A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm in college as is the girl I've been very interested in for over a year. I've been working hard at getting on her good side, texting her almost every day "randomly" running into her between classes. If I had to guess it's been pretty obvious that I'm into her. The other day we were both at a party and her friend hinted to me that she was into me as well so I did my best to stick around her the rest of the night and wound up going home with her and hooking up! :) So that all looks good and well, and it actually happened again when we both saw each other at the bar two nights later. But both times it didn't get past second base, even though I spent the night.I really like this girl, and both times we spent most of the next morning just talking and laughing in bed and it was pretty awesome. I'm not used to college relationships and I would like to make this work for something more long-term but so I don't want to mess this up but the fact that we have only gotten so far concerns me that she might not feel the same. Can someone talk me out of my craziness?
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second base, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2014):
 If you really like this girl: Ask. Her. Out. In person. For real.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2014):
 I agree that she probably likes you right back but is not going to permit herself being used.
If you like her and want to date her and have a relationship with her then make it so... the relationship comes first the sex comes second.
FWIW girls who are wise never put out for the guys they really want... ASk HER OUT on a proper date (NOT BY TEXT)
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A
female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 Everybody advises us not to put out too early if we like a guy.
Also, I've ALWAYS been advised that guys don't respect girls who just put out.
I've also always been told that if he really likesme he'll stick around irrespective of whether I put out or not. So your question actually puzzles me, somewhat
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): Point blank: ask her out on a date and don't hook up any more until she initiates it.
Tell her you like her and go with the flow. If you really like *her* and not just the sexual stuff, you'll be happy to wait a while.
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A
male
reader, RevMick  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I would be very careful that you aren't being used as a booty call. If the girl is like that, and she knows you are into her she will always string you along.
I know guys are exactly the same (not everyone just a handful). If it's readily on tap there is no need to get serious is possibly what she is thinking.
I urge caution at all times. During college everyone is experimenting, trying new things.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I agree with Cindy.
She is trying to protect herself from being "used" sexually.
If you CARE about her and isn't just wanting sex, ASK her out on a date. A SOBER let's get to know one another date.
And then DATE her a while, she might be a girl who don't have sex til marriage, she might be one who doesn't want sex til you two have dated a good while.
Don't treat her like she is disposable (as in use and walk away).
If you like her, respect her and take her out. It's pretty simple really.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I am with Cindy.
I think she just doesn't want to get used for casual sex and even though she's hooked up with you, she's resisted going all the way.
It's hard for girls
Too much sexual contact too soon and we are branded a slut, too little and we are branded an ice queen or frigid...most girls are confused about how much intimate contact they should have with a guy they like because they want him to think they are a nice decent girl...and guys can be real pushy and insensitive to this ya know!!
Girls think that they have to give some intimate contact or a guy will lose interest in them and this is largely true because guys are all about getting sexual.
If you like this girl and see her as a potential partner, you need to date her properly, take her out, spend time with her and get to know her (not just in bed). She is a person with thoughts and feelings and she probably wants to get to know you better but you keep taking the 'fast track' sexual approach and it's probably putting her off because she thinks you are only after one thing...are you???
Level with her, be nice and tell her you'd like to date her properly because you think she's special. Go do stuff and see what happens. You dont have to be a man whore to get what you need, there is another way...so take it slow.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 Okay, maybe you missed out on it, but here are the ground rules: dont have sex until you are in an official and exclusive relationshop for at least two weeks (and some make that two months or mofe). This is the rule every sensible woman goes by, and every decent man who wants more than a one night stand.
Now that you've been enlightened, will you formally make her your girlfriend already? At least ask her out? If you want a relationship then push for a relationship, not sex...
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 Maybe you need someone to talk you out of your clumsiness :).
You like the girl, you want to date her . Then ask her out ! on a regular date ! with no sexual activities necessarily involved.
If you just keep hooking up randomly ( and probably drinkenly ) how is she going to figure that you are really into her and would want something more ? In fact, she may be disappointed and confused , she might be thinking " How come, he was all attentive and nice and always texting me randomly nearly every day so far ... and now that he knows I like him too, all he wants to do is hooking up... " that could be what put the brakes on her sexuality. Maybe she likes you too as much as you like her, but reasnably she first wants to know exactly how the land lies before letting herself go. If you have in mind tolls in the hay, or a relationship, or what. She is " taking it slow " ( and not even so terribly slow, as for that ).
I don't see your problem, you'd have a problem if you only wanted an ONS , or casual sex, and she weren't cooperative. But you have honourable intentions :) , you want to date her and spend time with her and all that. So, just tell her - ask her out, hang out out of bed and no alcohol involved, and see how it goes.
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