A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi,i'm wondering what i should do.My online date and i have been hitting it off so well, over the past few mths, that now he has decided to leave the dating site where we met for good, so that he and i can pursue a possible future relationship together.We have had 4 failed attempts @ meeting in person, all were my fault i admit, yet he still wishes to pursue things and now move onto a deeper level.We have talked via the ph and he has provided me recently, with all of his personal details.He ended his membership permanently, 2 days ago, yet i am still on the site.Should i end my membership permanently too, or will he assume that i am too needy or desperate.I don't want to lose him, by doing something that may suddenly put or turn him off, however, deep down, i don't like the idea of him seeing me on the site still, as i do have strong feelings for him and i feel as he does.I just don't want to make that too obvious yet, as we've still yet to meet in person, but we both know what we want, as we haven't had eyes for anybody else, since we both became members.My online date, is a true gentleman, very committed, he has always turned up promptly, as expected, i have let him down, yet he forgives me and gives me another chance, so this time, i will not screw things up in any way.Any sensible advice would be greatly appreciated.Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I would do NOTHING until you have met a few times face to face.
I will tell you this. The guy exudes red flags for two reasons...
1. he's canceled his account without actually meeting you and
2. he's willing to take 4 stand ups and still consider you optimum dating material. I sense this guy as low self-esteem... that gets old very fast....
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I wouldn't make any changes to anything until you two meet in person. That includes taking it to "a deeper level," No "deeper level" until there has been a face-to-face, in person, breathing the same air, in the same room, honest to goodness meeting.
Fix whatever issues are keeping you from meeting him in person, meet him and only after that decide what your next moves are. Get your steps in the right priority and don't get out ahead of yourself. And don't let him get out ahead of himself either. It was his choice to delete his account, you didn't force him or bully him. Honestly to me it sounds a bit over the top to do something that dramatic, to say he's committing to you before you have even met each other.
Time to get things into the real life realm and not over digital devices.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I agree with Cindy as well. Suspend or disable your account and after you've dated a while and you have something solid to build upon then I would cancel the membership. If you decide to cancel it then remember he cancelled his first so you won't look any needier than him. And speaking of needy, you should know that being honest and matter of fact about what you want or don't want and what you think is far from needy. Bottling everything up and pretending you don't have needs is a definite sign of weakness and neediness. And as good as this guy may be you should pace yourself. He is, after all, only human so don't put all of your life's goals and ambitions at his doorstep. He should compliment your life, not be the centre of it.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 Is there an inbetween option whereby you can disable your account, but not delete it/ end membership? That would indicate that you're only interested in him (for now, perhaps forever), and would give you the option of easily reinstating things if, after meeting up with him, things don't work out. Filling in those profiles can take a while...
If you really want to end the membership then of course do it, but bear in mind what Cindy has said: the dynamic between you in real life might be completely different. I think it's premature for either of you to end your memberships before meeting.
I don't think ending your membership will come across as being needy or desperate, but your actions up until now (cancelling 4 dates) come across as a bit flaky so I think that's what you need to work on.
Good luck, hope it all goes well!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 Before taking yourself off the site, I'd wait for your first ( or second, or third ) date to actually happen, and see how it goes. A person that sounds wonderful and intriguing and your potential soulmate on paper- may give you a totally different impression face to face. For all you know he can have sent you his pics of when he was 50 pounds slimmer. Or have the worst case of halitosis on the whole planet. Or it may turn out as a terrible jerk that during your date treats the waitstaff like shit and reduces them in tears.
Or or or- there may be many surprises ,many things that change your current perception of him as just what the doctor ordered for you. And the same could happen to him concerning you.
I don't want to be Negative Nellie here, but... dating sites are dating sites and real life is real life. Wait at least that your initial good first impression is confirmed by what you actually can hear see and touch.
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (31 March 2014):
 If he's told you that he left the site out of desire to pursue an exclusive relationship with you, he's made the first move here. He's saying, without actually saying it, that courtship of you has his full attention.
Ending your membership won't look needy; it will look like you feel similarly and wish to respect him as he evidently respects you. Men don't typically go looking for women who want to date several people at once. So no, leaving the site is not going to look bad, but staying on it might, as he may assume you are not as interested in him and are still looking around for another, "better" man.
If you think this man is relationship potential, you have very little to lose by quitting the site. Maybe a few first dates with other guys, but it doesn't sound like that's what you're looking for. And given that you can always join again if things don't work out, my advice would be to match his good-faith gesture and quit your membership too while you get to know him in the real world and not the online one.
Good luck and best wishes!
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