A
female
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anonymous
writes:I'm trying to make my 3-yr relationship with my b/f work out but at times he seems impossible to please. Some examples: We'll be driving in the car, and he'll tell me that I should look ahead and see if there's traffic coming on my side of the car, as we pull up to the intersection. And he gets all pissy about it, says I should be his second pair of eyes. Okay, so a week later we're driving in the car and I do exactly that, I glance out the passenger window and tell him the lanes are clear. He bites my head off and says, "I can see that, you don't need to tell me how to drive!"....Last week-end he's cutting down a tree and I offered a suggestion about the angle of his chain saw. He got all bent out of shape, and told me to shut up, he doesn't need any help, and doesn't want the distraction of "chatter"....so I shut up. A few minutes later, he's yelling at me because he says I should've told him how much further he needed to cut to remove a large branch. Seems like I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. If I point out that the reason I didn't offer any suggestions is because he just got pissed off at me when I tried saying something earlier, he says I'm arguing with him. We have these battles all the time and I don't know how much longer I can deal with it. What am I doing wrong? He seems to think couples just automatically know what each other needs, but I can't read his mind and when I try to do what he asks of me, he just changes his mind and gets angry anyhow. I think he has anger issues and he says it's because I don't know how to think smartly, and be a team. I just dont' understand him at all and it's wearing me out! I'm tired of him yelling at me over everything. Even though he apologizes, nothing ever changes. What am I doing wrong? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, little_laura0  +, writes (10 January 2008):
your not doing anything wrong. you seem to be forgetting one person here and thats you. your putting all your energies into pleasing him, what about you? because you are doing this it sounds like he has lost some respect for you and feels he can get away with treating you like this. obviously you want to avoid it so you try your best to make him happy.
you need to take a big step back, give him some space. every time he snaps at u like this, take 1 step back and distance yourself. he will then realise that you arn't happy and that what he is doing is pushing you away and he will start chasing you. when this happens, dont jump straight into his arms, talk to him calmly and ask him why he is acting the way he is.
you also need to start treating your self. put your energies into making you happy.
good luck and i hope this helps
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 You might not be married, but you could still get into counseling or a couples workshop group. Is this communication issue the only one that you are having? Do you still love him and want to work it out? Or do you think that these anger issues are getting worse and could possibly lead to abuse? Sorry to answer a question with more questions.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Tell your loser of a bf to Get a life!! and dump him now.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Man, why are you even trying to make it work out with this guy? He sounds ridiculous. Don't be with a guy who yells at you all the time - it will only get worse with time, and you do not want it to escalate. He clearly has some issues, and I think they could get dangerous with time.
Ditch this guy and stop trying to make it work. Find a guy who listens to you, respects you and treats you like you ought to be treated. No relationship is perfect, but this one just sounds negative. Find someone who makes you feel great and doesn't yell at you all the time.
Good luck, sweetness!
xx India
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A
male
reader, Nick838 +, writes (9 January 2008):
Sounds like the problem's with him. If I were you, I'd call this the end. You're doing nothing wrong. Good luck in whichever path you choose.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): I'm sorry, but your boyfriend sounds like a jerk!
You don't deserve to have someone snap at you for trying to help. Three years or not, if he has such an attitude problem like this and says you're the problem for everything, then you should dump him. You deserve a heck of alot more kindness, respect and love then that.
If Mood Swing Boy can't be kind, He should get out.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (9 January 2008):
 Your bf is f*cked up. Why the hell are you with him? This WILL turn to physical violence.
You are doing NOTHING wrong. This is him, and only him, and he would treat anyone he is with like this.
Girl, RUN.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): honey, i dont think you're doing anything wrong, from what you've said here. it sounds like he does have anger issues, and if he's anything like my crazy colombian stepfather, he just assumes he's smarter than everyone, and gets frustrated when he does something wrong and blames it on everyone else. and seeing as how the closest available person...
a healthy relationship obviously isn't blaming and yelling at your partner, or belittling them. and i know how hard it can be to imagine leaving someone you've invested so much into, but it sounds like he needs to take some time and get his issues straightened out, instead of using you as his emotional punching bag. no one deserves that babe, no matter how much you love him.
good luck! :o)
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A
female
reader, anunty vaunghy +, writes (9 January 2008):
your not doing anything wrong my lovely.... sounds to me like this man has some serious issues in the sense that he does not like to be told what to do especially by a women. if the suggestions that you make were to made by a one of his bloke mates im sure there would be no problem.
it sounds like your putting in alot of effort into sorting out your relationship which is a good thing if you think it is what you truely want.
if u have tried sitting down and talking to him bout how his behavior upsets you and he still does.... was it not him that thinks you should automatically know each others needs..... its a two way street....your neeeds count too. tell him to get off the one way lane or he will be driving it alone. ask yourself in five years time (o dear the rancid five year plan lol) could you picture yourself happy with him if this carries on.
if a man dont me i dont know how to think smartly.... my response would be obviously not if im with you. game set and match.
good luck to you girl.... if he cant see what he has got then he does not deserve it. every girl should be treated like a princess. sometimes they just need a little help to open there eyes up. x
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