A
female
age
36-40,
*brennen12
writes:I started dating a wonderful guy. We got along fantastically and we were amazing together in bed. By far, the best sex I have had in my life. We connected on very intimate levels, and I was like a magnet to him. He is the nicest guy I have ever dated, very compassionate and caring, thoughtful, wanted to spend time with me and wanted to do what I wanted. I was treated like a queen.He wanted us to have fantasies in bed. I've never been one to have fantasies or role-play. His fantasy was impregnation/housewife and mine was rape. I do NOT really want to be raped, but I want a man that will be completely dominant and take control. I've been with guys that ask 'what do you want me to do?' or 'how do you want me to do it?' I've read that impregnation and rape fantasies are similar due to the dominance, so I think we both got that he was to be dominant and I am more submissive (most of the time). While we were dating, I felt like he was a woman in heat. He would point out babies and want me to look at them, he would send me videos of cute kids, he started a conversation about baby names, he would say he wanted to have a whole team of kids with me. Once we even talked about religion for kids. We swapped baby pictures. I don't have baby fever, so I thought this was odd coming from him. From some of our talks, we both wanted the same or similar things in a relationship, so I think both of us may have been thinking of a future.During sex, he would tell me that he wanted to give me all of him and he wanted me to hold it inside. He would say he wanted to deposit everything he had inside me. I told him numerous times that I did not like the pregnancy fantasy. So then he kind of went on to the housewife fantasy. I would really love to be a housewife, so I had to ask him to stop that because I would have gotten too caught up into it.Here is the *kicker* - my iud had fallen out, and I was pregnant. His fantasy was now a reality. A very unfortunate thing for both of us. At first, he was turned on by it. He wanted to make love right then and said he needed to get inside me. He said he loved knowing how fertile we were together and that he could get me pregnant anytime. He said keeping it would make him work harder, and the only reason he was upset because he wanted to help take care of his grandmother and he was afraid he wouldn't be able to do both.I'm 26. He is 27. He is a grad student looking for a job. He is Indian, and here on a student visa. We went to an abortion clinic, but I did not go through with it. I often regret not doing it because of the stress this has created. We talk about adoption, but I don't know that I can just give it to someone like that. Then I'm faced with the possibility of raising it alone, and I don't like that either. Our relationship is on the line or already over. He asked me to spend the weekend with him a couple weeks ago. When he called he was very nosy on if I was or had been seeing someone. He told me that he needed to mark his territory, and that I was carrying his baby. He said he couldn't wait to see me pink and pregnant and that he loved me.After the wonderful weekend, he asked if I had thought any more about adoption or abortion (I'm almost at 20 weeks). He said that the weekend was to give me the support and to prove to me that he still wanted a relationship with me IF I chose one of those options. He said all those things he had said was bedroom talk and our bedroom talk was not real. He said he was naive to think that I was genuinely thinking about adoption - hello??? You don't say you're carrying my baby if you think I'm thinking about adoption and then say it's fantasy?!!! So the whole thing just leaves me baffled. This was HIS fantasy, and he got exactly what he WANTED. Do people want their fantasies to come true? If my fantasy was to be spanked until I cried or have an orgy with 4 guys, I'm going to try to make that happen. If my fantasy is to get pregnant with an alien baby, then to me that IS fantasy because I know it can't happen. However, pregnancy is something that a person will eventually make happen (unless they can't conceive). How am I supposed to know when he flips back and forth between fantasy and reality? The fantasy is now reality, but he hasn't accepted it. Granted, we both thought my iud was there. Maybe we took it fore granted that this couldn't happen because it was "there", and he was more turned on by that? I don't know the answers to my questions. When I did tell him this was his fantasy, he told me to never mention that again. He said I've never mentioned you're fantasy and said you should be raped now. Funny thing is, we never, not once, role-played my fantasy. Yet, he brought his fantasy up when he asked me to spend time with him. I'm just at a loss. I wish this would bring us closer together and I'm sad at all the fun we are missing out on now. It's doing nothing but driving us apart. :(
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female
reader, Cbrennen12 +, writes (6 April 2014):
