| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: This is going to sound like a really weird question but I feel like I'm going round and round in circles and going mad. I think my boyfriend is into some criminal stuff. I don't actually have physical evidence of this, apart from what I have seen with my own two eyes, I'll explain.He lives around a 2-3 hour drive from me so we don't see each other as much as we would normally. At the worst we see each other once every 4-6 weeks but we try to make it at least every 2-3 weeks. So if he was into anything, it would be fairly easy to hide it from me.He doesn't work, although he just got offered a job last week and is starting very soon and seems happy about it. He hasn't had a proper job in all the time I've know him, which has been 5 years or so now, but he's always said he would never take any crappy, poorly paid job and in some ways I don't blame him, but it has made things a bit strained sometimes as he has borrowed money from me and never paid it back. Also I always drive to see him as he could never afford the train fare to come to me and although I have offered to pay it, he said he preferred I go to him.So that's a bit of background. A few times when I've spent maybe a week or two with him, he has been really keen to get me to leave his house when he has specific friends coming round. He doesn't mind me meeting them, I know their names etc., but it seems like he doesn't want me there, he has said they have stuff to sort out and he just needs space. I've noticed when I come back he is always happier and usually has money. Or a gadget.He has one particular friend who is ALWAYS getting second-hand smartphones and laptops and expecting my guy to unlock them. Which is really weird because he's so not technical and is always asking me weird stuff like how do you unlock a password for an i-phone.. I don't even HAVE an i-phone and have no idea.. this has happened a few times and when I asked him are you sure these phones aren't stolen and said he should be careful he was really offended that I would even suggest that. But it seems very odd to me that someone would sell an iphone with a locked screen or whatever it is and NOT give the buyer the passcode etc.? Same thing with a couple of laptops which came his way. one was really nice and I offered to buy it and he said you better not, just in case it is stolen.He also sometime has branded fragrances appear in his cupboard, all new and boxed up.. and then the next day they are gone. I asked who the aftershave was for one day when I was putting the laundry away and he said for his Dad. When I next saw his Dad I asked if he liked the new aftershave and he had no idea what I was on about!One time after going out to "give him his space" with the guys, I came back after 2 hours and he said he just had to pop out so I took the opportunity to check his computer. His internet history log looked normal, emails and Facebook etc. He had left his Gmail open so I looked in the browser history there and there were history items there which he had deleted from Google Chrome. Why? I have no idea. But several were for fragrances, a couple for the Bank of England bank 20 and 10 pound notes, on the BofE site.. and then a few for Samsung IMEIs. It all smelled a bit fishy to me, I wondered why he would delete all those links from his history.There's bound to be other stuff, I will post more in a comment after if I think of it... I'd be so grateful for advice on this. I just have that niggly gut feeling as well. I managed to look at his phone once, bad I know, but he was getting lots of calls from someone one time I was there and it was a woman's voice. He would pop out quickly, be gone like 5 minutes and then come back. The number was for a mobile in France, 33 I think. I asked who it was and he said he had to help a friend's girlfriend with something. This happened a few times. He deleted the call history eventually. I had the number noted and rang it a couple of times and a man answered both times. I also noticed he deleted texts on those days and sometimes he forgot to delete call logs and he called this number a lot when he left the house.I feel like I'm going crazy!!
View related questions:
facebook, money, needs space, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Alba5  +, writes (15 April 2014):
The fact that you need to look through his phone speaks a lot. Finish with the guy he's not into this relationship 100%. You deserve better unless his antics give you a thrill?
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 April 2014):
 5 years and no job? And you keep lending him money?
I'm sorry anyone who has been unemployed for that long would take ANYTHING to get back on their feet, they certainly can't afford (pun intended) to play "I'm too good for just any job". I'd totally call BS on that.
Whether he is doing criminal stuff or not, is not hard to guess from what you write... I think your instincts are telling you he is up to no good. And that he has some rather dodgy friends. (maybe he is trying to spare you from getting caught in something you have nothing to do with?) I think he is fencing goods. And that is NOT a good thing.
Personally, what DO you get out of this relationship? You don't trust him, you don't see him very often (which I find weird after 5 years) and he keeps borrowing money that he doesn't pay back.
