A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi my bf wants 2 do some bondage he has done it a bit with his past gf's but i have never done anything like it i am a bit scared to try new things but want to please him sexually as we have become less interested in each other sexually we have been fighting alot lately and he thinks that if he can use that anger in sex and try some bondage and stuff that it will help him be able to talk to me with out getting angry all the time, he wants to be the dominate one, could any one give me any advice one this as i have no idea about bondage and what it involves Reply to this Question
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (12 October 2009):
 break up.
i have been into hard BDSM for four years and he is doing it to take his anger out on you. It is not right what he is doing. I am officially a DOM in the lifestyle, and i show consideration for all women i am with. He doesn't seem like he is showing any to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2009): I am a bit older than you, and I am a boy. But if he wants to try this, and if the two of you talk first about how far to go and where not to go, I can tell you from past times that it can be AMAZING for both of you!!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 You should only do what you are comfortable with in bed. Your body, your rules. If you trust him and you are interested, it's absolutely up to you. But if he bullies you into trying something against your will, that is not a good sign, especially if you are just doing it to appease him. It could be the red flag to a potentially abusive relationship. If he is sincere and simply looking for role play as an outlet, then he won't mind establishing a few rules beforehand.
If you want to get involved with bondage, you need a "Safe Word" that you both agree on beforehand. It has to be a word that you both recognize as "STOP - I'm not comfortable". It CAN'T be NO or STOP, because they might be enjoyable in bondage situations and role play. Use a word that has no place in the bondage situation, like "Apple". If he ever continues past the point where you have said "Apple", then I would consider that he has gone one step too far and that possibly, he is sadistic and abusive.
Be very clear about the rules and the word and it's meaning STOP. It's totally up to you and you should never try anything that you don't like, aren't comfortable with, or doesn't turn you on too. That's something that you and he need to talk about.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (7 January 2008):
 There is no harm in trying new things. But the key thing is you need to be comfortable.
If you find you don't like it , it should end there. Your boyfriend needs to be sensitive to your inexperience and ease you into it, if he is too rough or too controlling you will be turned off.
It is a hard one, you will either get into it or not, the only way is to try, but make sure your boyfriend knows his boundaries - have a secret sign ( a tap on the shoulder or something like this ) that indicates that you want to stop whatever he is doing. Make rules right from the start, i.e. only vaginal sex, no pain that type of thing.
If he doesnt respect your wishes you might find yourself rather upset and wanting to spend time with anyone but your boyfriend.
Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): I would think that bondage is not something to try when you are having trouble arguing. This has got to be a dangerous method of anger management. You rally have to trust the other person when doing something like that. Even if you do, there is still the chance that it could get out of hand. If you decide to allow it, make sure that the restraints are very weak, so that you can get out of them easily. My wife and I do it sometimes, but we have a great amount of trust and the most vicious thing that she has to worry about me doing to her is tickling her. :)
The more I write here, the less I think it is a good idea for this purpose. I have read a couple articles in the past about using gentle punishment as a form of "punishment". This only works when there is a loving and trusting relationship. For instance, spanking (not too hard) can be enjoyable to both if it is done within the limits of the person being spanked. The person who is doing the spanking can think of it as punishment, while the person receiving it can think or it differently. This only works if the receiving person likes it. However, it has to be done just right, with it just stinging very little and the receiver not feeling like it is painful. Some women like this, but I suspect that most don't. My wife likes it sometimes, but I have never been able to think of doing it as punishing her, as I feel like I am doing something wrong then. Like abusing her instead of doing something erotic and exciting.
Whatever you decide, never do anything that worries you or that you are not comfortable with. If you are apprehensive then just don't so it.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Bondage can sometimes go awry because you will be immobilized and cannot stop him when he goes overboard.What if he goes berserk and you will be at his mercy? Can you trust him to stop when you want?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): Bondage is just being tied up with ropes or handcuffs... I know there are a lot of fetishes out there that mix bondage with spankings, so I'd make it perfectly clear what your boyfriend is going to do to you with you all tied up. I personally enjoy being tied up, but my boyfriend doesn't want to, so I don't make him. Some people just aren't comfortable with the idea. I can't imagine being tied up and not wanting to be - I think I'd be scared and wouldn't enjoy it much. Don't do it unless you trust him completely and set boundaries beforehand.
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