and the fact that she said her parents would 'disown' her if they knew she was dating a 28 yr old! I can see their point
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (5 February 2008):
Hmm, I wonder if she has been talking about you to him then. That's a pretty possessive sign and the mark of a controller. I think It's fine if you ask her out for a Valentine's dinner. It might be a great way to find out if she'd starting to pull away from the other guy and suss out if she might be interested? I still think it might be worth waiting a bit because she seems young - if you've been friends forever. But it's probably more about opportunity too, I remember a certain guy and myself always having crushes at opposite times, so we wound up never getting together. If she is your bashert, it will all fall into place. It's a Yiddish word from a movie I watched...
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (5 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSomething else to add - she told me that he would ask her to stop talking to her male friends! Whether he was jealous I dont know
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (5 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questiondo you think though. it's appropriate for me to take her out for Valentine's Day??
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (5 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSheppey is about 2 hours from me (I dont drive) but 1 hour if I did drive. I'd love to be with her; I was thinking of going down and buying her a Valentine's Day meal!
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (4 February 2008):
Yeah, Wow, that's a big gap. At least for now it is. Not so huge at 32 and 22, but now that you have said her age, I can see that a lot of her problems are coming from her maturity and inexperience. It's great that she has recognized that he has been using her. She needs to stay away from him long enough to get over him, fingers and toes crossed. I actually think that if someone is kind enough to cook a meal for you, you should never criticize their cooking, so telling someone they're crap in bed is really boorish! Doesn't sound like he has any winning qualities! She'll grow up, but it's a hard and painful experience and we all tend to do it the hard way.
Just google mapped the local. My daughter is in London, we lived there for a year back in '01 as well. Are you about an hour and a half apart or more?
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (4 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think she knows how I feel about her - there are a few obstacles though:She's 18 and a half - and I'm 28She lives down in the Isle of Sheppey (and I live in Otford, Sevenoaks)And she pretty much knows how her parents would react about her seeing a 28 yr old!If we were going out, I wouldn't dare tell her she was crap in bed, becausea) believe it or not, I'm 28 and still a virgin, and I wouldnt know she was or not!b) I think it's just rude and insulting!She thinks he was just using her for money and sex
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reader, birdynumnums +, writes (4 February 2008):
He's not a proper boyfriend if he is blowing her off for a poker game either. This guy isn't the least bit interested in settling down, is he? The problem is that she is pretty ga-ga over him and they really haven't totally split properly, on-again, off-again, on-again. She's never going to get over him if this continues this way. Maybe talk to her about what this is doing to her and that perhaps she should consider that he is stringing her along. If he only comes back for sex, she's has let herself become a booty-call, which is a pretty insulting way to use an ex-girlfriend. He really has a great relationship with her, she spends on him, she takes him back and she doesn't ever put her foot down with him. People treat you how you let them, we all teach other people how to treat us. She is being a big old doormat.
She might, however, shoot the messenger because her heart is still into this guy. If she does ever back up and look at the situation without the rose-colored love-goggles on, and ends it with him - Will you consider telling her how you feel?
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (4 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI hadn't thought of that actually - but why would he cheat when he said he loved her? I'm only her friend, but if Iwent out with her, I would never cheat; also he never brought her stuff (thats what she told me); once again, if she was my first gf, I would have been telling everyone!
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female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (4 February 2008):
I still suspect there is someone else in the picture with him, if not in his bed, in his heart or head. I still suspect cheating. If he was a virgin when they met, how could she have suddenly become crap in bed unless he has had something else to compare her to?
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (4 February 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo give you an update:She texted me on Saturday to say her and her bf split - I texted her back cheekily and said You have so many arguments and you'll be back together again tomorrow - she texted back and said no we won't!(Before this next bit, bear in mind that she told me that he told her, he loved her, wanted to marry her, and do anything for her)She rang me on Sat night and I asked her why they split up. She said that he said to her he never loved her, he never wanted to see her again, and that she was crap in bed (considering she told me he was a virgin before they met thats a tad unbelievable).But she also told me that she'd got into debt because of him (buying gifts, etc), but he said the most upsetting part she said was him telling her that he didn't love her
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reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (21 January 2008):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy friend seemed fine until after New Year, and then I got a phone call, on the Sunday. I missed it, so she phoned me on the Monday, telling me what I told the readers of this website.
