A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys.I've got a very weird question to ask..first off,I've been friends with this UK lady for 4yrs.cyber_friendship.we've shared a lot.she recently had a baby born.and she used to tell me she doesn't bath sometimes,they I'd ask y and she'd say she doesn't smell and that she secrete very nice smelling juices down there.yoghurt flavors..so anyways yesterday I said to her that female part should be taken care of because it tends to smell if you don't take care of it lol.then she got angry and wrote me a racist message.saying people in SA smell and UK females don't smell.I'm in SA by the way and I'm black..what does that mean?I mean don't we all secrete the same juices as females or is she right when she says she smells like roses and yoghurt down there even when she doesn't bath?phew! Weird indeed! She ended our long cyber_relationship too because of me saying she shoudnt stay without bathing Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 April 2014):
 No one HAS to have a bath/shower daily.
Go back a 150 years and weekly baths were the norm, go back some further and it was monthly or even seasonal.
Depending on WHAT you do (physically), how much you sweat and even your diet can alter how you smell.
Now if we are talking VAGINAL scents, then it is an individual scent. No women should douche/wash inside and certainly NEVER with regular soap or body washes as it can alter the Ph level in the vagina and THAT in turn can cause smells/itching, infection.
The vagina cleans itself basically, however, men's semen also alter the Ph and therefore a RINSE afterwards (if you are not trying to become pregnant)is smart.
And like SVC mentioned SITTING in a TUB full of soapy water can cause UTI's. And let's face it, if you don't shower BEFORE a bath, you sit in your own dirt... (not a fan here either... lol)
Do white folks from the UK smell better below then folks from South Africa? I seriously doubt it. Unless she meant that it's HOT in SA and thus people sweat more? That is kind of the only excuse I can find for her. And though it's a lame one, that was the only one she could come up with when you called her smelly.... What is your excuse?
If she JUST had a baby though, I can imagine not taking a shower every day. And a bath (bath tub should be a no no) Skipping a day or two isn't going to make you stink to high heaven. Some people just wash their faces and arm pits and go about business with out stinking. As a new mom her priority might be to GET through the day with this new little life. Smelling like roses or whatnot IS less important.
Personally, I end up showing twice a day 4 times a week (work-out days) and the days I DO NOT work out, I might *gasp* actually skip a day. I still brush my teeth & hair 2-3 times daily, wash my face, body.
I would not take to heart what she said. I think she felt offended and lashed out. It's pretty normal that people at times can misunderstand the written word over the spoken. As you can't always convey humor, tone of voice and so forth.
Let it go.
But so YOU know.... scent is NOT determined by the color of your skin. It's what you eat, the climate, how much you sweat, you general health, body hairs and personal hygiene.
To me it seems like a really odd and pointless argument.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): I lived in the UK long time ago and most of the families I stayed with there used to have bath once a week. I don't know what is the situation like now but I was a young man then and women really did smell like roses to me.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 Well, if this lady JUST had a baby she is not even supposed to take a bath ( in a bathtub ) for 4-6 weeks, until the endometrium ( uterine lining ) has fully grown back.
Anyway, no, definitely we do not all smell the same down there , it varies quite a bit. Although of course it is obviously a good idea to mantain a good hygiene and regular cleanliness regardless, some women smell muskier and some others ... can get away with more and they can wait some more before their B.O. becomes strong or offensive.
Plus, since you are specifically talking about vaginal odours, who says that you must sit in a bathtub ( if by bath you mean that ) every day ? A shower will be fine, or a bidet will be fine, or just a sponge, cloth or flannel and a water tap will be fine.
I think maybe your ex friend got offended because you implied a ) that she does not know how to take care of herself while maybe she does, only with a different system than yours b) that she STINKS to high heaven just for skipping a bath occasionally, because that may very well not be the case.
Of course she did not react properly by insulting a whole population and a whole nation of women, that's a rude and hysterical reaction.
But, OP, ... I am not that surprised it went like that.
You tell her , basically, hey dirty a**, I bet you stink- and she replies with a " You stink too ! ". I wonder how come that the conversation took such a bizarre bend to begin with ?:)...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): So you called her smelly, and then she called you smelly. Sounds like a trivial tiff to me, nothing to end a friendship over. I work on a ward where patients aren't able to shower for up to 2 weeks, so they just wash with a flannel, and it's very unusual that I can smell people's genitalia. So it's possible to be clean and non-smelly without having a daily bath or shower.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 April 2014):
BTW I've been with all types of women and race has nothing to do with smell. Heat actually can affect smell though.
...............................
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 April 2014):
People don't smell the same down there. But let me ask you, when you wash your vagina, do you wash inside? It takes care of itself ideally. Now, the area on the outside certainly needs washing from pee, poo, and sweat.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 No, everyone does not smell exactly the same. Our environment, our diet and our personal habits will influence how we smell.
