A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Teenage problem. I recently went on a first trip with my friend's daughter who is almost 14. My daughter is grown up and live in a different city. I went to visit her and took my friend' s daughter who I know from her birth. We have, or had very warm relationships. Until this trip. My friend tells me all the time how poor her daughter is doing in school, and plays with her cell phone non stop. She wanted to take the phone away, but she says it's impossible as her daughter needs it for contacting her. First days went well, though I started noticing her non stop looking at her phone. We went on a city tour and I kept telling her numerous time to leave her phone alone and look at the city sites. On a 3 rd day I felt like I am travelling with zombie. We went for lunch, and she almost nocked a waiter over, because she was texting. At lunch for 40 minutes she didn't say word to me, texting again. I just stoped talking to her. She realized an hour later that we don't talk and asked me why I am so quiete. I told her thati don't see anyone that I can talk to. Then when she became rude with me. My daughter told me that there is nothing anyone can do, this is just how it is, everyone is like that nowdays. At the endof our trip, even my daughter who is in her 20s lost it, when we almost finished dinner and hers was still standing in front of her untouched because she was texting all the time. My daughter grabbed phone from her, and basically commanded her to eat her dinner. On a way back, for 4 hours on a plane , she was playing some game with squares non stop, not getting up for a bathroom, not talking. Then we got stranded in one airport, and I called her mother to tell her that we will be late. Then she asked me how everything is, and I told her that it's really was shocking for me to see how her daughter is completely absent the whole time because of her phone. My friend told me that she has been telling me the whole time that it's a big problem for her, and she doesn't know what to do anymore. One thing if her daughter studied well, but she hardly climbs from grade to grade, Nd she blames it all on cell phone. So, we arrive, my friend picks us up. The girl doesn't even say bye to me. Now 4 days later, her mother doesn't even call me. It's very surprising because ussualy she calls me even after I took her out for movies, but this time I don't hear from her at all. That doesn't bother me as much as the daughters obvious addiction to her cell. She doesn't really function normally. Did I overreacted? Should I just let it go and accept it as normal, and don't say anything to the girl?
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 April 2014):
 No 14 year old child NEEDS a phone. SERIOUSLY. My oldest is almost 14 and doesn't have a cell phone. I know that is hardly the norm these days but I think it's ridiculous how people (young and adults) think that they can carry on their lives by being stuck to a phone.
So for my kids, I'm not doing the phone thing. We have a spare "burner phone" we can add minutes to if the kids are on sleep overs or whatnot, but generally they go to school, then come home, do home work, chores, see friends, eat and sleep. Why they should NEED a phone is beyond me.
Honestly, if I were your friend I would give the daughter a bare minimum phone/plan - where she can't text, no games, can't receive or send photos just CALL and receive calls. Because at 14 that is ALL she really needs.
I would have told her, hey can we put the phone away when we eat meals and go sight seeing? I don't mind you taking photos but it kind of ruin this trip when you aren't really "here".
I'm sorry you had YOUR trip ruined because of this brat. Whether it's "normal" for a teenager or not, she was rude and her mom is NOT teaching her any manners, she just makes up excuses... Like "she needs the phone to call me". You know she CAN use the phone at the office in school if she needs to call home, right?
I have 4 nieces who are all up in their phone, they will even sit RIGHT next to each other and TEXT each other instead of talking, they will even FIGHT with each other over text, while sitting on the same couch. Ridiculous.
We have a rule in our house that all electronics are put down for meals (and if we are watching a movie for instance).
For a 14 year old? I'd say if she ABSOLUTELY has to have a phone, she can have it when she leaves to house. When she is home it goes in a drawer or whatnot.
I have quite a few pet peeves, I know. But I CAN NOT stand when people are checking out at the store, ordering food at a restaurant, walking around shopping and then HAVE to talk LOUDLY on the phone. I don't know why ANYONE these days this they are the center of the universe and therefore needs all this info right that moment. Manners and common sense are going out the window these days.
However with all that being said, I'd let her raise her child as she sees fit. But I would NOT volunteer to take that kid with me again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): Thank you all for answering. Just want to mention that the mother is my very good friend, and her daughter considers me like a part of the family. I was really not only shocked by her cell use but also by her rudeness toward me when I was trying to limit it. It was like a different person.
I am not indifferent how she does at school, she is not just another teen for me, of course I want her to succeed.
He r mother called me yesterday, and again we started this conversation. She said, she is taking cell away from her daughter right after school, so she could do her homework. I think we ll be fine with mother, but I kind of have no interest in communicating with her daughter anymore. She was always very special for me, I thought we were really close, but this trip and this madness with her phone left me disappointed.
I think all of you right, I should have a sicker skin and just ignore her. I probably would if she was not rude and at times sarcastic with me. Time will show, may be 5 years later she ll be " normal" again.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2014):
 I agree with Aunt Westie . I understand your frustration, in fact people fiddling with their cell phones during meals drives me insane, so I don't blame you.
But, I don't blame your friend either; it's normal that she is ( temporarily ) a bit off . Make it, really pissed off.
The girl is 14, her behaviour, although lamentable, is very common, this particular girl may be a bit excessive , but tons of teens live constantly plugged to their phones or PCs or other devices. It's a phase of which most grow up .
Anyway, she is not your daughter, you have been kind in taking her with you , but still her school career us not yout responsibility, nor it is educating her . Her mom, I presume will not have appreciated that your daughter snatched her phone cell away - nor that you have commented so profusely on the girl 's " bad " behaviour ( I hope you haven't told the mom about " looking like a zombie "...). She had told you already about her girl's cell problem, it is not for you tryng to correct it .
Again, not that I can blame you, in your shoes I would have probably been equally affected or more- but teens may be difficult to handle even in the best cases , you need to develop flexibility, and a thicker skin- and let the disciplining for their parents .
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 April 2014):
 I don't think you overreacted, and I feel your frustration!
I have also removed cells from hands (twice) and put them on the nearest surface, face down, when trying to talk to this age group, especially if they have come to me for information which I am trying to give them. Neither queried my actions.
Here's hoping your friend's daughter will grow out of it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): I'm not saying there was any harm done; I can completely understand your frustration - but it is very common and you're not her mother, so you can't/shouldn't tell her what to do.
I don't blame you for being annoyed with it though.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): AuntWestie, there was no harm done. The girl adores my daughter and she just laughed. My point was that even a 27 year old got fed up with this constant clicking, even for her it was too much. And she uses her phone quite a bit also.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2014): This girl isn't your daughter and, sadly, it is very common for teenagers to be glued to their phones, TVs, computers, consoles, etc. - so I think you need to not tell her off or allow your children to take her things from her.
You could have said "we are leaving in 10 minutes, so eat what you want now because we aren't hanging around" but letting your daughter snatch the girl's phone was rude, regardless of how rude the girl was being.
...............................
|