She rang me every night that week (like old times, I used to cry to her every night when I was getting over my ex). On Thursday night, she said she wouldn't ring me Friday night, because she was going out with him; I got a call Friday - saying he is at his brother's, Saturday got a call saying he was visiting his nan, and Sunday got a call saying he was going to see his brother again. She was angry she stood him up 3 times!
Last week, we talked every night, and then on Friday she texted me to say she was meeting up with him.
They actually did meet up and he stayed the night with her, Saturday morning he went, telling her she'd see him that evening but not telling her when. She also found out from his brother, that he went out to play poker and have a few drinks with his mates the previous Saturday instead of going to see his nan. She called me on Saturday just gone, in floods of tears sayiung she doesnt know what to do.
Also, she says everytime she tries to talk (matters of the heart) he wont listen
However, he still says he loves her and wants to be with her
Any advice?
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (9 January 2008):
"My friend's boyfriend dumped her after 9 months together because, according to her, he was fed up with her texting him and wanting to chat to him every day (thats what happens in a relationship!). I thought this was very strange, seeing that he said that she was his one true love, gave her 'forever' bracelets and wanted to marry her! She now thinks there was something else"
This depends on whether both parties in the relationship were given their freedom to also do their own thing sometimes. Was it an intense relationship? Perhaps he should've said he needed some space?
Both people in a relationship need time to do things they have to do or want to do. I was in a relationship where I loved the fact she texted and called me every day. Sometimes even 5-10 times in a day whilst I was at work.
However, this became too much to the point where if I didn't reply to a text within 5/10 mintues she'd get angry or upset. I might've been in a meeting at work or something?
In the end it was too much for me and I found we started to argue constantly about ridiculous stuff. On one occassion my car battery went flat whilst at work since I left the lights on. I called her there and then to say I'd be late and explained what had happened whilst I was actually asking people in the carpark for jump leads. After about an hour someone was able to give my car a jump start and I went straight to hers... She was fuming and didn't believe me at all.
Sometimes there's more to the story than you know - I'm not saying this is the case with your friend.
On the other hand, yes, he may have found someone else.
Although I'm a bit puzzled about the forever bracelets and the talk of getting married. Why would he do this if he wasn't serious about her?
This is a difficult one.
BUT at the end of the day what does it really matter if he found someone else or not? It's over isn't it?
Take a look at my reply to someone ealrier this evening for some tips I received from a counseller I saw about how I can deal with the break up with my EX. I think your friend might find it useful (I really can't be bothered to write it again):
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-found-thers-hope-for-us-but-i.html
I wish your friend the best of luck.
p.s. I HAVE to say I DISAGREE with birdynumnums when she says "It sounds like that's what happened. More often than not; Men do seem to leave for someone else, women tend to leave because they are fed up". In my experience it's been more the other way round. At the end of the day I'm sure it works both ways :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Id say something else was up alright...why not just say it to her and ask her too cool off a bit. That was a bit of a drastic step to take wasnt it...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): i think communication is crucial i talk to my boyfriend everyday so he cant complain about the texts etc, besides surely he would have confronted her and asked her to stop rather than dumping her
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reader, birdynumnums +, writes (8 January 2008):
It sounds like that's what happened. More often than not; Men do seem to leave for someone else, women tend to leave because they are fed up. When there is a sudden split and a weak explanation, you have to assume that there is another reason that he changed his mind so suddenly after previously making such grand declarations. The fact that they did split isn't going to be made any easier by this revelation, so if you want to be a good friend, provide her with plenty of other distractions right now, and don't let her dwell on this one thing. There isn't any point in pouring salt on the wound. Hope she gets over the rat quickly, you're a good friend to care!
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reader, Basschick  +, writes (8 January 2008):
 I think there was someone else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Well things have limits. I had a friend who couldn't get on with his work because of being constantly text and phoned at work, eventually his boss complained.
Moderation is best.
Good luck
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