Technically, her attack wasn't racist as many different races live in both places. And her comment just leads me to believe that while she lives in Britain, she herself isn't actually British. Insulting those (she considers) beneath her from someone else's balcony.
That said, it was a weird conversation, to be sure. She probably took your comment as judgment or insult and chose not to occupy the higher ground. In any event the woman has no class so it's no great loss.
It was bound to happen sooner or later, if not about this then about something else.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (1 April 2014):
 It sounds to me like she's not quite herself after the baby.
I will tell you that NO we don't all smell alike... but that does not mean we should not maintain cleanliness.
I admit that I used to be fanatical about showering daily until my doctor told me that too much water and washing is bad for my skin... Now I will stretch it 36 hours or so... so every other morning and every other night...
BUT I HATE baths Flower89...and since bubble baths can cause UTIs they were prohibited by my doctor when I was very young... I shower NEVER sit in a tub of water.. yuck....
In addition it's not the INTERNAL areas that are the issue (douching is not a good thing) but rather the folds and external areas that need to be cleaned. WATER is needed more than soap to be honest... SUDS were invented by marketing guys because folks think SUDS are what make us clean. SUDS/SOAP are drying for our skin and often cause irritation.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 April 2014):
 Perhaps she thought you were insulting her? And so she retaliated, with that racist comment, and ended the friendship. Or perhaps she didn't like being told what to do, or disagreed with the need for douching, if that is what you mean by bathing? She may feel not bathing everyday is fine, that bathing every other day will suffice. She may not want to be lectured to or judged.
It's all a bit odd, to start to discuss one's private body smells with a cyber-friend, and maybe she decided she was uncomfortable and rather than handle it politely, she took offense, became insulting and ended the cyber-friendship. It's not like you are going to be able to spend time in the same room, sniffing the air to check her claims of her personal aromas.
It is weird, and I would just avoid discussions of personal hygienes with people you only know in cyberspace in the future, if I were you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): Hey guys,thanks for all the reply and I forgot about her already,I believe that she is mentally disturbed then why would she get angry and tell me its the end of our friendship when I adviced her to wash the private part?she said she doesn't wash it and gets angry when I comment.thank you anyways.God bless
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 People do smell differently. I think that if you and her were close and had an online relationship, she shouldn't be that super offended by such a small comment. I don't think she was angry at you, but maybe hormonal because of the baby etc. But anyway, if she's willing to throw away a good friendship because of something so small as a comment on hygiene then I say forget about her. She doesn't sound mentally stable, and very dramatic.
It could be true that she smells like roses, but either way, that was over-reacting.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): You say this lady has recently had a baby - consider the fact that she might have a case of post-natal depression.This would explain why she has lost interest in washing herself (poor hygiene and depression often go together) and why her reaction was so bizarre and over-the-top.She makes a "throw away" comment about not washing which she didin't think you'd take seriously and you pick up on that and start questioning her about it. She doesn't really want to get into a discussion about it (probably because it will mean admitting her depresson) so she tries to deflect it with a sarcastic comment - it was kinda meant to be funny ("Well, I smell of roses, so there!!) and make you shut up about the subject but it didn't work and you again tried to discuss it more seriously lecturing her about her health etc.In a depressed state, some people will react badly to this and she ended up rejecting you completely and in a most vile way.Of course, I could be wrong and maybe she's just an outright bitch or a crazy lady as WiseOwl suggested but you've been in contact with her for 4 years and I would have thought you'd have noticed such complete weirdness before then, which is why I considered post-natal depression.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): It's true taht you don't technically need to wash everyday, but you should wash every other day. Modern standards and facilities these days make it easy to clean every day though, and she had no right to make a racist remark to you about it. Don't listen.
...............................
A
female
reader, Flower89  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 I thought everyone had to have a bath or shower every day? Not just for the fact it down to poor hygiene people get bacteria and infection build up, but as a women I don't feel right for the day if I don't have a shower and the odd mornings I will be honest when I have slept in you make a point of still washing before leaving the house! Then a nice bubble bath when u get home, I thought all women enjoyed bubble baths? Lol it is one of the few luxury us mummy haven't! Sorry I have given a really girly answer and not much info but you are right that girl prob needs a good scrub, your better off without her in your life.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2014): There are health risks with not maintaining proper hygiene.
She could get yeast infection or urinary tract infections. There are various skin inflammations caused by bacteria and fungal accumulation on the skin. I recently read about a young boy who was rushed to an emergency room, and maggots were growing under his skin.
She is full of crap, literally. She has poor habits in hygiene and may be suffering from a mental disorder; or just not a very clean person. Don't contact her anymore.
...............................
|
