A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with the same guy for 3 years. He's very commitment-phobic, and likes to keep his distance so he doesn't feel too tied down, but I know he still loves me. We'll see eachother maybe 3 times in a month, which is fine for me because I am in college and need time to study. This time, though, I haven't seen him since before the holidays. He is doing a lot of work on his house and his dad is helping him out. Here's where things get complicated - his dad doesn't know about our relationship because there is an age difference (12 years, I'm younger) and he doesn't think his dad would approve. So now, his dad is over there all the time and I can't stop by and see him. Over the phone, he keeps saying he'll make time to see me soon, but it never seems to happen. Meanwhile, I'm sitting at home missing him like crazy because I haven't even given him his Christmas gift yet. If I had it my way, I'd tell his dad about our relationship - he is the only one who doesn't know about us. I'd like to just show up at his house and suprise him, but I'm afraid of what might happen if his dad was there at that time.
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 I'm sorry to be harsch now, but I think your boyfriend is acting like a coward. How old is he? Why can't he stand upp for himself to his dad? If you have been together 3 years then you are having something serious and you have the right to be part of his family. What happens if you want to marry and have children? Will you hide them as well? What is the worse thing that could happen if his father finds out? Not all parents are happy with their children's life choices, but still they must learn to accept that their grown up children have a mind of their own. Don't you think his father would be civilized enough to take these news as an adult? If I was him and found out that my son was too afraid of me to be able to tell me he had a relationship for a whole 3 years I would take a good look on myself and what kind of person I am.
Also, your boyfriend should be able to make some time to go see you if it is a problem for you going to his place.
I'm sorry I sound so harsch and I don't think your boyfriend is a bad person, but I tried imagine myself in your position and i would have felt so sad and hurt if my boyfriend had acted like this. You should sit him down and really explain to him how this make you feel, so he understands that you are not at all feeling good about it.
Wish you all the best!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): I wrote this question, and yes, I'm certain that he's single. I guess I left out an important detail though - I met his dad at a party, and was introduced as a friend. Later on, his dad came up to me telling me how crappy he would be as a boyfriend and that I was much too young for him. I guess he saw that I liked him. Anyways, my bf works for his dad, who was negative towards the age difference and the relationship in general, so that's why we can't be seen together as a couple. He wants to be able to work with his dad without fighting all the time. As for seeing him 3 times a month - we have opposite schedules and also live an hour apart. We talk on the phone all the time, and are very close. All his friends and neighbors know me, but his dad is not to know. Right now, his dad's been over my bf's house to help with a roof repair and insulating the house.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 I'm with **Laurzie** on this one. It doesn't sound quite right. Are you sure he's single? Most 30+ men wouldn't be so reluctant to have their parents meet you, unless you are the "other woman". I'd do some serious digging. It just seems like the most likely explanation. He might be reluctant for his father to meet you because you are younger, but not a three year wait. And most couples see each other during the holidays, unless they are with their family... Hmmm. Are you sure he's not with someone else?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): This is a difficult situation as I can tell you really love your boyfriend. But it doesn't seem as a very promising relationship. Firstly your in college and maybe a boyfriend is too much too handle at the moment. You only see each other 3 times a month and you haven't seen him since before the holidays!
Dont you think you deserve someone who is proud to show you off to their family and someone who actually makes the effort to come and see you. Your young and should be enjoying yourself not sad and missing your boyfriend. If he doesnt want to tell his Dad about your relationship maybe he really doesnt think he would approve, after all he knows his father best. I think you need to really think about this, and consider if maybe ur better with someone else?
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): I think you are being extremely patient and understanding with your boyfriend .....it has been three years ! I think you have to ask yourself how you want to be treated . I think he should tell the truth to his Dad .
I wouldn't issue an ultimatum - but think seriously but how your relationship can continue like this .
Tell your boyfriend how you are feeling ...even by letter . If he cannot understand your hurt , then he is merely a coward and you deserve better .
Good Luck !
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A
female
reader, AJ jess ^..^  +, writes (6 January 2008):
 ive currently been with my bf for three years, now i didnt tell my dad i was in a relationship with him untill 4 days ago so im kinda in your boyfriends position. It may be hard for your boyfriend to tell his dad for many reasons but dont push him into telling him as this will make him depressed, give him slight 'nudges' such as i dont really like going around in secret or id like to meet your parents one day, i know it may be hard for you but your boyfriends confiding in his dad is vital for your relationship to develop xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Are you sure that this guy isnt married or something...
Does he live far from you..because this sounds a bit suspicious to me. Ok so maybe his dad helps in the house but he cant be there every minute of the day. Surely he can spare an hour to see you.
I dont think this is a relationship at all. Especially when you didnt even see him around the xmas time.
He only wants to see you on his terms whenever he wants. I wouldnt waste my time if i was you. Move on.
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