A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Let me start from the beginning, I signed up for a dating site, decided after a few days it wasn't my thing. I later found a message on FB from a guy who found me on the dating site. He said my profile disappeared, so he Googled my email address. WE originally dicussed a FWB relationship, we both agreed to simple causal sex. I am involved with someone and I get the hint that he might be as well. Totally cool with it. He was very interested in me, we messaged back and forth for a few weeks, I mean hundreds of messages, all day along. Not just shooting the shit, real conversation, we clicked right off the bat. We also teased, and flirted, talked about sex, and couldn't wait to meet up. I got nervous before meeting him and abruptly stopped talking to him. He showed up at my work unannounced on Valentines day with a single rose. Now I didn't have a clue what he looked like. It was a game to guess what he looked like and his age. Turns out very attractive and only 10 years older than me. I am 24. I let him know he had my full attention now. We met up a few days later, messed around, didn't have sex. We continued talking daily, all day long. He suggested we meet up again, and once again I chickened out. He drove 45 minutes to see me, and I stood him up. He became angry with me for being so disrespectful, and said that would be the last time he would allow it. He got over it quickly when I apologized. I made it a point to meet him the next day, he left work early, invited me to his home, and we had amazing sex. I wasn't sure what to do afterwards, so I got dressed quickly, and he stayed naked, we chatted for a good 20 minutes and he said he had to get back to work. Not even 5 minutes after leaving he's messaging me if I was okay and if I enjoyed myself. We have continued to message eachother all day long. He has said odd things that lead me to believe he could want more. Like I said I am involved with someone else, we live together, but for the sake of financial issues, FWB has said that I am out of this other persons league, he dosent know what he's got, he dosent deserve someone like me, I can do better. I told FWB I am saving up to get a place of my own, he asked if I would go back to the person I'm involved with, I said no, and my reasons why, once again he said I was out of this other persons league. FWB also says weird stuff like this, he asked if we could ever have a 3 some, I said that it would be hard to find someone else that could handle our arrangement, cracked a few jokes, and he said well that escalated quickly, I said only joking, and he said theres always some truth in joking. I know he dosent want a relationship, he just wants fun and sex. But the way he talks to me sends another signal. I know its more about actions, then explain the rose? Its been almost 3 months of communication, we've only hooked up twice. I would date him if he wanted, and it wouldn't bother me if he didn't. I guess I have no idea how to bring it up, I'm curious how he feels about me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I doubt it means more than just sex... explain the rose.. well Cindy nailed it... cheap move that looks good.
When a man cares about a woman as a person he will see her more than once every few weeks. He will move heaven and earth to see her as much as possible. two hook ups in three months does not bode well for anything more than occasional fun and games.
texts and words are cheap. actions count. a single rose is nothing to be excited about, sorry to burst your bubble
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 March 2014):
 Oh the rose :). It means he is a serial Internet dater, maybe a serial Craiglister,lol. It's the typical blind date move. The Virgin Megastore in downtown New York ( now it has closed, too bad ) until few years ago was THE spot of choice for blind dates ( because it's close to all subway lines ,I guess ) and passing by it on a Saturday evening you'd think you were at a florists' convention : all these single guys standing , with a single rose. I guess somebody must have figured that it's a smart move, (you invest one dollar , and you make a good first impression, the chicks go all awww how sweet and think you must be serious about them )and all the others followed suit.
Mind you, it's a nice gesture anyway , ..but do not go reading too many arcane meanings in it. That was after you had stood him up with no explanations, and before you'd see him for the first time, and before you had sex with him . If you are a guy and want to get laid - and you have been stood up before - you'll figure out that you have to show a little effort to pave the way.
If he wants more, he'll show effort NOW. He'll ask you out, he'll take you places, he'll manifest his wish and interest in spending time with you out of the bed ,in planning occasions to see you. So far you have hooked up twice in 3 months, it does not sound like he is that bothered , emotionally OR sexually. As a matter of fact , I think that if he wanted to date you , he would not be dropping hints , he would just ASK you. He is 34, a grown up man, not a goofy teenager. " But we only agreed upon an FWB "... so ? again, he is 34 and an adult,if he changes his mind he'll tell you, if he thinks YOU only want FWB, but he has a chance of changing YOUR mind, he will try. And if he thinks you only want FWB, won't change your mind but he wants more- he'll walk.
That's what I think, i.e. that the situation is much simpler than you think and would not require him any strategy or tactics or " games ".
But, if your gut feelings say otherwise, hey, I never discount the power of intuition, so if you feel he might want more but for some reason he is not coming forward, why don't YOU ask him if he wants to date you and see what he says ?... You say you'd be fine either way, both dating or just continuing a sex only arrangement- so it's perfect, you've got nothing to lose if you ask first.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2014): I think he's made it quite clear that he just wants sex not a relationship. Don't get it confused, I would buy my fwb a rose but it wouldn't mean anything emotionally.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 March 2014):
 I think you should go with your gut feeling, if a guy only wants sex then usually it is quite obvious to the girl, he wont bother making much of an effort as he knows he is getting sex without any complications. From your post it does sound like this guy might be in to you. I think the best thing to do is casually ask him sometime if he is seeing someone else. If not then maybe spend more time together and see how things go. If you are unhappy with the person you are seeing at the moment then tell that man you don't want to be with him. Life is much to short to be unhappy.
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