A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone so I have a question.my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and two months. We live together as well. The problem is he wont go around my friends or family at all like he used to and he doesnt take me around his friends or family. When my mom or anyone comes over to visit he stays up stairs until they leave. If I mention a friend is going to come over he wants to leave and stay gone until they leave. Is this even normal for a relationship? He used to go around my friends and family all the time but now I have beg him over and over. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, xTheAlmightyDuckx  +, writes (9 April 2014):
 It does sound strange how one minute it wasn't a problem and now he hides away everytime a friend or family member comes over. It sounds just like what teenagers do when they don't want to interact with someone. Maybe he feels un-comfortable around your friends or family members for some reason? Maybe he just finds it hard to communicate with them so would prefer to not communicate at all? Or maybe he just is simply bored when they visit so doesn't want to interact. However they are your family and friends, so he should atleast show some kind of interest to them as I myself would find behaviour like that a tad bit rude. May I ask does he bother with his own family? or he just not a very family based person? I think the best course of action is to just ask him, tell him how you feel when he doesn't come downstairs or ask him why he avoids it and doesn't seem to want to communicate with members of your family. I'm sure you will be able to understand why once he answers you or tell from his body language as to if he is un-comfortable or not. Good Luck x
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (9 April 2014):
For adults I think it is weird but at his age he might be just bored of being around your family and friends. Of course, it is much easier and more fun for him to relate to his own friends and family. It also may not be that he is bored, but just prefers to be alone. People change as they get older so it might be a weird adjusting period for him.
How is the relationship otherwise? Do the two of you spend enough time together? Is anything else off?
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (9 April 2014):
 How long has this been happening? If it only happened recently and for a short period of time, it might be that he is upset about something? Try talking openly with him. Let him know how much it means to you to be a part of his family/life as well as him being a part of yours.
If this has been ongoing for a while, then I agree with Cerberus.
Regardless, talk openly and honestly with him about how you feel. Best of luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): No it's not normal, in my mind it's two possibilities. One depression and isolation or two he's on his way out of this relationship and is keeping your family etc. separate to make that process easier for him.
He's severing the emotional bonds he may have with your family and ensuring you can no longer have those with his, which would then make leaving you a whole lot less hassle.
Now if he's still as sociable, goes with his friends, still living as active a life as he has done when you first started dating then it's not depression.
Talk to him about this and ask him reasons. "Just because" is not a reason, do not let him blow this off. He needs to tell you why, and if it's for some shitty reason like he doesn't like them then all hope of this relationship having a future is pretty much gone if you ask me.
He is being very rude and disrespectful to you and them, this is not something that you can allow to continue.
I have no problem heading up to my games room when my wife is having a girly night to watch some rom coms and drink wine with her friends and talk about relationships and shit, but I do pop in and say hello, or I'll sit with them for half an hour and join in before heading off. In fact they're always catching me as I'm going past to "abuse" me as a representative of the male gender and the very embodiment of what it s wrong with my gender, or to ask me to help them make sense of the actions of a guy they're dating etc.
OP find out what's changed, don't make any accusations or make this a confrontation, just get him to open up, if he won't open up then play hard ball. Your family and friends are part of your package, he does not get to just dismiss them.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 April 2014):
 Well, no, it does not sound very normal. Particularly because it wasn't always like that from the start, so there has been a change- and change means something , even if we don't realize it.
Frankly I have no idea , though, what has changed, all I could come up with would be wild guesses ( Is he depressed ? Did he fight with your family members ? does he feel that your friends and family don't like him, or make fun of him ? etc.etc. ) so the simpler thing would be to ask HIM, hey John , we used to be with my family and friends all the time, but now it seems that it bothers or upsets you, I wonder why .
As a matter of fact... how come you did not even think of asking HIM ?
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