A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My closest girlfriends and I are a group of four. A couple weeks ago, girlfriend "A" messaged us asking to hang out that upcoming Saturday. "B" said OK and I asked "when and where?" However Saturday came and gone with A and B both having both seen the message but not responded. "C" rarely checks Facebook anyway. Oh well!Then last week, I messaged the girls asking if they would like to hang out this past Saturday. Two days later, A says "Yes!!! Where?" and I suggest a location and day. B says OK. A and C are nowhere to be found so I say "Does that (time) work? I have daytime plans so I need to know when to leave. If not then next time :)." B confirms the time with me and texts me Saturday daytime asking if we're still up for it. I said that since A and C haven't responded then maybe next time, and she says OK. Later that day, "A" sends us/everyone photos of her day via a mobile app and posts them on Facebook. She spent the day with other friends. I think it's fine if she/people don't want to hang out or aren't available. But I'm offended that my friends, who are genuinely kind people who I've known for awhile, lack common courtesy to even say no or make up an excuse. Why is this? A few months ago, a similar incident occurred and it ended up just being "C" and I hanging out. Why are my (previous) best friends so unreliable these days? They used to be "normal" but I think they're becoming more and more immature even though we're adults now. Unfortunately, I guess it's time for me to move forward without them. But can anyone explain their behavior? How did everyone become so rude? Any advice would be truly appreciated. Thanks! I forgot to add this:A" pretended not to have read my message (Facebook shows whether or not someone has clicked on it). Even thought she was on Facebook. She finally "read" it around Saturday bedtime.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 I would not count on the "seen" thing on FB to mean anything. Yes, someone might have clicked on the message bar, yet that doesn't mean they read the message. I do that all the time, I have FB open or whatnot, and a message arrives, but I am too busy to read it and deal with it, so I just click it away. And it's said as "seen" even if I haven't actually read it.
People don't always have the time to hang out, and like someone else asked.. why did you yourself become so unavailable when you called off meeting B just because A and C couldn't? You're not exactly different from them in that respect.
So they are busy bodies. Find more friends and hang out with them instead, and hang out with A,B,C whenever they can, but don't sit alone at home waiting for them to text you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): Why did you ditch B when the others didn't show up? That's bad form, OP, that's even worse than not responding like the others did, you made a plan and basically broke it B and let her feel like she's not really worth hanging out with if the others aren't around.
If anyone deserves to be pissed off and offended it's her.
OP other than that stop using FB for these arrangements and make phone calls instead, that way you get a straight reply and find out the situation without the whole "she saw the message" crap.
It's not unusual for friends to drift apart and it's also not unusual for people to ignore others on FB. that's the joys of social media and mobile phones. People can pretend they didn't see it or ignore it.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (31 March 2014):
And in turn you reject the only person who actually does want to hang out, all because one person can't make it. Everyone in your group is only wrapped up in what they want. As a growing adult, it is extremely hard to have 4 friends meet for the same time for the same place. Everyone has different lives and long gone are the school grouping days. It is not that they want to intentionally mess up everyone, but they already had plans and if they don't reply via text then it works out.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I would call or make arrangement over text NOT over FB. And I can tell you why, FB IS NOT WORKING for you.
And I agree if B is the only one who seems to want to met up, then WHY not met up with B? Isn't she good enough to hang out with? Why would you need the whole "alphabet" to met up?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (31 March 2014):
 I get what you mean, it would be nice if people would make the effort to be precise and punctual , give you ample notice of their plans so that you can get organized etc.etc.; hard to contraddict you on that.
But,- maybe you need to become more flexible ? To take things more as they come ? I don't see why , for instance, you HAVE to be all 4 together to go out. Couldn't you just go out with B that time, rather than saying maybe next time ?... Or, what's wrong with you " having " to hang out only with C on another occasion ?.
You are not in middle school anymore , when girls generally only move around in posses. When you get older , in generally it works that you launch an initiative ( movie, or dinner or whatnot ) and who wants to join gives their OK. If by the day before you haven't heard anything though - change plans, or go with other people, or go on your own if it's somethimg you would not want to miss.
I hope it's clear I am not encouraging people to be rude or sloppy, but- it takes flexibility in everything. A pinch of salt. One thing is if your friends stand you up for your birthday party and leave you celebrating all alone ,- all another thing if they don't feel like committing two weeks in advance for.. going all together to catch a flick at the neighborhood movie theatre. Maybe something more interesting could come up,- for them and for you . And as long as you are not forced to stay home in your PJs and feed the cat, why does it have all the alphabet to be present ? What's wrong with you going out with C, while A and B do their thing , - or whichever other possible letters' combination comes out ?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2014): I would arrange to meet by text, so everyone is sure it's on.
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