Cbrennen12 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionchigirl - the times that we spent together were precious to me. I have a friend that talked to a guy that said he enjoyed playing his guitar more than having sex. He said that when he did have sex all he was thinking about was if he had paid a bill, locked the door, etc. I thought that was stupid at first, but I realized that I did the same thing. I always wanted to guy to hurry up because it was just sex - a way to relieve stress and get off. With this guy, it was completely different. I wanted him to cum because I wanted him, and I didn't want him to cum because I didn't want it to end. It was like we were the only two people in the world and his bed was just floating. I just really can't put into words the way it was or how it felt. I'm sad that I've lost this. It was really a matter of abortion or going on with the great connection that we had. I felt like abortion was too selfish, for me. I am pro-choice, but I didn't want to make that choice to abort the life.I DO know the difference in fantasy and reality, but I've never been with a partner that is so into fantasy. I think it made our sex better though, and he would say that I made it better because I was so into it. I do not want to raped. I just want a man that will take control over me in the bed, and be rough. I also want one that can be passionate too. However, outside of the bedroom, I would prefer to be dominant. I want the sex life where we have sex to connect because we can't talk. I felt like I had this with the guy. I did find out that his ex-girlfriend broke up with him because of this very reason. I don't know whether I will keep the child or give it up for adoption. My lawyer said that she knew a couple that wanted to adopt because they can't have children. I can't see myself carrying this baby and giving it up. I want the baby. But I also know I'm not ready and this was a huge unplanned thing. I don't want to do it alone. These are the reasons that I wish I had gone ahead with the abortion, awful thoughts, but I don't know what decision to make. :(It's just a tragic mess. One that I'm so disappointed in myself to be in.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 April 2014):
 Your beginning was so refreshing to read! With all the troubled people who post here, it was great to read this! I am so happy for you that you have gotten to experience truly great sex, so many women go by without having a clue.
On to your question: Yes, there is a difference between fantasy and reality, no matter if the fantasy is achievable or not. I also get a turn on by the impregnation fantasy. Don't ask me why, I have no clue why, but it does the trick. Impregnation is possible to live out in real life, but it is still the fantasy that is a turn on. How a real life attempt at becoming pregnant will be? I have no clue. I also have fantasies about getting it on with Pokemon, which is obviously fiction, but its the same deal. Fantasy is fantasy, a turn on, no matter how possible it is to live out in real life. You fantasy about being raped, a real rape is possible to happen... yet you do not want that. You understand very well the difference between fantasy and reality, so don't sit there and pretend you have no idea why he isn't happy when it's supposedly his fantasy. If you were raped you'd have your life destroyed, not be happy you got to "live the fantasy".
Now, on to the real problem: Do you keep the child or not? You will most likely be a single mother, lets get that one down. You might not be, but there is a probability. You're not married, and the relationship is rocky. Then again, you never know, you will probably find another boyfriend later in life and if you marry him then you will not be raising your child alone. You never know with life. But you must be prepared to go it alone, if you decide to keep it.
You need to talk to your friends and maybe also family about this, and talk about whether or not you should keep the child. The question about his sexual fantasies are NOT relevant in this matter.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 April 2014):
 No, not always. It depends, from people and most of all from fantasies. People do not want to live out fantasies that would have important or permanent consequences in their real life. It's the essence , the symbol in the fantasy, what the fantasy stands for that turns them on, not the banality ( or unpleasantness ) of it in real life.
Same as you fantasize about being raped. In your fantasy , it turns you on because you are attracted by dominance / submission dynamics. But you don't want to really be raped, you would not enjoy really going to the E.R. for an emergency OB/ GYN visit, then to the police to press charges, then to a shrink to deal with post- traumatic stress syndrome, etc.etc.
So he is turned on by babies and pregnancy in theory , maybe because the idea of impregnating somebody makes him feel more male, more powerful, etc.- but in real life he is not interested in having financial, legal and moral obligations for a baby that he did not plan and was conceived by mistake.
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