A
male
age
36-40,
*lias me
writes:I have liked this girl for over a year almost 2. I am 25 she's in her 30's. We have got along well, she has always given me those "looks" she always laughs when she's talking to me and can be touchy. Thing is I wasn't sure as she's kinda flirty with most and I was going through a break up. Also its common knowledge that she has had multiple affairs in the past so I try to keep away.I am planning on leaving the country in a few months to go travelling and find work elsewhere maybe I have absolutely no prospects of love I am not even talking to anyone so I thought why not. I found out that she's all of a sudden started going out with one of the managers at work, I don't get he's not good looking, has no real personality in all the time I have seen them I cant recall a single time she's made her laugh.There's the odd smile but that's it, I know he's rich but I have never noticed anything. I was planning to tell her how I feel just before I leave but I don't know now. I was thinking of telling her that I have no agenda but I think your special and I just hope he makes you feel as special as I know you are. I know its hopeless and I don't want to step on the other guys toes but part of me would regret not saying something. Should I do it?
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a break, affair, at work, flirt, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 April 2014):
 Jeez OP do you need to get laid THAT bad ? ...You are living in few months, there will be plenty of girls- single girls - there too. Why do you need to mess up with this one ?. If she has changed and is committed to her bf, she'll be annoyed, or will laugh in your face, or at least she'll be indifferent and "WTF ?..". If she is naughty and flighty, and COULD easily be tempted.... you would be stepping on the toes of another guy, which you said you don't want to do. Don't do unto others.... if you were in his shoes, would YOU like other guys romancing your gf ?
A
male
reader, methuselah +, writes (9 April 2014):
Hi,
No, she has a boyfriend and it is not for you to get involved. Let it go now and be free from this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): "its common knowledge that she has had multiple affairs in the past...I have no agenda"Nice.. screw up someone's relationship, cheat on her current boyfriend and maybe pick up a nice dose of herpes et al while you're at it. Multiple affairs? She could be full of syphillis, HIV or genital warts for all you know. But go on, scratch your itch, not as if there's anything wrong with that right....?
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (9 April 2014):
 No.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2014): If it's hopeless, she's seeing someone else, and you're leaving soon. Why bother telling her how you feel, man?
She's nothing but trouble, and you just want to get in her pants. You have a bad case of craving what you can't have.
You spend a lot of time scoping out her personal-life, and who's she with. You're just a tad too fixated on this woman.
Keep your distance. Find other women to pass the time until you leave. That way, you'll stay out of trouble.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2014): "its common knowledge that she has had multiple affairs in the past...I have no agenda"
Sure thing, OP. This woman who wasn't relationship material now suddenly seems much more worthy of opening up to now that she has a boyfriend, nice coincidence there.
You're not fooling anyone but yourself.
If you have no agenda then why bother? Because if you don't you might regret it? What would you regret? You'd regret not being a douche who couldn't make his move while she was single and only now wants to because she's spoken for, you're leaving and you like the idea of fucking with her feelings?
This literally benefits no one, not even you unless your plan is just to be another one of her affairs and throw a nice little wrench in her new relationship.
No you shouldn't do it.
Imagine for one minute you'd gotten with a woman and her "friend" suddenly decides to open up about how much he likes her, how would you feel?
Now imagine you are her and you've been flirting, throwing signals a guy's way for a while and when you finally give up and go for someone else he suddenly decides to grow a pair of balls and open up, oh and he just so happens to be leaving too, so he's telling you this only because he knows nothing can happen in the long term. Hmm, could this guy possibly be trying to bed me before he leaves?
OP it's a coward's move you're planning if you do it because you regret not having had the balls to go for it when you had the chance.
It's not going to take away the fact that you spent the last year getting close to a woman and didn't do anything about it, so the regret will still be there, and frankly her opinion of you will be erased if you really do go ahead and show her that you lacked the balls to take her and only became brave as soon as you knew you were leaving and she was spoken for.
OP you said it yourself, this woman is an untrustworthy cheater. She's not relationship material which is why you never went for it, stop thinking with your small head and think with your big one. You shouldn't regret not having gotten with this mess, and you'd have more to regret by your petty admission as soon as it was guaranteed nothing can happen. Man up and move on, she's not a missed opportunity, she's a missed shag and a nightmare of a partner if that happened.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 April 2014):
 I wouldn't. She has a BF and she has CHOSEN to be with him and him with her (even with the cheating).
Just because you carry a torch for her, doesn't mean you HAVE to let her know. I think you want to tell her for purely selfish reasons, it's definitely not for her sake.
What would the REAL point be in this? It's like play ground behavior, getting all brave and then running off (or relocating).
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