Sounds like you are looking for excuses to end it... Is that it?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 April 2014):
 If this guy has never been working in all the time you know him, he must have some means of survival, so either he has a wealthy family supporting him, or.... ? It is very likely that the " or " is illecit or illegal- if nothing else because he is not filing a tax declaration over his " commercial " gains , I suppose. How come that in 5 years you were never curious to know what does he get a living from exactly, that's a legitimate question for a girlfriend of several years.
If he has borrowed money from you and never given it back- he hasn't borrowed , he has exploited you and mooched from you.
The most sensible course of action would be not even bothering playing Sherlock Holmes, and just leaving him to whatever he's up to. Just change boyfriend ( if you visiting him every 4 -6 weeks qualifies him as such ), he's gotten " loser " written all over him.
...............................
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (15 April 2014):
 I think he has just been 'getting by' financially whilst not working, maybe dodgy but not uncommon. You say he is starting a job soon, so maybe he will change.
I find the way, even after you driving up to his place, he asks for space and you happily leave for that time, then come back - a bigger red flag. Also you give him money and never get it back.
You check his mobile and computer constantly so there is no trust in this relationship. He has probably rarely,if ever, told the truth when you ask him for explanations.
What makes you stick around, he isn't relationship material at all.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (15 April 2014):
 I think you're crazy but not for the reason you're asking here.
I too believe he is up to no good, but his criminal enterprises are only part of the problem.
The guy is unemployed and unmotivated. He's quite content to let you finance the relationship. He borrows money from you without the means to pay it back. Oh, he could get a menial job to start with but he can't be bothered because he thinks that's beneath him and you don't blame him.
Well I do blame him. The rest of us all had to start at the bottom. Most of us began our working careers washing dishes, mopping floors, flipping burgers, pumping gas and fetching coffee. The Rockefellers of the world who built vast empires out of nothing started at the bottom with little to no formal education. What is so special about your boyfriend that he should start nearer the top?
And why, at his age, is he still 'starting out'? How does he eat? Who feeds him? What kind of man is content to let others support him?
You only see him once a month if you're 'lucky' and when you do get together it's you who has to spend the time and money travelling to him. Even when you offer to pay for his transportation he still can't be bothered to come out and see you.
I know what he sees in you, but for the life of me I cannot figure out what it is you see in him.
As for his recent activities, I wouldn't even bother asking him. He'll just deny it and become even more secretive, or he'll admit to it, you'll tell him to stop which he will interpret as 'Stop making it obvious to me', you'll put the blinders on and nothing will change.
This man is a very poor choice for a boyfriend.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2014): He borrowed money from you and never paid it back - Reason to leave! You don't trust him - Reason to leave!
Listen to your gut feeling, and leave this awful situation you find yourself in. After time, you will feel so much more at peace with yourself and life. This situation is driving you crazy...walk away from it. You don't need proof or any other reason.
...............................
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (15 April 2014):
 You're not going crazy. It's blatant. Your boyfriend is clearly up to no good. You'd be blind to ignore it.
He even said you shouldn't buy the laptop in case it's stolen. Why else would he say that? He knows it's stolen. That's your proof that it's stolen. He knew it was and didn't want you buying it in case you got busted for buying stolen property.
What he's doing is he's clearly knowingly receiving stolen property and re-selling it for a profit. He is working with others to do this. What he's doing is very much against the law. In fact, here in the states it's a class B felony, which is punishable between 2-20 years.
You need to get away from this dude. he does have a job - he's a felon. dump his sorry ass and report him. There's nothing I hate more than a thief.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): Criminal or not, the guy feeling means you should break up. You should always follow your gut if it makes logical sense - this does. Criminal or not, you're unnerved by something.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just saw my own post posted and thought of something else. There was this one friend, we'll call him Sam, one guy he apparently watched a lot of football with. Sam's number was in his phone a while back when I was there in January, with a few texts about coming over to watch football together. Over all the time I've know him he's never mentioned this Sam. Then I met him very quickly (as I was leaving so they could have their "space").. what is odd is the next time I was there a few weeks later Sam's number was gone from his phone along with a few other numbers. When I asked who Sam was he said, who?
Fake names for some reason??
...............................
|
